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RIP Dusty Hill :(

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 23:50, Reply)
Yeah the drummer from Slipknot died as well, must be a new Drummer variant going around.

(, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 0:17, Reply)
My phone was indoors, what a day. I hope this post finds you well?

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 20:06, Reply)
losing a phone is horrendous, good news
aok here ta, apart from a ludicrous argument with my wife about This Is England
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 21:55, Reply)
Now, being somewhat of a professional hater-of-popular-things, I'm guessing you're not so keen on it?

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 22:09, Reply)
Ricky Queefardo is keen of meat shops

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 22:22, Reply)
I watched it. Seemed like some dort of guy Ritchie stuff. Meh

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 22:32, Reply)
Not your dort of thing at all then?

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 22:35, Reply)
Seems like the kind of chav shit that would have me punting a shoe through the telly
So I won't watch it
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 22:40, Reply)
Well I’m pretty sure you do live in England Queef, I hope you didn’t back down and say something like, “well perhaps this is France”.

(, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 0:11, Reply)
I may have found a new hair dye to replace my discontinued one
It's not expensive, it's premixed, it's easy to apply and it looks like it's putting blue highlights and lowlights in at the same time, so yeah, I'm having a great night
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 22:38, Reply)
I'm also drinking and watching shit films
So I'm good
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 23:15, Reply)
better afternoon thread

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 12:37, Reply)
Just booked train tickets for me, wife and nipper to visit my dad in Oxford in August
amazingly by booking ahead for a specific departure and with a railcard it only cost ยฃ20 for all 3 of us, can't believe it
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 12:40, Reply)
are these actual English trains you've booked
and do you have to leave at 05:21 on a Wednesday?
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 12:42, Reply)
8:42am on a Saturday from Maylebone Station which is about 50mins from home
not too awful
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 12:49, Reply)
that's not too bad

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:08, Reply)
you're right mate, slashtalk doesn't get any better than train ticket advance booking chat!

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 12:46, Reply)
maybe you can steer the conversation towards tax and pensions to really get things rocking
also: not your mate
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 12:50, Reply)
Have you had any customers with funny names this week?

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 12:58, Reply)
I'm afraid not, 'Arseboon Dilbaro'

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:15, Reply)
thanks, 'Queef Richard's'
Might start self-harming now.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:22, Reply)
whatever you do, don't accidentally cut too deep and hit an artery
or do, I'm not the police.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 18:40, Reply)
It's spelled "archery" m8
Bit embarrassing
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 19:35, Reply)
I'm sure everyone is dying to get an update on the status of my mortgage application.

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:16, Reply)
what lender is it in with?
Property super expensive but right now but it's never been easier to obtain a mortgage, how crazy is that???????????
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:18, Reply)
Santander I think. Not really sure, my wife sorts all of that stuff out.

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:37, Reply)
I don't really know what their service is like, I hold mortgage advice qualifications but haven't worked in that area for nearly 10 years!!!!!!

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:45, Reply)

what l I am a complete b
is it in with? Property super expensive but right now but it's never been easier to obtain a mortgage
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 18:02, Reply)
did you bottle it with that fucked house?

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:29, Reply)
Not yet, stringing them along whilst we wait to see if the mother in law is going to give us money to buy a better one.
I don't think she likes the idea of having to live with us while the house is being fixed any more than we do.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:37, Reply)
hahah make sure you are *extra* annoying for a while to really put the wind up her
I'm sure you can manage that
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:19, Reply)
Yes that is the plan.
Plus frequently reminding her that she can't take it with her and we'll be the ones choosing her nursing home.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 20:00, Reply)
Strikey fuck a horse

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:59, Reply)
old skool classix vol.1

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:22, Reply)
Dammit, I totally forgot to update slashtalk about the trials and tribulations of our mortgage renewal six months ago.
I guess that ship has sailed now.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 18:51, Reply)
afternoon Mr Qu’eef
Proper thunderstorm and wazzing it down here at the moment, supposed to be running later..
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:10, Reply)
wazzing it here also, I'll have to brave it at some point as I need to go shopping for chicken
trying a Sri Lankan curry later
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:18, Reply)
Nice. I’m attempting a pizza from scratch, any tips for a decent thin crust?
#pizzachat
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:20, Reply)
have you got a pizza oven in yr garden?

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:28, Reply)
I do not

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:30, Reply)
Phew!
No rain here yet, it fackin slashed it doon last night.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:33, Reply)
I've had good success with them by using a non stick pizza tray like this one:
www.procook.co.uk/product/procook-non-stick-pizza-pan-36-5cm-diameter1

You can push the dough out to the edges using your fingertips, thus creating a reasonable cornicione (or 'edge' lol) and making it both perfectly round and thin. If you overstretch it and tear a hole in the base you can just patch it up. I dust the base with coarse semolina both sides (gives a lovely texture and crunch) and bake it with no toppings with the oven on top whack for a couple of minutes before adding the sauce and toppings. This firms up the base making topping it easier and helps it all to be finished cooking at the same time.

Unless you're using low moisture mozzarella (like pizza shops do), you'll want to drain it for a while and blot with kitchen towel before adding or it's too milky. I grate Parmesan over the tomato sauce before adding any other toppings. I've also found that a few fennel seeds are a great addition, and use pitted Kalamata olives rather than those cheap ones that taste of fuck all.

Finally, I always use tinned San Marzano tomatoes to make the sauce, they have very few seeds and aren't watery so don't need much reducing to get to a nice thickness. They are expensive compared to cheap supermarket tomatoes but worth it. Waitrose own brand are the cheapest I've found.

Much of this would get me arrested in Italy but without a 500 degree oven you can't make a Neapolitan pizza so these tweaks have all helped me to make something which I'm happy enough with to serve to guests.

I will be signing copies of my book 'My Life As An Insufferable Food Ponce' in the lobby later.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:47, Reply)
well you did ask

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:47, Reply)
These days, if you use the QR pizza-making method in Italy you get arrested and thrown in jail.

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:49, Reply)
I knew I was asking the right person :D
No Waitrose near me but loads of farm shops so Iโ€™m sure Iโ€™ll be able to find something.

Cheers (genuinely)
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:00, Reply)
welcs, bro

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:02, Reply)
one more tip: you need less sauce than you think you do, too much and your pizza will be a fucked, soggy mess
same goes for toppings: restraint is key
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:03, Reply)
noted, ta

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:08, Reply)
might try that fennel seed trick, sounds good

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:17, Reply)
Thought I'd mention
I've been using the 24 hour fridge prove method, and it saves so much time on the day. Ok, I've said my piece
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:35, Reply)
I've done the same
Getting one of these has proved (lol) a godsend also:

www.ebay.com/itm/Vogue-Polycarbonate-Square-Food-Storage-Container-3-5Lt-6Pt-With-Free-Lid-/274575207247

I always struggled to work out if the dough's doubled in size or not - not any more, with this handy tub!!
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:11, Reply)
Ah nice
I just use a mixing bowl and hope for the best, but this is much better
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:39, Reply)

mixing toilet
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:52, Reply)
The semolina works a treat
And tesco do a decent pizza mozzarella that isn't in liquid
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:42, Reply)
500 degrees is pretty dam hot, yo.

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 16:44, Reply)
according to the Associazione Verace Pizza Napoletana (basically the fucken pizza Nazis):
'The cooking must be done exclusively in a wood-fired oven, which has reached a temperature between 430-480C'

If it ain't, you're fake news
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 16:55, Reply)
Fucking hell, I thought you'd made a hilarious F/C mix-up, but no.

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 17:30, Reply)
nope, in a proper oven a Napoli style pizza cooks in around 60 seconds
mental innit
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 17:43, Reply)
Reminds me of a film I saw about people who cook small sweet baked items very quickly at a hot temperature.
Scone In 60 Seconds, it was called.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 22:09, Reply)
Thunder here is incredibly loud
And it's raining sideways. Watching Hannibal and looking forward to tomorrow
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:18, Reply)
the series? I thought Mads Mikkelsen was pretty good in that. Shame it got axed eh.

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:26, Reply)
No, the film
Watched silence of the lambs before
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:46, Reply)
ah. the only decent one of that lot is Silence of the Lambs.
and the original Manhunter even if it's a different Hannibal Lecktor.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:47, Reply)
Brian Cox was better in that role than Anthony Hopkins was.
/opinion on the internet
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 18:46, Reply)
int space brilliant!

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 19:30, Reply)
I thought the ending to that was a bit unbelievable
even though I can understand why they didn't want to go with the ending in the book
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:21, Reply)
was that the one where Ray Liotta was fed pieces of his own brain?

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:24, Reply)
bro, no spoilers

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:27, Reply)
soz, I meant to say, is that the one where UNNAMED ACTOR PLAYING UNSPECIFIED ROLE was fed pieces of his own brain?

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:30, Reply)
The book ending was very odd
The whole thing with her dad's skeleton was bizarre
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:00, Reply)
The best 'film ending is superior to the book' to my mind is The 39 Steps, the Robert Powell version
So much more exciting than the book which has a complete anticlimax ending, the whole Big Ben scene in the film is way better. The whole film is superb, actually, might have to break out the old DVD.

I think John Buchan may also have been a colossal racist, but there we go
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:16, Reply)
I READ IT WHEN I WAS FOUR MONTHS OLD

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:17, Reply)
I just gave my kid a copy of Gravity's Rainbow to memorise or I'll show him the back of my hand!

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:20, Reply)
Ooh Geoffrey, Zippy's building weapons of mass destruction!
lol
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:45, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:52, Reply)
I didn't read jaws until about 10 years after I saw the film
The book ending was shite
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:28, Reply)

The 39 Steps Cum Guzzling Whores 7
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:41, Reply)
Everything else in the original post checks out

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:41, Reply)
'Big Ben' lol

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 16:46, Reply)
DONG!

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 17:55, Reply)
haha, because it's actually the name of the bell!!

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 18:05, Reply)
afternoon

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 12:05, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 8:51, Reply)
RUDE

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:03, Reply)
don't blame me, blame societal norms

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:13, Reply)
Cheers

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:15, Reply)
Cheers

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:20, Reply)
Cheers

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 11:28, Reply)
I am blaming you mate, it's not 'societal norms' that threadstomped me, IT WAS YOU.

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:24, Reply)
^ upset

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:26, Reply)
well, I mean, you can blame me if you like
it's not as if I gave a toss
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:27, Reply)
you've pure ruined my day

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:29, Reply)
He's about to ruin your weak hole.

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 11:46, Reply)

ibb.co/cCWmwYZ
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 12:11, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:09, Reply)
QR code

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:13, Reply)
rather witty

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:00, Reply)
thanks
I'm a bit sluggish this morning
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:03, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:12, Reply)
sword of broadness

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:13, Reply)
Brodesode.
Fire of wrath!
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:54, Reply)
I bet queef is rocking his people=shit hoodie as a mark of respect today

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:24, Reply)
I have literally no idea what you are blathering on about here

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:27, Reply)
drummer out of The Slipknots has carked it, I was jokingly implying that you are a big fan of the teenybopper metallers.

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:36, Reply)
well I for one am sure glad you did, it was a great joke!!!

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:52, Reply)
If it doesn't get populolled I'll be flabbergasted!!!!

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:57, Reply)

youtu.be/xWqTo-5l3nk
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 11:34, Reply)
I actually couldn't give a single, solitary shit

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:39, Reply)
what, not even one?

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:42, Reply)
DIAGNOSIS: Acute bowel obstruction.
Please ring 999, your intestines may explode at any moment.

You're welcome
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 11:30, Reply)
Salutations and felicitations

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:59, Reply)
^ Cliff Richard

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 11:43, Reply)
I've lost my phone, I'm sure I had it on me this morning but it might be indoors, so exciting.

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 11:19, Reply)
Have you checked all of your body cavities?

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 11:28, Reply)
First places I checked

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 11:32, Reply)
No longer morning
Cheers
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 12:05, Reply)
alright

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 7:23, Reply)
morning, you mean

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 8:24, Reply)
just shaking things up a bit, challenging societal norms, u no me m8!

(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 8:35, Reply)

The British Olympic throwing team have joined forces with B&M Bargains to release a new margarine spread called "I Can't Believe It's Shot Putter".
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 16:34, Reply)
Craig David is a part of the Olympic archery team, but on the management/coaching side of things.
His official role is bow selector.
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 16:35, Reply)
badum tish!

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 16:47, Reply)

A bloke called Gavin is on the New Zealand female weight lifting team.
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 16:59, Reply)
-on +in

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 18:05, Reply)
no they never, don't lie plane-o

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 17:01, Reply)
I met an olympic athlete yesterday and asked if he was a pole vaulter
'No' He replied. 'I'm German, how did you know my name was Walter?'
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 17:27, Reply)


(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 18:07, Reply)
what's worth more?
gold or curling silver?
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 17:32, Reply)
Live, Love, Laugh. But not at this obviously.

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 18:08, Reply)
That was terrible

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 19:47, Reply)
b3ta, you mean

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 20:45, Reply)
Paula Radcliffe has her own one.
"I can't believe it's butt splatter"
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 21:19, Reply)
Your all wnakers

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:46, Reply)
Bit harsh

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:51, Reply)
^ wnaker

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:53, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8307723
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:06, Reply)
Perhaps if you'd paid a little more attention in school you'd have noticed that he's transposed two letters in the word "wanker",
as well as using the incorrect form of "you're".
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:16, Reply)
it's because he's Welsh but, come by 'ere

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:20, Reply)
language isn't fixed, m8 - it's constantly evolving

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:23, Reply)
I love it when thickos use this as an excuse for being thickos.

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:26, Reply)
defiantly agree here m8

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:29, Reply)
there is an unfortunate grain of truth in it - modern dictionaries list 'both' definitions of 'literally'
and it literally makes me smash my head into a wall in frustration
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:51, Reply)
'literally', adj. See 'figuratively'.

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 14:56, Reply)
AAARGH

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 15:04, Reply)
unbearable, isn't it?
'The idiots are winning'
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 15:05, Reply)
Kidults on tricycles, etc.

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 18:08, Reply)
That's like literally random!!1 ๐Ÿค ๐Ÿ’ฌ ๐Ÿคณ ๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ˜ณ ๐Ÿ‘ƒ ๐Ÿง› ๐Ÿง‍โ™€๏ธ ๐Ÿ™‰

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 15:08, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8307772
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 15:47, Reply)

transposed two letters in the word "wanker", as well as using the incorrect form of "you're"

Three sheets to the wind, as per
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:33, Reply)
ey up, lad, nah need fo' that

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:08, Reply)
^GSWLIUTBBFOGS

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:14, Reply)
NO U

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:30, Reply)
yup
got to keep that prostate flushed,
wouldn't want the old cancer, not now I'm getting on for that age group
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:38, Reply)
Such

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:39, Reply)
I've had two wnaks today
so far your theory checks out.
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 14:05, Reply)
Pirck

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 14:18, Reply)
I'm wnaking as I type this

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 14:36, Reply)
WNAKE UP, SHEEPLE

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 15:21, Reply)
Pneis

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 15:38, Reply)
hullo

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:04, Reply)
it's shaping up to be a classic day on /chat!
No wonder garold sacked it off in favour of /links
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:17, Reply)
your fault

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:24, Reply)
I dunno, he made himself look super silly over his 'THE NORTH IS AWFUL' thing, didn't he?

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:29, Reply)
I can't see anything wrong with that statement

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:34, Reply)
MAYBE YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:35, Reply)
you think I'm responsible for the north being a cold, miserable, rainy shithole full of cunts?
I don't see how
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:37, Reply)
Terrible bullying of the northern boarder’s

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:44, Reply)
not you m8, no offence

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:24, Reply)
None taken

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:29, Reply)
do you have friends that you look down on for their socioeconomic status whom you patronise by visiting them, so you can bestow them with your southern aura?
Then go on to a moribund comedy forum to boast about your humanitarian endeavours?

Wait, this is you , so you definitely will have acquaintances you look down on for being 'poor'.
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:50, Reply)
I don't have any friends in the north, don't be ridiculous

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:25, Reply)

in the north
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:17, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8307727
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:23, Reply)
:’-(

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:42, Reply)
I see Sydney is having anti lockdown protests now, that'll bode well in an unvacinated country in winter

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:26, Reply)
yeah practically no-one has been jabbed there - Guardian says 13.4% fully vaxxed
parents-in-law have had theirs, which is good
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:36, Reply)
From people I've spoken to out there
There seems to be a common attitude of "I live fucking miles away from the hot spots, so I'm not getting jabbed with something that I don't believe has been fully tested". This falls apart, of course, when an infected person turns up in their community
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:53, Reply)
bunch of mongrels, m8

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:25, Reply)
hahaha

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:28, Reply)
Just saw it in foyles window

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:30, Reply)
looks like a right page-turner

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:31, Reply)
I preferred their first book, Pro Abortion Baby.

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 14:20, Reply)
Alright
Got pinged last week, gonna lick a llama to commiserate
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:47, Reply)
WILD PING

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:51, Reply)
YOU MAKE MY APP PING

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:55, Reply)
I've done 4 pings, although the last one was engineered so I got 4 days off

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:59, Reply)
I've yet to get pinged, given how much of a bunch of maskless shitcunts there are round here makes this nothing short of a miracle

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:30, Reply)
Afternoon
A neighbour dropped off a bottle of Gordon's last night, which was nice.
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:12, Reply)
a large bunch of very nice flowers turned up from some Aus friends earlier
nice when people look out for you eh
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:27, Reply)
Indeed
Now I just need a local dealer to have a sudden attack of neighbourly altruism
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:56, Reply)
haha good luck with that

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:58, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 7:11, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8307637
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 7:58, Reply)
queef richard's

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 8:17, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8307641
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 8:04, Reply)
cheers

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 8:17, Reply)
Arseboon

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 8:09, Reply)
broadsword

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 8:17, Reply)
morning AD

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 9:06, Reply)
MAD
/maybe yours will catch on
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 9:08, Reply)
morning from the frozen northern wastes

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 9:11, Reply)
is this a Sepultura album I should listen to?

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 9:34, Reply)
heh

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 9:38, Reply)
MORNING A.D.
WEE'D ON... THE SEAT!
TOAST ON... THE FLOOR!
I'M SICK OF THIS!

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 10:31, Reply)
Tuesday!

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 9:08, Reply)
aye

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 9:11, Reply)
It's alright but it's no Wednesday

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 9:39, Reply)
Tuesdays I have fuck all to do, pub by 12, Wednesdays I don't get to the pub till 5, I prefer tues

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 9:52, Reply)
One of The Cure's better tracks

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 10:24, Reply)
Morning

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 10:07, Reply)
Thread II: The Shittening
Hey guy's how's it going?
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 11:31, Reply)
sun's out bum's out

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 11:35, Reply)
not here it's not

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 11:52, Reply)
Way to give everyone deadly bum melanomas sticklebricks

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 22:40, Reply)
Deadly Bum Melanomas are playing the Dublin Castle on Saturday

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 8:58, Reply)
just totally knackered after the weekend lol

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 11:44, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 11:53, Reply)
Going stir crazy in here
Snacking due to boredom and watching avengers films
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 11:46, Reply)
how much longer do you have to stay home?

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 11:54, Reply)
Only till Thursday
That is, assuming I test negative Thursday morning
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 12:56, Reply)
nearly there

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 13:27, Reply)
Told quite a few people that I'm stuck in till the 5th
Bc I don't want to see them
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:25, Reply)
heh

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:26, Reply)
I think you mean 'crazier'

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 22:38, Reply)
All good

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 12:09, Reply)
nice one

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 12:18, Reply)
What, everything?

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 22:37, Reply)
I used to nip at the heels and bay at the moon, now I sit and stay like the good dogs do

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:11, Reply)
no you never m8 dunt lie

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:30, Reply)
I fuckin well did you can ask my m8

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 19:22, Reply)
High queef, watched a film called Jolt last night, not sure if it was enjoyably shit or just shit, one of them

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:23, Reply)
Any tit in it?

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:27, Reply)
Nah just the one out of shooting fish with weird new fake pouty lips

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:36, Reply)
Shooting fish is a great film

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:49, Reply)
not heard of that one tbh
just looked it up, looks like it could be amusing. I watched 'Criminal' the other day - I can't believe the cast they got for such a heap of wank. Someone must have been owed some massive favours.

'CIA agent Bill Pope is on a mission to save a hacker from a dreaded criminal. However, when the agent is mysteriously killed, his memories are grafted into Jerico Stewart, an ex-convict'

It's even shitter than it sounds like it would be
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:29, Reply)
wow, that does sound stupid

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:36, Reply)
Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Oldman, Kevin Costner, Gal Gadot, Ryan Reynolds....
I suspect money laundering or a tax write off
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:43, Reply)
ah, good old 'film investment schemes'

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:25, Reply)
aka a 'Gary Barlow special'

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:27, Reply)
I saw one once where the chap's earned income was 10 mill, with a 4 mil income tax liabilty
So he wrote out a cheque for 2 million to enter the scheme, received a tax rebate of 4 million, and so was treated for tax purposes as if he'd earned 50 grand in the tax year rather than 10 million.

Nice work if you can get it eh.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:36, Reply)
That smells of cow plops to me

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:42, Reply)
dozer's breath, you mean

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:45, Reply)
nah m8, 100% on the level
Those schemes were legit at the time (though engineered specifically to egregiously avoid tax), but HMRC clamped down hard on them subsequently.

I could go into detail about how the schemes actually worked but even I find it deathly boring.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:55, Reply)
surely that was only ever legal because someone forgot to make it illegal

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:57, Reply)
it was the 'film partnership' schemes
you'd 'borrow' 97% of your participation from the scheme provider, write a cheque for the 3%, then it would just so happen that 40% of your total investment (including the borrowed bit, which was interest only) would equal your income tax bill. To pay the interest on the 'loan' bit you just assigned your partnership income from the film to the lender.

Then, before the 15 year (iirc) tax relived period was up you'd pay a firm a relatively small sum to buy your partnership investment from you, at which point your deferred tax bill essentially vanished (it would be based on the huge sum funded by the loan).

HMRC then slapped huge tax bills on people based on total participation amount rather than the amount of the cheque written when they decided the schemes were not intended to finance films after all.

I TOLD YOU IT WAS BORING.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 16:05, Reply)
dodgy tax dodge is dodgy

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 16:14, Reply)
yeah, it was morally reprehensible

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 16:16, Reply)
pretty lol though when one client complained and said they hadn't understood what they were buying into.
Her day job was a tax lawyer, designing these exact schemes.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 16:18, Reply)
ok that is lol

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 16:26, Reply)
Someone watched legally blonde one too many times

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 17:34, Reply)
she was just lying; she'd only made a personal contribution of 20 grand to get a 40 grand rebate, and was being hit with a tax demand many multiples of that.

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 17:56, Reply)
Yup that sounds pretty plop.
Jolt didn't take itself too seriously but about 1/3 of the film was clearly setting up Jolt 2 - Jolty Boogaloo
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:42, Reply)
If that's that film about that shitting dog it can fuck right off
Dogs are shit and for cunts
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 22:37, Reply)
Do elephants next

(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 4:12, Reply)
I saw a big rainbow as I was driving home.
Bit gay really
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 22:36, Reply)
morning
another scorcher here

Scorchio! Haha, 'The Fast Show'!!!!
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 7:45, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8307630
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 8:18, Reply)
bit rude MATE

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 8:24, Reply)
nym

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 8:25, Reply)
never you mind?

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 10:38, Reply)
Morning Arse

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 8:49, Reply)
cheers

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:01, Reply)
Morning
Considerably cooler today, much more comfortable
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 8:56, Reply)
still fackin lovely over this way

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:01, Reply)
Not allowed out till Thursday
When, according to my weather app, it's going to be pissing down
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:42, Reply)
Penis

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:08, Reply)

 
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:11, Reply)
I ate too much for breakfast and now I feel sick
morning
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:22, Reply)
morning
internet friends
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:35, Reply)

friends penis
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:43, Reply)
morning arseboon

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:46, Reply)
morning

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:49, Reply)
I am a crossposting whore.
b3ta.com/board/11348214
(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 21:39, Reply)
Yes. Yes you are.
Also, that's funny
(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 22:00, Reply)
Thanks!

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 22:15, Reply)
Penis

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 22:04, Reply)
arseboon dilbaro

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 22:12, Reply)
Cripes, it's wazzing it rudebwai style here

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 15:14, Reply)
Not started here yet, but it's looming

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 15:56, Reply)
jesus my street is like a fucking river

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 16:24, Reply)

street anus
(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 17:35, Reply)
Looks like sarf east lahdahn missed it

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 17:55, Reply)
beautiful sunny day here m8 lol

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 16:02, Reply)
Dry as a bone here
Doubt we'll have rain until tomorrow
(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 16:29, Reply)
Humid and hot here

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 17:35, Reply)
in my kecks, I mean

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 18:56, Reply)
Perfect conditions for mildew

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 19:33, Reply)
I don’t believe it!

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 19:36, Reply)
I don't believe that I haven't smoked for 3 weeks
And I'm not even tempted. So pleased with myself
(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 21:26, Reply)
Nice. Keep it up :)

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 1:39, Reply)
having a bbq here in the glorious north m8

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 18:11, Reply)

fuck this noise
(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 22:05, Reply)
I’m genuinely shocked, I had no idea about this. Stratford, fucking hell, I lived around that way for years.

(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 1:38, Reply)
about 10 minutes before it started, my wife was scoffing about how they'd forecast thunderstorms and all we'd seen was a touch of light rain
next thing we know the kerb was completely submerged and the water was up to our front gate, mental
(, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 8:25, Reply)
Haha, Alan Partridge quotes are a great substitute for wit aren't they?
I hope some more get posted today, that would be really great.

Cool and grey here today, just like my skiddy pants. Leg of lamb for lunch, might go pub while it cooks. U?

tl;dr morning
(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 8:37, Reply)
I love the story about Courtney Love's bandmates bullying her by going "BACK OF THE NET!!!"
after they found out she'd shagged Steve Coogan.
(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:07, Reply)
In off the red!

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:46, Reply)
my old housemate used to work with his brother
no love lost between them, which led to some good anecdotes being shared
(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 12:19, Reply)
apparently when he got his first taste of success he lived out his fantasy of shagging a woman on a bed covered in money
Five pound notes lol
(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 12:26, Reply)
that's an incredibly Alan Partridge thing to do

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 14:40, Reply)
It’s TOO Alan Partridge. Maybe his writers crafted that just to tell his brother.

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 14:58, Reply)
I find him tedious

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:15, Reply)
BPD you mean

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:20, Reply)
ha yeah, it's like sharing a board with Colin Hunt off The Fast Show
today it's all fo' shizzle mah drizzle out there
(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:25, Reply)
Colin Hunt's office trolley!

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:44, Reply)
Alan Partridge in a pear tree
*sing*
(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:45, Reply)
High queef, a lot of people don't realise today is splattershit sunday, imma celebrate by staying near my toilet & unleashing biblical fury

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:51, Reply)
I did a weird pale shit earlier

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 12:17, Reply)
Your weird anaemic jobby may be a sign of the bad aids

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 12:48, Reply)
fingers crossed!

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 12:54, Reply)
That’s very pessimistic. It might equally be the good aids.

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 14:54, Reply)
Interesting, are you a dog in the 70's?

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 13:08, Reply)
y

(, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 13:41, Reply)

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