Yesssssss.
metro.co.uk/2018/11/15/may-quits-with-immediate-effect-after-poor-performance-8143408
( Slippery Mick, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:31, Reply)

you saucy tease

( Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:40, Reply)

I almost came.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:41, Reply)

Something about having cake
and eating it, too.
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:47, Reply)

Why would people who aren't hard right Tories want May to quit?

( mongychops, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:57, Reply)

Lol, that butthurt beaker's put me on 2.0 as well.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 17:30, Reply)

Stuj has drunken episodes, he's not that stable

( mongychops, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 17:40, Reply)

I diagnose an acute case of "Spanishfly syndrome".

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 17:44, Reply)

nice one, 2 can

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 17:46, Reply)

it's nice having him around
like a window into the way b3ta used to be. largely because he's still running the same old jokes into the ground
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 18:01, Reply)

So what's your favourite 50p /talkers?
Mine's the Ascension Island one. It's got a turtle on it.
The Falklands one has a Warrah. which ain't as good.
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:27, Reply)

What's your favourite refrigerator noise?
Mine's "hmmmmm", oh no, wait, actually I think it's "mmvvvvvvvv".
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:32, Reply)

I like to mmvvvvvvvv it mmvvvvvvvv it

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:34, Reply)

sexeh

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:44, Reply)

The one in my pocket

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:36, Reply)

I ain't putting my hand in there.
You might be Bob Todd.
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:58, Reply)

pretty sure i've got better boobs

( Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:30, Reply)

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Brexit-Coin-Rare-Like-Kew-Gardens-50p-Souvenir-Hunt-Commemorative-Collectors/223155862009?hash=item33f52039f9:g:AXUAAOSwpM9bpPqF:rk:19:pf:0
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:00, Reply)

I like how Britain's bigger than fucking Norway
put those dirty Scandinavians in their place, what what
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:05, Reply)

🔥PUTTING 🔥FLAMES 🔥ON 🔥ADDS 🔥A 🔥SENSE 🔥OF 🔥QUALITY
( $$, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:25, Reply)

Please don't confuse this with legal tender.
Isn't that tantamount to admitting forgery?
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:59, Reply)

I hope so

( $$, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:01, Reply)

"FAST AND FREE"
I submit that it is neither, but they get marks for coming up with a very Brexity slogan.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:32, Reply)

new thread please

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:21, Reply)

Make one then cunt.
It won't be anywhere near as good as this one, and you fucking know it.
In fact, why don't you just fuck off back to QFTW.
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:00, Reply)

^ upset, or Australian.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:15, Reply)

mcbeef could do one of his threads that's just a big onomatopoeic word for a fart
and it would still be better than your thread
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:54, Reply)

This thread is testament to the casual racism legitimised by Brexit
as it is restricted to people living in the UK.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:58, Reply)

Shush it Justin.
Not my fault you can't get your fat face on the telly anymore.
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:25, Reply)

Ham.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:43, Reply)

pffft

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:59, Reply)

Jimmy Pursey performs inverted oral on a reduced meat product

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:14, Reply)

Bravo.

( Slippery Mick, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:27, Reply)

RIP William Goldman
Willy to his mates
( $$, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:00, Reply)

Haha, Gold Wiily!
Like in that Mike Myers film.
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:01, Reply)

Are you spanishfly or a different needy mental who sounds a lot like him?

( Slippery Mick, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:00, Reply)

the one you choke on and die

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:18, Reply)

Now that's the Grrry I remember.
A curmudgeonly meths-swigging misanthrope.
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:25, Reply)

And with that the fucking melt blocked me, lol.

( Slippery Mick, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:33, Reply)

Dave Trouser is old and shit and senile
How are yoi "down with the yoot"?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:46, Reply)

I know what a Pokémon is.
That's still relevant, right?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:48, Reply)

only among sad middle aged blokes trying to hold onto their lost youth

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:53, Reply)

...shit.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:55, Reply)

Don't listen to 'em Aardvark!

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:21, Reply)

You say something?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 12:19, Reply)

listen to 'em tell him
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:19, Reply)

I'm not.
Although I did give a little girl a Beatrix Potter 50p I got in my change in the pub yesterday.
Not really altruistic, I just want to fuck her mum.
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:49, Reply)

mum

disgusting.
( GeordieJay ... it's very tricky, Karen, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:56, Reply)

:(
You are a bad person and should feel bad.
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:00, Reply)

i'd have gone with:
m b
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:05, Reply)

I bet you would you dirty old bollocks

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:07, Reply)

You are an even badder person and should feel worse that Geordiejay should.
:(
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:16, Reply)

should have made it say autistic too. ah well

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 12:39, Reply)

TERRIBLE BULLYING! :(
MODS! oh...
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:22, Reply)

you idiot those coins are worth £10,000

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:58, Reply)

Nah they're worth 50p.
That's why they've got '50p' printed on 'em.
It was a squirrel one.
I thought 'If Jolly Jack had drawn that he'd have given it tits'.
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:00, Reply)

I got 3 more today.
I got a rabbit one, a duck one and a different rabbit one.
I thought these things were supposed to be rare.
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:23, Reply)

I couldn't give a fuck about them

( $$, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:51, Reply)

^The LOVELY Double Ess confirmed as not being SuperMatt.

(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:01, Reply)

I stay "fresh" and "reem" by keeping up with new music and sounds.
and also having ITVBe or MTV in the background some days.
They have a show where "celebrities" deliberately put shit tattoos on people they know.

HAHHAHA LOL
WOT ARE THEY LIKE?!

Stupid. That's what.
( GeordieJay ... it's very tricky, Karen, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:55, Reply)

What the fuck is "reem"?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:57, Reply)

Anal reaming spelt wrong

(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:02, Reply)

it comes from tacreem, which is a cunty little animal that compares everything and chooses the worst option
if the tacreem chooses, then that thing is reem.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:03, Reply)

So you're saying GeordieJay is trying to be the worst choice of a cunty animal?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:04, Reply)

Makes sense.

(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:15, Reply)

^^^ not reem

( GeordieJay ... it's very tricky, Karen, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 12:24, Reply)

Me, that's what.

( Slippery Mick, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 12:24, Reply)

if my son is anything to go by, the yout' are not all that down with it themselves, as he listens mostly to eminiem and 50 cent

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:57, Reply)

sorry to hear that, mate

( $$, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:58, Reply)

I accept that the natural order of things is for him to find music that I don't like

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:04, Reply)

I'm totally "down with the yoot" now because the average age of my colleagues is about 25.
So I get to listen to the girls spaz out about the latest Fantastic Beasts film and sing songs from The Lion King and talk about the Kardashians and their crotchfruit at lunchtime, when they're not glued to their phones.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:02, Reply)

Do they know you're hiding under their desk though?

(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:03, Reply)

No, the loudness of their gossiping handily blocks out my famished growling noises.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:06, Reply)

i'm surrounded by the cunts
so i absorb yootspeak by osmosis
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:10, Reply)

Sounds lit, fam

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:21, Reply)

yeet

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:30, Reply)

I would expect you have several yoots trapped in your beard.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:23, Reply)

I regard you as this forum's "voice of youth".

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 12:52, Reply)

Got two teenage kids ain't I, so I'm well hip and cool

( mongychops, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:14, Reply)

ain't nobody dope as me, i'm just so fresh, so clean

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:17, Reply)

I dab near constantly

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:32, Reply)

Sneezing into your elbow doesn't count.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:43, Reply)

Need to learn Orange Justice, m8.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 12:55, Reply)

I beatbox.
In the nude.
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:45, Reply)

beatbo(llo)x

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:59, Reply)

I listened to a Janelle Monae record the other day.

( Slippery Mick, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 12:23, Reply)

brexit

      (_)
     (___)
      | |_______
      | |`-._`-.)
      | |`-._`-(__________
      | |    `-.| :|    |:)
      | | _ _ _ | :|    |(__________
      | |-------| :|    |:| _.-'_.-'|
      | |       |`:|    |:|'_.-'_.-'|
      | |_______|--      -|'_.-'    |
      | |- - - -|         |' _ _ _ _|
      | |     _.|__      _|---------|
      | | _.-'_.|-:|    |:|         |
      | |'_.-'_.|':|    |:|_________|
      | |~~~~~~~| :|    |:|- - - - -|
      | |       | :|    |:|`-._     |
      | |       '~~~~~~~~~|`-._`-._ |
      | |                 |`-._`-._`|
      | |                 '~~~~~~~~~~
      | |

( $$, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:02, Reply)

^ last hurrah from the vassal state

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:03, Reply)

When Boris becomes PM, Rees-Mogg Chancellor of the Exchequer and Raab Deputy PM this country will be great again

( $$, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:05, Reply)

Hahahaohgodwe'reallfucked.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:19, Reply)

I looked up the definition of that and it seemed to better describe the uk-us special relationship.
Which neoliberal like mogg get moist at.
( Slippery Mick, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:22, Reply)

IBHD
TDOB
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:34, Reply)

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
Gove saying he won't be Brexit Secretary unless he's allowed to renegotiate the deal, which May and EU leaders have already said is impossible, and then he comes out with "I think it's absolutely vital that we focus on getting the right deal in the future and making sure that in the areas that matter so much to the British people we can get the right outcome."
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:10, Reply)

Gove is such an odd bugger

( $$, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:16, Reply)

He's somewhere between Pob and Mr. Bean.
I love Laurie Penny's New Statesman article about Brexit: "This was a working-class revolt, but it is not a working-class victory. That’s the tragedy here. The collective howl of rage from depressed, deindustrialised parts of the country bled white and reckless by Thatcher, Blair and Cameron has turned into a triumph for another set of elites. Another banking crisis, another old Etonian in power – that’s what we’ve got to look forward to as Scotland decides when to let go of the rope and the union splinters into jagged shards and we all realise we’re stuck on a rainy rock with Michael Gove, forever."
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:20, Reply)

gawd it makes you proud to be british, don't it

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:13, Reply)

proud and erect

( $$, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:17, Reply)

Do you even have a good threadrush any more?
Or is anything over 3 considered as such now?

It gives me The Fear that seeing this account hit 20 years old is even a remote possibility.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:36, Reply)

Dunno

( mongychops, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:36, Reply)

You still sit in the rain catching those fish things?

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:40, Reply)

Yes

( mongychops, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:42, Reply)

Goodo

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:44, Reply)

I'm very much a fair weather angler now, don't do the cold anymore

( mongychops, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:47, Reply)

I know right?
I always thought the cold-aversion thing would come on gradually as I passed 50, but nooooo, that shit happens almost overnight and much sooner.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:49, Reply)

I used to be fine , then I turned 40 and now once I'm cold I'm fucked

( mongychops, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:53, Reply)

I just made the whole "old" thing worse too...
"Easty" will be just past 30 now. Might even have spawned. WTF? Passing of time etc. ffs.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:57, Reply)

SOMEONE PUSH THIS SHIT THREAD DOWN THE BOARD.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:28, Reply)

Dunno

(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:37, Reply)

Hi Dave.
I mean, there are loads of accounts that are going to turn 20 in the end, and most of them are better than yours because they don't post this sort of boring drivel or, in fact, anything anymore.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:38, Reply)

You're shit. You broke it.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:38, Reply)

I think it's you that is shit.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:39, Reply)

I'm just bored, I don't dislike you as much as it may appear.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:41, Reply)

I'd be happier if you never posted again.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:46, Reply)

I can see why they had a vote of no confidence in you.
Bad times. ;-(
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:48, Reply)

Dunno

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:38, Reply)

Uh?

( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:38, Reply)

no such thing as a good threadrush

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:42, Reply)

I only just noticed the linkify button.
Seeing it has distracted me from whatever I was going to type here.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:47, Reply)

shit on me

( $$, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:45, Reply)

faecality!

( Woodkovsky can use the Force, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:48, Reply)

haha, yes.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:50, Reply)

Needs more Bollocks Parrot.
Squawk!
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:47, Reply)

Pretty soon your b3ta account will be old enough to drink.
And it probably should.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:48, Reply)

HOLY SHIT FUCKERY
Aardvark, you live?!
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:50, Reply)

In the flesh!
Well, in the text. I took some time off from here but I'm occasionally back now.

Hello Mr Trouser. How's you?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:51, Reply)

Same. I drop in twice a year to see who gets the most upset.
As for how I am - still marching toward death at the same agonising pace.

I still slightly miss BoB. Maybe it can come back one day.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:53, Reply)

I'm sure these days the kids would want to set up a Google Hangout
or do Instagramming or Snapchatting or something awful like that.

If Frank was here he'd know what to do.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:56, Reply)

Google Hangout?
Good grief no. I hear they're all on "Discord" or some shit now.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:58, Reply)

Shows how "with it" I am.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:59, Reply)

It's ok, it's better that way.
The yoofs only make you angry when you know what they're up to.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:03, Reply)

Gaswank?

(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:46, Reply)

Seems likely.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:47, Reply)

I'm super upset rn

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:02, Reply)

Simon Phoenix
We meet again...
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:05, Reply)

:)))))

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:12, Reply)

Oh my, you put on a lot of weight...

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:20, Reply)

it's my 'dad bod', deal with it

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:23, Reply)

I have no response to this.
Total lack of forward planning, sorry about that.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:27, Reply)

haha good one david trousers !!

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:53, Reply)

elo
alright?
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:58, Reply)

bit upset tbh

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:07, Reply)

Oh dear.
Collateral damage.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:08, Reply)

alright Trouse, how's 2007 panning out for ya?

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:03, Reply)

I'm stuck there.
But this magic time-portal thing still works.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:05, Reply)

how does it work? on NYE at the stroke of 12 it goes back to Jan 1st again?
I have to say, science isn't my strong suit, not that I have a strong suit
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:08, Reply)

I thought your strong suit was still at the dry cleaner's.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:09, Reply)

they've called and said there's nothing they can do to save it

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:13, Reply)

No idea.
But this computer is from 2007, so it might be that you are all just offline NPCs and b3ta.com/talk is just running on this machine?
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:10, Reply)

if I had a mind, it would now be blown

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:12, Reply)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 5:58, Reply)

2 early 2 furious

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 6:02, Reply)

I'm furious as I type this

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 6:13, Reply)

I hope your day improves

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 6:18, Reply)

Hello there Grrr.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 Nov 2018, 6:31, Reply)

fuck off you provincial hick

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 6:46, Reply)

How's the new job?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 Nov 2018, 6:52, Reply)

starts in 10 days
wrapping up the old job today and then having a week off.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 7:31, Reply)

that's nice dear
morning
( Woodkovsky can use the Force, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 7:33, Reply)

Kippers behind the radiator

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:07, Reply)

+ Smoke me a
s behind the radiator
+ I'll be back for breakfast.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:31, Reply)

I hope it goes well.
We're all super proud of you.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:18, Reply)

I've received some absolutely gushing farewell emails today
I think a few of my team might have a crush on me.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:55, Reply)

Tell them the email was nice,
But the best farewell is a tenner each in the leaving card.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:36, Reply)

tenner each in the leaving card blowjob in the stationery closet.
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:42, Reply)

ee an
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:37, Reply)

Happy Pudsey day, everyone.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 7:37, Reply)

the least appreciated Addams Family member

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 7:52, Reply)

Nah, that was the girl, the normal one, not the goth, the other one. Can't remember her name.

(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:36, Reply)

Hullo

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 7:59, Reply)

alright Reinhard von Kuhfleisch

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:55, Reply)

Have a wonderful International Day for Tolerance

( $$, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:18, Reply)

I will not.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:18, Reply)

don't ruin this day for me
I need this
( $$, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:23, Reply)

I can't stand shit like this

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:55, Reply)

I see it as a challenge.
I'm selling "Internet Tears Collection Jugs". You'll need more than one if you play the game properly.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:44, Reply)

A steatopygous morning to you and your kin.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:18, Reply)

that's not even a real dinosaur

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:56, Reply)

Let's rock, let's rock
C'mon everybody, let's rock
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:35, Reply)

I had one of those mega poops this morning and my guts have felt sort of free and light all morning.
The human body is truly one of nature's miracles.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:45, Reply)

Just work that body, work-work your body

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:53, Reply)

dunno if this is Jive Bunny or Twisted Sister

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:57, Reply)

Harlem World Crew

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:11, Reply)

Might listen to some Christmas carols this weekend.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:12, Reply)

don't be silly, no one ever chooses to listen to Christmas carols

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:25, Reply)

No-one chooses to listen to the shite pop remixes and Maria Carey breathy Tesco Value croon-a-thons played in shopping malls.
Might dig out my CD of Nine Lessons and Carols from King's Cambrige, tho'.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:29, Reply)

Jesus Christ yeti, have a bit of self respect.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:36, Reply)

Judge me by my tastes in music, would you?
I think we all know that sort of treatment is reserved for McBeef.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:39, Reply)

Is it pubtime yet?

(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:35, Reply)

Spoons from 8

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:36, Reply)

Yeah but I've only just got up.

(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:38, Reply)

Also: Swan or Candles?

(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:39, Reply)

nothing says romance like a swanlit dinner

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:45, Reply)

OK Grrry, you're now officially Polish
Either that or the Queen.
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:47, Reply)

bellend is the funniest insult,
and more useful than ever, i think
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 22:52, Reply)

shut the fuck up MGT, you total Frisbok.

(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 23:09, Reply)

bellend

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 23:17, Reply)

bellend a carlisle

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 23:25, Reply)

knows what that's worth

( artifus is doing it all wrong, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 23:31, Reply)

bellend is a place on Earth

( Woodkovsky can use the Force, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 23:58, Reply)

I propose a vote of no confidence in Windy Pig
he is not the man to lead us into threads in these turbulent times
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:05, Reply)

have I resigned or not?

( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:06, Reply)

no you were sacked

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:13, Reply)

I think you'll find I resigned

( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:20, Reply)

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( $$, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:11, Reply)

alright 'Jacob'

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:12, Reply)

yeah, not bad cheers

( $$, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:12, Reply)

cheers

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:16, Reply)

#notinmyname

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:30, Reply)

Sticking your fingers in your ears and yelling "LAA LAA LAA I CAN'T HEAR YOU" y/n?

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:43, Reply)

the people have spoken m8

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 15:00, Reply)

This democracy lark is overrated sometimes.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 15:05, Reply)

Deffo y
Happy candles, my sockpuppet account I made on the same day
( H.B.Mupps have you ever had an Alphabeat stranglewank?, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:05, Reply)

FUCKIN' CANDLES THE LOVELIEST MUPPSY!
CAKERAPE TIEM!
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:26, Reply)

Thanks, spidder friend ^_^

( H.B.Mupps have you ever had an Alphabeat stranglewank?, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:29, Reply)

Holy crapcackes it's like hell in here with all the flames and shit!
happy candlemass Mupps
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:47, Reply)

Happy candles yo'self, brotha from another mutha.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:50, Reply)

happy b-day, hotfuck

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:51, Reply)

Why haven't you used your super-secret modstapo poewrs to unban stuj yet?
stuj ding
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 21:56, Reply)

I'll propose a fucking movement.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 15:08, Reply)

always wipe until nothing remains

( $$, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 15:11, Reply)

And ladies, remember
always wipe front to back.
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 16:12, Reply)

Fucking 9.5gb update to play cod, I'm going pub

( mongychops, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 15:29, Reply)

Good shout.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 16:21, Reply)

Could be worse.
Mechanicus ain't even announced as ready, despite today being fucking launch day.
Still, at least I got my vampire pirates goodeness in Total Warhammer to console me, it's pretty much all I been playing the past week or maybe fortnight. I dunno mongy, I'm losing track of time.
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:29, Reply)

S'ok, got it now.
Tutorial's a bit fucking slow though. Might go back to TWW for a bit, try to fuck them lizardmen up a bit more.
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 18:59, Reply)

Hello, just popping in to say I'm resigning as well
Ta ta

EDIT: Fuck, sorry about the fire
( H.B.Mupps have you ever had an Alphabeat stranglewank?, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:04, Reply)

alright mupps

( Slippery Mick, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 19:05, Reply)

Are you proposing that we ressurect baldmonkey, using arcane unholy rituals and science what man was not meant to know tangles?
If so, COUNT ME IN!
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 19:15, Reply)

we're going to need some candles, a pentagram and a virgin to sacrifice
can you get hold of these things?
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 19:56, Reply)

Yeh.
Muppsy's candles.
I think I can still draw a pentagram.
Is Frisbok still around? He'll do.
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 20:09, Reply)

Hello again.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:27, Reply)

alright

( bent reznor carol vorderman's magnificent arse, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:30, Reply)

Y

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:37, Reply)

what do you want this time?

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:31, Reply)

We had some gypsys try and break in to the new yard.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:37, Reply)

woah enough with the ethnic slurs pls
how do you know they were "gypsies"
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:41, Reply)

He had them pegged straight away

( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:43, Reply)

Covered in lucky heather.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:44, Reply)

I was standing behind a gyppo lass in Factory Shop this morning pugso.
She was returning clothes.
I think the till monkey was telling her she couldn't bring them back cos they'd been worn.
She turned around to me, stuck the bag under my nose and said "Do these smell worn to you?"
For A: Instant boner followed by rape-frenzy. turn to page 12.
For B: Vomit. turn to page 14
For C: Shrug. turn to page 16
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:35, Reply)

Are you resigning as Brexit minister?

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:37, Reply)

I'll resign you as Brexit minister in a minute.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:38, Reply)

Promises, promises.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:39, Reply)

I'll give you strong and stable
*points at crotch*
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:43, Reply)

Is that David Steel?

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:46, Reply)

Probably more Damian Green, the wankmaster general of the Tories

( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:14, Reply)

[ ambassador ferraro rocher quote ]

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:39, Reply)

[wolf kahler trivia]

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:42, Reply)

I might get some ferrero rocher

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:46, Reply)

rafaelo are better

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:58, Reply)

I'll give you a tenner if you sit on it

( $$, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:40, Reply)

Goves been offered the job as Brexit minister.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:44, Reply)

offer still stands

( $$, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:35, Reply)

I bet that's not the only thing that still stands
IYKWIM
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:39, Reply)

oh I do

( $$, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:59, Reply)

I want to say to my right honourable friend
blah blah blah deliver blah blah future framework .. blah blah ... end free movement
( Woodkovsky can use the Force, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:41, Reply)

The lads in the workshop that, a few years ago, were frothing at the mouth at the prospect of a Brexit,
And kicking all the forrins out. Are now annoyed that "It's in all the newspapers all the time. I don't care any more"
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:46, Reply)

I should move to Britain

( Woodkovsky can use the Force, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:51, Reply)

The strong and stable government we need to fully deliver the democratic willy of the people

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:53, Reply)

I enjoyed a free movement, this morning.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:56, Reply)

I was a hard boarder

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:57, Reply)

was it cheeseburgers?

( Woodkovsky can use the Force, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:58, Reply)

They're held up at customs.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:09, Reply)

I'd give that toilet an indefininte leave to remain if I were you

( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:13, Reply)

Time for me to step down.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:21, Reply)

I'm going to propose a new motion to the house

( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:46, Reply)

Woah, threadrush, man.
Things are getting serious in the office this afternoon: I've stripped down to my t-shirt. I am also fukken knackered and can't wait for the weekend.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:14, Reply)

you should start a new thread

( Woodkovsky can use the Force, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:23, Reply)

There's not much going on in this one, certainly.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:27, Reply)

It's a shame.
Rees Mogg has put up a vote of no confidence.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:31, Reply)

Ah, Rees Mogg.
The only man who simultaneously represents the long-standing tradition and the bleeding edge of Tory stupidity.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:34, Reply)

He's hysterical
if you take the words he says he's in a constant state of hysteria and high emotion but because he talks slowly and with an old-school upper-class accent the public treat his statements as if they're logical and wise. Total bullshit. If a woman read out his statements everyone would reject them as the insane ramblings of a religious nutter with hormone problems.
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:49, Reply)

They should all get the Gerry Adams treatment
of being dubbed over every time they make a public statement.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:55, Reply)

By Joe Pasquale

( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:57, Reply)

I know an MP that'll get on your nerves.
Get, get, get on your nerves.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:58, Reply)

Joe Pasquale Jason Vorhees
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 19:13, Reply)

Hard Windy Pexit

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:32, Reply)

Time for parliamentary musical chairs

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:38, Reply)

Exactly.
That's why there's no point in having a vote of no confidence. Theresa May doesn't have a clue what she's doing but neither does anybody else, so it's not as if there were a genius waiting in the wings.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:43, Reply)

Hello there.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 7:21, Reply)

                    .==.
Help me Obi Windy  ()''()-.
        .---.       ;--; /
      .'_:___". _..'.  __'.
      |__ --==|'-''' \'...;
      [  ]  :[|       |---\
      |__| I=[|     .'    '.
      / / ____|     :       '._
     |-/.____.'      | :       :
    /___\ /___\      '-'._----'

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 7:41, Reply)

Fuck off you nerd

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 7:58, Reply)

rude

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:31, Reply)

It's about time all you non-nerds left the Internet.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:10, Reply)

I never knew that the princess was played by Roger Mellie out of Viz.

(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 20:11, Reply)

Hi WP

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:06, Reply)

Yo

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:15, Reply)

brexit

( $$, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:09, Reply)

brexit means brexit

( bent reznor carol vorderman's magnificent arse, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:13, Reply)

means brexit means brexit means brexit

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:15, Reply)

+ make teabags make tea

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:33, Reply)

It's all kicking off

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:15, Reply)

shit hitting the fan

( $$, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:18, Reply)

Tory party imploding, I'm delighted.

( Slippery Mick, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:28, Reply)

If we do leave Europe, what then will the Tory party tear itself apart over?

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:15, Reply)

The best way to exterminate poor people.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:18, Reply)

Put some effort in, man: it's my birthday.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:30, Reply)

Well won't you just look at that.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:33, Reply)

I must confess it took even me by surprise.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:34, Reply)

Did you know your betaday is the same day as frisbees actual birthday.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:37, Reply)

I did not know that but now I do.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:42, Reply)

why do you know that dingus' actual birthday?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:51, Reply)

We're mates.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:00, Reply)

gutted

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:13, Reply)

Arthur brown

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:40, Reply)

and I bring you
candles.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:48, Reply)

It's like Paradise
California in here...
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:44, Reply)

We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn.
Burn, motherfucker.
Burn.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:49, Reply)

God likes 'em toasted!

( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:54, Reply)

happy b3taday

( Woodkovsky can use the Force, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 11:54, Reply)

Best of all the Thursday morning and ting

( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:44, Reply)

I do like a Thursday

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:44, Reply)

Everywhere there's lots of piggies
Living piggy lives
You can see them out for dinner
With their piggy wives
Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon.
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:50, Reply)

George Harrison really didn't like paying that much tax
mind you, weren't some rates over 90% in the 60s and 70s?
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:54, Reply)

95% - "one for you nineteen for me"
which is why poor George could only afford to live here, whilst the rest of the UK were living the high life
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:07, Reply)

And we shall live those glorious times again, my friends
BREXIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:09, Reply)

rip dominic raab

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:21, Reply)

it's going well so far

( $$, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:23, Reply)

If it all falls apart, the PM gets the boot, and a general election gets called,
the Tories would still probably get back in.
About time we abandoned this "democracy" bullshit.
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:27, Reply)

Fuck knows
I mean, I've been wrong on all of this shit so I'm just going to stockpile essentials. Mind you, being middle class my essentials are nice shower gel, good olive oil and cocaine.
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:37, Reply)

it's more likely that Labour will win right now
and then be held entirely responsible for the imminent shitstorm that they will have to preside over and subsequently be 'unelectable' for at least 20 years to come
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:44, Reply)

lol

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:46, Reply)

cool

( $$, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:48, Reply)

Labour really aren't polling well.
I'd imagine their not offering any opposition to Brexit isn't helping them.
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:52, Reply)

It's going to be another one of those "whom do we hate marginally less?" elections, isn't it?

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:54, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/7907263
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:58, Reply)

Sortition for the win.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:00, Reply)

yeah they weren't polling well in 2017 either, in fact the polls said they were going to be wiped off the political map
and it was probably their lack of opposition to Brexit that helped them do as well as they did
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:57, Reply)

I reckon Corbyn will get the push.
His stock must be dropping.
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:26, Reply)

the PLP =/= the labour party
he is running an old school grass roots campaign, which doesn't seem to figure in polls/media/Westminster thinking, so there is no real way of knowing until there is an actual election
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:33, Reply)

Something something Clause 4 something something champagne socialism.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:36, Reply)

I'm more of a Craft Ale Socialist.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:59, Reply)

"In November 2018, Raab was widely criticised after it emerged that he had admitted that "hadn't quite understood" how reliant UK trade in goods is on the Dover-Calais crossing."
Lol.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:26, Reply)

If I were France, I'd be putting up a wall over their end of the tunnel.
Britain clearly isn't sending its best people.
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:32, Reply)

All its best people saw what was coming a mile off and have made themselves as scarce as humanly possible,
leaving the thickos and weirdos to pick up the loose ends. I'm not quite sure how Raab was bullied into the job, though; his CV suggests someone of considerably higher calibre:

"Raab attended Dr Challoner's Grammar School in Amersham before Lady Margaret Hall, Oxford, where he read Law, and won the Clive Parry Prize for International Law. After graduating, he gained a master's degree at Jesus College, Cambridge. Raab was initially a solicitor at Linklaters in London. He spent the summer of 1998 at Birzeit University near Ramallah where he worked for one of the principal Palestinian negotiators of the Oslo peace accords, assessing World Bank projects on the West Bank.

In 2000, Raab joined the Foreign Office, covering a range of briefs including leading a team at the British Embassy in The Hague, dedicated to bringing war criminals to justice. After returning to London, he advised on the Arab–Israeli conflict, the European Union, and Gibraltar."
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:49, Reply)

This sort of thing makes me feel better about my own lack of qualifications.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:59, Reply)

they'd never do that
otherwise the French farmers would have nothing to blockade whenever they feel they're not getting enough of an exorbitant payout from the EU's CAP budget.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 11:19, Reply)

Won't be much point blockading it when all the lorries are stacked up on the M20.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 11:51, Reply)

Please don't appropriate my culture

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:56, Reply)

what you need is a damn good whacking

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:19, Reply)

hi m8
Some entertaining news last night - my kid's mum's ex, the fat cunt she has been ordering me to drop my nipper off to and collect from, took his own kid's mum to court. Unfortunately for him, the result of that is that he is now under investigation over safeguarding concerns regarding his care of his kid.

Looking forward to telling the court all about it in January, and hearing my ex explaining why this guy should be looking after my kid instead of me.
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:00, Reply)

Ze schadenfreude, she is delicious!

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:01, Reply)

tenor.com/view/delicious-gif-7851132
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:04, Reply)

That is rather lol.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:10, Reply)

She really has shot herself in both feet, hasn't she?

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:34, Reply)

She's going to look like a total cunt in court and I can't wait to witness it

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:34, Reply)

Well now. That is a funny story.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:58, Reply)

And hello to you too

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:31, Reply)

Monk

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:00, Reply)

Hi winds

( mongychops, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:17, Reply)

better wear a coat then ahahahaha

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:27, Reply)

We have a right laugh here

( mongychops, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:31, Reply)

it's literally the best forum I know of

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:33, Reply)

Alright M

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 11:53, Reply)

I don't have any tattoos, I consider them a gross waste of money and for cunts, but I assume most of you do , why ?

( mongychops, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:36, Reply)

I don't have any either.

( Slippery Mick, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:41, Reply)

i don't either, soz
i am an award winning tattoo designer though
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:46, Reply)

Awkward poo dispenser more like

( mongychops, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:58, Reply)

occasionally
more as i'm getting older
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:20, Reply)

I've wanted them since I was a child
Waited till my mid-20's before getting any, just in case I grew out of it. All my tattoos mean something to me and are, for the most part, kept covered
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:52, Reply)

My kids' names on my forearm because I have a terrible memory

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:53, Reply)

I got my kids name's on my fishing rods,the ledge of carp fishing who made them called me a nob

( mongychops, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:57, Reply)

fishing rods,the ledge of carp fishing who made them called me a
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:41, Reply)

His kid must have a really short name

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 23:55, Reply)

Ed

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Thu 15 Nov 2018, 0:07, Reply)

Bet it's not in capital letters

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 0:21, Reply)

My skin is clear.
I appreciate good ink work, though, and would probably get some done if a) I wasn't scared of needles and b) I'd ever thought of anything I'd want tattooed onto me. I know some people with utterly cringeworthy scribbles on themselves, and I don't really need to be looking like even more of a prick than I already am.
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:56, Reply)

you should get your stupid fucking moustache tattooed on your face

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:21, Reply)

A mate of mine has a moustache tattooed on her finger
Fucking spaz that she is
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:16, Reply)

I, too, have a friend - also a woman, as it happens - with a tattoo like this.

( Mr. Tea It's Okay! She's My Step Daughter!, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:20, Reply)

this is fascinating.

( bent reznor carol vorderman's magnificent arse, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:22, Reply)

Does she also have "shhh!" tattooed on her other index finger?

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:23, Reply)

Not I know of,
although it's been a year or two since I've seen her so it's conceivable she's since has one like that done.
( Mr. Tea It's Okay! She's My Step Daughter!, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:32, Reply)

Hand tattoos say prison to me
Much like face tattoos say fucking moron
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:35, Reply)

I once saw a fellow in Sainers Local who had 'I am a cunt' tattooed across the back of his neck.
It looked like a prison tattoo.
( bent reznor carol vorderman's magnificent arse, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:38, Reply)

Probably done while he was passed out
either that or while restrained
(60.115.62 (0 votes), Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:41, Reply)

I went to school with a spectacularly thick guy
who wanted to carve "MURDER" into his arm using a compass needle, except he made the letters too big and only had enough space to write "MURDE".
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:59, Reply)

Sounds like a badly spelled attempt at a French obscenity.

( Mr. Tea It's Okay! She's My Step Daughter!, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 22:39, Reply)

The guy in the clink you've really got to watch out for is the one with HATE tattooed on one set of knuckles
and HATE tattooed on the other set of knuckles, too.
( Mr. Tea It's Okay! She's My Step Daughter!, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 22:41, Reply)

I've got one on each shoulder at the moment.
Nebulous plans to expand the collection at some point in time.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:25, Reply)

none
but I fancy a Basquiat crown on my left forearm, and a Keith Haring dancer on my right forearm.
( bent reznor carol vorderman's magnificent arse, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:30, Reply)

Marks for originality, I gotta say.
Do the motifs have any personal significance or are you just into the aesthetic?
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:49, Reply)

they just look cool
So many awful tattoos of owls, clocks etc.
( bent reznor carol vorderman's magnificent arse, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:52, Reply)

Dolphins, stars, tribal nonsense etc., that a lot of tattooists these days will flat-out refuse to do.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:54, Reply)

Dolphins are cunts

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:24, Reply)

strikethrough l lol

( bent reznor carol vorderman's magnificent arse, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:43, Reply)

So basically you have 1980s new york aids

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:00, Reply)

that's the look I'm going for.

( bent reznor carol vorderman's magnificent arse, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:17, Reply)

You shall not make gashes in your flesh for the dead, or incise any marks on yourselves: I am the Lord

( $$, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:35, Reply)

lol gashes

( bent reznor carol vorderman's magnificent arse, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:37, Reply)

How does God feel about the occasional prince albert

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:51, Reply)

no gashes or incisions yet he insists on circumcision, wot a weirdo eh

( bent reznor carol vorderman's magnificent arse, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:54, Reply)

Surely you're not suggesting there are any inconsistencies in Judeo-Christian dogma.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:54, Reply)

I would if anything in my life had meaning enough to be symbolically represented

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:49, Reply)

It's OK, Grrry: they do tattoos of cars these days.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:59, Reply)

dunno which one I'd get though
I've had my beemer for a decade but the Viva GLS was my true love
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:03, Reply)

had my been a
ee um
( Mr. Tea It's Okay! She's My Step Daughter!, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:34, Reply)

T3h l0lz0rz

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:41, Reply)

my only tattoo is your name on my heart x

( broadsword, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:56, Reply)

Oh, and Kerry Katona on my bumhole

( broadsword, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:00, Reply)

Best place for her

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:13, Reply)

^ Terence Bent D'Arby

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:04, Reply)

None, I thought about having simon weston's face on my nutsack
THEN I GOT A TATTOO LOLOLOLOL
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:02, Reply)

Surely you could just stick on a couple of googly eyes for more or less the same effect.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:09, Reply)

I don't have any.
Had a customer once who wanted paracetamol for his two kids on the minor ailments service, so we had to register them using their names, dates of birth and postcodes.

Problem one was that he couldn't remember their birthdates. "I've got their names tattooed on my arm, I should get their birthdays too!" he laughed.

Problem two was that I found his daughter on the system with her name spelled differently. When I asked him to clarify how her name was spelled at her GP surgery, he insisted that the way it was spelled in his tattoo was correct but "her birth certificate is wrong".

i.e. the stupid cunt got the wrong name tattooed on his arm, then convinced himself that his ink is right and the rest of the world is wrong.
( The Hedgehog From Hell, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:05, Reply)

/fuck off back to qotw

( The Hedgehog From Hell, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:06, Reply)

lol Glasgow
A beautiful city with a tremendous cultural and artistic history, yet it's still Glasgow.

lol
( bent reznor carol vorderman's magnificent arse, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:19, Reply)

It was Tayport lol
lol Tayport
( The Hedgehog From Hell, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:20, Reply)

lol Fife

( bent reznor carol vorderman's magnificent arse, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:23, Reply)

Blue Star got in a right fucking humph with me on FB the other day
because I said anyone with facial tattoos was obviously at best a homeless drug addict, at worst a Neo-Nazi thug or Russian pimp, and *of course* she has a mate with a facial tattoo, who is all like "well maybe YOUR the real Nazi" and so on and so forth.
( Mr. Tea It's Okay! She's My Step Daughter!, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:19, Reply)

Blue Star posted me a family pack of Crunchies once
which is better than filming a vignette of chiucking some Double Deckers in a bin.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:22, Reply)

Nah, that video was well lol.

( Mr. Tea It's Okay! She's My Step Daughter!, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:35, Reply)

*chiuckles*

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:40, Reply)

neva 4get

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:44, Reply)

They're really nice people once you get to know them, and overlook the fact that they've done something knowing full well it will make other people judge them negatively and feed their victim complex

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:25, Reply)

But thinking less than favourably of anyone who's done this is clearly akin to racism and genocide.

( Mr. Tea It's Okay! She's My Step Daughter!, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:31, Reply)

Hitler does love a swastika but you don't see him getting one on his forehead now do you

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:33, Reply)

Even Hitler knew that hippies were absolute wrong-uns.
( Mr. Tea It's Okay! She's My Step Daughter!, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:36, Reply)

you can't say Hitler

( bent reznor carol vorderman's magnificent arse, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:39, Reply)

Be more like Hitler, is the moral of today's story

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:39, Reply)

There was a bloke that would occasionally go in my local with a full on facial maori tattoo.
But it had been gone over multiple times, and turned into a brown-green mess, if he was more than a couple of meters away it looked like he'd blacked up.

He was, unsurprisingly, fucking mental.
( Slippery Mick, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 22:33, Reply)

jsut won my first Victory Royale in Fortnite
might get a tattoo of that
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:45, Reply)

You have to post a video of you flossing in your living room first.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:58, Reply)

My personal best is 2nd place.
Not in Fortnite, just in general.
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 22:42, Reply)

Was it Wildheart who had his user number tattooed.
Bet he feels silly now he's flounced.
( Slippery Mick, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:46, Reply)

Maybe he could go on that Tattoo Fixers program, get it covered up with something massive that has no meaning whatsoever.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 22:44, Reply)

I wonder what kind of embarrassing shit Tim Commerford is hiding

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Wed 14 Nov 2018, 23:48, Reply)

i considered it many times
most of my friends have them, but I could never decide on anything that wasn't shit.
( Spunky McPunk OH NO HANDS, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 0:24, Reply)

I have a snake
tattooed around my whole body.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Thu 15 Nov 2018, 1:33, Reply)

WANKER'S
hi
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 14:42, Reply)

Hour and a quarter until knocking-off time, yesssss.
Found out this lunchtime that we'll be moving downstairs next week, and those downstairs will be moving upstairs.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 14:45, Reply)

#InMyLadysChamber

Another three fucking hours for me :*(
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 14:53, Reply)

Cor, ladychambers.
Any customers with a funny name today?
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 14:56, Reply)

Sadly not
Not yet anyway
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:18, Reply)

why on earth are your working hours so long?

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:09, Reply)

He is in customer support

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:20, Reply)

I might ring him and complain

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:26, Reply)

the early starts are my choice, the commute is much easier and I like a bit of time in the morning to get my day set up before pricks start hassling me
the late finishes are a hangover from when our warehouse was here and carrier collections and manifests needed supervising - I should really finish earlier these days, I raised this with my boss but the conversation was derailed by a customer crisis so I need to bring it up again
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:21, Reply)

you're in at 8am, aren't you?
I wouldn't be staying past 4pm
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:26, Reply)

around 8, yes
If I finished at four I'd drink a lot more than I currently do
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:31, Reply)

your employer should pay you truck wages
the working man can't be trusted to have too much free time and his own money
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:43, Reply)

lol, exploited

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:33, Reply)

if I was more bothered about it I would deal with it
keeps me out of trouble
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:39, Reply)

Unless you're on overtime, you're giving your labour for free.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:49, Reply)

Assuming he's working.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:54, Reply)

Probably leaves work at 4, but then spends hours hunting Pokémon.
Extra hours at work are just a cover story for his wife.
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:58, Reply)

Or he's Clive from Monkeydust.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:05, Reply)

I want to go

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:20, Reply)

number ones, or number twos?

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:22, Reply)

Both

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:25, Reply)

fill yer boots
Literally.
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:31, Reply)

Hello Rich
Might have a nap
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:34, Reply)

I nearly faceplanted onto my keyboard earlier.
Roasting hot in here, it is.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:38, Reply)

Take off all your clothes.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:39, Reply)

The jumper has been discarded.
Discarding anything else would be pushing it.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:43, Reply)

I took my tie off, once.
Drove the ladies wild, let me tell you.
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:50, Reply)

*flings underwear*

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:50, Reply)

I'm the Tom Jones of middle management.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:51, Reply)

It's not hot here
But I still have a bit of a temperature, which is making me drowsy
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:52, Reply)

u shud lol

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:39, Reply)

Just lying here, watching the birds in the garden
And contemplating a bit of weekend pruning, to regain some light
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:54, Reply)

Juicer time

( mongychops, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:12, Reply)

not for mcbeef
can't be trusted
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:13, Reply)

nope

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:22, Reply)

Bloke I knew had damage to a part of his brain that affected his impulse control.
Maybe you've got that?
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:32, Reply)

you put the Ho in Seung-Hui Cho

( $$, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:23, Reply)

you knows it

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 17:25, Reply)

setting up voice commands on my car pc
dunno what to say instead of "OK Google"
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:27, Reply)

Have it respond when you tap a little badge pinned to your lapel and say "computer!".
Also, teach it to make Earl Grey tea.
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:33, Reply)

You horrible nerd

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:34, Reply)

Yes.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:41, Reply)

OI, WAKE UP CUNT

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:34, Reply)

Better still, replace the Google voice with Paul Reubens,
and pretend you've got the ship from Flight Of The Navigator.
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:42, Reply)

+ peter
the ship from flight of the navigator
A raging stonk on for chunky birds
(Graham Coxon out of Blur, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 18:52, Reply)

I saw someone ask alexa what's the difference between jam and marmalade and she replied you can't marmalade your cock up a birds arse, dirty bitch that alexa

( mongychops, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:44, Reply)

'MNNNNNNNNEEEERRRRGGGGHHHHH', obviously.

( Slippery Mick, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 18:00, Reply)

So much for the morning thread.
Now what?
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:41, Reply)

we make love
physically
( $$, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:43, Reply)

Lunch in an hour and a bit.
Tonight I'm going to be massaged and kneaded and squeezed by the hands of a beautiful laydee. Eh lads eh eh etc.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:45, Reply)

are you now or have you at any time been a practicing homosexual?

( mongychops, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:51, Reply)

Wasn't that the opening gambit of a QC in a famous case to destabilise a hostile witness?

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:53, Reply)

That's what she said.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:56, Reply)

I'm sure I read it in a book in my local library when I was a teenager and wanted to be a forensic pathologist.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:12, Reply)

It's a line from porridge

( mongychops, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:13, Reply)

Ah, fair enough so.
I've never watched Porridge so that can't be where I heard it, but +1 for my general knowledge.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:19, Reply)

Porridge was pretty good.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:20, Reply)

Alright, Goldilocks.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:23, Reply)

what, with his feet? Who would have him.

( $$, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:54, Reply)

:)

( mongychops, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:55, Reply)

I'm done with practising
I think I'm quite good at some bits, the bits I'm not good at I don't want to do anyway.
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:57, Reply)

Not sure.
Got very little motivation to do any work today that's for sure.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:56, Reply)

I'm going to sneak off and do solder some cables
my dad's connecting up his PA system with coax audio 1/4 jack cables so I'm going to make him up a couple from proper speaker flex.
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:13, Reply)

That's very kind of you.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:19, Reply)

do you mind
show a bit of respect for those Coventrians who died 78 years ago today
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:59, Reply)

I never done it.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:00, Reply)

where were you on the night in question?

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:13, Reply)

What did they die of?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:02, Reply)

dunno it was all a bit chaotic that night

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:09, Reply)

You're being very vague,
Starting to think you've got something to hide.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:20, Reply)

he's well dodge

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:27, Reply)

a bit of heavy rain

( $$, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:10, Reply)

drank 8 pints of spunk and had to have a stomach pump

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:21, Reply)

They all cut their own heads off while combing their hair.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:21, Reply)

one of them touched a girl and they all got the lurgee

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:37, Reply)

Wank/poo combo?

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:20, Reply)

I just got approved for a credit card, first step on the path to repaired credit rating, chuffed to bits
Am I right in thinking I need to use it now and again to get my score up? I can't just cut the bugger up and forget about it?
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:22, Reply)

I believe that's the idea.
A former colleague of mine was so excited to get one that he bought everything on it for a couple of months, even banal things like Tube tickets.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:25, Reply)

Yes
use it a couple of times a month and pay off in full. If you set up a direct debit for the full amount you don't even need to think about it, but keep it at home so you don't use it by mistake.
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:25, Reply)

Direct debit to pay off the balance (or at least the minimum payment) is good advice.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:38, Reply)

Use 50% a month and pay it back , no more or it can be negative, no less or it doesn't count

( mongychops, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:31, Reply)

50% of the credit limit, you mean?

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:40, Reply)

Yes, still takes fucking ages for your score to go up

( mongychops, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:42, Reply)

my IVA will get scrubbed from my credit record the year after next
Once that's gone I'll be in a position to look at property again - this card will just give me a little head start I hope.

I don't want to sell my rental place but am hoping somehow I can use it as collateral against another purchase. Fuck knows how that will work or whether it's even a possibility...
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:50, Reply)

I didn't think you could secure a mortgage against one property to purchase another, so I'd expect you'd be selling the rental to give yourself the deposit on a new place.
Isn't this sort of thing dozer's area of expertise?
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:56, Reply)

I'm dreading the gazzes

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:59, Reply)

depends on the L2V rate of the current rental property
and your legal rights to sign it over as collateral for a second property.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:01, Reply)

I see, thanks m8

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:03, Reply)

This is all terribly civilised.
You'd think we were all grownups, or something.
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:14, Reply)

Fuck off, wanker


Ahh, that's better
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:23, Reply)

Can I quote you on that?

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:31, Reply)

no, don't

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 14:14, Reply)

OK.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 14:19, Reply)

weird how it works
in Poland, the more open channels to credit you have, the worse your score is. I nearly failed to get a mortgage just cos one of my accounts had the overdraft option enabled, even though I'd never touched it.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:33, Reply)

that's menkle

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:40, Reply)

it's the complete opposite here isn't it?

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:41, Reply)

I think it counts against you if you have unused credit cards.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:22, Reply)

Rack up a huge debt that you can't afford to pay back.
This will convince the finance sector that you are a sound, long-term investment.
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:37, Reply)

waaaay ahead of you brah

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:42, Reply)

^ too big to fail

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:45, Reply)

I've had no complaints

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:50, Reply)

Buy some sneakers.
Kite the debt accross multiple credit cards with varying interest rates.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:47, Reply)

Tggi.

( Slippery Mick, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:06, Reply)

I remember when I was about 9, my friend had obviously just learnt how mortgages work
and came up with the genius scheme of taking out a mortgage, then paying that off with an even larger mortgage, and repeating ad infinitum, pocketing the difference each time. He was convinced of his foolproof scheme.

The banks have probably wised up to this, now
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:19, Reply)

He probably caused the 2008 crash single-handed

( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:35, Reply)

my Dad had a chequebook for property
where each cheque was valued at 80% of the preceding cheque's value, and could only be used to buy property. So banks hadn't wised up to that at all, really.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:44, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8199691
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:52, Reply)

he did pretty well out of it, yeah

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:54, Reply)

*pulls up ladder*

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 13:04, Reply)

neither a borrower nor a lender be

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:27, Reply)

l b
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 14:15, Reply)

wank 'em if you got 'em

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:34, Reply)

MOR-NINNNGGGG

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:04, Reply)

Morning Lemon

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:28, Reply)

Yo

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:37, Reply)

Lets get this lemon party started

( broadsword, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:40, Reply)

Bingo!

( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:31, Reply)

POW!

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:38, Reply)

What are you like!

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:31, Reply)

C'est la vie m8

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:42, Reply)

I got a house with windows and doors, I'll show you mine if you show me yours

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:49, Reply)

done and done
and I mean done
( $$, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:09, Reply)

*cough*

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:32, Reply)

WISE FWOM YOW GWAVE

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:41, Reply)

Thank you, you can pop your pants back on now
Here's your prescription.
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:43, Reply)

do I take the "10 minutes nude beatboxing" in pill in syrup form?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:45, Reply)

suppository

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:11, Reply)

They've never asked me to do this in Tesco before, in fact I don't believe you actually work here

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:46, Reply)

*scarpers*

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:16, Reply)

"unexpected item in the bagging area"

( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:34, Reply)

You're chipper today, squire.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:55, Reply)

Stephen Fry was brilliant last night
Plus they gave out free hardbacks of his latest tome.
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:12, Reply)

Noice.
Is he posing in a himation on the dust jacket?
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:17, Reply)

Fortunately not

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:20, Reply)

what's up, honkey?

( $$, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:09, Reply)

aw-raaaght, gimme some skin


...ewww, that's not what I meant dude
( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:12, Reply)

Customer of the day: Ed Gein

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:34, Reply)

DO NOT ANNOY HIM!!!!!!

( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:35, Reply)

woah

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:41, Reply)

.            .--.
\\          //\\ \
.\\        ///_\\\\
:/)`      /(| `|'\\\
 Y/\      )))\_-_/((\  --morning
  \ \    ./'_/ " \_`\)
   \ \.-" ._ \   /   \
    \ _.-" (_ \Y/ _) |
     "      )" | ""/||
         .-'  .'  / ||
        /    `   /  ||
       |    __  :   ||_
       |   / \   \ '|\`
       |  |   \   \
       |  |    `.  \
       |  |      \  \
       |  |       \  \
       |  |        \  \
       |  |         \  \
       /__\          |__\
       /.|            |.\_
      `-''            ``--'

( broadsword, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:42, Reply)

sassy af

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:49, Reply)

Nooo ooone
sharts like McBeef, does big farts like McBeef
makes incredible trousery draughts like McBeef
I splatter my coat when I'm de-fe-caaaa-ting
my what a guy that McBeef!
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:48, Reply)

might get a tattoo of this

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:50, Reply)

full sleeve
or some illegible gothic font across your chest?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:10, Reply)

Tramp stamp.
It's the only way to go.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:15, Reply)

it has broken

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:59, Reply)

sorry about that

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:15, Reply)

Well, hello!

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:14, Reply)

HULLO

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:16, Reply)

Hey lo

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:51, Reply)

Here he is!

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:59, Reply)

Bring the noise

( mongychops, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:06, Reply)

Good day to you

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:11, Reply)

non-nerd thread
alright
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 17:47, Reply)

alright
( bent reznor carol vorderman's magnificent arse, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 17:59, Reply)

Susanna Dinnage y/n

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Tue 13 Nov 2018, 21:35, Reply)

n

( bent reznor carol vorderman's magnificent arse, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 21:43, Reply)

Dinnage Reid
Y.
sanna Dinnage ie Dent off of Dictionary Corner
HELL YEAH!
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Tue 13 Nov 2018, 23:13, Reply)

Strikey Fred

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 23:20, Reply)

LOL

( GeordieJay ... it's very tricky, Karen, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 18:28, Reply)

Yo mano , sup

( mongychops, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 18:36, Reply)

forgot about this thread, lol

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 0:51, Reply)

must be all that meditating you do

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 6:09, Reply)

It's going to be a very short thread

( planearm, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 18:42, Reply)

Revenge of the nerds!
*pranks*
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 18:47, Reply)

WE GOT BUSH!

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:35, Reply)

alright

( broadsword, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 18:55, Reply)

Yo

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:26, Reply)

I've no right posting here

( Richard mcbeef the MVP in Level 42, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:26, Reply)

none of us do, tbf

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 0:52, Reply)

After 6 weeks
The biscuit place finally got back to me. They want me to go in for a second interview next Wednesday
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:34, Reply)

They'd be crackers not to hire you.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:44, Reply)

^big wheel

( Slippery Mick, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 23:12, Reply)

Nice

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:47, Reply)

No, hob nobs

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:56, Reply)

Only my closest friends call me that

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Tue 13 Nov 2018, 20:01, Reply)

Do you nob all your closest friends?

(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 20:11, Reply)

"Biscuit" is French for "twice cooked".
They have turned the heat on you once during interview, and now they will do so again. Your future is biscuity.
( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 20:13, Reply)

I've always refused 2nd interviews, but good luck

( mongychops, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 20:35, Reply)

Thanks
I need this
(Smash Monkey 2 Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 21:18, Reply)

FIG ROLLS!

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 0:53, Reply)

Go in with chocolate all down your back
just to show how committed you are to the role.
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:12, Reply)

Wayo

(60.115.62 (0 votes), Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:47, Reply)

oh hi

(Tim Stilton, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:47, Reply)

who the hell are you?

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 0:53, Reply)

another banned poster :(

(Tim Stilton, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:00, Reply)

Might be a nerd, but fuck me, EVERY single time I get to the bar tonight, I'm served first.
Even saying "That bloke/bird's before me love" ain't working here.
Either kids today have suddenly grown one fuck of a lot of respect for their elders, or I've reached maximum scary old man-ness.
And to be quite fucking frank here, I pretty much reached that back in my twenties.
(^(^;;^)^) (^(^;;^)^), Tue 13 Nov 2018, 23:11, Reply)

You're the only one in the bar
all the other people are imaginary.
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:40, Reply)

Hey wonderful and wise /talkers
I fancy a new phone. I want a Samsung S9. I can get one on amazon for less than the going rate, but it's a European dual-sim model. The only drawback I can see is that you can't do Samsung pay with it as that's tied to the country set in the firmware, any other problems you know of?
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:21, Reply)

Samsung phones all have that horrible Fisher Price interface.
Yuk.
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:25, Reply)

That's fine
I'm not very sophisticated
( garidead You have 0 unread messages, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:36, Reply)

Get an iPhone, then.
Hahaha, bickering about phone software is great!
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:39, Reply)

I'm already tumescent.

( .Yeti. GABA the Hutt, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:41, Reply)