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fucking hell the string and bits of elastic that's been holding b3ta together for all these years is finally coming apart

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 11:38, Reply)
Not to mention the bits of string and elastic!

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 11:57, Reply)
sorry english isn't my first language

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 12:04, Reply)
How do you know?

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 14:28, Reply)
where's cr3 when you need him?

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 12:18, Reply)
Needs more duct tape

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 12:28, Reply)
alright the LOVELY hitler

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 12:30, Reply)
My goodness, where would you post your mentally ill drunken ramblings day and night if this internet forum wasn’t here?
- Jonty
(Jonathan Cum, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 14:14, Reply)
alright

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 0:11, Reply)
yes

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 0:14, Reply)
Mustn't grumble.

(Turing's Artificial Hand spooky autonomous gayness, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 0:36, Reply)
why not?

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 0:40, Reply)
It's not the done thing.

(Turing's Artificial Hand spooky autonomous gayness, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 0:41, Reply)
so you do have something to grumble about?

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 0:55, Reply)
y

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 11:01, Reply)
has anyone seen mike hunt?

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 21:44, Reply)

sure
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:06, Reply)
knew i'd seen him somewhere

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:08, Reply)
his nom de plume, bent cunt, is probably only a few emojis away

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:10, Reply)
i hope so, he gets very lonely

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:12, Reply)

this might be relevant to your interests
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:18, Reply)
Moon Girl Technologies
now that's a name i've not seen in a long time. a long time.
also some of those other cunts
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:21, Reply)

ditto
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:23, Reply)
does the talk board get archived or do they just print it off and wipe their arses with it?

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:23, Reply)

dunno, it would be a shame to think that some of the witty discourse from talk will be lost in time
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:25, Reply)
time will make internet comments of us all

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:26, Reply)

i fucking hope so, i'm not writing this high calibre stuff just for it to be spunked up the wall
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:32, Reply)
not even a real wall. a virtual wall in a virtual dive bar in a virtual west end town.

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:35, Reply)
of a dead end world

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:38, Reply)
w e s t e n d g i r l s

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:39, Reply)
great days

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:45, Reply)
-d +g

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:46, Reply)
Dreat days

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 13:27, Reply)
i was going to send you a message but i can't so i won't

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:46, Reply)
fair dos
on that bombshell i'm off to bed, i hope you find mr hunt
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:51, Reply)
probably hogging all the fucking duvet again
goodnarg
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:52, Reply)
phew, we survived the great b3ta server fire of 2020!
capital!
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 10:21, Reply)
Hurrah!
Fuck this shitty morning. No trains to London: hour wait for train to Basingstoke, coach to Woking, back on the shitting train and now heading into tine.

We should've been home by now, not even at fucking Clapham Junction.

Crapham Spunkbum more like :(
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 10:33, Reply)
lol

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 10:36, Reply)
alrite shit for stains

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:12, Reply)
Europe's busiest train station, so they say.
Assuming "busiest" here means "stabbiest, grimiest and most soulless".
(Turing's Artificial Hand spooky autonomous gayness, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 10:46, Reply)
have fun and be yourself x

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 11:07, Reply)
+eral

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 18:17, Reply)
Britains longest bar at a pub at clapham junction, get involved

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 11:51, Reply)
get a car you fucking peasant

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 11:54, Reply)
Unfortunately, this thread appears to have remained intact; please delete both it and yourself ASAP.
Thanks in advance,

Jonty
(Jonathan Cum, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 10:55, Reply)
no can do mr cum
thread deletion is frowned upon
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 11:06, Reply)
I’ll look into it further; I’m not sure you’re correct. And please, enough with the formalities, call me Jonty.
- Jonty
(Jonathan Cum, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 11:14, Reply)
can do, Jonty

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:27, Reply)
I survived having to wait until the pub opens at 12
Nearly, almost there
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 11:54, Reply)

power through old bean
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:25, Reply)
Ok, so - what about if they're both bisexual?

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:09, Reply)
fuck of back to lgbt+net

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:13, Reply)
omg

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:25, Reply)
i'm not sure i fully understand

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:30, Reply)
If a bisexual man bummed a bisexual woman, would it be gay?

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:49, Reply)

no
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:51, Reply)
Alright, Captain Science
Show your working.
(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 13:02, Reply)
bum or no, it's still man on woman

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 13:06, Reply)
Yeah but is bumming gay?

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 13:08, Reply)
no

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 13:33, Reply)
So it's the gays that are gay, NOT the bumming itself?
Is touching a ck gay?
(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 13:50, Reply)
what's a ck?

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 13:57, Reply)
Cock.
Dunno why my 'phone changed it.
(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 14:18, Reply)

oh yes then, i have someone else hold little chuffer when i do a wee
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 14:21, Reply)
A comedian who likes to masturbate in front of women in working situations.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 16:36, Reply)
ohhhh yes i know the one
a shock of ginger hair and not particularly funny
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 16:54, Reply)
Yep, Louis CK. His standup can be decent but he's desperate to 'shock' sometimes and it's a bit tired.
He's also had numerous failed sitcoms, I've seen clips of some of them and he's completely charmless, he just comes across as angry and unpleasant and unfunny.
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 17:17, Reply)
brb, you mean

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers🍻, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 17:19, Reply)
Cheers

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 17:52, Reply)
Queers

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 22:49, Reply)
None of my sitcoms failed.

(I helped save b3ta! brb amateur social ichthyologist, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 13:56, Reply)

i quite liked him in parks & rec to be fair
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 18:02, Reply)
I forgot he was in that. I binge-watched parks & rec a few years back and although I thought it was funny not much of it has stuck with me.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 18:12, Reply)
hmmm yeah i know what you mean actually

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 18:18, Reply)
"comes across as angry and unpleasant"
Are you still talking about the wanking?
(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Sat 8 Aug 2020, 18:41, Reply)
If I may?
It’s all gay, Justin. All of it. Whenever people touch each other, that’s gay. Bumming is not a defining characteristic here: any kind of contact between people is stridently, flamboyantly gay. Just existing is gay, it’s gay, it’s very very gay.

I hope this answers this particular question, and all future questions on this matter.
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 18:25, Reply)

i.imgur.com/bH9hSPA.gifv
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:23, Reply)
oooo kinky!

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:30, Reply)
That needs to be marked as NSFW. Please make sure the correct tags are applied in future.
- Jonty
(Jonathan Cum, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 13:14, Reply)
Veh veh funneh.

(2kindsofherring, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 13:16, Reply)
Sorry about that

(I helped save b3ta! Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:38, Reply)
nps

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:41, Reply)
Can mongychops be released from the naughty step

(Bivvyboi, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:41, Reply)
More than my jobs worth governor

(I helped save b3ta! Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:43, Reply)
Seems hes stuck in limbo forever then, trapped with the kitten due to rubbish code

(Bivvyboi, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:54, Reply)

Sounds painful
(I helped save b3ta! Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 13:13, Reply)
we could start a petition

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 13:16, Reply)
a gaz petition

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 15:16, Reply)
Not a joke though, he got stepped and he's stuck there. He has a lot of gazzes to answer.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 17:13, Reply)
Or maybe you're all symptoms of a massive stroke and I don't know it

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 14:11, Reply)
that's true
a fate worse than a fate worse than death
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 14:16, Reply)
just having the aircon regassed when did you last gas something?
No nazi jokes please
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 15:44, Reply)
I just gas ped at how shit this thread was!!11

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 15:54, Reply)


(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea It's Okay! She's My Step Daughter!, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 15:55, Reply)
Booze time, cheers

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 16:26, Reply)
Ah go on then, mine’s a Corona

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers🍻, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 17:34, Reply)
it's been a pretty shit day on slashtalk today

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 15:59, Reply)
Not enough 2D platformers threads

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers🍻, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 16:10, Reply)
alright

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 16:22, Reply)
Cheers

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers🍻, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 16:41, Reply)
Cheers

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 12:34, Reply)
This place would be dead on its arse if everyone stopped posting.
Maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing.
(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Fri 7 Aug 2020, 23:21, Reply)
pretty sure it was just dead on its arse cos everyone stopped posting

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 23:28, Reply)
I have a calor gas heater in my SHED.Does this count?

(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 15:55, Reply)
I doubt anyone cares; you seem rather dull.
Best,

Jonty
(Jonathan Cum, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 16:06, Reply)
gas mongychops, he likes that sort of thing.

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 16:05, Reply)
Dead of the covid

(Bivvyboi, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 16:06, Reply)
rip

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 18:12, Reply)
Couple of weeks ago, to kill some wasps,
if we extend 'gas' to cover airborne powder, and include paying someone else to do it.
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea It's Okay! She's My Step Daughter!, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 18:19, Reply)
gassed my pants recently

(cock, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 18:24, Reply)
any casualties?

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 19:00, Reply)
BUT WHAT IF A GAY MAN BUMS A LESBIAN?

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 20:16, Reply)
then she becomes straight

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 20:57, Reply)
I've got a portable knock-off Sodastream thingy.
Gassing bottles of water all day long, yo.
(Turing's Artificial Hand spooky autonomous gayness, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 20:18, Reply)
My lighter
About 2 hours ago
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 20:54, Reply)
I’d like to wish you all a good afternoon.
- Jonty
(Jonathan Cum, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 12:03, Reply)
good afternoon

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 12:04, Reply)
Certainly is
- Jonty
(Jonathan Cum, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 12:43, Reply)
good afternoon cum
4/10 www.comedy.co.uk/quiz/113/
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 12:09, Reply)
5/10

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 12:14, Reply)
6 ha ha ha!

(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 12:28, Reply)
6/10

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers🍻, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 12:38, Reply)
Cheers

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 12:39, Reply)
Cheers

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers🍻, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 12:41, Reply)
Cheers

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 12:46, Reply)
Cheers
- Jonty
(Jonathan Cum, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 13:04, Reply)
A solid 6/10, great link; I appreciate you posting it.
- Jonty
(Jonathan Cum, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 12:43, Reply)
no probs, you'll find I'm kind of a big deal round these parts when it 'cums' to posting links haha

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 14:13, Reply)
Oh "Cum" on!!!!!

(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 14:27, Reply)
5/10
Would probably have scored better if it wasn't all shit comedy for cunts.
Also they spelt 'cabadged' wrong.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 13:39, Reply)
7/10

(I helped save b3ta! brb amateur social ichthyologist, Sat 8 Aug 2020, 0:40, Reply)
It's spelt 'Jonti' you knobend.

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 13:41, Reply)
Excuse me? I think I know how to spell my own name, you strange creature.
Regards,

Jonty
(Jonathan Cum, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 13:42, Reply)
Is it pronounced cheeseburger?

(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 15:06, Reply)
morning

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 7:01, Reply)
Howdy, sweating already , nice

(Bivvyboi, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 7:03, Reply)
Sexy!
It's hot here too :)
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 7:43, Reply)
Be even sexier if it hits 38c on the mercury

(Bivvyboi, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 7:46, Reply)
Ready Freddie

(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 7:52, Reply)
there used to be this cartoon called Meatball & Spaghetti
with their catchy theme song "freddy, are you ready, for meatball, spaghetthi?".
(I helped save b3ta! Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:04, Reply)
Not seen that one :(

(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:44, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UzxrjgyfGY
(I helped save b3ta! Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 11:10, Reply)
Warm here in Winchester but lovely and clear
Perfect for a day out in the countryside
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 7:52, Reply)
Alright Dave, large vat please

(Bivvyboi, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:43, Reply)
Me and Betty Swollocks stopped getting along, we got our air conditioning replaced on Monday and it's fantastic

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 12:14, Reply)
fucking left my curtains open bastard sun woke me up at 6am
morning
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 7:09, Reply)
Literally woke you!

(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 7:43, Reply)
Rise and shine!

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 7:53, Reply)
If a gay man bums a woman is it straight?

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 10:36, Reply)
yes

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 11:04, Reply)
Percy Sledge'szzzzzz

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 14:30, Reply)
Alright
Ribs tonight. I'm thinking JD and coke rub, with a splash of chili. We're doing a pig roast tomoz, so it looks as though social distancing is finally buggered.
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 7:42, Reply)
Nice
I had 25kg of top grade charcoal delivered the other day, gonna smoke up some shit over the weekend
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 7:56, Reply)
I prefer meat
Smoked poo sounds a bit niche
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 7:58, Reply)
You're missing out

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:06, Reply)

+c e
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:05, Reply)
alright mcbeef

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 9:37, Reply)
Coca Cola doesn’t belong on or with food. What you are proposing here is some kind of meat cocktail with bones in it.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 18:42, Reply)
morning queef
morning all
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:05, Reply)
morning
Decided on Shoreham yet m8-o?
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:07, Reply)
nah, got a week left to decide, veering more towards not going but gonna see if they make me an offer I can't resist

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:33, Reply)
Alright

(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:09, Reply)
morning

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:07, Reply)
Piss off

(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:09, Reply)
wisnae talkin tae you, you fuckin jumped up cunt

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:16, Reply)
That’s interesting, Carol.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 18:46, Reply)
Piss off

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 9:28, Reply)
Did my first gym class in about six months yesterday
I hurt in bits I forgot I had. Odd class: good workout but huge room and just four of us including the instructor, but it was nice to get out, you know. See people. Do normal stuff again.
(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:20, Reply)
Lol bits

(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:45, Reply)
That's not normal it's weird

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 12:17, Reply)
Morning

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:37, Reply)
Oi oi

(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:55, Reply)
Nods genially

(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:58, Reply)
Strikey genitals
or something, I’m too tired to make the effort
(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers🍻, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 9:58, Reply)
Is this the morning thread, is it?

(Turing's Artificial Hand spooky autonomous gayness, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 8:57, Reply)
Fackin is m8

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 9:29, Reply)
Oh, well, in that case: morning!

(Turing's Artificial Hand spooky autonomous gayness, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 9:31, Reply)
Morning.

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 9:15, Reply)
Yes

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 9:29, Reply)
Good morning guys, it’s me! Jonathan ‘Jonty’ Cum; a brilliant, new comedy character!

(Jonathan Cum, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 9:31, Reply)
Hello John
Got a new account?
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 9:51, Reply)
No; it’s the same account you absolute goon, get a life.

(Jonathan Cum, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 9:57, Reply)
Welcome to b3ta
We have a right laugh here. Apparently.
(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers🍻, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 10:00, Reply)
Thanks, good to know
Best,

Jonty
(Jonathan Cum, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 11:53, Reply)
Well cum, welcome! Hahahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 10:07, Reply)
Cum again? Great
Regards,

Jonty
(Jonathan Cum, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 11:54, Reply)
well, you're not wrong

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 9:37, Reply)
Morning
Went for a run this morning. I died.
(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers🍻, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 9:59, Reply)
I don't see how anyone can do anything physical in this fucking mental heat.
I feel like boil-in-the-bag chicken curry just sitting at my desk.
(Turing's Artificial Hand spooky autonomous gayness, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 10:01, Reply)
I set off at 6:30 and it was still too fucking hot

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers🍻, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 10:03, Reply)
I know what you mean.
I woke up at 05:30 this morning and it was broad fucking daylight...living in the Arctic Circle is a novelty to me.
(Turing's Artificial Hand spooky autonomous gayness, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 10:12, Reply)
I would smile if I heard that you died

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 10:19, Reply)
😘😘

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers🍻, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 10:39, Reply)
you seem quite angry this morning Carol Vorderman's Arse
particularly strenuous poo this morning or summat?
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 10:47, Reply)
no poo, that's the problem m8

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 11:04, Reply)
have a ciggy, always works for me m8

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 11:09, Reply)
I stopped smoking yonks ago m8

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 11:25, Reply)
s'why you can't poo innit

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 11:25, Reply)
SCIENCE

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 11:31, Reply)
I died once
I got better
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 10:40, Reply)
Did she turn you into a newt?

(Turing's Artificial Hand spooky autonomous gayness, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 10:46, Reply)
Blimey
just did a nice 10k run. Kept it gentle and got back okay but now I'm quite exhausted!
(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 11:55, Reply)
Don’t bother gari, he’s too special to respond APPARENTLY

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 13:22, Reply)
Good morning to you

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 12:15, Reply)
One man's fear is another man's BOO!

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 21:09, Reply)
christ it's like an old people's home in here
what happened?
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 22:03, Reply)
twenty past nine deary!

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 22:05, Reply)
my 97 year old great aunt is more fun than this place

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 22:06, Reply)
doin alrite at poker tho so it's all good

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 22:07, Reply)
bang AA knocks out two in one

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 22:11, Reply)
75th out of 3112 atm more news as it happens

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 22:13, Reply)
fixed my mum's convertible roof today, works like a charm.

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 22:20, Reply)
trip jacks wins the pot get in

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 22:21, Reply)
probably going to win this might stop the updates
srs bsns
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 22:24, Reply)
You’re a terrible reporter

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 0:03, Reply)
yeah well i got knocked out so i'm in misery pants now. such is life.
won a few sheckles tho so not too shabby
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 0:06, Reply)
Here’s the thing, I just wouldn’t have the confidence that my opponents were real and that it wasn’t just an elaborate slot machine
That’s really why I asked the other day if you guys were all seated around a table together.
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 0:13, Reply)
depends on the format
some are single table where this is possible, i like multi table tournaments where it's much much less likely for this to happen, even if it did happen the only info that can be shared is in the example of two friends at one table, what the other friend's cards are. could help. probably not. you get moved around randomly so there's no way to know if you'll be at a table with someone or for how long for the games i play.
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 0:18, Reply)
yo dudes how's it hanging off?

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 16:03, Reply)
i miss Bou :(

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 16:15, Reply)
go fuck yourself

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 16:32, Reply)
Cheers

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 16:33, Reply)
Cheers

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers🍻, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 16:47, Reply)
Cheers

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 16:50, Reply)
Cheers

(I helped save b3ta! Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 16:59, Reply)
Cheers

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 18:13, Reply)
Like a ...
Well - it's still weeping pus, and stings when I touch it. It's started to smell a bit, too.
(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 16:56, Reply)
take it to a vet

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 17:03, Reply)
I thought I'd just put it in a bag and smash it about a bit
But it is still attached.
(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 17:11, Reply)
No need for all this fuss, just wait a week, it’ll fall off on its own.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 18:18, Reply)
If I may say, that makes very little sense; and *I* should know.

(Jonathan Cum, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 17:46, Reply)
hello

(I helped save b3ta! Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 19:00, Reply)
Giddy up a ding dong

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 11:14, Reply)
Best Eek-a-mouse album.

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 11:15, Reply)
my ding aling
my ding aling
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 11:19, Reply)
Yo Rich.
I don't expect you to like Broadcast, but I stumbled across a mix of 60's/70's Psych pop from the late lead singer of it and I think you will like that.

Article with downloadable .zip
aquariumdrunkard.com/2016/04/20/trish-keenans-mind-bending-motorway-mix/

Soundcloud link to stream it right away:
soundcloud.com/abandapart/sets/trishs-mind-bending-motorway-mix
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 11:32, Reply)
I like Broadcast, even if they were a poor man's Stereolab

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 11:55, Reply)
that's interesting, Carol

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 11:56, Reply)
Please don’t be rude to Carol, thanks.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 14:18, Reply)
i this pay to view with my ears or wot

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:02, Reply)
i this pay to view with my ears or wot, is that what you’re saying?

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 14:19, Reply)
no
is this pay to view with my ears or wot
is what i meanded to wrote
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 15:08, Reply)
Ok, I must have misheard you.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 18:18, Reply)
Bus wanker
#tehinbetweeners
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 11:49, Reply)
My nephew introduced me to the Inbetweeners.
I enjoyed the writing, but the actors can fuck off as they were shit. But I thought conceptually it was great fun.
(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 11:54, Reply)
I liked it at the time, but looking back it was fairly shit.
And the films are drivel.
(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 11:56, Reply)
Yes - it was certainly no Good Life
But I enjoyed the schoolboy humour, and liked that it was pretty unafraid to be (relatively) politically incorrect.
(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:17, Reply)
That's interesting, Carol.

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:21, Reply)
The football series the writers have done is practically the same characters
It was pretty good
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:02, Reply)
I've split massam curry all over me

(Bivvyboi, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 11:54, Reply)
i once microwaved a ready meal lasagne, put it down, turned around, and sat on it.
i was in my boxers. worse things have happened at sea, but rarely.
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:01, Reply)
Sexy as fuck.

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:18, Reply)
You are mistaken.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:21, Reply)
lol gay

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:28, Reply)
you have no idea how sexy i look in a lasagne

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:51, Reply)
I’m desperately trying not to find out.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 14:20, Reply)
c'mere you sexy spaghetti junction

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 15:11, Reply)
Then I say, leave me alone I’m straight, then you say, so is spaghetti until it gets wet.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 20:37, Reply)
when is your erotic fiction novella coming out?
before you do or after?
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 20:49, Reply)
Well I got something out right now as a matter of fact

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 22:47, Reply)
disgusting

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 0:10, Reply)
I've literally got a lob on
Literally
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:23, Reply)
quite understandable

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 15:11, Reply)
Did you still eat it?
I was once really hungover, took a portion of curry out the freezer, microwaved it then while picking it up burned my fingers and dropped it on the floor.

I sighed, took another portion out and made the exact same mistake again.

My housemate nearly threw up from laughing, and then when I sighed a dejected 'I'm going to the Chinese' had the gall to give me a fucking great list of stuff to get 'seeing as you're going there anyway'.
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:45, Reply)
What a funny story!

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:50, Reply)
Shut the fuck up, Carol.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 14:26, Reply)
^

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 14:53, Reply)
woah this is a safe space take the caustic attitude elsewhere or i'll report you to the mods

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 15:12, Reply)
You’re Literally Hitler, I can’t believe I’m only just realizing this now

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 20:42, Reply)
i can't believe it either
the clue's in the name
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 21:37, Reply)
This is exactly how it went in Germany in the old days, no-one picked up on the obvious clue.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 22:50, Reply)
hundzeit is always 19/45

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Fri 7 Aug 2020, 7:03, Reply)
of course i ate it
i had to scrape some of it off my boxer shorts and sit under a cold shower first tho
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:50, Reply)
Ride your own ding dong

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:23, Reply)
Ting tong

(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:23, Reply)
Bit racist.

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:28, Reply)
T. Rex's first attempt was equally as shit as the finished version

(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:25, Reply)
I heard it crashed and burned or something hilarious because he died in that car crash innit

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:29, Reply)
Metal guru, is it you? I don’t know Marc, I have no fucking idea what you’re wittering on about you fucknut

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 14:31, Reply)
Wanky wanky wank wank

(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 14:20, Reply)
morning

(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 7:14, Reply)
Gidday
I don't get the egg joke on QOTW. Am I a bit stupid?
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 7:24, Reply)
Why is that place still linked to from the main page
yet this mine of comedy and wisdom is left to languish like fine grapes wilting on the vine.
(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 7:34, Reply)

the lol
alrite
y
#jimmycarreatyourheartoutlol
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 7:42, Reply)
maybe we need to bring back some of the classics to get relisted on the front page
things like -

*username* is a gay spaz who likes it up the bum bum from other gay spazzes
please be very quiet as if you were dead
gaz mongy (godrest 'im) he likes that sort of thing
don't forget to put your bins out

or maybe we need a good flounce or two, they were always good fun
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:05, Reply)
No, or if you are, we're stupid together.
Maybe it's not a joke. Or an anti-joke. Or something.
(Turing's Artificial Hand spooky autonomous gayness, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 7:41, Reply)
Mushrooms.

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 7:45, Reply)
What's the smallest room in the world?
A mushroom.
What's the largest room in the world?
Room for improvement!
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 7:49, Reply)
Can the mushroom be unlocked with a monkey?

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 7:53, Reply)
What key can get into any room?
A pikey!
Or some sort of a master key if such a thing exists
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 7:56, Reply)
AN EGG

(Turing's Artificial Hand spooky autonomous gayness, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:00, Reply)
I like eggs

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers🍻, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:08, Reply)
How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Unfertilized!
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:12, Reply)
what do you call a spanish man with a big nose?
nosé
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:45, Reply)
What do you call an egg who wears boxing gloves after you put him in a SodaStream?

Fizzy.
(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:57, Reply)
HOW DO YOU KNOW?

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:26, Reply)
Eggs told him

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:23, Reply)
it's not meant to be taken literally

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:50, Reply)
No you’re too clever

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 14:39, Reply)
morning fellow wankers

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:27, Reply)
Read any highbrow books recently?
I bet you have!
(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:29, Reply)
He's 40 years old
but has a reading age of 43!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:33, Reply)
Online tutors hate him!!!!

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:37, Reply)
What festival has a lot of books?
Reading!
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:51, Reply)
What is a bookwotm's favourite colour?
Red!!!!!
(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:59, Reply)
Which reggae guy produced The Clash and wrote stuff?
Mikey Dread!
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:19, Reply)
What's the contracted version of the name Fredrick?
Fred!
(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 11:09, Reply)
Piss off this is a private conversation

(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:48, Reply)
oh :(

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:53, Reply)
Just kidding
Xxxx Turn that frown upside down :)
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:01, Reply)
oɥ :)

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:06, Reply)
hello arse

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:51, Reply)
could be talking to anyone

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:32, Reply)
apart from you my bestie!

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:41, Reply)
is it possible to break your neck in your sleep?
i think i slept at a right angle to the floor
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:56, Reply)
might take 200 ibuprofen and go back to bed

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:59, Reply)
have some toast before taking all those ibuprofen

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 10:23, Reply)
not really hungry tbh, not after eating 200 pills

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 11:06, Reply)
morning

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:30, Reply)
I've got all the windows open
trying to cool the house down before it gets hot later.
(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:33, Reply)
I have to get public transport to Hampshire this morning
what joy
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:35, Reply)
Can't you just look up wherever it is you want to visit on Google Streetview?
Saves the hassle and cost of going there.
(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:41, Reply)
You sound like my sister
She genuinely said she didn't understand why anyone would bother visiting Stonehenge when there are pictures online
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:08, Reply)
it's not actually a bad point though
i found tintern abbey to be a huge disappointment, you can get everything you want from it by looking at photos. i did get a nice hat from the gift shop though
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:13, Reply)
that's bollocks, but go on...

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:17, Reply)
it was a baseball cap with a brown faux leather peak and green cotton skull cap
it might have even been in the sale too
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:37, Reply)
Have you a "picture" of it?
Or some sort of "link" to their "website"?
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:45, Reply)
no and no, you'll have to use your mind's eye

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:46, Reply)
strikey jap

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 11:11, Reply)
imagine a baseball cap that alan partridge would select for outdoor pursuits

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:52, Reply)
Like climbing a tree?
A pear tree!
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:57, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8271625
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 10:23, Reply)
hey, I drop the Partridge references around here m8

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 10:05, Reply)
soz

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 10:23, Reply)
To be fair
Stonehenge is fucking shit.
(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 11:11, Reply)
You'll be fine
I've taken trains a couple of times over the last six months and outside of rush hour they're empty
(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:47, Reply)
oh no :(
may your day be free of povvos
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:08, Reply)
alrite queef

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 12:03, Reply)
it's thursday, or friday eve my dudes! :)))))))))

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 8:47, Reply)
Sodding rain , nobody told me it was going to rain

(Bivvyboi, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 9:17, Reply)
teh lol

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 16:02, Reply)
alrite

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 16:36, Reply)
y

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 16:58, Reply)
gud gud ttfn

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:43, Reply)
wanker

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 16:38, Reply)
prick

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 16:52, Reply)
bit rude m8

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:08, Reply)
fuck off

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:33, Reply)
suck my balls

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:40, Reply)
i refuse.

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:43, Reply)
group hug?

(b3ta, you mean, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:44, Reply)
no fingerbum?

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:45, Reply)
I’m afraid not

(b3ta, you mean, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:46, Reply)
not interested then

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:46, Reply)
I can tickle your hoop for £20 if you like?

(b3ta, you mean, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:48, Reply)
go on then

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:54, Reply)

🤏📯
(b3ta, you mean, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 18:20, Reply)
What have we learned?

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 21:47, Reply)
fuck all as usual

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 21:50, Reply)
It’s the journey

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 23:26, Reply)
It’s the friends we made along the way

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 23:26, Reply)
It’s Literally Hitler and Carol Vordeman’s Arse trading homoerotic insults on a moribund flebsite

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 23:31, Reply)
what a time to be alive

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 11:09, Reply)
been eating asparagus, looking forward to having a stinky wee in a bit

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 16:51, Reply)
you can pee into a flask and put it beside the bed in case you get a thirst on in the... wee hours!

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 16:53, Reply)
idgi

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 16:58, Reply)
have some red wine for dark poo too

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:04, Reply)
I also recommend beetrot. it gets the job done

(I helped save b3ta! Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:35, Reply)
i don't often have an excuse to eat beetroot but i do now

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 18:46, Reply)
w00t

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:04, Reply)
houpla

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 20:41, Reply)
hello fellow internet forum user

(b3ta, you mean, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:44, Reply)
hello to you in return, wonderful /chattist

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 20:41, Reply)
t’hello

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 5:13, Reply)
Fucking hell, who here warned me about Kwik Fit?
they are a total bunch of 'tards, they really are.

Have you had fair warning of anything recently?
(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 13:36, Reply)
protyre are decent in my experience if you need a substitute

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 13:52, Reply)
I use FWR for tyres and servicing on the motorbike
they are fucking mental bikers, I like that.
(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 13:58, Reply)
b3ta

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 14:00, Reply)
Is that an answer to the first question, the second question, or both?

(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Wed 5 Aug 2020, 14:02, Reply)
BOTH

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 14:34, Reply)

 
(b3ta, you mean, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 14:13, Reply)
It was I, brb, who warned you not to take your car to be ruined by Kwik Fit.
They simply do not employ competent mechanics and have a total dishonesty policy.
(I helped save b3ta! brb amateur social ichthyologist, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 14:20, Reply)
All I needed from then was a piece of paper saying "air con not work"
they even fucked that up the total twats.
(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 14:53, Reply)
Not surprising, as they do not employ qualified literate people.
I don't understand how their business model works. Unless the whole operation is a money laundering front, or a Promoters-style insurance fraud, or the plaything of a malevolent billionaire who just hates cars.
(I helped save b3ta! brb amateur social ichthyologist, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 16:37, Reply)
Yet they get so much business they can't even answer the phones
it's a franchise thing so they must not keep any loss-making branches. I guess they're so big they're just the first place most people think of when they look for tyres or whatnot.

Honest to god though, they are quite astonishingly bad.
(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 16:56, Reply)
I've had wildly mixed experiences with them in recent years.
A few weeks back, my other half's car was still under warranty from the garage she bought it from, and the battery was faulty. To cut a very long story slightly shorter, the garage she bought it from advised her to take it to KwikFit because they said they had a replacement and gave a not-too-awful quote for it.

When they got in touch to say we could collect it, they couldn't even diagnose the problem because the battery terminal was loose so they weren't able to charge the battery. And they couldn't fix it, we'd need to take it to an auto electrician. Oh, and could we bring our own jump leads, because they didn't have jump leads that worked. In a fucking "garage". Then when we brought jump leads, I watched the fat sweaty prick failing to attach them twice before I pointed out the metal connection paddles right next to the fucking terminals he was failing to attach them to. He was the manager.

Still, I took my car in there a few years ago because I had an intermittent slow deflation, and they diagnosed that the tyre had been fitted incorrectly by the ('proper', independent) garage that had replaced it, and they fixed it and didn't charge me anything.

So I guess it depends entirely on who you get in any given branch on the day.
(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Wed 5 Aug 2020, 22:33, Reply)
“I had an intermittent slow deflation” is all you had to say.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Thu 6 Aug 2020, 5:22, Reply)
I lost the will to live halfway through typing it,
but by that stage I'd passed the point of no return.
(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Thu 6 Aug 2020, 7:28, Reply)
Yes

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 5 Aug 2020, 14:46, Reply)
Probably, but I wasn't listening.

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 15:05, Reply)
i was warned not to stand next to the smelly cunt in the supermarket
judging by the faces of the people who were stood close to him, i am glad i listened
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 15:15, Reply)
lol Heron Foods

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 15:47, Reply)
lidl

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 15:51, Reply)
Who warned you? The smelly cunt?
Good way to get plenty of space!
(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 15:47, Reply)
my niece
who got a whiff of him when she was getting strawberry milk
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 15:50, Reply)
worked in a jobcenter once
one of the regulars was a girl in early 20s and she honestly stank so much it hit you at ten yards. she never seemed to change her clothes. everyone slunk away from her, it was awful. proper health hazard. i quite fancied her.
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 16:52, Reply)

she's a keeper, hitler
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:05, Reply)
i'm surprised you didn't show her to the showers

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:28, Reply)
too soon
also i like my women ripe.
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 17:32, Reply)
vg

(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Wed 5 Aug 2020, 23:09, Reply)
Haha fucking hell

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 23:38, Reply)
dreadful whiffism

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 16:50, Reply)
morning

(Carol Vorderman's Arse Say 'Yes' to the Hess!, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 6:34, Reply)
Oi oi

(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 6:46, Reply)
oo er

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 7:15, Reply)
Yep.
Absolutely shattered after having to do a day's work yesterday, so am going to laze about today and do some serious daytime drinking. I should be shouting at postboxes by lunchtime.
(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 7:20, Reply)
“You’re a postbox!!”

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 21:49, Reply)
morning arse

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 8:05, Reply)
what do you do for a living that necessitates multiple visits to court?
if you don't mind me asking of course
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 9:04, Reply)
no worries, when i was a yoot i used to work as a rent boy in brentford
used to get a load of trade from judges at isleworth crown court
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 9:15, Reply)
well
i did ask i suppose!
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 9:26, Reply)
to this day I can't hear the phrase 'all rise in court' without shuddering a little

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 9:28, Reply)
hahaha!

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 9:31, Reply)
that's more of a lee mack joke

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 11:13, Reply)
no real names pls

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword W⚓, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 11:45, Reply)
sorry i forget myself sometimes

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 13:53, Reply)
Say it again

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 11:50, Reply)
Fucking hell I bet your hourly rate was low
Brentford’s a scumhole
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 19:43, Reply)

goedemorgen!
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 8:08, Reply)
morning

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 8:32, Reply)
How's family life half-way through your week of being a normal family?

(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 8:35, Reply)
Fantastic ta
So much fun being had
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 8:37, Reply)
You've got perfect weather for it too
warm enough to be able to do pretty much anything you want, but not so hot it's unpleasant. For god's sake, be ready for the weekend though...
(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 8:49, Reply)
British Museum for a talk on Romano-British deities this morning
Off to my mums' tomorrow, Avebury Ring, Silbury Hill & West Kennet Longbarrow Friday then back to tine Saturday morn for more lols
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 9:32, Reply)
are you mums witches?

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 5 Aug 2020, 9:45, Reply)
I've got my own office now
what do people with their own offices do? can i wank in it?
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 5 Aug 2020, 9:45, Reply)
As long as you've got one of those sliding things on your door
Free/Busy (wanking)
(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 9:48, Reply)
i mean, yeah, but it gets boring very quickly
to keep it interesting you can mark on the wall how far up you can hit, make little targets around the office, that sorta thing
(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 9:50, Reply)
Mark has put a complaint into HR about this

(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 10:23, Reply)
well "mark" better mind his own business

(Chuffer Dandridge Arkell ~vs~ Pressdram, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 10:55, Reply)
I think it's your "business" he minds

(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 13:35, Reply)
Lock the door first
Otherwise you will have feminists complaining. But if you are a lady you don't have to. Are you?
(Nadia Sawallah's wotsits Mask me up I'm going in, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 10:53, Reply)
Maybe

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 5 Aug 2020, 12:07, Reply)
Morning

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 10:25, Reply)
there's an actual town in america named 'bald knob'

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Tue 4 Aug 2020, 23:17, Reply)
there is something in your pants you call
, you mean
(I helped save b3ta! Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 4 Aug 2020, 23:21, Reply)

Bald Knob
(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Tue 4 Aug 2020, 23:24, Reply)
You know when you're sitting on the bog while cleaning your teeth? Well
Do you prefer the way a fart gently permeates your nostrils, and gradually fills your mouth as you breathe in, or do you prefer to do a massive inhale so you get the full effect over the fresh taste of toothpaste?
(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Tue 4 Aug 2020, 23:31, Reply)
bit personal

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Tue 4 Aug 2020, 23:32, Reply)
Best of all the original internet singles ads.

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Tue 4 Aug 2020, 23:42, Reply)
been using it for ages

(Literally Hitler a místo mě máš počítač, Tue 4 Aug 2020, 23:55, Reply)
Hmm
What with the slippery handle on the electric toothbrush I'd fear dropping it down the pan
(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 9:12, Reply)
See - this is why you're no fun any more.

(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 9:29, Reply)
Adulthood has made me mend the follies of my youth

(I helped save b3ta! garidead Today's wrong item, Wed 5 Aug 2020, 9:38, Reply)

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