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afternoon

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 12:18, Reply)
Howay man pet man

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 12:32, Reply)
DUNCAN AAHM BLAAAAHIND!

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 12:54, Reply)
Piss

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 12:47, Reply)
horrible

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 12:54, Reply)
New game from MB

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 14:49, Reply)
After, as you rightly say, noon.

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 12:56, Reply)
Afternoon, piss.
I've just started a Scrabble game against my mother-in-law with FELCH.
(, Sat 2 May 2026, 13:23, Reply)
is felch in the scrabble dictionary?

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 14:34, Reply)
afternoon piss

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 14:06, Reply)
better than a night time piss

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 14:06, Reply)
Depends whether you wake up in time or not.

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 14:12, Reply)
very true

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 14:17, Reply)
Aftervark

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 14:18, Reply)
Dog Poo Golf
vole.wtf/dog-poo-golf/
After much research, I advise partnering with a small breed.
(, Sat 2 May 2026, 14:56, Reply)
morning

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 3:56, Reply)
morning

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 5:09, Reply)
morning

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 5:20, Reply)
morning

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 5:37, Reply)
Gninrom

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 7:00, Reply)
oh fuck off

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 8:38, Reply)
+ you retard

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 8:46, Reply)
to the tune of 'Sit Down' by James

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 9:14, Reply)
Shit Downs more like!11

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 9:38, Reply)
haha no way!

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 9:45, Reply)
120262312

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 23:12, Reply)
balatro top score? phone number on your local's toilet wall? the answer to life, the universe, and everything, douglas adams' first draft?

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 23:44, Reply)
Clearly calling for Rob's assassination

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 2:08, Reply)
-assination

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 2:20, Reply)
HIS ASSASS

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 5:28, Reply)
alright the B-52s after a head injury

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 0:19, Reply)
I actually knew the tiramisu question. 3/7
www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0k2jrjv7m8o
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 13:04, Reply)
I'm back in the game! 4/7

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 13:30, Reply)
-i +o

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 17:45, Reply)
o’m, mm etc

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 17:45, Reply)
4/7 Trump’s bell

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 13:53, Reply)
3/7

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 14:31, Reply)
3/7 Andi Peters cock pics

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 14:43, Reply)
2/7 fuck off stupid shit quiz anyway

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 15:42, Reply)
6
7
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 15:52, Reply)
5/7 Michael McDonald's taint juice

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 15:53, Reply)
-Michael +Ronald

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 16:44, Reply)
great, now i'm hungry

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 18:44, Reply)
what's in the burgers? tain't meat, that's for sure.

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 18:56, Reply)
well. as funny as that was
tonight i'm having real home-made seafood ramen soup with real ramen noodles and real 99% pure monosodium glutamate and real other oriental ingredients i would not expect any of you to comprehend. apart from queef. and maybe someone else.
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 20:31, Reply)
and tomorrow, yes! i'm making my own sushi! so fuck you.

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 20:33, Reply)
Not really hard is it. My kids used to make sushi with me as toddlers

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 20:43, Reply)
yeah well, you can fuck off an all

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 21:07, Reply)
I made my own sushi once and only once
Because it was delicious, I made a lot more than I expected and I have no self control, so I made myself sick.
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 21:12, Reply)
i'd totally do that
it will be the first time i've made it so probably will be sick either from overeating or just from making poisonous trash
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 21:15, Reply)
I'm better with making ramen
As I love it when it's properly made
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 22:57, Reply)
my ramen was fucking amazing

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 22:59, Reply)

As an aside, I did a psychological personality test once out of curiosity, it said I was an expansionist creative.
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 16:45, Reply)
The one I did said I was an obsessive, seriously every single one of the 215 times I took it

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 18:58, Reply)
^abstract excretionist

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 20:19, Reply)
some wordy /links cunt with an hilariously overinflated opinion of their own brilliance,
so basically yes
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 20:46, Reply)
wasn't brill a toilet cleaner or/of some shit

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 21:47, Reply)
strikey cunt

(, Sat 2 May 2026, 12:17, Reply)
cor, what a scorcher!!!
Lovely day to be working outside

Rather be dahn pub tho
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 12:25, Reply)
I am working inside and it's not scorching out there and my favourite pub isn't open until 5pm anyway
This post offends me to my cor.
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 12:42, Reply)
andre, carolin, sharo or ji?

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 12:44, Reply)
NEW IMAGE CHALLENGE: REMOVE A LETTER POP BANDS

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 12:44, Reply)
AH

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 13:21, Reply)
OM

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 13:21, Reply)
EL
(P/O)
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 13:21, Reply)
Charli xc
(image is a repost by ninj of a Basil Fawlty / Miguel head swap)
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 13:23, Reply)
Arctic Moneys

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 13:33, Reply)
The Craps

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 13:34, Reply)
Shity Shellshock

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 16:40, Reply)
We pap irl rapers

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 13:41, Reply)
Snoop Dog

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 13:47, Reply)
The Siths

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 13:50, Reply)
2

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 14:02, Reply)
NO U

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 16:38, Reply)
The -52’s

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 14:03, Reply)
The Ex Pistols

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 14:14, Reply)
Cunting Crows

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 14:16, Reply)
Codplay

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 16:32, Reply)
Lack Uhuru

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 16:39, Reply)
Ham!

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 17:02, Reply)
๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป
you win 50p
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 19:10, Reply)
More rape news
www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/czx2gwpe9evo
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 12:59, Reply)
overly complex facial hair arrangement, not a red flag as such but maybe a yellow one

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 13:52, Reply)
Wolverine with AIDS

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 16:34, Reply)
๐Ÿšฉ

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 19:11, Reply)
morning

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 6:35, Reply)
Web Browsers need to die.
Have a nice day.
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 6:59, Reply)
Spider-Man Library

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 7:41, Reply)
How do you anticipate posting on /talk without a browser?

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 9:29, Reply)
He's fast - 8 armed being that can use a telnet client to manually interact with the server.

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 9:31, Reply)
Like a squiddy fiddler, you mean.

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 10:12, Reply)
+touched for the very 8th time

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 10:14, Reply)
This was my point.

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 10:45, Reply)
morninging

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 7:15, Reply)
Got a new topic to bring up in my Teams call today with someone I haven't seen for 25 years.
In the panto we did in 1996, she was cast as an Asian lecturer, and I'd completely forgotten that she blacked up for the role. I have a photo.
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 7:48, Reply)
Ah yes, Asia, where black people come from.

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 8:02, Reply)
the correct term is 'nig nogs', i think
brb klaxon etc
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 8:35, Reply)
Is "browned-up" a phrase?
I would have used that but I wasn't sure. In any case, she was pretty black.
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 9:04, Reply)
you could use 'brown nose' i suppose
duck immediately afterwards tho
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 9:10, Reply)
Curry asian or ladyboy asian?

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 8:43, Reply)
Can't it be both?

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 8:54, Reply)
Whatever floats yr boat gazza

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 8:57, Reply)
that'll be water then

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 11:21, Reply)
He stated that he possessed a photograph of a 'blacked up' child, claiming to have had it in his collection for 25 years...

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 11:24, Reply)
... appeared to be familiar with the names of several notorious sexual offenders ...

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 11:26, Reply)
... the code words 'Pato Banton' ...

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 11:27, Reply)
Is it OK to black up this child now that she's 48 years old?

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 12:46, Reply)
disgusting

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 12:57, Reply)
and the rich get richer
We're sorry we didn't switch on your services when we said we would.

We've added a ยฃ19.38 credit to your next bill to try and make up for it.

You don't need to do anything, we'll add it automatically.

If you have any questions, please visit our help page.


Thanks,
The EE Team
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 8:38, Reply)
alright garold

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 9:05, Reply)
What now?

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 9:17, Reply)
I just saw someone regurgitating a nondescript service email they'd received and assumed it was you

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 9:27, Reply)
Unsubscribe

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 9:28, Reply)
We wish.

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 9:32, Reply)
that was me m8

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 9:41, Reply)
I've not heard this version of Happy Birthday before

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 14:19, Reply)

EE A-

I love it when a mobile data plan comes together
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 10:11, Reply)
I ain't getting on no plane and then paying roaming charges once we land at our destination, fool!

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 11:26, Reply)
lend us £19.38 would you

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 12:22, Reply)
Tony Hadley would never

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 11:18, Reply)
True.

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 12:43, Reply)
I'm sorry, I've written joke
"Nice sunny day"

"Yeah, but that wind's a bastard"

"Andrew Mountbatten"?
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 22:12, Reply)
Tits

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 22:21, Reply)
I see what you were trying to go for there

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 22:44, Reply)
Crucifixion?

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 23:21, Reply)
Crucifixion's a doddle

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 8:52, Reply)
Has anyone said tits yet?

(, Fri 1 May 2026, 0:39, Reply)
Yes, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor said it to Jeffrey Epstein.
"Has she got tits yet?"
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 5:50, Reply)
"Yes, they're quite big and womanly now."
"Ugh, gross."
(, Fri 1 May 2026, 7:30, Reply)
Good afternoon, penis's'
Lovely sunny one here
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:43, Reply)
I've been told I need a colonoscopy.
So at least I've got that to look forward to.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:52, Reply)
I think you'll find you need to look behind you.

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:55, Reply)
So I'll be looking forwards, but they will be looking behind?
Gotcha
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:59, Reply)
It's great, you get to look at your own insides live on a screen

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:36, Reply)
It's great, right up until the moment someone yells "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?"

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:37, Reply)
oh that's where i left my...

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 19:55, Reply)
I assume its like Inner Space

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:46, Reply)
I can tell from your comments here that you are fine, some of us are doctors

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:59, Reply)
prOcto

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:11, Reply)
vg

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:19, Reply)
Claps
My wife wants to be there when the camera goes up my bum. I said 'I hope it's not a Nikon'
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:23, Reply)
i hope it has a zoom lens with a variable aperture
WIDE ANGLE, OBVS
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:56, Reply)
Hubble Space Telescope FTW.

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:56, Reply)
Well that's a successful insertion, now let's deploy the solar array, 250m wingspan, we call it The Dilator

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:05, Reply)
because you die later

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:06, Reply)
Probably not that much later.

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:12, Reply)
Double, double
Toil and trouble
Anally-inserted Hubble
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:34, Reply)
For some reason my colleague always called it a 'telescope'.

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:19, Reply)
It is also a camera, though.
Just one with an absolute heckin chonker of a telephoto lens.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 16:49, Reply)
well the main thing is that it's massive and is going to be forcibly inserted into octo's arse.

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 18:53, Reply)
I'm sure we can all agree that that's the import thing here.

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 19:51, Reply)
I'll do it for a tenner

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:12, Reply)
We used to do bowel prep & booster medication for capsule endoscopies,
where you swallow a capsule fitted with a light and two cameras, it takes thousands of pictures and transmits them to a receiver worn round your waist. You then shit out the capsule and send the receiver away, and they examine your photos.

Pros: it can be administered anywhere, not just in a hospital endoscopy unit; it's much less invasive.

Cons: jury still seems to be out on how reliable it is (a lot of endoscopy folk really don't seem to trust it); the halfwits screening the patients kept neglecting to confirm their postal addresses, so we kept having medication returned undelivered because they'd put the wrong address on the prescription; the company administering the scheme in partnership with the NHS went into liquidation last year without telling us, so it came to a rather abrupt end.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:43, Reply)
Yikes.
Nice to know everyone in the service is talking to each other *cough*
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:48, Reply)
Ded (from Gone Fishing)

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:54, Reply)
Lovely sunny penis eh?

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:57, Reply)

eh

Turtle power!
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:09, Reply)
Correct

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:12, Reply)
I suggest perching some sunglasses atop the old chap

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:52, Reply)
Today sucks
Meant to be going out to celebrate dad's birthday today, after him getting out of hospital on Tuesday. This morning, mum was admitted with pneumonia and everything is cancelled. She thinks it's her fault, so she's even more upset and dad is spending his birthday in the hospital after all.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:56, Reply)
Ach, that's rough.
Hope they both make a break for it soon and can enjoy a small glass of sherry for belated celebrations.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:06, Reply)
Visiting hours finishes at 7
So dad will likely take himself off for a pint or two
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:26, Reply)
shit. sorry smash that sucks

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:08, Reply)
Just packed a bag for her
Made sure she's got snacks and her charger, as well as pyjamas, underwear, etc.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:24, Reply)
Antibiotics will hopefully fix the sick and make her good

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 16:12, Reply)
I hope so
I'm so stressed that I've resorted to my dad's gummies.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 21:17, Reply)
:(

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:55, Reply)
Sorry to hear that.
My mum just got out after spending 57 days in hospital for a stroke.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:56, Reply)
Glad she's feeling better
Mum is not the most patient of people, so being stuck in hospital is going to drive her mental. Hopefully, they'll send her home tomorrow, if antibiotics can sort it
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:22, Reply)
Windy here, sunny tho. I'm hoping trump waits 6 days before kicking off again. Got to go Qatar

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:57, Reply)
I reckon you're ok, he's bored with it now, who really knows though

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:57, Reply)
Doesn't the cease fire end tomorrow? Who knows what that nutter will be told to do by Bibi next. Bibi needs the wars or he's prison bound, if cancer don't get him first

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:05, Reply)
Oh wow, imagine if Netihahaa got arrested and died of cancer on the way to prison
that'd be... tragic.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:08, Reply)
Or got run over *just* before he was about to die of cancer.

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:57, Reply)
trump has dementia he won't remember there's a war on.
didn't america depose the old iranian leader for... reasons... and basically cause all this shit anyway? fucking wankers. they love blowing up other people's countries. oh my towers. fuck off you fat dirty filthy american pigdogs
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:09, Reply)
mofaha's alright tho

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:12, Reply)
he's a londoner though

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:45, Reply)
yeah well, fuckin london this lahndahn that
know what i mean
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:58, Reply)
me neither

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:00, Reply)
BP were furious the puppet governance they installed decided Iranian oil wasn't British petroleum. So the Shah was reinstated. He was a cunt. Been hard line Muslim since. Shame, Persian culture is way cool

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:16, Reply)
Nice grub, amazing history, hashish

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:57, Reply)
100% agree mate

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:00, Reply)
I think BP doubling their profits this quarter will have settled them down a bit, things have a funny way of working out when you've got billions to play with

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:03, Reply)
Oh I'm going back 100 years of BP in Iran. They were controlling it.

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:48, Reply)
TAPS AFF

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:58, Reply)
Should probably call a plumber then

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:18, Reply)
In my appraisal, appraiser has gone for a coffee break. Any suggestions for Professional Development Plan items for when she gets back?

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:16, Reply)
Beat shipman's kill count, no matter what

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:39, Reply)
ixnay on the urderingpatientsmay

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 18:50, Reply)
Say 'develop *this*, m8'
And point at your crotch
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 17:02, Reply)
It's a teams meeting so I'll have to angle the camera down so she can see what I'm pointing at
and zoom in.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 18:57, Reply)
morning

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 0:01, Reply)
can you keep the noise down some of us are up at 5am
cheers
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 0:06, Reply)
Cheers

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 5:46, Reply)

I canโ€™t stop pilfering from other peopleโ€™s plates โ€“ but donโ€™t even think about grabbing my chips.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 7:57, Reply)
I have to give him his due, you always know it's him

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 9:04, Reply)
'Voodoo' Chiles, I assume

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 10:24, Reply)
Point: proved.

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 10:25, Reply)
smell my fanny

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 6:44, Reply)
Give it a wash m8, it smells like week-old kippers left out in the sun

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 8:05, Reply)
+ this is vile

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 9:31, Reply)
Morning

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 8:04, Reply)
yo

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 8:05, Reply)
New cat has arrived
he's very sweet. Original cat is fucking livid about the situation.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 8:07, Reply)
I used to have two cats but I got them at the same time
If I introduced a new cat to the one I have now heโ€™d probably leave
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 8:14, Reply)
The cat rescue shelter is advising us through the ordeal
the old cat does get on with one of the neighbour's moggies so we recon she will adjust. May take a while tho.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 9:58, Reply)
invest in calming hormone collars
and room spray
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 10:28, Reply)
and a decent pet like a fucking dog you moron

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 11:20, Reply)
We did think about that but thought no
dogs are for cunts.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 11:23, Reply)
that's true. dogs are for cunts. cats are for wankers.

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 11:42, Reply)
Fucken' right and don't you forget it.

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:06, Reply)
forget what?

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:14, Reply)
We may do but it's early days
and Aggie (resident) is not freaking out too much, she's just not happy with this other cat in a cage in the living room.

Boswon (new addition) is very affectionate and friendly but a bit jumpy. He was found as a stray in a park so I wonder if he escaped someone's home or maybe was dumped. He's very happy to be in a house around people and he was quite chilled to see another cat so he won't be a problem.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 11:29, Reply)
despite all my rage i am still just a cat in a cage

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:19, Reply)
Boston, not Boswon. Bowson would be a great cat's name tho.

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:08, Reply)
Yeah I had a similar situation with my ex

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 9:33, Reply)
Did she jump over the garden fence in a huff
and shit in the neighbour's flower bed too?
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 9:56, Reply)
that was me m8

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 10:24, Reply)
You used to go out with 2can?
I sense the dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-diddly-dums at the end of Eastenders about to play out...
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 11:20, Reply)
I sure did

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 11:38, Reply)
Did he take your temperature without using his hands at all?

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:09, Reply)
we all have mate
he's a right slag
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:04, Reply)
that slag broke my achy beaky heart

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:22, Reply)
has broken, like the first morning, blackbird has spoken, like the first bird

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 8:26, Reply)
Bit racist mate

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 8:32, Reply)
Young and female blackbirds identify as brown, it's woke gone mad

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 9:11, Reply)
Not racist enough

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 11:05, Reply)
Exactly the right amount of racist

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 11:29, Reply)
morning
I have a Teams call tomorrow with someone who was a few years below me at uni. Haven't seen her for about 25 years, last time was when she got off with another uni friend shortly before he came out as gay. Wonder if I should start the call with that.
(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 9:11, Reply)
I mean, yes

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 10:28, Reply)
"Turned anyone else recently?"

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 10:34, Reply)
absolutely

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 10:29, Reply)
I do enjoy these Lego Iranian raps. Top propaganda

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 10:38, Reply)
They're smashing it on that front eh

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 11:04, Reply)
Yeah, churning them out. Getting loads of views

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 11:16, Reply)
Hi semen's, QS is in the house!!!
I have the day off today, I have done precisely fuck all with it. Going to rustle up something Mexican in a bit.

How r u lol
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 15:06, Reply)
I pressed some buttons in various orders. Things appeared on this screen thing.
alright Queef's.
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 15:10, Reply)
Yo T-Dogg

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 15:33, Reply)
alright

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 15:11, Reply)
watching snooker

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 15:34, Reply)
ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 16:41, Reply)
Touching balls!

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 16:59, Reply)
yellow green brown blue pink and black

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 0:56, Reply)
Im busy doing nothing

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 15:36, Reply)
I'm off to Madrid on Tuesday
It's no Vietnam but it'll have to do
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 16:39, Reply)
I will wave from my plane to yours

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 17:40, Reply)
i am gud lol
Mexican rustler
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 18:43, Reply)
What's the market rate for a stolen Mexican these days?

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 19:01, Reply)
Twenty-Juan Pesos

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 19:30, Reply)
Valley of the Shut-Ins

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 19:54, Reply)
Valley of the doles

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 21:37, Reply)
I'm going for a Mexican tomorrow night
For dad's birthday, now that he's out of hospital. I'm not massively keen on Mexican food, but it's what he wants, so that's what we're doing. You're only 80 once.
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 20:49, Reply)
Depends how bad your dementia is, you could be 80 every day for years

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 20:54, Reply)
Dad doesn't have dementia
He's sharp as a tack, just old.
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 22:13, Reply)
getting old is not for sissies

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 22:36, Reply)
Just about to order a takeaway from the best curry house in London.

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 20:51, Reply)
sounds good, getting turkish food tonight, I'd prefer a london curry tho

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 22:04, Reply)
All curry tastes the same

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 10:34, Reply)
afternoon

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 13:56, Reply)
noonerafter

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 14:06, Reply)
There is only Aardvark.

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 14:20, Reply)
Is it solipsistic in here today, or is it just me?

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 14:25, Reply)
I'm sure I have no idea what you mean.
Hey look over there! OMG, what IS that?!
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 14:41, Reply)
so solip crew
sistic sledge
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 14:44, Reply)
Sistic of A Down

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 15:51, Reply)
Sistics of Mercy

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 15:52, Reply)
Oasistic

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 18:03, Reply)
Dua Solipa

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 18:04, Reply)
+There is no Dana,

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 14:29, Reply)
Incorrect
www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DjcD8_B7cQ
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 15:08, Reply)
danarama

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 22:41, Reply)
lovely day! bit bright tho, close the curtains and get some work done.
morning
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 6:17, Reply)
mrnng

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 7:07, Reply)
oi

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 10:24, Reply)
I have to be out in this sunshine to go to work.
Could be worse though, I actually donโ€™t hate my job for the first time in about 20 years.
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 7:44, Reply)
i have a job where i go out in the sun and a job i stay home in the shade
i hate them both pretty equally in all honesty
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 8:09, Reply)
jack them both in and get a job where you hang around in the doorway

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 8:19, Reply)
doorman?

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 13:30, Reply)
lead singer of INXS

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 13:34, Reply)
Fuck the lot of you, this was brilliant.

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 20:55, Reply)
prostitute

(, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 6:22, Reply)
Username checks out.

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 8:21, Reply)
I don't work in the sun like some sort of outdoorsy, active person.
I just haven't found a way to get to the office that doesn't involve being exposed to the nasty bright face, precious.
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 8:43, Reply)
shitposting on /talk isn't a job, m8

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 8:43, Reply)
The stats page says otherwise
b3ta.com/board_stats/talkboard-users.html
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 9:03, Reply)
lol toss up

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 9:45, Reply)
Christ, I'm in 5th place on /board stats with 8 posts.
This place is dead on its arse.
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 9:46, Reply)
I'd say it's been consisitently this dead for years though,
miracle it's still going tbh.
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 10:05, Reply)
Yeah, I didn't mean to imply a recent change, it was just a stark reminder.

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 10:17, Reply)
get a 2nd job posting on /talk m8
it's honest work
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 10:18, Reply)
rob is sound af for keeping this last bastion of free speech open in all honesty
it's one of the last places left on the whole planet where mr horrible is allowed to say anything at all these days without being thrown in jail.
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 10:29, Reply)
There are limits though, if he starts making Pato Banton jokes he'll be at the bottom of a canal with concrete shoes

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 10:44, Reply)
NOBODY MENTION YOUR NATIONALITY!!!

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 11:56, Reply)
you're not a cabbie, are you?

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 12:47, Reply)
When did this come in?

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 12:55, Reply)
It's because Gilgamesh left.
He warned us!
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 10:51, Reply)
I'm in whatsapp groups with more chat than board

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 11:17, Reply)
Discussing important matters no doubt.
Like the ISS Piss Tank levels
gistpreview.github.io/?76f03f49be58344bfa64c9d5d9f0ec29
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 11:22, Reply)
brb is the most prolific /board poster?
Now I have another reason never to post there.
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 12:16, Reply)
12 posts wouldn't even have been in the top 10 nightcrawlers back in the day
web.archive.org/web/20070629103536/https://b3ta.com/board_stats/mainboard-users.html
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 12:40, Reply)
Perhaps we need to attract some new blood to /talk and even /board (but not /links).
How are we going to do that? How can we make b3ta appeal to the younger generations, and not just survive on the few creaky old bastards in their 40s and older who haven't managed to escape or die yet?
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 12:50, Reply)
Apparently the biggest purchasers of vinyl records these days are girls and young women,
I think we just need to hope that noughties-era internet forums are the next big craze. Perhaps we should start making videos about our posts on TikTok.
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 12:58, Reply)
God I sound like Les McQueen out of the League of Gentlemen

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 13:00, Reply)
Yeah, issa shit business.

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 14:28, Reply)
I forget which year, but Master of Turnips was frequently >1000 at some stage.
I wonder if Easty made something of himself? He showed promise.
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 12:55, Reply)
Morning fellow /talkers
it's nearly half way through the week.

How exciting is that?!
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 8:27, Reply)
very

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 10:25, Reply)
mornholio

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 9:05, Reply)
i need tp

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 10:26, Reply)
arseboon dilbaro

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 9:38, Reply)
Morning

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 9:41, Reply)
good morning the LOVELY SM2

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 10:25, Reply)
<s>or</s> an

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 11:37, Reply)
manning?

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 12:13, Reply)
KLAXON

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 12:49, Reply)
I have been offline most of the day
But I appreciate your reply and am not ignoring you.
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 20:51, Reply)
2can works with 4 monitors, 4 monitors, 4 monitors.
2can works with 4 monitors this fine day
(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 11:38, Reply)
Health service in cahoots with lizard people, confirms everything I suspected

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 11:49, Reply)
Gloaming

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 21:44, Reply)
Payday gloam

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 21:46, Reply)
gloam is a kind of gsoil isn't it? Silent g, as in gnome, with a ghardon

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 22:03, Reply)
Gnat King Cole

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 22:08, Reply)
Graham Gnash

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 22:10, Reply)
gnine ginch gnails

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 22:16, Reply)
Ggary Gglitter

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 22:19, Reply)
Gnoming me, gnoming you

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 22:20, Reply)
Gdave Ga-han

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 22:25, Reply)
Are you gggggggggggggggggglithching

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 23:46, Reply)


_
(_) -
'
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__(/ \--._
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glitch--('-') (_)
' _\Y/_
' .-'-\-/-'-._ '
_ / '* \ '
(_) /) * .-.))'
._/ \__*_ /\__'.
'

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 23:55, Reply)


_
(_) -
'
@_ _ '
)\/(@ '
__(/ \--._
(,-.---' --'@
gli @ ) 0_ 0( _
tch--( '- ') (_)
' _\ Y/_
' .-'-\-/-'-._ '
_ / '* \ '
(_) /) * .-.))'
._/ \__*_ /\__'.
'

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 0:34, Reply)


_
(_) -
'
@ _ _ '
)\ /( @ '
__(/ \ --._
(,-.---'--'@
g l i i i @ )0_. 0( _
t c h - - ( ' - ' ) (_)
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' .-'-\-/-'-._ '
_ / '* \ '
(_) /) * . - ) )'
._/ \_ _* _ / \ __'.
'

(, Wed 29 Apr 2026, 0:42, Reply)
afternoon

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 15:24, Reply)
moming

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 15:25, Reply)
ed balls

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 15:26, Reply)
It's night time in Asia apparently. Gonna take some getting used to. Crazy Asians

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 15:53, Reply)
7 hours or so ahead.

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 15:58, Reply)
Madness. No wonder they are always fighting

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 16:08, Reply)
The gooks hate the slopes, the chinks hate the japs.
Where will it end?
(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 16:20, Reply)
Dunno, they seem to change the names of places willy nilly, I can't go Ceylon anymore

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 16:35, Reply)
Might visit Manila next year, it looks fun.

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 16:43, Reply)
-Manila +Runcorn

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 16:49, Reply)
RUMBLED

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 17:06, Reply)
In the jungle?

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 21:05, Reply)
RUFF

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 21:43, Reply)
In-the in-the jungle...

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 22:06, Reply)
To be fair Suggs has a very punchable face

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 16:50, Reply)
What's the first sign of madness?
Suggs walking up your garden path!!!
(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 17:37, Reply)
alright, payday innit, might treat myself to 20 bennies

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 17:19, Reply)
*yakkety sax*

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 17:50, Reply)
billy, japper, sorted

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 18:47, Reply)
My pimp ain't give me shit

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 19:37, Reply)
mo y' holla, mo i gon slap yo

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 19:42, Reply)
hello

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 17:30, Reply)
morn ing

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 5:53, Reply)
Hi

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 6:22, Reply)
alright

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 6:47, Reply)
Big fat hairy bollocks

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 11:29, Reply)
+ took away my old man

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 12:27, Reply)
Blues song titles just aren't as good as they used to be.

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 12:59, Reply)
Morn

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 7:45, Reply)
tnew egroeg

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 8:22, Reply)
yrotagrup morf enipohfuckitI'mboredofthis

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 8:52, Reply)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!kRrRRrrRrrAaAaaaAaAaaAaAaaAAAAaAaaaaaaaAaaaaAAvdRRRrrrRRrrrRrrRrRraAaAaAaAAaaAAaaAaaAAaAaaAaaAaAa
(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 9:16, Reply)
D:

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 9:26, Reply)

AdVk!
(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 9:29, Reply)
It's ok, think good thoughts.
Maybe Stuj will come back.
(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 9:37, Reply)
Maybe the real Stuj was the penguins we fingered along the way.

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 9:40, Reply)
Finally, got your Penguin abuse confession.
Sorry 'vark, they bribed me with Bourbons.
(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 9:46, Reply)
Somehow I always knew it would come to this
Dave "Judas" Trouser.
(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 9:57, Reply)
OMG DJT?
HITLER!
(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 10:50, Reply)
Dave Jee Travis, the Hairy Bumflake

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 10:51, Reply)
Your face is a bumflake!

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 10:54, Reply)
Kellogg's bumflakes turn the milk chocolatey.
Well, brown, at any rate.
(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 10:57, Reply)
:D

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 11:04, Reply)
Happy Ed Balls day!

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 13:00, Reply)
Ed Bollocks

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 14:28, Reply)
"On 17 November 2024, Ed Balls made "Ed Balls" the first post on his Bluesky account."

(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 14:33, Reply)
I think he's milking that, tbh.
His Balls, I mean.
(, Tue 28 Apr 2026, 20:13, Reply)

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