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Morning

(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 10:13, Reply)
Alright Rich.
I just pulled the trigger on a copy of Slade - Sladest. Must still be pissed from last night.

Do you like Betty Davis? I watched a new doc about her the other week.
(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 10:22, Reply)
Oh yeah? Is that on 't3h interwebz'?

(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 10:45, Reply)
I saw it in a cinema but it's available to stream from the 27th on something called lushplayer (ffs)
beta.lush.com/en/article/lush-player-to-host-betty-they-say-i-m-different%20?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=lush_gorilla&utm_campaign=no_campaign&utm_term=betty-%20big%20freak&utm_name=article_page
(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 10:48, Reply)
Nice one m8

(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 10:57, Reply)
morning
I'm back in civilisation. What a waste of a weekend that trip was.
(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 10:51, Reply)
Is Poland still alright to holiday in September/October or is it bastard cold by then?

(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:01, Reply)
September's lovely. October chill kicks in around the middle of the month, but it's no worse than the UK
where are thinking of going?
(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:06, Reply)
France

(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:18, Reply)
Long weekend around Krakow or Gdansk I reckon.

(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:19, Reply)
Although come to think of it, my passport has expired.
Should do something about that really.
(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:21, Reply)
as long as you avoid November 1st (national holiday) you'll be fine

(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:35, Reply)
Ta!

(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:40, Reply)
I had a houseful of kids yesterday, was actually a lot of fun
Lunch out and cinema today, some Jap cartoon.
(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:18, Reply)
Cinema is showing the first Indiana Jones and Strangers on a Train today.
Tempted to swing in and get a spoons lunch and batter them.
(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:20, Reply)
I spent 6 hours in a car with a grumpy toddler
to get to some fleabitten ex-communist lakeside campsite, just in time for a fucking sea shanty festival to set up next door, blasting out Polish folk songs across their bastard PA so hard it made the cabin windows rattle. We abandonned camp after two hours, what a fucking waste.
(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:34, Reply)
alright

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 21:37, Reply)
Alright mongy.

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 21:51, Reply)
Yo

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:35, Reply)
evening

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:05, Reply)
Hi

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:35, Reply)
Sup

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:12, Reply)
Sweet

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:35, Reply)
Gruntacular.

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:44, Reply)
Wonderful

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:50, Reply)
Nighty night.

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 23:03, Reply)
sweetest m

(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 0:17, Reply)
My my favourite teacher is retiring.
He was an expert on the who so I'm on Meaty Big and Bouncy.
(, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 0:34, Reply)
morning
I'm up at the lakes. You could practically piss into Belarus or Lithuania from here
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 6:30, Reply)
Crossing the border just to take a slash seems excessive.

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 7:40, Reply)
only the wee crosses the border

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:54, Reply)
what if there's a tailwind

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:13, Reply)
cork it

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 16:08, Reply)
cork the wind?

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 16:48, Reply)
Corkwind?

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:12, Reply)
"anything to declare?"
"yeah i declare i need a piss"
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 21:17, Reply)
Belarus can fuck off

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 8:08, Reply)
what did it ever do to you?

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:54, Reply)
I'm down 't pit.

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 8:39, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_GevN7Km74
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 10:01, Reply)
No m8.
Definitely not.
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 10:08, Reply)
alright andy dwyer

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:28, Reply)
Not quite sure why Andy Dwyer should be down the pit; I guess I haven't seen that episode.

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 13:32, Reply)
have you seen any episodes?
in the early going, he's in the pit quite a lot
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:10, Reply)
Alright, technically I have seen no episodes.
I have seen several excerpts and that is it.
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:11, Reply)
you should watch it, it's great. first series is weaker than the others but is only 6 episodes, i think

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:16, Reply)
it really is great
I don't usually like anything, but there's not a single duff character in it.
We're up to season six, which seems to be the weakest one so far, but still good
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 15:17, Reply)
i was glad to see the back of brendanawicz
but everyone else is solid gold
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 15:57, Reply)
oh yeah he was dull, I'd forgotten he even existed

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 18:24, Reply)
also there's a whole song by him/his band about being in the pit
really, you've embarrassed yourself here
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:17, Reply)
Well, I've learned something today.
I'll add it to my list of things to watch when I have a moment.
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:23, Reply)
armpit, more like

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:54, Reply)
bampot, more like

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 17:20, Reply)
Morning
I'm watching forensic detectives and contemplating breakfast
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 8:43, Reply)
What is for breakfast?

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 8:53, Reply)
Haven't decided
Noodles maybe
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 9:02, Reply)
I'm going with tortellini

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 9:11, Reply)
Spicy noodles it is

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 9:19, Reply)
What's forensics doing? Has someone got shanked?

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:44, Reply)
Lots of murders

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:58, Reply)
Can't be drugs related, the police will look the other way if you decapitate the.

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 19:55, Reply)
...and this was the final thing posted by forum member 'slippery mick' on the unpopular forum 'b3ta'
before he was brutally decapitated

back to you in the studio, tom
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 20:00, Reply)
I'm still laid up in bed
And was feeling pretty good about that until now
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 8:52, Reply)
Yeah like Lithuania is a thing

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 10:26, Reply)
it's Latvia's haemorrhoid pillow

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:52, Reply)
tell that to LT united, the 2006 eurovision entry
they really put lithuania on the map
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:26, Reply)
I know a Lithuanian lass, she is basically exactly the same as Sonja in Partridge.
The otherwise sullen Eastern European bar staff used to smirk and shoot knowing glances at you when she was rabbiting about stuff.
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 20:19, Reply)
There is a spelling error in the newsletter title.
Rob is actually 100% useless
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 10:48, Reply)
Stella Artois.
Reassuring expensive.
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 10:59, Reply)

i.imgur.com/aiEJH.gif
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 11:27, Reply)
The sun comes up another day begins
And I don't even worry about the state I'm in
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:35, Reply)

Alabama
Alaska
Arizona
Arkansas
California
Colorado
Connecticut
Delaware
Florida
Georgia
Hawaii
Idaho
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
or
Wyoming
?
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:13, Reply)
lol ming

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:18, Reply)
there's a actual place called godalming
lol imagine having to give your address
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 15:00, Reply)
yup
trains from here pass through there so you hear it on platform announcements a lot
:)
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 16:04, Reply)
why aren't there any states that start with B, E, J, Q, X, Y or Z?

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:20, Reply)
like, Q, X & Z... fair enough
but B, E, J & Y? those are primo letters
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:21, Reply)
i think they should do a poll of which states people can remember, and the lowest scoring ones get re-named

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:22, Reply)
#alphabetequalityNOW
#barkansas
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:22, Reply)
also, hey vlad. how're you?

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:23, Reply)
:) hi manolith I am OK, how are you

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:48, Reply)
oh you know
strikes and gutters, ups and downs
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:53, Reply)
good as me then :/

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:58, Reply)
*sad high five*

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 16:04, Reply)
OK let's see, as we'll need to be renaming a few of the shires, come next year
Belligerence
East Island
Jamabama
Quitecloudii
Xenophobia
Yesterdaynia
Zippedydoodahland
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:58, Reply)

oh FUCK now I am going to be spending the rest of the afternoon saying "Jamabama" very quietly in my head, hashtag ownworstenemy :(((
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 15:08, Reply)
maybe you could try singing it to the tune of karma chameleon

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 15:19, Reply)

oh thank you VERY much
aaaaaargh
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 15:31, Reply)
https://youtu.be/zjyIf304lkQ

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 15:40, Reply)
at the end of every day i drive through the city of charleston and i cross the bridge that will take me home.
i feel the words building inside me, i can't stop them, or tell you why i say them, but as i reach the top of the bridge these words come to me in a whisper. i say these words as a prayer, as regret, as praise, i say:

jamabama, ...jamabama.
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 16:02, Reply)
lol

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 0:02, Reply)
I'm laughing on the inside
/ILOTI
(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 0:42, Reply)
rofl

(, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 2:09, Reply)
*guffs*

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:16, Reply)
I just sent an order to someone called Zebedee, hope it doesn't get bounced back

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:17, Reply)
time for bed

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:21, Reply)
saucy

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:23, Reply)
I can't tell if the people eating in this pub are having a really late lunch or a really early dinner

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:24, Reply)
does it matter?

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:24, Reply)
I like to know how things stand

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:25, Reply)
with two feet normally!
lol
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:29, Reply)
or four if your a quadruped

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:30, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:30, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:00, Reply)
terrible bullying of unidexters

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:15, Reply)
oh man, 'Press Gang' was brilliant!

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:31, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:33, Reply)
Julia Sawalha eh lads lads

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 19:55, Reply)
oh they deserve one hundred percent

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:33, Reply)
I tend to eat when I'm hungry rather than conform to stereotypical mealtimes

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:30, Reply)
I can't handle this cavalier approach

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:05, Reply)
typical Cromwellian

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:32, Reply)
I can tell you that they are all depressingly fat though

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:25, Reply)
having a lunch dinner combo
lunner
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:28, Reply)
dunch

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:30, Reply)
I'm dunching myself as I type this

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:31, Reply)
I've got 1/2 hour to go, then I'm gonna dunch like I've never dunched before

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:32, Reply)
#dunchit

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:35, Reply)
short for donkey punch
;)
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:52, Reply)
jedi dunch

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:52, Reply)
smells like the seaside

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:24, Reply)
this prince phil stuff on twitter, etc is bonkers
i know someone mentioned it in the last thread but stop living in the past, man
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:51, Reply)
it's the cyst on his anus that keeps playing up

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:56, Reply)
I in-cyst

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:56, Reply)
cyst again
like we did last summer
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:03, Reply)
cyst of the north star

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:32, Reply)
aaaahhh... cysto

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:36, Reply)
*gets tattoo*

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 18:53, Reply)
What have I done to deserve cyst?

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:34, Reply)
Is he on Twitter now? That is excellent news, he'll show Trump how it's really done.

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:39, Reply)
loads of people on twitter said he was dead
then a bunch of news sites farted out '5 things that will happen when prince philip dies' articles at once and there were reports of bbc newsreaders changing into black clothing
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 18:00, Reply)
Smells like a dead dog

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:59, Reply)
turns out that I needed to do a really smelly poo

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:07, Reply)

needed to do am
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:36, Reply)
Guffs aside, it's time for bed

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 22:49, Reply)
nice guff m8

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:01, Reply)
*glyphs*

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:05, Reply)
^gilf

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:23, Reply)
Yer gran's so wide and wet, they call her the Gilf of Mexico.

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:28, Reply)
I wonder why zouwan put me on ignore , probably got a shit watch

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:15, Reply)
and yet the mods do nothing

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:23, Reply)
inexcusable

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 18:29, Reply)
You can pretend to care
www.doplr-watch.com/en/
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 18:44, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NyMSWqIJDQ
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 19:00, Reply)
Wow, what a copy of everything , she's done well tho for a rat

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 19:03, Reply)
I guess they couldn't catch her outside

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 19:22, Reply)
She will end up doing bird

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 19:32, Reply)
or die before 20

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 19:42, Reply)
She takes it up the arse for a Maccy D's saver menu.

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 19:52, Reply)
oh my GOD, stop everything,
SOMEONE IS REBELLING!
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 22:21, Reply)
Don't forget to put your bins about

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:34, Reply)
k

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:35, Reply)
r

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:36, Reply)
Has someone already said Price Philip is dead?
If so they have me on ignore, their loss
He probably isn't even dead anyway
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:36, Reply)
no, but he does have an infected cyst on his anus

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:56, Reply)
You've just reminded me that I have to bring mine back in

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:55, Reply)
RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE!

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:24, Reply)
Bollocks
was meant to join mates for a hot air balloon ride. Weather's deteriorating so it's been cancelled. What's particularly annoying is it was a bucket list request of a mate who isn't long for this world...
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:32, Reply)
Surely this is just deferred?
How little time do they have left?
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:46, Reply)
Depends when it's rescheduled for
I booked today off work weeks ago, not sure if I can get something at late notice.
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:57, Reply)
Throw a sickie.
Remember to not post any selfies from the air.
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:01, Reply)
Hi.
Bath sorted for monday. So I can relax.
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:38, Reply)
Your first wash of the year?

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:39, Reply)
Whether he needs it or not.

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:44, Reply)
piss on him

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:45, Reply)
Is he on fire?

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:46, Reply)
he will be after I've finished with him

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:59, Reply)
brexit means brexit

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:43, Reply)
brexit means stockpiling canned goods.

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:45, Reply)
If you can't handle me at my Brexist, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my Brexiest.
Brexit.
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:59, Reply)
#hardbrexitnow

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:00, Reply)

you EU
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:00, Reply)
enormous uterus?

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:09, Reply)
No need to say it twice!

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:12, Reply)
I already have

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:49, Reply)
no

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:51, Reply)
Fine, be like that.

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:54, Reply)
Aww just as the rigor mortis had set into my winky

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:56, Reply)
lol, stiff

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:58, Reply)
lol i no lol

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:11, Reply)
no way lol

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:12, Reply)
way lol

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:14, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:15, Reply)
lol yeah lol

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:15, Reply)
Get fucked

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:32, Reply)
my boss asked me to do some late Friday evening work as "bonus overtime"
but I'm already fucking off early for a family trip. Who's trying to ruin your weekend?
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:08, Reply)
Supermodels and their constant demands for sexual gratification
when all I really want to do is wash the Accord, and maybe kick the ass of some little punks
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:13, Reply)
try not to stain your best khaki chinos m8

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:18, Reply)
My mate jim is insisting I meet him at the bank so he can pay me back the money he owes me , twat doesn't even have a job and is paying me out of his late wife's insurance

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:34, Reply)
don't turn up

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:56, Reply)
If it stops him fretting I'll have to take it , it'll be there if he needs it back

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:00, Reply)
whatever God decides I will accept

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:34, Reply)
God has decided that he wants you to shit on a dog's tits

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:01, Reply)
WHY NOT TRY SHITTING ON A DOG'S TITS, M8

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:37, Reply)
Nice one, God

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:40, Reply)
The weather, at this rate.
It's been sunny and hot as a bastard all week and the stormclouds are looming now that the weekend is here.

Edit: sure enough, the open-air bar tonight has become an indoor bar in the centre of town. FECK!
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:40, Reply)
My wife
She's invited her (admittedly very nice) friends and their kids to lunch tomorrow. They have four daughters, two of which are autistic. I have to feed 9 people which I've never done before, and my wife can't help because she's still recovering from surgery.

This also means I will be far too busy to take the kid to kickboxing, which will result in a row with her mum on Sunday night when she goes home.
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:00, Reply)

which whom
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:06, Reply)
Coming from the man who posted 'devestation' only this morning....

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:07, Reply)
there's a difference between a typo
and being a complete grammar spaz who can't tell a relative pronoun from a collapsed anus though.
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:15, Reply)
I reckon it's a Freudian slip and he's referring to them as inanimate objects because they're autisms.

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:21, Reply)

autisms female
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:21, Reply)
they should be gassed

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:24, Reply)
They're coming to the right place, then.
Parp!
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:36, Reply)
Oh man that was a devestating putdown!

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:24, Reply)
you should be put down m8

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:26, Reply)
just order in takeaway pizza for everyone

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:13, Reply)
Bargain buckets are were the real value lies

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:20, Reply)
yeah but everyone likes pizza

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:33, Reply)
My grandad didn't, but he didn't really enjoy his time in Italy, bit violent

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 13:08, Reply)
lol, whipped

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:25, Reply)
I'll do it all for £30

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:30, Reply)
including getting the kid to kickboxing?

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:32, Reply)
Seems like a good deal

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:41, Reply)
No
but for an extra tenner I'll do naked cartwheels and sing Pima Indian folk songs.
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 13:03, Reply)
My mate
It's her fault I'm hungover
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:36, Reply)
It's her fault I'm not hungover

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 13:58, Reply)
The bath that was supposed to be delivered tomorrow is not going to be delivered.
So that's a job fucked and now I've got to find a bath from somewhere else.
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 13:25, Reply)
I'll be a bath for a tenner

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 13:26, Reply)
morning II: Judgement Day

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:33, Reply)
DU-DUN DUN DU-DUN
DU-DUN DUN DU-DUN
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:47, Reply)
needs more of that hammer-on-steel noise that great action movie soundtracks have

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:49, Reply)
The days when people knew you needed more to make an action movie than $200 million in special effects, 'member?

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:33, Reply)
dunno, action films as a genre don't age well
even the "classics" are only cool because of all the shit puns
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:46, Reply)
Going to have to disagree with you on that one.
I'd rather watch an old film with car chases involving actual cars, explosions involving things actually getting blown up and a script full of cheesy puns than a dogfight between a thousand fake aircraft and a flat and formulaic script, which is what action films seem to be these days.
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:51, Reply)
Atomic Blonde was damn good fun!

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:59, Reply)
It was, I did enjoy that one.
Some pretty gorgeous cinematography in it as well, with Charlize Theron's nude bathing scene a long-awaited departure from the virtually omnipresent "there's an attractive female lead character so we have to show her in the shower at some point" trope, its chilly palette giving her the visceral morbidity of a Lucian Freud study.

That Sofia Boutella's a babe as well.
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:11, Reply)
i am in bed with a hangover

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:50, Reply)
was it totally worth it?
morning
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:54, Reply)
ya

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:58, Reply)
he's got a name, you insensitive bastard

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:56, Reply)
'im indoors has gone to work

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:58, Reply)
Hello there

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:03, Reply)
well, it wasn't you I was looking for
but you'll do
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:05, Reply)
Deadpoo 2: Prepare For The Second Coming

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:39, Reply)
lol come

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:04, Reply)
*squart*

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:46, Reply)
*squit*

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:47, Reply)
I just unleashed devestation in my toilet

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:04, Reply)
shit it

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:47, Reply)
shit it real good
do dee-do-doo do doo
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:04, Reply)
Better get ready for judgment
You better get ready for judgment morning
You better get ready for judgment
My God is coming down
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:52, Reply)
Itís Friday, Friday
Got to get down on Friday
Everybodyís looking forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Getting down on Friday
Everybodyís looking forward to the weekend
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:54, Reply)
gotta have your bowl
gotta have cereal
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:05, Reply)
as true today as it was when it was written

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:10, Reply)

God winky
down lol
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:57, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:03, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:07, Reply)
lol it's true

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:10, Reply)
Chill out, dickwad.

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:11, Reply)
No problemo

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:39, Reply)
Hiya

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:34, Reply)
wotcha

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:39, Reply)

Now in its 10th year, this festive feast in the company of business
colleagues and superb comedians, promises to be a fun and lively afternoon.


Hosting the event will be the brilliant CHARLIE BAKER (Harry Hill's teatime, The Premier League Show).

Joining him will be our very special guests Russell Kane & Rob Beckett who will also be joined by Justin Moorhouse.

Join the party at midday for arrival drinks and a complimentary bar*, followed by a sumptuous 4 course lunch at your own private table. Then sit back and relax with an afternoon of comedy.

Platinum tables for 10 are available now at £2,750 + Vat includes: *Inclusive beers, wines and soft drinks from midday-4pm, a delicious 4 Course Lunch. Company Logo in event Programme and GUARANTEED front row table.

Gold tables for 10 are available now at £2,250 + Vat includes: *Inclusive beers, wines and soft drinks from midday-4pm, a delicious 4 Course Lunch.
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:55, Reply)
who's up for getting a /talk platinum table?

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:55, Reply)
I don't think there are 10 of us

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:00, Reply)
we could invite some people from /links to get the numbers up

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:07, Reply)
or maybe rob or kunt would be up for it

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:07, Reply)
Who *is* the Magic Donkey?

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:11, Reply)
me and my penis

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:21, Reply)
we're closer than pages that stick in a book

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:30, Reply)
and that's how it should always be

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:49, Reply)
Shit bruv I am all over this shit

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:21, Reply)
You had me at Rob Beckett
I'm all over this like AIDS on Freddie Mercury
(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:22, Reply)
I could drink 270 quids worth of booze

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:24, Reply)
you've only got 4 hours so you might have to skip the 4 course meal to focus on the drinking

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:35, Reply)
At no point was I going to eat

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:42, Reply)
I wonder what the vegetarian option is going to be

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:45, Reply)
getting noshed off by Rob Beckett

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:50, Reply)
Mmm toothy

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:36, Reply)
All that's missing is Alan Carr for a royal flush of punchable faces.

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:30, Reply)
Well has it?

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:08, Reply)
... and they all lived happily ever after.
THE END
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 16:52, Reply)

and they all lived happily ever after.
THE
MNEEEURGH, MY NAME IS MONSTER MUNCH AND I AM A COLOSSAL BELL
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 16:56, Reply)
Alright MM?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 16:58, Reply)
mm?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 17:36, Reply)
master masturbator

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 18:19, Reply)
miriam margolyes

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 18:59, Reply)
She's the thinking woman's Brian Blessed

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 23:23, Reply)
No point waiting around for the post credits scene.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 19:13, Reply)
It's been lovely at the lake , nice productive night and a great day

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 16:59, Reply)
been fishing?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 17:04, Reply)
Yer mate

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 17:28, Reply)
gutted and ready to fry?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 18:20, Reply)
No, catch and release

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 18:23, Reply)
I'm going to the lakes tomorrow

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 19:20, Reply)
Fill them in mate, they're feeding now

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 19:31, Reply)
My bastard stupid Bluetooth adaptor has spontaneously forgotten the headphones it's been pairing without any issue for the past six months, AGAIN.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 17:17, Reply)
ooooh shes shaking her beads dear.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 17:36, Reply)
Roll credits

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 18:44, Reply)
Roll this
*points at crotch*
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 21:02, Reply)
I watched a doc on YouTube last night about the new skool illegal rave scene
Those poor kids, it looks fucking rubbish. Talk about missing the boat.

Have you ever missed a boat? Or kissed a stoat? Posted on Voat?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:44, Reply)
I once fucked a goat

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:02, Reply)
but do they call me 'tangles the bridge-builder'???

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:03, Reply)
Hello.
Wish u will not mind my language grammar, considering that im from Germany. I infected your gadget with a malware and now have all of your personal information from your operating-system.

It was mounted on a mature internet page after which you've picked the video clip, viewed it, my application immediately gain access to your os.

Next, your webcamera captured you hand fucking, on top of that i captured a movie that you have looked at.

Immediately after a little while this also picked up your social contact info. If you happen to need me to wipe off your everything i have got - send me 250 us in bitcoin its a cryptocurrency. It is my btc account address : 17eDbLqE5ruPTjqc5VVc9j2L52mxyX63wu

Now you have 25hr s. to make a decision The minute i will receive the transfer i will wipe out this movie and every thing entirely. Or else, please remember that your footage would be forwarded to all your buddies.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:58, Reply)
o shit
ok I'll send you the money, just don't let my buddies see me hand fucking
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:00, Reply)
25hr s, m8 - or your buddies get the footage

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:16, Reply)
Did anyone else see Dan Lobb on Channel 4 last night?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:01, Reply)
'Lobb on' lol

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:15, Reply)
I hope he appreciated the lol value of his own name when preparing the programme.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:25, Reply)
nope, never heard of the guy

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:50, Reply)
Neither had I until I saw this.
By his own admission, he's "z list".
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:55, Reply)
Lol!

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:01, Reply)
lol, he captured you hand fucking!
you hand fucker!
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:15, Reply)
just got the footage
cheers
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 14:08, Reply)
Like what you see?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 15:08, Reply)
there's two hours of you ranting about Hilary Clinton and CNN
I guess the good stuff is after that
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 15:21, Reply)
The hand-fucking comes just after I identify the Deep State crisis actors behind 9/11

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 15:49, Reply)
Is this why you need to rebuild your car's computer?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 15:28, Reply)
I once rowed a boat

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:04, Reply)
I bet today's kids think their rave scene is well cool,
and they watch videos of the old skool scene on YouTube and think it looks fucking rubbish.

Lol Voat, the pillocks' Reddit.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:08, Reply)
I once wore a coat

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:20, Reply)
bullshit

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:28, Reply)
I peed on a shoat

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:28, Reply)
Did it reciprocate?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:33, Reply)
I missed a ferry from Tahiti to Mo'orea in 2006 and had to wait for like two hours or something

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:36, Reply)
turns out that rave is a radio 2 thing now
I'm sure you can recognise yourself here, rich:
www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/4PSJYFcmZq2p3w8J6qnW2TD/7-signs-youre-a-child-of-the-rave-era?intc_type=singletheme&intc_location=radio2&intc_campaign=dialupthefun&intc_linkname=article_rave_contentcard3
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:43, Reply)
ffs

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:20, Reply)
Gary Davies? Good choice, he was always a proper hardcore raver

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 13:35, Reply)
I once wanked from Land's End to John o' Groats
due to a typo on a sponsorship form.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:44, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:57, Reply)
That was a stroke of genius

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:30, Reply)
I've only ever been in to things long after it was cool to do so.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:45, Reply)
none of the things you have ever been into have ever been cool

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:57, Reply)
Not when I've finished with them, no.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:04, Reply)
I once got harry on the boat

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:55, Reply)
Outside of a godawful drama series on Sky,
I've never heard that phrase used in earnest. I think they made it up.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:05, Reply)
it's rhyming slang you oaf
Harry Monk
Boat race
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:21, Reply)
I know what it means, Rich.
But I've never before heard it used outside of a TV drama.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:26, Reply)
I don't suppose there are a lot of cockneys round your way

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:40, Reply)
My parents are both from the east end of London, and my dad was always fond of teaching me inappropriate things.
"Harry on the boat" just seems a bit forced, so to speak.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:52, Reply)
well, not many people are up for that willingly

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 13:06, Reply)
"I wish they all could be cum-lovin' sluts"
#BeachBoysAfterDark
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 13:18, Reply)
I remember the story of Gazza and Ralph Moat
www.dailyrecord.co.uk/entertainment/celebrity/listen-paul-gascoigne-reveal-truth-6931299
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 11:59, Reply)
good old Murty

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:22, Reply)
I really fancy an ice cream float

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:16, Reply)
^ soda jerk

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:27, Reply)
circle twerks

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 12:45, Reply)

n ice cream float bumming lol
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 13:33, Reply)
dirty!

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 13:45, Reply)
morning

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 6:31, Reply)
Yah.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 6:36, Reply)
Hey Yah

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 6:37, Reply)
OutKast were crap.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 7:32, Reply)
I never understood the appeal

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:38, Reply)
they got hoes in different area codes

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:40, Reply)
they own a chain of garden centres?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:56, Reply)
for trimming bushes

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:00, Reply)
^

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:52, Reply)
Morening. Like a regular morning but more

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:14, Reply)
this morning is high in fibre

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:26, Reply)
bring me sunshine in your smile
bring me laughter all the while
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:23, Reply)
what smile?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:26, Reply)
's 1.60934km

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:30, Reply)
hands off socks, hands on cocks
lol
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:30, Reply)
oh you card!

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:33, Reply)
How about ladyborders?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:34, Reply)
Hands off sponges, hands on clunges.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:12, Reply)
hi

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:38, Reply)
wotcha

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:43, Reply)
morningrrr

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:39, Reply)
wotchamate woodo

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:44, Reply)
cannot survive the tropic European climate without a fan constantly blasting at hurricane speed

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:46, Reply)
Arriving on the 07:12 from Buttoxeter, it is the MORNING.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:48, Reply)
my research concludes that there is only a place called Uttoxeter

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:53, Reply)
Buttoxeter is the limited-edition B-side.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:57, Reply)
Twinned with Anus, Burgundy?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anus,_Yonne
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:13, Reply)
when oh when will they bring back funny name corner in the newsletter?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:14, Reply)
or the other things they ripped from the viz

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:16, Reply)
The town of many culs-de-sac.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:24, Reply)
I get this joke

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:35, Reply)
*Masonic handshake*

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:55, Reply)
I've still got the extremely graphic porn mag I bought in Eurodisney as a teen
it had words like that in it.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:59, Reply)
Direct quote:
mon cul, lui, a compris sa douleur et son plaisir! putain de pied! Plus il me plombait le fion, plus je jouissais et plus il me ramonait sauvagement
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:03, Reply)
cor!
*faps*
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:10, Reply)
Morning

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:58, Reply)
finally, a sensible reply.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:59, Reply)
I don't like being sensible, it worries me

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:27, Reply)
Hello

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:40, Reply)
How's the dog?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:43, Reply)
Back in the hospital.
He won't eat so they're putting him on a drip. More meds and more blood tests.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:57, Reply)
poor bugger :(

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:02, Reply)
alright windus
any news on the hound?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:45, Reply)
Not yet. He's not getting worse, but no real improvement yet.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 9:57, Reply)
Good morning grrr :) :) :)
Good morning fellow forum chums :) :) :)
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:01, Reply)
morning

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:02, Reply)
alright carole smiley

(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 10:03, Reply)
More windy news.
My dog is not very well. Possible liver failure. This is really super bad news.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:21, Reply)
Bugrit, that's not good.
How old is said dog?
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:23, Reply)
Only 8. Came on really suddenly.
Bit worried.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:29, Reply)
Seeing the vet tomorrow then?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:30, Reply)
He went in last night, and has been there all day.
Waiting on further blood tests, see if they can figure out what it is. But it might be acute pancreatitis which is not good news.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:49, Reply)
Well, I hope he pulls through, whatever it is.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 19:25, Reply)
^this

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 20:22, Reply)
Poor dog :'(

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:28, Reply)
Yerr. :(

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:29, Reply)
Get it to the vet
They may be able to do something
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:47, Reply)
He went in last night, was home last night and then went in first thing this morning again.
Inflamed stomach liver and pancreas. Potentially pancreatitis. Maybe liver failure. Could be poisoning. He's on some drugs and we are waiting on more blood tests.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:50, Reply)
I hate dogs

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 18:55, Reply)
I hate all dogs except daschunds which I tolerate.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 20:22, Reply)
I tolerate working dogs like guide dogs as they serve a purpose, the other shit machines can all fuck off

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 20:27, Reply)
Windy's dog watched your crock o' shite team fail at footballing and pissed himself laughing.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 20:57, Reply)
charlton haven't lost a pre season friendly yet , wait till the season starts eh

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 21:00, Reply)
says Mr Pre-Season Lairy

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 21:02, Reply)
Already got injuries ffs

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 21:26, Reply)
Serves you fucking right for hating dogs.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 21:28, Reply)
What about blacks and Irish?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 21:04, Reply)
Alright, Craig Charles.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 21:05, Reply)
I'm half Irish so I'm not overly keen on the black and tans, thanks Churchill, why not just shell Dublin eh

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 21:30, Reply)
Aw.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 19:43, Reply)
I neither love nor hate dogs
but as you like this one I wish that either the creature makes a speedy recovery (ideal) or does not suffer too much at the end (not ideal, but the best more of us can hope for).

It seems like your dog and you have had 8 years of good life together which is a very good thing indeed.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2018, 8:28, Reply)

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