6/7
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-49011886
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:27, Reply)

3/7 - piss up a rope

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:31, Reply)

5/7 when I did it earlier this morning.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:35, Reply)

n/n - helmcheese

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:36, Reply)

Did they have that in the Temperature-controlled Cheese Cave™?
Could you smear it on a burger and call it a Smeg Mac?
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:57, Reply)

Please, for god's sake
no more cheese pun threads...
( garidead has broken the gout code, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 12:05, Reply)

You'd better brie-lieve it!

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 12:12, Reply)

Well I'll be Edam-ned!

( $$, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 12:13, Reply)

Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm cheesed off!!!!

( garidead has broken the gout code, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 12:27, Reply)

a score
4/6
( Woodkovsky, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:46, Reply)

I did not know a single one of those - 4/7

( tangledupinblue, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:48, Reply)

7/7 "Shitcock Farter"

( $$, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:52, Reply)

two
again
( garidead has broken the gout code, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:55, Reply)

still morning
Up to owt this weekend? I have no plans at all. Might wank off a weevil. Not seeing my kid until August 15th now :(
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:39, Reply)

I'm going to DARK MATTER Friday Late: Elemental
www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dark-matter-friday-late-elemental-tickets-64662202388
( garidead has broken the gout code, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:43, Reply)

Then I'm gonna shoe like they're about to make it illegal...
(we had mother-in-law staying for 3 months, she left last Wednesday, and the lodger left yesterday so WHOLE FUCKING HOUSE TO OURSELVES WOO!!!!)
( garidead has broken the gout code, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:44, Reply)

going for Sichuan grub later, most likely shoe it after, I fancy getting wankered and going on the decks

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:25, Reply)

Yeah, you get a lot of trade on the top of a bus

( garidead has broken the gout code, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:51, Reply)

I really do

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:04, Reply)

Well, since you ask...
They're doing a mini-festival at the moment to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Mankind's first steps on the moon, so tonight there's going to be a Pink Floyd cover band concert followed by some open-air cinema with films about the moon.

Tomoz I might go and see the Mexican-themed exhibition at teh museum. Tomoz night: big pub/club night.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:44, Reply)

Oh man you're getting to see Blue Haze!!!!!

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:47, Reply)

Ikr?
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:49, Reply)

I get as much good sex as I want and I drive a fast car

( tangledupinblue, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:54, Reply)

#BreakfastWithJimi

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:55, Reply)

alright tracy chapman

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:23, Reply)

Didn't know Mick Foley went to the moon.
That must have been some hardcore rumble!
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:59, Reply)

I also have a new iPhone XR (that's pronounced ten-arrrrr you fucking plebs)
so I've got to get all my haps off the android and onto an apple. That must happen.
( garidead has broken the gout code, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:46, Reply)

amongst other things, attending a memorial event for one of my daughter's friends who died last month
should be well lol
( tangledupinblue, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:51, Reply)

try not to get an awkward boner

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:56, Reply)

I'm just going to display it with pride to avoid any awkwardness

( tangledupinblue, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:59, Reply)

few wees, few poos, might toss off a terrapin

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:59, Reply)

hurtle that turtle!

( $$, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:20, Reply)

Wanking off a reptile,

(cheese cave johnson, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:28, Reply)

turtle phwoar

(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:50, Reply)

God a wedding to go to tomorrow up in Aberdeen.
In all honesty I'd prefer not to go.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:04, Reply)

Tell them you've god a cold.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:30, Reply)

Off to see the latest Spider-man, this evening,
then taking daughter, and a couple of her mates, to the roller disco, on Saturday. The boys will no doubt be spending the day at the nerd emporium, which put out a notice about body ordour, this week - great to see my fellow dorks keeping up the stereotype!
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:07, Reply)

Keyword: Magic.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:08, Reply)

Increasing number of Yu-Gi-Oh players.
The fucking weirdos.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:28, Reply)

Same difference.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:33, Reply)

My missus reckons any large group of boys will stink to high heaven, regardless of individual odours,
and so they should get more girls involved. I can see that being a challenge.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:37, Reply)

Yeah, the only girls that are going to get involved with that are also going to be swamp rats.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:45, Reply)

Ladies don't sweat, they glow.
There's 2 or 3 who I know go regularly, but it's never going to be enough to dilute the overall miasma of a couple dozen nerds in a small space.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:55, Reply)

naked cartwheeling with Narada Michael Walden

( $$, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:12, Reply)

Googled her, fuck she's ugly

( garidead has broken the gout code, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:21, Reply)

I assume pub and chicken wings as my lads over

( mongychops, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:21, Reply)

solid plan

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:05, Reply)

Interview today
Work tonight and party time tomorrow
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:32, Reply)

Good luck!

( garidead has broken the gout code, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 10:52, Reply)

best of British m8

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:05, Reply)

Sending good vibes ur way babez xxx

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:13, Reply)

Bit optimistic, they might have other candidates to get through

(cheese cave johnson, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:16, Reply)

Bit torn about this, I'd like to say good luck but where will we get our brothel facts from?

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:22, Reply)

There must be some other forum member who knows about paying vulnerable people for sex

(cheese cave johnson, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:27, Reply)

Hey, hey, hey - I don't PAY vulnereable people for sex. I exploit them and get it for free.
Like everyone else in this place.
( garidead has broken the gout code, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:29, Reply)

Vulnerable + venereal maybe yours will catch on

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 11:42, Reply)

k now it actually is morning

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 6:47, Reply)

No wai

( mongychops, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 6:51, Reply)

4 real

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 6:53, Reply)

alright dribble

(cheese cave johnson, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:10, Reply)

$$

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:22, Reply)

lol

( $$, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:50, Reply)

Morning
that young hobo is back outside Sainsbury's. Gave him a quid and from his mumbled thanks either his mum drunk while pregnant with him or he's just very, very dim. Poor sod.
( garidead has broken the gout code, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:31, Reply)

so are you two lovebirds going out somewhere nice tonight?

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:48, Reply)

Gonna have to take a rain check on that tryst
judging from the state of what's visible, I recon that anything downstairs'll need a good going over with dettol and a pressure-washer before going near.
( garidead has broken the gout code, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:53, Reply)

+ in the
n r
( $$, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:54, Reply)

chemsex party up vauxhall

( tangledupinblue, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:54, Reply)

Do I have to travel that far?!

( garidead has broken the gout code, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:59, Reply)

yes

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:15, Reply)

Sailors sauna is more local for mcbeef

( mongychops, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:16, Reply)

that place looks fucking scary

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:17, Reply)

Yeah like you ain't in there on fat hairy bear Mondays

( mongychops, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:20, Reply)

didn't say I wasn't

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:27, Reply)

If they opened a sauna in Paddington
it could be bear night every night.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:49, Reply)

*hard stare*

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:51, Reply)

lol, hard

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:51, Reply)

lol hard with a vengeance

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:54, Reply)

Find yourself another bear and a ginger man
and enjoy a marmalade sandwich
( garidead has broken the gout code, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:24, Reply)

you just blew my mind

( tangledupinblue, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:31, Reply)

Are you sure?
is that your mind you're wiping clean with a tissue now?
( garidead has broken the gout code, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:39, Reply)

mind dog
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:47, Reply)

👁👄👁
( $$, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:47, Reply)

I couldn't agree more

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:48, Reply)

It's too hot for any of this tomfoolery.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:58, Reply)

overcast here today, was raining a little earlier

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:13, Reply)

Watch out, The Met Office, this is some stiff competition, right here.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:14, Reply)

I gave your nan some stiff competition last Christmas

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:16, Reply)

This checks out.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:02, Reply)

I'll be over at 10 then it's Latitude

( $$, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:06, Reply)

Woo-hoo! I don't know what that is!

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:13, Reply)

we're going to see Nish Kumar perform comedy in a tent

( $$, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:18, Reply)

well jel

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:26, Reply)

I like him.
He laughs at his own jokes, so you know they must be funny!
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:34, Reply)

the best thing about him is that he definitely doesn't have a whiny, nasal tone to his voice
God, imagine how annoying that would sound
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:44, Reply)

Don't make this about me, please.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:51, Reply)

fucking direct access barrister needs paying up front ahead of September's hearing
bye bye £2400

:(
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:15, Reply)

I'll do it for £1200

( tangledupinblue, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:20, Reply)

when were you called to the bar m8

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:33, Reply)

Last orders?

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:36, Reply)

HEY GUYS MAKE SURE YOU DON'T MISS THIS BRILLIANT JOKE BY 'MONSTER MUNCH'!!!!

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:45, Reply)

Getting on the Popular page will validate my online existence.
I'll make sure to thank you personally when I get my OBE.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:53, Reply)

He may not passed the bar but he knows a little bit

( mongychops, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:45, Reply)

how difficult can it be?

( tangledupinblue, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:05, Reply)

I'll do it for £1199.99

( $$, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:23, Reply)

when were YOU called to the bar m8

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:34, Reply)

Your nan gave me direct access and unlimited refills IYKWIM.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:27, Reply)

Do they still want a cash retainer?

( mongychops, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:46, Reply)

this is payment for the barrister in full up front
my solicitor just bills at the end of each hearing, no retainer required. But then we're old mates by this point
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:59, Reply)

Barristers were always up front, but 500 cash used to be the standard retainer

( mongychops, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:12, Reply)

my previous barristers weren't, I didn't pay them directly, their bills were included in my solicitor's fees
it's different this time because I'm hiring them directly, it's cheaper this way but means more work by me. I'm very much OK with this
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 9:16, Reply)

FUCK YEAH FRIDAY
alright
( broadsword balls have zero to me, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:26, Reply)

not so bad, not so bad

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 8:29, Reply)

neither morning nor afternoon

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 16:29, Reply)

norftornoon
/maybe yours will catch on
(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 16:31, Reply)

preevening

( Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 16:38, Reply)

mornternoon maybe urs will c4tch on !!!!
#funny #bantz #b3taswears

(Tim Stilton, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 16:49, Reply)

and when they were only halfway time of day they were +

(cheese cave johnson, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 17:33, Reply)

Why I bothered with watches with this sort of time engagement on the www I'll never know

( mongychops, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 17:55, Reply)

wee on a wolfhound, it's 18:13!

(cheese cave johnson, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 18:13, Reply)

Your random quote is well lol m8
b3ta.com/board_stats/talkboard-users.html
( mofaha who is front, who is back, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 18:20, Reply)

Christ, I'm number 6 on the /board stats
with 12 posts.

Twelve.
(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 19:03, Reply)

Member when ht used to do 300+ a week
wonder where he spends all his time now
(cheese cave johnson, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 19:18, Reply)

Turns up on robs poke nonsense often

( mongychops, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 20:12, Reply)

Stop flooding the board please

( mofaha who is front, who is back, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 21:51, Reply)

not the least bit surprised by the sad cunts in three figure territory

(Tim Stilton, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 19:36, Reply)

Without context I don't really know how to interpret this. Do you have a history of not being the least bit surprised? Or perhaps the opposite, you're always surprised, and this is a unique exception?

( mofaha who is front, who is back, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 22:00, Reply)

some of my best work

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Fri 19 Jul 2019, 7:22, Reply)

Might pop over there, show them the joy of catch and release

( mongychops, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 18:46, Reply)

Is this a gay sex thing?

( Mr. Tea It's Okay! She's My Step Daughter!, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 19:55, Reply)

I forgot the link, lol
www.exploretibet.com/blog/why-tibetans-do-not-eat-fish/
( mongychops, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 20:10, Reply)

One step removed from eating your grandparents then

(cheese cave johnson, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 20:48, Reply)

I made a nang goat curry and rice & pea this week.
Also I downloaded Krush Groove.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 20:57, Reply)

not morning

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:18, Reply)

*tumbleweed*

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:20, Reply)

Banned poster dozer was the glue holding /chat together, who knew

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:23, Reply)

We should have realised he was a glue from all those noxious fumes he gave off.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:29, Reply)

That was mcbeef m8

(cheese cave johnson, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:31, Reply)

^

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:49, Reply)

Rendered down fish?

( garidead has broken the gout code, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:40, Reply)

Horses' hooves, it's all good.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 14:02, Reply)

I got a couple of drops of chilli oil on my shorts when I ate my noodles
I've tried to clean them off and now it looks like I've pissed my pants. And I've clearly done nothing to get rid of the chilli oil either :(
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:23, Reply)

lol, piss

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:25, Reply)

I thought this was going to go down a
"... and then my winkie got all sore and swollen and I rubbed it to make it better ... that's what I told the police..." kind of direction
( garidead has broken the gout code, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:29, Reply)

With your hands covered in chili oil?
Just a hunk of burning love.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:30, Reply)

I preferred Liemallow's chilli oil anecdote.
I say anecdote, I mean lie.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:31, Reply)

Linky?

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:37, Reply)

L W
lol
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:44, Reply)

It definitely happened.
b3ta.com/questions/foodsex/post497434
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:45, Reply)

I do like the twix story on that qotw, though.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:48, Reply)

Fucking hell.
If the horrid /talk trolls killed qotw, it was a fucking mercy killing.
(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:51, Reply)

I think a lack of brevity killed it
I can't be arsed reading walls of text
( $$, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:54, Reply)

Ah yes, Albert the Superstud.
I do remember that Twix story, though; that were reet well-written and funny, liek.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:57, Reply)

I liked it best when people would post 15 dense paragraphs in the lead up to a shit pun.
That was well lol.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 14:00, Reply)

I've no idea what you're on about m'hei8888ttt.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 14:03, Reply)

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But with fewer payoff.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 14:08, Reply)

tl;dr
Seriously though I thought you were sledging me for having posted several answers like that in the past.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 14:09, Reply)

+24h

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 14:16, Reply)

u love it u slag

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 14:20, Reply)

So you're Doctor Skagra?
Fuck off and die in a fire.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 14:35, Reply)

Christ, no.
I'd have set fire to myself long ago if that had been the case.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 14:37, Reply)

🤔
Checks out, you didn't call me "sweetie".
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 14:50, Reply)

we'd have been happy to do it for you

( Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 15:30, Reply)

Tim Stilton was your sockpuppet?

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 15:41, Reply)

not a fucking chance

( Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 15:47, Reply)

It wasn't until I was wandering about 'on road' yesterday that I noticed I had a turmeric stain right around my crotch.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:34, Reply)

better there than round the back I suppose

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:50, Reply)

Ha, true.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:53, Reply)

When I first worked in Dundee,
One of the methadone clients arrived to take her daily supervised dose. She was wearing white trousers, and had realised as she got into the taxi that she'd started her period and had a bloody mess down her crotch, but evidently thought "oh well, fuck it" and continued regardless.
(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:43, Reply)

I married her

( $$, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:46, Reply)

You should have held out for her sister,
she's even classier.
(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:48, Reply)

There used to be a great video on youtube of this pisshead who'd shat himself in white trousers.
'ere mate, you've shit yourself'
'nah, what it was was i sat down in it at brighton, it was half my fault, half wasn't, know what I mean'
'you shit yourself'
deflated 'yeah'

he walks off and touches his arse and the bloke filming bellows 'DON'T PUT YER AND IN IT'.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:55, Reply)

you should do a AMA

( $$, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:47, Reply)

AMA shit

lol
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:51, Reply)

boa tarde

(Tim Stilton, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:49, Reply)

maayong hapon

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:50, Reply)

It's so hot that I just ate half a tub of lemon sorbet
Now I feel a bit sick.
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 13:53, Reply)

Tip: prevent yourself feeling even sicker by not eating the other half.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 14:00, Reply)

brain freeze took the decision out of my hands

( Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 15:31, Reply)

Tip: work through the sorbet barrier
by eating the other half.
( garidead has broken the gout code, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 14:11, Reply)

see my reply to yeti

( Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 15:31, Reply)

Big fat smelly sweaty fannies
there
( mongychops, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 14:05, Reply)

Where?

( garidead has broken the gout code, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 14:12, Reply)

at last, some sense

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 14:33, Reply)

Strikey scents

(Graham Coxon out of Blur, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 15:00, Reply)

?
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 15:19, Reply)

This short independent documentary has the Catholic Church on the ropes
Because it exposes the biggest scandal
Something darker and more sinister than Sandy Hook and Benghazi combined...
And it’s spreading like wild fire all over the internet.
Shocking Proof God's Plan Is Coming True...

<><> Click Here Before The Video Is Taken Down Permanently <>< >

srvlloss.bid/rI_zxVuxbBsOfQNfzX8t277_n8XIcULnBRes5Q4T9WavBLaj

(yeah, right, like I'm clickin' dat)
( garidead has broken the gout code, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 15:06, Reply)

I've just clicked it and it was really cool you should definitely take a look

( tangledupinblue, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 15:23, Reply)

I clicked it and singlehandedly brought the Catholic Church to its knees.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 15:40, Reply)

I clicked it and loads of hot women are now 'in my area' iykwim

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 15:41, Reply)

Attracted by the chilli oil, no doubt.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 15:46, Reply)

that and so much more besides

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 16:30, Reply)

i clicked it and now i can talk to hedgehogs

( Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 16:04, Reply)

morning

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 6:47, Reply)

morning'

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 6:58, Reply)

wazzing it down today, should clear the air though

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:09, Reply)

I'm sure you'll stink it up again in no time
Unexpectedly at home with sick child, today. Mother-in-law has fucked her back, so our live-in childcare is temporarily unavailable.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:16, Reply)

Your family members are weak

( garidead has broken the gout code, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:26, Reply)

The other 2 have shrugged it off, poor girl has clearly inherited my lungs.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:40, Reply)

lungs macrocephaly and chronic mongolism
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:13, Reply)

I don't think you're qualified to make that diagnosis, Mr Gervais.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:49, Reply)

+split ep on anticulture records

(cheese cave johnson, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 10:13, Reply)

Going to be 25c with thundershowers according to accuweather, sounds exciting

( mongychops, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:33, Reply)

no lunchtime stroll for me today then

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:34, Reply)

you're no fan of 100% humidity?

( Woodkovsky, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:32, Reply)

only their first album

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:44, Reply)

www.clickhole.com/5-episodes-of-diners-drive-ins-and-dives-where-guy-f-1835414934
( mongychops, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:39, Reply)

:)

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:45, Reply)

I thought youd enjoy the final one

( mongychops, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:55, Reply)

they certainly saved the best for last

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 9:33, Reply)

Alreet.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:01, Reply)

arr

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:09, Reply)

I went for a shower and could not find my clean pants
thought I'd have to go commando and run around the building to see where I'd dropped them... Then... I found them under the towel!

WIN!
( garidead has broken the gout code, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:25, Reply)

This anecdote is...PANTS! Aaahahahahahaha

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:29, Reply)

Beats your travel card shenanigens yesterday
at least my story is sexeh
( garidead has broken the gout code, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:33, Reply)

I must have left out the part about how it must have fallen out of my pocket when I was stripping off for a good beatboxing session.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:34, Reply)

idgi

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:34, Reply)

that's nice, dear

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:35, Reply)

he's trying to make you think about his bum

( tangledupinblue, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:39, Reply)

this is life

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:39, Reply)

it sho nuff is

( tangledupinblue, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:38, Reply)

ain't no thang

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:40, Reply)

bom dia

(Tim Stilton, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:50, Reply)

bum queer more like

( tangledupinblue, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:52, Reply)

laugh out loud

(Tim Stilton, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:53, Reply)

Bom dia, tudo bem?

( garidead has broken the gout code, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:56, Reply)

nunca melhor

(Tim Stilton, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:58, Reply)

Bom

( garidead has broken the gout code, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:20, Reply)

Is this minionese?

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:55, Reply)

Bună dimineața
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:02, Reply)

rogaynian more like roll on the floor laughing

(Tim Stilton, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:05, Reply)

shaking my head!

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:10, Reply)

urinating myself chortling

( $$, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:12, Reply)

oh

(Tim Stilton, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:13, Reply)

pissing myself laughing !

(Tim Stilton, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:13, Reply)

queefer

( $$, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 7:58, Reply)

it is I

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:01, Reply)

Morning.
Despite having a good 7 hours, I feel like I need a nap.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:34, Reply)

I've been waking up at daybreak the last couple of days
4.30am yesterday, 5am today. I seem to be doing okay on it though.
( garidead has broken the gout code, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:37, Reply)

If it's before 5am I can usually get back to sleep, after that it's highly unlikely and it's happening a lot
hopefully this rain will help
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 8:47, Reply)

Morning

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 9:08, Reply)

hullo

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 9:34, Reply)

I watched Berberian Sound Studio and now it's tickled my interest in Giallo.
So last night I watched The Bird with the Crystal Plumage.

/that's interesting mick
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 10:57, Reply)

I too enjoyed Berberian Sound System and also the soundtrack LP by Broadcast
/alsointeresting
( tangledupinblue, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 11:15, Reply)

I'd never heard of it, looks good

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 11:24, Reply)

I enjoy most stuff with toby jones, plays a great mong in marvellous

( mongychops, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 11:33, Reply)

I really liked the detectorists

( tangledupinblue, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 11:38, Reply)

Yeah good sitcom that

( mongychops, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 11:41, Reply)

There was a young, attractive homeless person outside Sainbury's just now
I was thinking "I know how you could make a lot more money than you can begging..."

I guess that makes me a bad person.

( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:50, Reply)

I think you already knew what a bad person you are

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:53, Reply)

Moi?

( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:58, Reply)

toi

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:59, Reply)

+t

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:59, Reply)

^ hoity-toity

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 13:53, Reply)

lemon-sqoity

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 13:53, Reply)

oity poity lemon sqoity

( mofaha who is front, who is back, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 0:06, Reply)

I wonder if anyone's compiled any statistics on the percentage of homeless people who have gone down that road.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:57, Reply)

Which road is that?
*gets out A-Z*
( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:58, Reply)

mcbeef has

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:58, Reply)

84% of prostitutes in Chicago are currently or have previously been homeless.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 13:02, Reply)

Yeah.... but... did they become prositutes BECAUSE they were homless
or did they become homeless BECAUSE they were prostitutes.

A-ha!
( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 13:14, Reply)

Going to hazard a guess here, but I'm pretty sure it's the former option.
Follow-up question: how much does the average prostitute earn a month, anyway?
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 13:16, Reply)

11p lol

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 13:22, Reply)

Is that the 10p you pay them
plus a penny tip if they wipe up the poo afterwards?
( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 13:25, Reply)

All the people I've known in the industry have been sex workers
from escorts, dancers, therapists, actors etc. Lots have been very damaged people, but the majority of them are functional. Most have been very interesting, smart and damn good fun to know.

I think that anyone working on the street has probably led a chaotic life where the lines between substance abuse, sexual abuse, prostitution and homelessness may been a tangled mess their whole lives.
( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 13:24, Reply)

I never touched them

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 13:26, Reply)

How many lives have you destroyed you sociopath

( mongychops, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 13:52, Reply)

many
and he's still doing it
( $$, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 14:05, Reply)

From what I can tell
About 2.5k
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 16:48, Reply)

And no deductions too

(cheese cave johnson, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 17:00, Reply)

Lube ain't cheap

( mongychops, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 17:11, Reply)

Not exactly expensive, though

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 17:26, Reply)

I fancy a go on this ring-stinger
redhousespice.com/sichuan-boiled-fish/
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 13:52, Reply)

I wouldn't wish the indignity of being a "social media influence" on anybody.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 13:56, Reply)

Someone else agrees
www.insider.com/bianca-devins-influencer-murdered-photos-crime-surface-social-media-2019-7
( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 14:04, Reply)

That was fucking nasty, and I'm glad I didn't see the photos.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 14:10, Reply)

You're a racist. No you're a racist. No you're a racist. No, you're a racist.
that was Today In Parliament. Now, we go to a special report from the USA...

You're a racist. No you're a racist. No you're a racist. No, you're a racist. You're a racist. No you're a racist. No you're a racist. No, you're a racist. You're a racist. No you're a racist. No you're a racist. No, you're a racist.
( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 14:08, Reply)

Lelz at BoJo's sweaty backpedalling with "We're not going to war in Iran!" to try to distance himself from his KKK mate stateside.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 14:48, Reply)

My name is Jarvis, how do you do.
Later on I'm going to cruise round Soho looking for some homeless jailbait to pick up. Well hello. So this is your first night down in the big smoke is it? Absolutely penniless you say?
How very interesting...
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Wed 17 Jul 2019, 14:59, Reply)

Oh god!

( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 15:01, Reply)

Buy a smoking jacket is my advice.
And a Bentley.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Wed 17 Jul 2019, 15:17, Reply)

I have a smoking jacket

( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 15:48, Reply)

Show him how to check your prostate
That way you're giving a disadvantaged young lad valuable medical training.
(Graham Coxon out of Blur, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 15:02, Reply)

He's unconscious in a sleeping bag
next to the supermarket entrance. Maybe he's just had a helluva weekend? No, if you have the kind of weekend that goes on till Wednesday you don't think about taking a sleeping bag with you into central London.
( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 15:50, Reply)

<s> dead

(cheese cave johnson, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 16:54, Reply)

Don't count on it

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 15:05, Reply)

He wasn't very effective at begging

( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 15:12, Reply)

Fair enough

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 15:14, Reply)

how you could make a lot more money than you can begging..."

I guess that makes me a bad person. the way how
You could make lots more money: suck cocks in the dunny
Why I'd chip you a fiver right now!

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Edward Queer

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 17:24, Reply)

How young?

(cheese cave johnson, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 18:23, Reply)

Alright 'Nathan Barley'

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 20:05, Reply)

Can't believe it's been 14 years, freaks my nut out

(cheese cave johnson, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 20:13, Reply)

I went to uni with a guy who was mates with Charlie Brooker.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 21:28, Reply)

Don't leave us hanging there, get to the climax of your anecdote please

(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 21:41, Reply)

I wish I could have got to the bottom of it, but he mentioned it in passing one afternoon in the common room and had to go to a lecture.
It was when TVGoHome was still a thing.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 21:46, Reply)

Oh, back when he was still funny, then?

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Thu 18 Jul 2019, 5:53, Reply)

Shit, fart, wank, tits, cock, spunk
How about THAT for some fucking swearing eh?

r u ok lol
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:01, Reply)

that was some pretty strong language, apologies to any child boarder's reading

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:03, Reply)

Who here is boarding a child?
Is that even legal?
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:13, Reply)

Might be a foreign exchange student, my lad went over to Germany doing that the other week.

( mongychops, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:15, Reply)

Onboard a child?
surely it would be quicker to board a plane...
( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:43, Reply)

^ Buffy's sweary keyboard

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:03, Reply)

alright queef-o, been a while since we had a decent terrorist atrocity, are they all on their hollibobs?

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:08, Reply)

should imagine formenterror is a popular destination

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:18, Reply)

and the cinque terror in Italy

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:35, Reply)

Bombidorm?

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:40, Reply)

I'm planning a terrorist atrocity as I type this

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:35, Reply)

( $$, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:37, Reply)

Trying to cut down on my fag intake so today I'm rolling my own, they're alright, might try a vape thing too

( mongychops, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:11, Reply)

this is the one I bought my wife, it has done the job
www.superiorvapour.com/products/bo-plus-starter-kit-by-bo-vaping

Between that and patches she's gone from 15-20 a day to none, been six months now at least
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:38, Reply)

some pricklord kid who works in our warehouse has gone from smoking none a day to vaping in his car every lunchtime

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:39, Reply)

he should be sacked

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:39, Reply)

might let his tyres down

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:40, Reply)

s tyres down m cum in my arse
( $$, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:46, Reply)

tits first, I'm not a slag

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:10, Reply)

Looks alright, I'm doing nearly 40 a day , got to cut that

( mongychops, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:47, Reply)

piece of piss to use, charges like a phone and the liquid pods just click into the end
plus it doesn't look like a fucking Dr Whom prop
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 13:30, Reply)

My big fucker of a brick vape died recently
So I got this www.vapeclub.co.uk/vape-kits/vaporesso/sky-solo-plus for a cheap replacement, and its really good - good battery life, nice hit, good flavours, and really easy to fill and change the coil when it needs it. Only downside is the small tank and it goes through juice pretty quick
( H.B.Mupps have you ever had an Alphabeat stranglewank?, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:40, Reply)

piss

(Tim Stilton, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:37, Reply)

k reporting this

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:38, Reply)

k reporting piss more like rofl

(Tim Stilton, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:39, Reply)

lol

( $$, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:41, Reply)

more bullying of yeti

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:41, Reply)

that guy is totes boring

(Tim Stilton, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:42, Reply)

too legit to quit

( $$, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:37, Reply)

totes

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:39, Reply)

that's all well and good for you, but how do *I* fucking swear?

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:38, Reply)

beats me m8

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:39, Reply)

thought you might prefer more creative forms of profanity

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:40, Reply)

you swear by pledging allegiance to Our Lord and Saviour

( $$, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:42, Reply)

Guy in my class when I was 11 had to write 200 lines of "I must not swear" when overheard swearing by a teacher.
When he'd finished, he handed in his paper and the teacher looked at him dismissively and said "Learn how to spell 'swear'."
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:45, Reply)

he should've got mcqueef's grandad to prove it wasn't swearing

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:47, Reply)

Hindsight is 20/20.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:52, Reply)

wow that’s a pretty boring story

(Tim Stilton, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:50, Reply)

Teachers aren't supposed to give out lines, anymore.
My wife was gutted, she used to love taking their work and just binning it.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:03, Reply)

Heh.
More than one of my teachers used to get students to stand against the wall with their knees at 45° and their arms outstretched, with books balanced on their heads. All completely illegal, even in the 80s.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:09, Reply)

Bring back water-boarding!

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:11, Reply)

It was lol listening to them reminisce openly about the cane.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:16, Reply)

Those happy days when frustrated adults could openly assault children without fear or shame.
Hard Brexit Now!
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:20, Reply)

That's what's wrong with society
and why kids are going around being disrespectful and throwing acid at people and having sex and violently mugging people from the backs of mopeds.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:47, Reply)

Mornin

( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 5:32, Reply)

Morning
Very much looking forward to my day off tomorrow
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 5:33, Reply)

Yayyyy

( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:23, Reply)

Got another interview tomorrow
Hotel right round the corner from my house. Same pay, but no travel costs and I can get there and back in 3 minutes
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:31, Reply)

an actual hotel or another one that caters for shorter stays?

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:32, Reply)

An actual hotel

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:42, Reply)

good luck in going legit

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:47, Reply)

Ta
It would mean about 3 extra hours of sleep a night
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 8:12, Reply)

g

(cheese cave johnson, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 6:28, Reply)

S'up?
( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:23, Reply)

Nothing
Whatsa-up with you?
(cheese cave johnson, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:03, Reply)

Morning.
I can't find my metro pass anywhere. Have you seen it?
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:08, Reply)

Yes

( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:24, Reply)

Thanks man, I was worried there for a moment.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:25, Reply)

np

( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:43, Reply)

h
Haha, like that guy used to post, oh man those were the days
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:28, Reply)

Halcyon, positively halcyon

( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:43, Reply)

Alright, one of the Hartnoll brothers.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 8:21, Reply)

never understood their success, apart from Chime they're shit

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 9:21, Reply)

festival dance band innit
funny dynamic with the 2 brothers, saw an interview recently with the geeky one speaking earnestly about synths, and the other one was just gurning
( broadsword balls have zero to me, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 9:33, Reply)

They should swap one of them with Bros.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:14, Reply)

I went to watch them at (I think) Phoenix 97.
Given that I don't do drugs and don't much care to dance, watching a couple of torches bobbing about wasn't all that exciting.
Someone told me that Jeff Minter did their graphics, though, so that was cool.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 9:44, Reply)

:(

(cheese cave johnson, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:07, Reply)

Good fun live.
I don't know why they lug all that gear (some of it's always new) round to do the same set though.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:12, Reply)

happy birthday windy pig

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:31, Reply)

Is piggers nearly a grown up?

( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:43, Reply)

he's in long trousers now

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:44, Reply)

Whose?

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 8:12, Reply)

oooOOoh i'm all at sixes and sevens

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:40, Reply)

What the fuck does that actually mean?

( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:44, Reply)

GS

( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:46, Reply)

I actually know this.
It's something to do with the merchant Taylor's guild in London having a fight with another organisation about what order they were in, in ther Lord Mayors procession. They agreed to swap position year by year.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Wed 17 Jul 2019, 8:07, Reply)

Wow
Mind - blown
( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 8:28, Reply)

procession position yes

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 8:34, Reply)

nice one cuntso, I love finding out about this sort of thing

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:02, Reply)

It was in this book:

www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/books/tom-quinn/london-s-strangest-talesextraordinary-but-true-tales-from-over-a-thousand-years/GOR007739741?keyword=&gclid=Cj0KCQjwjrvpBRC0ARIsAFrFuV_HW2o0dQOO2cRA9-z4Rm7fI3TqlO4bXph-omiADY-KZvTDgKeB-N0aArWIEALw_wcB

Very worth a read if you're a fan of both London and obscure information.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Wed 17 Jul 2019, 12:51, Reply)

Happy World Emoji Day!

☁☁🌰🌰🌰☁☁
☁☁👂👀👂☁☁
☁☁👍👃👍☁☁
☁☁👍〰👍☁☁
☁🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵☁
🔵🔵🔴💛🔴🔵🔵
🔵☁🔵🔴🔵☁🔵
🔵☁🔵🔵🔵☁🔵
👇☁🔴🔴🔴☁👇
☁☁🔵🔴🔵☁☁
☁☁🔵☁🔵☁☁
☁☁🔵☁🔵☁☁
☁☁👢☁👢☁☁

( $$, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:40, Reply)

Needs more rude

( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:44, Reply)

📅
( tangledupinblue, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:48, Reply)

Willies.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 8:21, Reply)

RIP Andrea Camilleri
I guess the last Inspector Montalbano will be published now
( $$, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 8:34, Reply)

alright

( mongychops, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 9:20, Reply)

Geezer Butler's birthday today

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 9:49, Reply)

Is that Claude's streetwise brother?

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 9:52, Reply)

Not unless he's the bassist for black Sabbath

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 9:53, Reply)

He had a track on the Mortal Kombat soundtrack.
That was ace. Easily a high watermark in the Videogame to Film adaptation genre.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 9:54, Reply)

Only ever seen that once

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:00, Reply)

I don't think I can overstate my love for that film.
Certainly not the sequel, though, and sadly not that reboot series that came out a few years back (had real promise, but tried to be serious, which MK really isn't).
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:32, Reply)

Not my kind of film

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:40, Reply)

I want to rewatch Black Dynamite now.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:41, Reply)

We must go...
... to Kung-fu Island!
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 11:14, Reply)

I've found my metro pass now.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 9:54, Reply)

That's good
Now see if you can find the girl who was meant to be here an hour ago
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:01, Reply)

If she's in my trouser pocket as well, she's very good at hiding.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:04, Reply)

very good at hiding gonna get a shock as the lining's broken and I'm not wearing pants
( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:09, Reply)

Tell her she's got a booking for 12 and I'm running out of pornos

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:26, Reply)

12 at once? She'll be walking like john wayne after that ploughing

( mongychops, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:32, Reply)

"drink your milk"

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:36, Reply)

New girls get all the cock

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:39, Reply)

"Hanging' Tough" went 8x platinum in the US.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:45, Reply)

yeah my granny used to say that

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:45, Reply)

Robert Palmer's lessszzzzz.....

( garidead has broken the gout code, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:46, Reply)

Alright milla

(cheese cave johnson, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:05, Reply)

Having an orange dishmop on your head has never been sexier.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:13, Reply)

Remember Lee Evans?
I think he might be dead, now.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:28, Reply)

Wikipedia has an illuminating section on his contribution to comedy.
"Evans' sweat drenches him on stage. During most of his headlining performances, he often takes an intermission, during which he has a quick shower and changes into a different suit. He has also said that his suits are regularly thrown away after three performances, mainly because of the sweat, with dry-cleaners refusing to handle them."
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:30, Reply)

Disgusting.
He did some filming in Hatfield, around the time I was living there. "The Martins", or something, wasn't terribly good.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:35, Reply)

I've always thought he was a gigantic twat but there you go.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 10:40, Reply)

Evening all
I've just read that James Bond is retiring and 007 is now a black woman.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Tue 16 Jul 2019, 22:38, Reply)

Careful now, Tim Simpleton'll be along in a minute to call you a sad arsehole for posting at antisocial hours.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 23:22, Reply)

you’re spending a lot of time thinking about me and posting about me you creepy saddo

(Tim Stilton, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 5:43, Reply)

TIMMAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:05, Reply)

This news seems to have upset all the right people.
I mean, I Googled "James bond" and got a video of Ben Shapiro making an arse of himself. That'll do me.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 23:30, Reply)

In a wheelchair, vegan and muslim no doubt, and left handed, thanks the pc brigade

(cheese cave johnson, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 23:32, Reply)

What was that about left handed people?

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 5:44, Reply)

worse than hitler

(cheese cave johnson, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 6:38, Reply)

Oh come on,
not all of them.
(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 7:17, Reply)

I am literally livid with apathy

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 17 Jul 2019, 9:53, Reply)

Afternoon, wanker's
Shit up a tree, it's a new thread from me.

My wife's got anemia. How does she smell? AWFUL!!!!

lol

Nah but yeah but that's a bit shit eh.
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:12, Reply)

bit of steak and she'll be able to walk it off

( $$, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:15, Reply)

Strrrrrikkkeeeeyyyyyy-G!

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:49, Reply)

Not really, she'll just have to take iron supplements.
Or fuck a transformer.
(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:16, Reply)

not that shit, all she has to do is take an iron supplement
keywords: black poo
( tangledupinblue, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:16, Reply)

Black poo, black poo
What'cha gonna do?
What'cha gonna do when you see it in the loo?
Black poo, black poo
What'cha gonna do?
What'cha gonna do when you see it in the loo?
( $$, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:23, Reply)

photograph it and post it on /links

( tangledupinblue, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:26, Reply)

Not that keen on the blacks over there

(cheese cave johnson, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:57, Reply)

you're right
they're more into Go Outdoors
( $$, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 13:17, Reply)

haha, with that fat opera cunt with the wavy tache, I get this reference!
'Go outdoors, go outdoors'

oh man he's great!
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:29, Reply)

Give her a slab of raw bison liver and tell her Leo DiCaprio ate some in "The Revenant".

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:19, Reply)

I blame my mother's cooking for my childhood dislike of liver.
Cooked to the point of basically being leather, when a rare piece of liver is like meat-flavoured butter.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:33, Reply)

"meat-flavoured butter" sounds horrible, but I know what I mean.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:35, Reply)

In her defence, it's pretty easy to overcook compared to something like steak.
Liver and onions, though, with homemade chips...now there's lovely.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:50, Reply)

I like my liver with mash and onion gravy.
And bacon.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 14:35, Reply)

This is also an acceptable option.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:02, Reply)

Hungry, now.
Scoffing biscuits, to no avail.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:09, Reply)

Do her up the arse

( mongychops, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:24, Reply)

ok now what

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:11, Reply)

She's cured

( mongychops, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:28, Reply)

Yesssss

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 18:37, Reply)

Shouldn't worry, Rod Hull made a career out of having one of them

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:24, Reply)

What's got four legs and goes bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?

Rod Hull's TV.

Digital broadcasting has killed that joke, I'm glad he died when he did.
(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:31, Reply)

Drink more stout.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:32, Reply)

Guinness makes you fat and turns your shit black

(cheese cave johnson, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:58, Reply)

Ralph Fiennes drank buckets of the stuff to bulk up for his role in "Schindler's List".
Guinness, that is. Not shit.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 12:05, Reply)

Brownfall

(cheese cave johnson, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 12:07, Reply)

Inglourious ass turds

(cheese cave johnson, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 12:08, Reply)

Empire of the bum

(cheese cave johnson, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 12:10, Reply)

Das Booty

(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 12:12, Reply)

Faeces Off

( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 12:31, Reply)

That well-known ww2 film

(cheese cave johnson, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 12:33, Reply)

Fine. A Bridge Too Fart then
happy now?
( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 12:44, Reply)

Dam Busturds?

( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 12:44, Reply)

Bridge Over The River Kwee

( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 12:45, Reply)

The Great Arse Cape

( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 12:45, Reply)

The Eagle Has Landturd

( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 12:46, Reply)

Goodbye Mr Shits

( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 12:32, Reply)

Life is Poohtiful.

(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Tue 16 Jul 2019, 13:46, Reply)

Battle of Shitain.

(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Tue 16 Jul 2019, 13:46, Reply)

The Great Asscape

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:07, Reply)

dammit

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:07, Reply)

Tell her to stick on 'Fourty Six and Two'.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:33, Reply)

No u

(cheese cave johnson, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:54, Reply)

Iron tablets
They smell like bovril, too
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:34, Reply)

Iron Bru

( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:35, Reply)

Should I get an iPhone?
My Samsung S10 is on its last legs, battery life is pants

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07JZVTM4P/ref=uk_a_phonex_2

It's Prime day, so this is pretty cheap, do you think?
( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 13:21, Reply)

Put it this way:
A friend of mine who is a lifelong Apple brand sheep switched from iPhones to Android recently and the S10 was the model that made her switch.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 13:29, Reply)

Battery life on the XR is much better than any Samsung at the moment though
and the fucking android won't talk to any of the macs we've got in the house.

I dunno. I have liked my S7.
( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 13:31, Reply)

Ah, well, if you've already got a house full of Macs...
I think Samsung showed with the S7 that they'd learned their lesson from the S6. I had an S6 and it was packed with ridiculous wankery that Samsung copied off Apple because they thought it was cool: no removable battery, no SD card slot, you had to have a special key to change the SIM, etc.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 13:35, Reply)

Samsung are the worst for abandoning software updates once they've released a new model.
Same with their connected TV's
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 14:43, Reply)

I suppose that's why there are so many open-source ROMs out there.
My new phone should be arriving this weekend and I'm going to resist the urge to tinker with it straight out of the box for a change. Strikey-G, probably.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:12, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8229565
( broadsword balls have zero to me, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 13:35, Reply)

Ha!

( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 13:51, Reply)

iOS is fucking dire.
Worse than TouchWizz, or whatever the Samsung version of Android is called.





I might be biased after wasting an hour of my Sunday attempting to pair a BrailleTouch with an iPad and wanting to hurl both of them into a river.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 14:37, Reply)

Heh, I didn't know that was a thing.
That's pretty neat. Provided you can get it to work, obviously.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 14:42, Reply)

Gave up in the end, iOS just wouldn't play ball. Reckon my wife's iPad needs wiping, a reset and an update.
Blind people have my sympathy, though. Using an eyepad without eyes is a horrible experience; likewise, using a BrailleNote with eyes is also awful, as it's just a black box with 12 unlabeled, black buttons.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:02, Reply)

iPad skiddy ringpiece
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:12, Reply)

I'll give it a hard reset.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 16:20, Reply)

Unless you're doing vr or something flagships are a waste of time, just get a £150 moto g or something.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 14:41, Reply)

I used to do moto g, had a few one after another
and I'm not doing that any more. They're okay for maybe a year, then they become slow and shitty. This S7 is still good, even though it's getting on for 3 years old now. I can still get some money back for it and it's mainly the battery life and the fact that the headphone jack's a bit temperamental that's made me want to get a new phone.

After trade-in I'll be paying £550 for this iPhone and I'll get 3 years good use out of it, and it'll be worth something at the end of that.
( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 14:46, Reply)

It's bizarre that people will pay good money for 2nd hand iPhones.
Their batteries die just like any other, and getting them replaced is no fun.

Got 3 years out of my Moto G (G2), although I'll grant it was wheezing for the last 6 months. Still sees use as a music streamer and backup phone, though.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:09, Reply)

My G5 isn't going sluggish yet and that's 2 years old.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:10, Reply)

Yeah, I'm hoping that my boys' phones (G3 and E5) won't need replacing for some time.
Unless they manage to destroy them, of course.

Tell a lie, I had the G2 for four years. Quite good value for money, that.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 16:15, Reply)

Alright. Just listening to a bit of ESG

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 14:46, Reply)

Yeahh.... you're unbelievable!

( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 14:47, Reply)

you're listening to a flavour enhancer commonly added to chinese food, canned vegetables, soups and processed meats?

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 14:57, Reply)

Extreme speed gabber?

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 14:59, Reply)

n
www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCGdZnPzX8E
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:01, Reply)

I bet Queef likes this.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:03, Reply)

You are correct
They came out of retirement some years ago and opened for my chums Death in Vegas at Brixton. I nicked their drummer's towel out of their dressing room after the show and it was my bathmat for a few years.

#NoOneCaresm8
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:15, Reply)

I like Dead Elvis and The Contino Sessions.
Although I've probably not heard the latter in over 15 years 'cos I had it on a minidisc.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:44, Reply)

Back to basics as a 2-man electronic act these days, much more money in it
They had a fucking brass section and so on at one point, too many people to pay out of your live fee, it doesn't make sense. Tom Rowlands told me the Chemicals got $100,000 to open for David Bowie on the millennium NYE in New York. No band to pay, no awkward set up, fuck all gear to lug around...much more like it.
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 16:41, Reply)

Sorry to hear that mate, done a quick google for you.

Anemia is a condition in which you don't have enough healthy red blood cells to carry adequate oxygen to the body's tissues. Having anemia may make you feel tired and weak. There are many forms of anemia, each with its own cause. Anemia can be temporary or long term, and it can range from mild to severe.

Anemia - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic

Hope that helps
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:19, Reply)

Thanks Doc!
She's had lifelong major blood issues so this latest thing isn't that big a deal for her. But if she ever has surgery she has to have transfusions first or she dinnae heal, it's a bit of a nightmare.
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:28, Reply)

Best to keep away from surgeons if possible, bunch of pricks

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:56, Reply)

I know two people with haemochromatosis; maybe they could swap some blood or something.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:33, Reply)

Yeah that would probably work

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:55, Reply)

There's a job I'd like to go for, no more pay, but a better team and more interesting work
but they've got a temp in while they sort out the JD and .... she's really good. I like her, she seem to know her onions and if she got the job on a permanent basis it would make my work life easier where I am now.

So, have you had to change your mind about anything recently?
( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 8:56, Reply)

no
hang on, yes

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:04, Reply)

here's a good one for you
I used to be indecisive ...


BUT NOW I'M NOT SO SURE !!!!!!!!!!!


jajajaja
( tangledupinblue, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:10, Reply)

you can use that if you like
as long as you remember to credit me for it
( tangledupinblue, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:10, Reply)

jajajaja
- tangledupinblue
( mofaha who is front, who is back, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:08, Reply)

I can't work out whether this is brilliant, or really brilliant

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:16, Reply)

it's this sort of clever wordplay that keeps the /chat board fresh

( tangledupinblue, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:20, Reply)

it certainly keeps me coming...
... back for more! lol
( broadsword balls have zero to me, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:21, Reply)

hahaha cheeky
I like it
( tangledupinblue, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:28, Reply)

finally some top quality content
*This* is what those Pact nonces were hoping for a slice of!
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:24, Reply)

my comedy is not for sale, I just do it for the love of it

( tangledupinblue, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:29, Reply)

What is "the JD"?

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:16, Reply)

Jack Daniels, durrrr

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:18, Reply)

Don't mind if I do.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:19, Reply)

nothing, what's a JD with you!!

( tangledupinblue, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:19, Reply)

jajajaja!

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:20, Reply)

Zach Braff's character from popular hospital sitcom "Scrubs" .

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:40, Reply)

Garden State y/n?

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:46, Reply)

I can vaguely remember watching and enjoying it, so y.
That was in my "enjoying boring films" phase, though. I've since lowered my attention span to the "Michael Bay" level.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 10:09, Reply)

Don't be so harsh on yourself: you've clearly held onto some taste if you thought 'Hereditary' was crap.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 10:14, Reply)

About the same as the Sports Direct

( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 9:43, Reply)

Decided not to have breakfast
Which I had previously decided I would
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:00, Reply)

Whatever you eat will, by definition, be breakfast
whenever you eat it. You can't escape the breakfast.
(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:08, Reply)

unless she starves herself to death

( tangledupinblue, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:14, Reply)

Not fucking likely

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 11:33, Reply)

Morning threads are cancelled!

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 6:54, Reply)

Good

(cheese cave johnson, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 6:55, Reply)

^supply teacher, we can all fuck abaht

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 7:01, Reply)

Fuck about with this
*gestures at crotch... where there's a pea-shooter and a sling... that sound ruder than it did in The Beano*
( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 7:53, Reply)

Rats, sinking ship, insert Brexit joke here.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 7:01, Reply)

k

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 7:12, Reply)

Now these subthreads are REALLY special

(cheese cave johnson, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 7:13, Reply)

alright cheese cave johnson

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 8:19, Reply)

Signal failure?

( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 7:28, Reply)

they died when the doveston died

( tangledupinblue, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 7:31, Reply)

Bye bye miss american pie

( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 7:39, Reply)

     🤖  

   💦💦💦  

 💦  💦  💦  

👇🏿 💦🍆💦 👇🏿  

  💦    💦  

 💦     💦  

 👢     👢

( $$, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 7:43, Reply)

Cor!

( garidead has broken the gout code, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 7:52, Reply)

⁣🏀    👑     ##|
👆🏿    👴🏿    -- it's a tuesday thing
  🐛💤👔🐛     |
      ⛽⁣  👉🏿   |
      ⚡👟     |
    🎸    🌂   |
   👢      👢  |

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 8:41, Reply)

I shall then give you a heartfelt "urgh" instead

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 7:54, Reply)

Ce n'est pas un fil du matin.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 8:56, Reply)

Heevenin'.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 19:52, Reply)

Gout evening

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 20:01, Reply)

Looks Dutch.
Y'know...like that cheese...Gouta.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 20:04, Reply)

you’ve not got much going on have you, you’re on here 24/7, weird

(Tim Stilton, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 20:26, Reply)

Only a slight exaggeration at the moment.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 20:29, Reply)

maybe if you tried to be both more interesting and fewer boring the internet might care a bit more here to help

(Tim Stilton, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 20:35, Reply)

Weren't you banned last week?
What are you doing here?
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 20:37, Reply)

The mods must be crazy.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 21:09, Reply)

cr pathologically l
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 21:12, Reply)

no, why would I have been banned?

(Tim Stilton, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 23:09, Reply)

complaining about how much someone posts
every time they post
seems a little hypocritical
( mictoboy lurking on listopia instead, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 21:25, Reply)

I think it's Yeti's comedy account.
That's the only explanation that makes any sense.
(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 22:38, Reply)

2meta4me
Also, wouldn't there have to be some comedy in it for that to be the case?
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 22:57, Reply)

‘every time’
k
(Tim Stilton, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 23:14, Reply)

Hi.
I have about 20 minutes left of Hereditary, after dozing off watching it last night.
So far, the warnings given on here about it being not very good, have been proven right.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 20:26, Reply)

You lucky sausage: you've got the most ridiculous 20 minutes of the entire film left to go.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 20:30, Reply)

Gabriel Byrne just burst into flames.
So pleased he's finally been released from this silly film.



Ooh, and Toni Collette can fly, now.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 21:08, Reply)

Naked man in a cupboard, now.
Live blogging is the only way I'll get through this.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 21:14, Reply)

Wish I hadn't bothered.
What a load of twaddle.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 21:23, Reply)

Y'see?
They took some choice cuts of horror ideas and stewed the shite out of them in a couple of litres of bathos and incoherent nonsense, and this is the result.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 21:24, Reply)

All hail the pieman!
Incoherent doesn't do it justice.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 21:30, Reply)

In spite of everything, I have a soft spot for the sheer unashamed sloppiness of it all.
That bit where you see the girl in the school yard biting the head off a bird? In any other film that would be the setup for something darker, but here? Never referenced again.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 21:42, Reply)

I particularly liked the cut from the mum screaming in grief at the death of her daughter
to the mum screaming in grief at her daughters funeral, as if she'd been screaming for 3 days straight.
The son diving out of the window at the end wouldn't have looked out of place in a Sam Raimi film, too. Could have been a decent comedy.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 21:55, Reply)

Fun fact: Patrick Wilson screamed so hard during the filming of *that* scene in 'Hard Candy' that he physically fainted.
If I'd approached it as a comedy I might have got a decent laugh out of it.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 22:01, Reply)

Did he drop his monocle?

(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 22:32, Reply)

There's another film that sounded like a good idea, but was just shit.
Assume he used all the screaming as prep for his role in Aquaman, where he does little else.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 22:46, Reply)

Alright smash, forget to logout again?

(cheese cave johnson, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 21:48, Reply)

He'

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 21:51, Reply)

Evening
Got out of work half an hour early. Go me!
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 21:02, Reply)

GET IN
Gin ahoy?
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 21:25, Reply)

Cider on weekdays
Gin at weekends
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 22:46, Reply)

#winning

(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 22:38, Reply)

There's nothing to be ashamed about. Millions of Americans have gout.
You're not the only one by a long shot.
And here's the truly good news...

There is fully detailed the all-natural, rapid gout removal process in his guide "The Gout Code"

In this step-by-step system, you’ll be guided along the way to quick, efficient and most importantly – permanent – gout cure. 100% GUARANTEED!



Um. So, I should pose a question. Well, what's the best gout cure you know of?
( garidead has broken the gout code, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 11:21, Reply)

you don't have to pose a question

( tangledupinblue, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 11:26, Reply)

Don't I?
Cheers
( garidead has broken the gout code, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 11:45, Reply)

Cheers

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 16:20, Reply)

Jermaine stewzzzz

(cheese cave johnson, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 11:47, Reply)

gout gout let it all out
these are the purine-rich foods I could do without
( tangledupinblue, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 11:27, Reply)

you know you make me wanna gout

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 11:29, Reply)

You Can Gout Your Own Way

( garidead has broken the gout code, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 11:46, Reply)

Gout outta my dreams, gout into my car.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 11:50, Reply)

You do the hokey cokey and you turn around, that's what it's all a gout

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 11:51, Reply)

It's Gout to Beeeeeeeeeeee Painful

( garidead has broken the gout code, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 12:04, Reply)

aint talkin gout dub

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 12:55, Reply)

We Gotta Get Gout Of This Place

( garidead has broken the gout code, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 13:40, Reply)

I can’t live, if living is with gout you

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 16:19, Reply)

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🎩🌕🌕

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌘🌑🌒🌕

🌕🌕🌕🌘🌑🌑🌑🌓

🌕🌕🌖🌑👁🌑👁🌓

🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑👄🌑🌔

🌕🌕🌘🌑🌑🌑🌒🌕

🌕🌕🌘🌑🌑🎀🌓🌕

🌕🌕🌘🌑🌑🌑🌔🌕

🌕🌕🌘🌔🍆🌑🌕🌕

🌕🌖🌒🌕🌗🌒🌕🌕

🌕🌗🌓🌕🌗🌓🌕🌕

🌕🌘🌔🌕🌗🌓🌕🌕

🌕👠🌕🌕🌕👠🌕🌕

( $$, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 11:28, Reply)

^underrated post

( H.B.Mupps have you ever had an Alphabeat stranglewank?, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 12:37, Reply)

This is an excellent arguement for suppressing emoji on this board.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 13:52, Reply)

fascist

( tangledupinblue, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 13:55, Reply)

Guilty as charged.

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 14:24, Reply)

first they came for the emojis and I did not speak out because I was not a small digital image or icon used to express an idea or emotion

( tangledupinblue, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 14:48, Reply)

death

( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 11:28, Reply)

chop ur knob off lol

(Tim Stilton, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 11:46, Reply)

Lad I know lives on a diet of red wine and red meat.
To the surprise of no one, he got gout.
( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 12:30, Reply)

Did he also like jousting and having his wives' heads cut off?

( garidead has broken the gout code, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 12:40, Reply)

Oh, the fun we used to have when we were dissolving the monasteries!

( monster munch Putting the lump in lumpenproletariat, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 13:14, Reply)

Terrible bullying of McBeef.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 12:47, Reply)

no gout here m8, I'm fit as a fackin fiddle


*dies*
( Queef Richard's I must admit I was a clown, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 13:48, Reply)

^gouty mcgoutface

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 14:02, Reply)

Gradually reduce the levels of uric acid in your bloodstream.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 12:55, Reply)

no, you're Rick acid in your bloostream

( garidead has broken the gout code, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 13:34, Reply)

Never gonna gout you up.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 13:35, Reply)

Welcome to the Goutel California

( garidead has broken the gout code, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 13:39, Reply)

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh Vienna!
by Midge Uric
( garidead has broken the gout code, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 13:40, Reply)

Pato Banton

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 13:51, Reply)

to gout her forever

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 13:40, Reply)

I was working in a clinical trial comparing gout treatments for the last fortnight.
So to answer your question, I'll tell you when the trial concludes and the results are published next year.
(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 13:41, Reply)

I think that a lot of Americans can't wait that long
lardy-arsed salad-dodgers.
( garidead has broken the gout code, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 13:48, Reply)

The results of a recently-published study in the US and Mexico
suggested that febuxostat was associated with more cardiac deaths than allopurinol. However, there were a lot of drop-out from the trial, so the results aren't conclusive. Also, judging by the average weight of participants being a shade under 100kg, it's a wonder that more of the fat cunts didn't drop dead with exploded hearts.
(the porcupine from purgatory let's make this good, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 14:03, Reply)

he f
( garidead has broken the gout code, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 14:12, Reply)

I read something yesterday about people taking 2,4-dinitrophenol to lose weight, at the risk of fatal hyperthermia.

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 14:16, Reply)

(looked the stuff up and found a lovely review of the stuff in PubMed - which isn't 2CanChunder)
...the classic symptom complex associated with toxicity of phenol-based products such as DNP is a combination of hyperthermia, tachycardia, diaphoresis and tachypnoea, eventually leading to death. Fatalities related to exposure to DNP have been reported since the turn of the twentieth century. To date, there have been 62 published deaths in the medical literature attributed to DNP.
( garidead has broken the gout code, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 14:30, Reply)

Sounds like a lovely way to go, eh?
My favourite piece of DNP trivia is "Chronic (long-term) oral exposure to 2,4-dinitrophenol in humans has resulted in the formation of cataracts and skin lesions, weight loss, and has caused effects on the bone marrow, central nervous system (CNS), and cardiovascular system.", so sez the EPA.
(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 14:34, Reply)

strikey i love oral boners

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 14:35, Reply)

LOL!

( garidead has broken the gout code, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 14:42, Reply)

Stop drinking bailey's

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 13:57, Reply)

never

( broadsword balls have zero to me, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 13:59, Reply)

blargh

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 14:53, Reply)

She said stop, not start

(cheese cave johnson, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 17:39, Reply)

The prosecution rests, your honour

(cheese cave johnson, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 17:40, Reply)

Lol, rape

(cheese cave johnson, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 17:41, Reply)

u wot m8?

(.Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 18:16, Reply)

"Jane Bond" more like!!!

(cheese cave johnson, Mon 15 Jul 2019, 19:05, Reply)