To guff, or not to guff?
that is the question.
( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 14:46, Reply)

Alright guff'nor.

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 14:54, Reply)

*tips fedora*

( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 14:58, Reply)

All that glitters is not guff

( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:09, Reply)

You know what it is?
I'm just street guff.
( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:11, Reply)

^guff groovin, body movin

( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:14, Reply)

^Karl 'guff enough' Brown

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:16, Reply)

^guff ryders

( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:29, Reply)

^Guff McClag-gone

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 16:15, Reply)

viz.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/020_04012014_09-43.png
( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 16:16, Reply)

Haha I knew what that was going to be

( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 16:21, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7341303
( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:13, Reply)

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The stench and sound of an outrageous fart tune
Or to take it up the arse against the side of Bejams
And by opposing end them?
( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:13, Reply)

last line needs work tbh

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:15, Reply)

Bejams?

( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:16, Reply)

'member?

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:16, Reply)

I was down with the Fine Fare at the time...

( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:17, Reply)

we didn't have Fine Fare in Winchester, that I know of

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:19, Reply)

My nan to her dying day referred to iceland as bejams
There
( mongychops, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:20, Reply)

i2-prod.coventrytelegraph.net/incoming/article13880875.ece/ALTERNATES/s615b/1310225_Bejam.jpg
( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:22, Reply)

ah '80s cov, what a beautiful place to be

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:56, Reply)

If your nan died before 1989 that would make sense

( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:28, Reply)

to her was danny ing day ref red to iceland as bejams
( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:58, Reply)

Cause when the going gets guff, The guffs get going
When the going gets rough, the guffs get rough
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:30, Reply)

^Willy Blowbum

( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:37, Reply)

Carribean Queef
that was his follow up, or follow-through as it were.
( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:40, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8180299
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 15:41, Reply)

always guff
and don't blame the dog, own it
( Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 16:20, Reply)

It's my farty and I'll cry if I want to

( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 16:22, Reply)

That's why I fell for, The Leader of the Parp

( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 16:30, Reply)

YEAH WHAT-EVERRRRRRRRRR
alright?
( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:25, Reply)

alright beefy

( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:34, Reply)

yo man

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:51, Reply)

Hail flebbow, well met.
Just booked my tickets to go and see my dad for a week in August.
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:45, Reply)

You need tickets for prison visiting nowadays?

( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:46, Reply)

No, his dad's a dancer for Man 2 Man meet Man Parrish

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:54, Reply)

I feel like I should get this
*edit* ah I 'member, as you were
( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:55, Reply)

I've no idea what he's on about but that's par for the course when he makes obscure musical references.

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:58, Reply)

basically yer old man's a reet chutney

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:58, Reply)

he wears a chutney's hat
he drops his grimy trousers in a dim-lit council flat
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:17, Reply)

he fucken does

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:45, Reply)

I don't know how Man Parrish went from Hip Hop Be Bop to that abomination
I can only think Man 2 Man must have been the problem
( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:00, Reply)

can only think really enjoy sweaty 2 on must have been the problem action.
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:03, Reply)

yerr I had the album, only 2 good tracks as I recall

( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:04, Reply)

correct
terrible cover as well
( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:47, Reply)

My boss just asked what an mc was and whether they were like that norman cook fellow
I work with cool people yo
( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 14:38, Reply)

I booked cinema tickets for me and the kid to see a jap cartoon yesterday
turned up at the cinema....the film's not on 'til November.

MNEEEUURGGHHH
( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:53, Reply)

what was the film?

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:54, Reply)

Mirai

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:00, Reply)

not heard of that one
but it seems it only came out in japan 3 days ago, you wally

i'd quite like to see that 'your name' that people are banging on about
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:05, Reply)

i'd quite like to see that 'your nan' that people are banging

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:23, Reply)

i assumed you were first in the queue, ma8e

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:27, Reply)

Smooth.

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:58, Reply)

look I'm not being funny right but that is bang out of order?

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:50, Reply)

you never are being funny m8
OOHHHHHH BURRRRNNNNNNNN!!!!!
( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:52, Reply)

ooh you cow

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:53, Reply)

right bitch aint I

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:55, Reply)

lollity roffles

( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:56, Reply)

Morning

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:51, Reply)

here he is

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:51, Reply)

My local doesn't seem to be handing out poke gifts very often at the moment

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:17, Reply)

i think they've reduced the number of gifts given out
i like seeing your bursted wood though ;)
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:18, Reply)

Must have, even the schools not giving me many, do they expect me to move or saink

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:23, Reply)

i guess so
i get gifts more often from the mosque than from the church next door to it. makes you think, eh?
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:28, Reply)

Seems a bit drastic but I'll call an estate agent

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:33, Reply)

i wonder when they'll add pokemon go info to things like rightmove
some people probably care more about being near stops and gyms than being in a good school catchment area, right?
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:43, Reply)

bastards

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:23, Reply)

Think I'm going up town Thursday so I'll make hay then

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:27, Reply)

don't believe me, just watch

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:28, Reply)

i would be, except there's this german cunt who keeps making me do some work.
if not for him, i'd have bollocks-all to do all week.
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:54, Reply)

that's me

( $$, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:56, Reply)

stop harassing me about your dead dad's football match, please
it'll be done when it's done
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:06, Reply)

bit disrespectful

( $$, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:09, Reply)

yeah, maybe
but i tried being nice and you took advantage, so now here we are.
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:16, Reply)

frinkiac.com/video/S03E11/MrvnOf0g_yX5d00K0VyY2Tl44EU=.gif
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:58, Reply)

frinkiac.com/video/S05E02/d9rkMv7PMx9ppX8ajcSSX1ilqBI=.gif
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:08, Reply)

the rotter

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:01, Reply)

brexit means brexit

( $$, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:56, Reply)

we're taking back control

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:58, Reply)

hard brexit in the boys' showers

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:01, Reply)

it's about time someone said it

( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:04, Reply)

Brexit means whatever I say it means
now go and tidy your room.
( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:13, Reply)

I just went to the shops
It's fucking swarming with fat old pensioners out there.
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 12:56, Reply)

Maybe they're looking for a new nest?

( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 13:29, Reply)

they're like so many flies swarming around cut-price dog food.

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 13:40, Reply)

yeah, not bad

( Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 13:44, Reply)

Too fucking warm.
And it's making me run really late cos every patient comes in and asks why we don't have air conditioning in our new building and I have to go off on another angry rant about BREEAM
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 13:58, Reply)

BREEAMs can come true
Look at me babe I'm with you
You know you gotta have hope
You know you gotta be strong
( $$, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 14:03, Reply)

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=BREEM
( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 14:05, Reply)

What's breeam got to do with you not installing aircon ?

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 14:13, Reply)

In order for NHS England to agree to pay notional rent on new GP buildings they have to meet stupid energy efficiency criteria (set by BREEAM).
Hence we weren't allowed air con, despite the fact that we installed several thousand pounds worth of solar panels.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 14:21, Reply)

Sounds like you had shit consultants , plenty of buildings meet breeam and are fitted with aircon

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 14:24, Reply)

that's not due to BREEAM
that's due to your owners cheaping out on construction materials and figuring out that if they don't install selotex installation and multiple racks, they don't have to fork out for aircon either.
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 14:26, Reply)

with you not installing aircon got to do with it
( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 14:22, Reply)

you had a BREEAM?

( Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 14:34, Reply)

I breeamed a breeam in times gone by

( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 14:37, Reply)

didn't we all, m8

( Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 14:43, Reply)

morning

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 6:54, Reply)

yawning and stretching and making uncouth sounds, more like

( Woodkovsky can use the Force, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 7:05, Reply)

my wife's away for a week
so I did a big manly piss with the door open
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 7:06, Reply)

"free at last"

( Woodkovsky can use the Force, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 7:09, Reply)

it's as much a holiday for me as it is for her
she can go to the lakes and swim and eat Polish village food, and I can stay at home with burgers and play with my power tools.
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 7:11, Reply)

power tools willy.
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 7:11, Reply)

I did a big manly piss with the window open last night.
Right into next doors garden.
(wankywankywankwank, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 7:12, Reply)

water for your crops m8

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 7:16, Reply)

Today I start stripping out and refitting my bathroom.
I hope it doesn't go really shit
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 7:15, Reply)

out and refitting my bathroom.
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 7:17, Reply)

Morning
gosh, it's very hot...
( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 7:41, Reply)

I just took my top off m8

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 7:59, Reply)

Things are gettign steamy in /talk

( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 8:45, Reply)

Hubba hubba, toil and trubba,
Fiah burn and cawdron bubba.
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 8:35, Reply)

pretty sure this is racist

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 8:35, Reply)

It's from the lost score of George Gershwin's 'Macbeth'.

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 8:38, Reply)

hi g'ang

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 8:46, Reply)

Hi Ri'chard

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 8:51, Reply)

eyes down for another great week of top bantz here on b3ta dot com forward slash talk

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 8:48, Reply)

oh boy I've just had some new sandals delivered
now the summer can truly begin
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 8:49, Reply)

I got my kid a pair of worn-once Birkenstocks for £20 off of 'Eeeh Bay', wot a bargain

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 8:52, Reply)

I knew you wouldn't resist footwear chat

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:05, Reply)

It's my Achilles' heel

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:16, Reply)

I've always stood by Tevas (well, stood in really)
is there anything better/cheaper that you, as a sandal connoisseur, would recommend?
( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:14, Reply)

I got some of their royalty line, which come with a little bottle of booze
Tevas Regal
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:17, Reply)

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:22, Reply)

I can see that little smirk of yours

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:30, Reply)

*zips up flies*

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:52, Reply)

I don't get.... oh.
for fuck's sake, I wasted ten seconds of brain on that. Those cells will never grow back now...
( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:25, Reply)

shank him

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:28, Reply)

vegan birkenstocks

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:24, Reply)

Any relation to Jane?

( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:26, Reply)

yes I am

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:28, Reply)

alright rod

( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 10:24, Reply)

lol

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 10:33, Reply)

two fat ladies, click click click

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 8:51, Reply)

morning
looking forward to a week of thunderstorms and 30 degree heat! can't wait!
(hmmmm, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 8:56, Reply)

I like big storms
all this clear blue sky is getting really dull
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 8:58, Reply)

me too
but the humidity will be unbearable
(hmmmm, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:33, Reply)

Dilemma of the day:
A job vacancy has emerged that fits my skillset perfectly but is for a company that makes MMORPGs, so I'm not sure I could sell being passionate about MMORPGs in the interview when I actually don't give a toss about them. Then there's my mate who's just moved back in with his parents because he can't find work and is an absolutely rabid fan of that sort of game, but he doesn't speak English so he can't apply. Ironylols or sutin.
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:22, Reply)

*googles*
Fuck that
( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:23, Reply)

It looks like a really friendly place to work
but I'm not sure I could handle my colleagues blathering on about spellcasting and mana all day long.
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:29, Reply)

Again I say, fuck that

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 10:04, Reply)

not sure what the dilemma is here
either you need a job or you don't
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:27, Reply)

take the job, start a blog
document your daily interactions with the sort of people who build MMORPGs for a living. I knew at least one bloke who played them semi-professionally and he was a proper weirdo.
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:31, Reply)

That might be a decent way to maintain my grip on sanity.

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:33, Reply)

what would you be doing? translating UIs and story texts etc?

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:35, Reply)

Don't know; the posting doesn't really go into detail.

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:49, Reply)

sanit my will
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:35, Reply)

also, you can easily bullshit about MMORPGs with very little knowledge
"I have to be honest; I'm not much of a fantasy fan and I don't really know what the difference is between a wizard and a sorcerer. But I'm really amazed at the way a game can bring people together from all over the world to work together on something, and how they cater to so many different playing styles whether it's a massive story or a constant grind or just a huge bloody fight etc etc etc."
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:34, Reply)

"I'm not into sorcery, but I know a wizard's sleeve when I see one "

(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:40, Reply)

wahey!

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:50, Reply)

Oh yeah, I'm definitely going to play the honesty card rather than try to blag it as a diehard fan.

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:50, Reply)

just learn a few tactical facts
* EVE had to employ a full time economist to handle the in-game currency due to the complexity of the internal trading market.
* The bloke who does the voice of Winnie the Pooh was the voice of hamster-loving maniac Minsc in Baldur's Gate.
* I can't think of anything else interesting about RPGs.
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:57, Reply)

See, you're already sounding like a fan there.

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Mon 23 Jul 2018, 10:02, Reply)

I read all the Skyrim memes on imgur to keep up with the cool kids

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 10:04, Reply)

read all the Sky memes on imgur to keep up with the cool
lol
( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 10:09, Reply)

urgh no

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 10:10, Reply)

+that's the way
no huh urgh huh I like it
( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 10:14, Reply)

+ny

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 10:07, Reply)

78.media.tumblr.com/d223ceb5c0b47719b3ade0d1cadbc788/tumblr_pc8cz7Gx0M1sl87kjo1_1280.gif
( $$, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:28, Reply)

hypnotic

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:29, Reply)

like any ginge has been that close to a naked woman

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:30, Reply)

Morning
Couldn't get to sleep last night, think it's going to take more than coffee to keep me going today
(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:36, Reply)

heroin?

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:38, Reply)

I was thinking berocca, but whatever

(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:42, Reply)

+9mm
occ ett
+to the forehead
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:43, Reply)

I doubt that would work

(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:50, Reply)

nothing like a big hit of smack to get you up out of your seat and raring to go, eh

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 11:25, Reply)

Good morning fellow happy campers! :) :) :)

( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:42, Reply)

camping?
triggered
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:44, Reply)

*stretches*
media.giphy.com/media/eFL7FMFup7aFi/giphy.gif
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 9:50, Reply)

thanks for that
my boss just walked past and got an erection. Now he won't stop talking about it.
( $$, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 10:39, Reply)

the worst part is I'm self-employed

( $$, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 10:40, Reply)

he wants you to touch it

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 10:42, Reply)

I want him to touch it

( broadsword, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 10:43, Reply)

afternoon
I'm covered in paint. The tin said "old marble" but it looks more like ivory to me.
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 17:03, Reply)

I once painted an entire room with what was described as "terracotta"
by the time it dried the room was pink.
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 18:21, Reply)

the previous colour was some sort of canteloupe
under that it was a violently lime green, and below that seems to be avocado. Fuck knows what was going through the head of the previous owners.
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 18:31, Reply)

Sounds like the choices of bathroom suite colours in the 80s

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 18:42, Reply)

I might redecorate the bathroom
Possibly duck egg blue or a light grey
(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 18:32, Reply)

uck og
blue

+like dog poo from the 70s
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 18:39, Reply)

I like this bathroom theme that's going on here

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 18:43, Reply)

My bathroom is red and has podka dots on :)

( broadsword, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 19:35, Reply)

Dog eggs aren't suitable for painting with
The texture's all wrong
(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 20:08, Reply)

they're fine for that awful 90s sponged-on paint effect

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 20:28, Reply)

Urgh.
That's what the previous tenant left for me to deal with
(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 20:49, Reply)

You won't

( The Hedgehog From Hell, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 0:36, Reply)

paint spunk
tin man
old marble but it looks more like ivory to me. Taste it
( $$, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 18:49, Reply)

Any any any old marble.
I'm covered in sunshoine after going pickernicking at the lake.
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Sun 22 Jul 2018, 19:01, Reply)

lake?
triggered
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 20:29, Reply)

Hahahaha.
It was thankfully shanty-free where I was.
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Sun 22 Jul 2018, 20:34, Reply)

Lakes are wasted on most of you

( mongychops, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 21:50, Reply)

i fell in a couple when i was a lad

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 21:58, Reply)

I've gone in loads

( mongychops, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 23:14, Reply)

why can't you just use a brush or roller like everybody else

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 19:51, Reply)

I used both

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 20:29, Reply)

I found out why the Batavus wasn't running very well.
Turns out I had left a washer on the cylinder stud under the gasket.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 22 Jul 2018, 20:17, Reply)

you absolute stupid fucking wanker

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 20:29, Reply)

Yerr

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 22 Jul 2018, 20:31, Reply)

We just bought some paint for the bathroom.
Unlike most denizens of this board, I wouldn't normally presume that anyone gave the slightest fuck about that, but after reading the preceding beakering responses in this thread I feel the need to inform the internet that the paint is white.
( The Hedgehog From Hell, Mon 23 Jul 2018, 0:35, Reply)

Morning

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 10:13, Reply)

Alright Rich.
I just pulled the trigger on a copy of Slade - Sladest. Must still be pissed from last night.

Do you like Betty Davis? I watched a new doc about her the other week.
( Slippery Mick, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 10:22, Reply)

Oh yeah? Is that on 't3h interwebz'?

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 10:45, Reply)

I saw it in a cinema but it's available to stream from the 27th on something called lushplayer (ffs)
beta.lush.com/en/article/lush-player-to-host-betty-they-say-i-m-different%20?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=lush_gorilla&utm_campaign=no_campaign&utm_term=betty-%20big%20freak&utm_name=article_page
( Slippery Mick, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 10:48, Reply)

Nice one m8

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 10:57, Reply)

morning
I'm back in civilisation. What a waste of a weekend that trip was.
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 10:51, Reply)

Is Poland still alright to holiday in September/October or is it bastard cold by then?

( Slippery Mick, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:01, Reply)

September's lovely. October chill kicks in around the middle of the month, but it's no worse than the UK
where are thinking of going?
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:06, Reply)

France

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:18, Reply)

Long weekend around Krakow or Gdansk I reckon.

( Slippery Mick, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:19, Reply)

Although come to think of it, my passport has expired.
Should do something about that really.
( Slippery Mick, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:21, Reply)

as long as you avoid November 1st (national holiday) you'll be fine

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:35, Reply)

Ta!

( Slippery Mick, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:40, Reply)

I had a houseful of kids yesterday, was actually a lot of fun
Lunch out and cinema today, some Jap cartoon.
( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:18, Reply)

Cinema is showing the first Indiana Jones and Strangers on a Train today.
Tempted to swing in and get a spoons lunch and batter them.
( Slippery Mick, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:20, Reply)

I spent 6 hours in a car with a grumpy toddler
to get to some fleabitten ex-communist lakeside campsite, just in time for a fucking sea shanty festival to set up next door, blasting out Polish folk songs across their bastard PA so hard it made the cabin windows rattle. We abandonned camp after two hours, what a fucking waste.
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:34, Reply)

I spent the day at a Farmer's market that sells pierogi and loads of Polish food
Then at a rodeo followed by a junior league baseball game- and then four hours at the pub- so quite a busy day for me.
( Lord Gnome I was only obeying orders, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 12:02, Reply)

That sounds like hell

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 12:03, Reply)

the location itself isn't that bad
it's a marina in a national park with a few isolated cabins dotted around, of which my wife's family owns two. If you want peace and quiet and a nice swim surround by forests, it's lovely. Until someone sets up a surprise shantathon.
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 12:27, Reply)

<s>n</s> r

(wankywankywankwank, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 12:37, Reply)

Squeezing in before 12

(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 11:59, Reply)

disgusting

( Slippery Mick, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 12:36, Reply)

alright

( mongychops, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 21:37, Reply)

Alright mongy.

( Slippery Mick, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 21:51, Reply)

Yo

( mongychops, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:35, Reply)

evening

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:05, Reply)

Hi

( mongychops, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:35, Reply)

Sup

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:12, Reply)

Sweet

( mongychops, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:35, Reply)

Gruntacular.

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:44, Reply)

Wonderful

(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:50, Reply)

Nighty night.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 23:03, Reply)

sweetest m

( broadsword, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 0:17, Reply)

My my favourite teacher is retiring.
He was an expert on the who so I'm on Meaty Big and Bouncy.
( Slippery Mick, Sun 22 Jul 2018, 0:34, Reply)

morning
I'm up at the lakes. You could practically piss into Belarus or Lithuania from here
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 6:30, Reply)

Crossing the border just to take a slash seems excessive.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 7:40, Reply)

only the wee crosses the border

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:54, Reply)

what if there's a tailwind

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:13, Reply)

cork it

( Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 16:08, Reply)

cork the wind?

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 16:48, Reply)

Corkwind?

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 22:12, Reply)

"anything to declare?"
"yeah i declare i need a piss"
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 21:17, Reply)

Belarus can fuck off

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 21 Jul 2018, 8:08, Reply)

what did it ever do to you?

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:54, Reply)

I'm down 't pit.

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Sat 21 Jul 2018, 8:39, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_GevN7Km74
( Woodkovsky can use the Force, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 10:01, Reply)

No m8.
Definitely not.
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Sat 21 Jul 2018, 10:08, Reply)

alright andy dwyer

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:28, Reply)

Not quite sure why Andy Dwyer should be down the pit; I guess I haven't seen that episode.

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Sat 21 Jul 2018, 13:32, Reply)

have you seen any episodes?
in the early going, he's in the pit quite a lot
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:10, Reply)

Alright, technically I have seen no episodes.
I have seen several excerpts and that is it.
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:11, Reply)

you should watch it, it's great. first series is weaker than the others but is only 6 episodes, i think

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:16, Reply)

it really is great
I don't usually like anything, but there's not a single duff character in it.
We're up to season six, which seems to be the weakest one so far, but still good
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 15:17, Reply)

i was glad to see the back of brendanawicz
but everyone else is solid gold
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 15:57, Reply)

oh yeah he was dull, I'd forgotten he even existed

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 18:24, Reply)

also there's a whole song by him/his band about being in the pit
really, you've embarrassed yourself here
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:17, Reply)

Well, I've learned something today.
I'll add it to my list of things to watch when I have a moment.
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:23, Reply)

armpit, more like

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:54, Reply)

bampot, more like

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Sat 21 Jul 2018, 17:20, Reply)

Morning
I'm watching forensic detectives and contemplating breakfast
(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 8:43, Reply)

What is for breakfast?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 8:53, Reply)

Haven't decided
Noodles maybe
(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 9:02, Reply)

I'm going with tortellini

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 9:11, Reply)

Spicy noodles it is

(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 9:19, Reply)

What's forensics doing? Has someone got shanked?

( Slippery Mick, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:44, Reply)

Lots of murders

(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:58, Reply)

Can't be drugs related, the police will look the other way if you decapitate the.

( Slippery Mick, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 19:55, Reply)

...and this was the final thing posted by forum member 'slippery mick' on the unpopular forum 'b3ta'
before he was brutally decapitated

back to you in the studio, tom
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 20:00, Reply)

I'm still laid up in bed
And was feeling pretty good about that until now
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 8:52, Reply)

Yeah like Lithuania is a thing

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 10:26, Reply)

it's Latvia's haemorrhoid pillow

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:52, Reply)

tell that to LT united, the 2006 eurovision entry
they really put lithuania on the map
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:26, Reply)

I know a Lithuanian lass, she is basically exactly the same as Sonja in Partridge.
The otherwise sullen Eastern European bar staff used to smirk and shoot knowing glances at you when she was rabbiting about stuff.
( Slippery Mick, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 20:19, Reply)

There is a spelling error in the newsletter title.
Rob is actually 100% useless
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 21 Jul 2018, 10:48, Reply)

Stella Artois.
Reassuring expensive.
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Sat 21 Jul 2018, 10:59, Reply)

i.imgur.com/aiEJH.gif
( $$, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 11:27, Reply)

The sun comes up another day begins
And I don't even worry about the state I'm in
( Slippery Mick, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 12:35, Reply)

Alabama
Alaska
Arizona
Arkansas
California
Colorado
Connecticut
Delaware
Florida
Georgia
Hawaii
Idaho
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
or
Wyoming
?
( vladimir whitcomb is betwixt, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:13, Reply)

lol ming

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:18, Reply)

there's a actual place called godalming
lol imagine having to give your address
( vladimir whitcomb is betwixt, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 15:00, Reply)

yup
trains from here pass through there so you hear it on platform announcements a lot
:)
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 16:04, Reply)

why aren't there any states that start with B, E, J, Q, X, Y or Z?

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:20, Reply)

like, Q, X & Z... fair enough
but B, E, J & Y? those are primo letters
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:21, Reply)

i think they should do a poll of which states people can remember, and the lowest scoring ones get re-named

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:22, Reply)

#alphabetequalityNOW
#barkansas
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:22, Reply)

also, hey vlad. how're you?

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:23, Reply)

:) hi manolith I am OK, how are you

( vladimir whitcomb is betwixt, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:48, Reply)

oh you know
strikes and gutters, ups and downs
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:53, Reply)

good as me then :/

( vladimir whitcomb is betwixt, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:58, Reply)

*sad high five*

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 16:04, Reply)

OK let's see, as we'll need to be renaming a few of the shires, come next year
Belligerence
East Island
Jamabama
Quitecloudii
Xenophobia
Yesterdaynia
Zippedydoodahland
( vladimir whitcomb is betwixt, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 14:58, Reply)

oh FUCK now I am going to be spending the rest of the afternoon saying "Jamabama" very quietly in my head, hashtag ownworstenemy :(((
( vladimir whitcomb is betwixt, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 15:08, Reply)

maybe you could try singing it to the tune of karma chameleon

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 15:19, Reply)

oh thank you VERY much
aaaaaargh
( vladimir whitcomb is betwixt, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 15:31, Reply)

https://youtu.be/zjyIf304lkQ

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Sat 21 Jul 2018, 15:40, Reply)

at the end of every day i drive through the city of charleston and i cross the bridge that will take me home.
i feel the words building inside me, i can't stop them, or tell you why i say them, but as i reach the top of the bridge these words come to me in a whisper. i say these words as a prayer, as regret, as praise, i say:

jamabama, ...jamabama.
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 16:02, Reply)

lol

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 0:02, Reply)

I'm laughing on the inside
/ILOTI
( The Hedgehog From Hell, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 0:42, Reply)

rofl

( broadsword, Sat 21 Jul 2018, 2:09, Reply)

*guffs*

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:16, Reply)

I just sent an order to someone called Zebedee, hope it doesn't get bounced back

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:17, Reply)

time for bed

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:21, Reply)

saucy

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:23, Reply)

I can't tell if the people eating in this pub are having a really late lunch or a really early dinner

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:24, Reply)

does it matter?

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:24, Reply)

I like to know how things stand

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:25, Reply)

with two feet normally!
lol
( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:29, Reply)

or four if your a quadruped

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:30, Reply)

lol

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:30, Reply)

lol

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:00, Reply)

terrible bullying of unidexters

( mofaha boils a hammer, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:15, Reply)

oh man, 'Press Gang' was brilliant!

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:31, Reply)

lol

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:33, Reply)

Julia Sawalha eh lads lads

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 19:55, Reply)

oh they deserve one hundred percent

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:33, Reply)

I tend to eat when I'm hungry rather than conform to stereotypical mealtimes

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:30, Reply)

I can't handle this cavalier approach

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:05, Reply)

typical Cromwellian

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:32, Reply)

I can tell you that they are all depressingly fat though

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:25, Reply)

having a lunch dinner combo
lunner
( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:28, Reply)

dunch

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:30, Reply)

I'm dunching myself as I type this

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:31, Reply)

I've got 1/2 hour to go, then I'm gonna dunch like I've never dunched before

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:32, Reply)

#dunchit

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:35, Reply)

short for donkey punch
;)
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:52, Reply)

jedi dunch

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:52, Reply)

smells like the seaside

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:24, Reply)

this prince phil stuff on twitter, etc is bonkers
i know someone mentioned it in the last thread but stop living in the past, man
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:51, Reply)

it's the cyst on his anus that keeps playing up

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:56, Reply)

I in-cyst

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:56, Reply)

cyst again
like we did last summer
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:03, Reply)

cyst of the north star

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:32, Reply)

aaaahhh... cysto

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:36, Reply)

*gets tattoo*

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 18:53, Reply)

What have I done to deserve cyst?

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:34, Reply)

Is he on Twitter now? That is excellent news, he'll show Trump how it's really done.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:39, Reply)

loads of people on twitter said he was dead
then a bunch of news sites farted out '5 things that will happen when prince philip dies' articles at once and there were reports of bbc newsreaders changing into black clothing
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 18:00, Reply)

Smells like a dead dog

(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:59, Reply)

turns out that I needed to do a really smelly poo

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:07, Reply)

needed to do am
( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:36, Reply)

Guffs aside, it's time for bed

(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 22:49, Reply)

nice guff m8

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:01, Reply)

*glyphs*

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:05, Reply)

^gilf

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:23, Reply)

Yer gran's so wide and wet, they call her the Gilf of Mexico.

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:28, Reply)

I wonder why zouwan put me on ignore , probably got a shit watch

( mongychops, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:15, Reply)

and yet the mods do nothing

( manolith doveston cup over. winner - windy pig, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 17:23, Reply)

inexcusable

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 18:29, Reply)

You can pretend to care
www.doplr-watch.com/en/
( mongychops, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 18:44, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NyMSWqIJDQ
( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 19:00, Reply)

Wow, what a copy of everything , she's done well tho for a rat

( mongychops, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 19:03, Reply)

I guess they couldn't catch her outside

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 19:22, Reply)

She will end up doing bird

( mongychops, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 19:32, Reply)

or die before 20

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 19:42, Reply)

She takes it up the arse for a Maccy D's saver menu.

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 19:52, Reply)

oh my GOD, stop everything,
SOMEONE IS REBELLING!
( vladimir whitcomb is betwixt, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 22:21, Reply)

Don't forget to put your bins about

( Zuowan, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:34, Reply)

k

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:35, Reply)

r

( Zuowan, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:36, Reply)

Has someone already said Price Philip is dead?
If so they have me on ignore, their loss
He probably isn't even dead anyway
( Zuowan, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:36, Reply)

no, but he does have an infected cyst on his anus

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:56, Reply)

You've just reminded me that I have to bring mine back in

(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:55, Reply)

RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE!

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:24, Reply)

Bollocks
was meant to join mates for a hot air balloon ride. Weather's deteriorating so it's been cancelled. What's particularly annoying is it was a bucket list request of a mate who isn't long for this world...
( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:32, Reply)

Surely this is just deferred?
How little time do they have left?
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:46, Reply)

Depends when it's rescheduled for
I booked today off work weeks ago, not sure if I can get something at late notice.
( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:57, Reply)

Throw a sickie.
Remember to not post any selfies from the air.
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:01, Reply)

Hi.
Bath sorted for monday. So I can relax.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:38, Reply)

Your first wash of the year?

( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:39, Reply)

Whether he needs it or not.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:44, Reply)

piss on him

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:45, Reply)

Is he on fire?

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:46, Reply)

he will be after I've finished with him

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:59, Reply)

brexit means brexit

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:43, Reply)

brexit means stockpiling canned goods.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:45, Reply)

If you can't handle me at my Brexist, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my Brexiest.
Brexit.
( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:59, Reply)

#hardbrexitnow

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:00, Reply)

you EU
( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:00, Reply)

enormous uterus?

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:09, Reply)

No need to say it twice!

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 16:12, Reply)

I already have

(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:49, Reply)

no

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:51, Reply)

Fine, be like that.

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:54, Reply)

Aww just as the rigor mortis had set into my winky

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:56, Reply)

lol, stiff

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:58, Reply)

lol i no lol

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:11, Reply)

no way lol

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:12, Reply)

way lol

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:14, Reply)

lol

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:15, Reply)

lol yeah lol

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:15, Reply)

Get fucked

( mongychops, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 15:32, Reply)

my boss asked me to do some late Friday evening work as "bonus overtime"
but I'm already fucking off early for a family trip. Who's trying to ruin your weekend?
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:08, Reply)

Supermodels and their constant demands for sexual gratification
when all I really want to do is wash the Accord, and maybe kick the ass of some little punks
( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:13, Reply)

try not to stain your best khaki chinos m8

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:18, Reply)

My mate jim is insisting I meet him at the bank so he can pay me back the money he owes me , twat doesn't even have a job and is paying me out of his late wife's insurance

( mongychops, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:34, Reply)

don't turn up

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:56, Reply)

If it stops him fretting I'll have to take it , it'll be there if he needs it back

( mongychops, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:00, Reply)

whatever God decides I will accept

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:34, Reply)

God has decided that he wants you to shit on a dog's tits

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:01, Reply)

WHY NOT TRY SHITTING ON A DOG'S TITS, M8

( God - smiting mortals since 4004 BC, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:37, Reply)

Nice one, God

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 14:40, Reply)

The weather, at this rate.
It's been sunny and hot as a bastard all week and the stormclouds are looming now that the weekend is here.

Edit: sure enough, the open-air bar tonight has become an indoor bar in the centre of town. FECK!
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:40, Reply)

My wife
She's invited her (admittedly very nice) friends and their kids to lunch tomorrow. They have four daughters, two of which are autistic. I have to feed 9 people which I've never done before, and my wife can't help because she's still recovering from surgery.

This also means I will be far too busy to take the kid to kickboxing, which will result in a row with her mum on Sunday night when she goes home.
( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:00, Reply)

which whom
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:06, Reply)

Coming from the man who posted 'devestation' only this morning....

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:07, Reply)

there's a difference between a typo
and being a complete grammar spaz who can't tell a relative pronoun from a collapsed anus though.
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:15, Reply)

I reckon it's a Freudian slip and he's referring to them as inanimate objects because they're autisms.

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:21, Reply)

autisms female
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:21, Reply)

they should be gassed

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:24, Reply)

They're coming to the right place, then.
Parp!
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:36, Reply)

Oh man that was a devestating putdown!

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:24, Reply)

you should be put down m8

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:26, Reply)

just order in takeaway pizza for everyone

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:13, Reply)

Bargain buckets are were the real value lies

( mongychops, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:20, Reply)

yeah but everyone likes pizza

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:33, Reply)

My grandad didn't, but he didn't really enjoy his time in Italy, bit violent

( mongychops, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 13:08, Reply)

lol, whipped

( monster munch - it's cheeseburgers, all the way down, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:25, Reply)

I'll do it all for £30

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:30, Reply)

including getting the kid to kickboxing?

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:32, Reply)

Seems like a good deal

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:41, Reply)

No
but for an extra tenner I'll do naked cartwheels and sing Pima Indian folk songs.
( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 13:03, Reply)

My mate
It's her fault I'm hungover
(Smash Monkey 2 Definitely didn't decapitate Slippery Mick, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 12:36, Reply)

It's her fault I'm not hungover

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 13:58, Reply)

The bath that was supposed to be delivered tomorrow is not going to be delivered.
So that's a job fucked and now I've got to find a bath from somewhere else.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 13:25, Reply)

I'll be a bath for a tenner

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 13:26, Reply)

morning II: Judgement Day

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:33, Reply)

DU-DUN DUN DU-DUN
DU-DUN DUN DU-DUN
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:47, Reply)

needs more of that hammer-on-steel noise that great action movie soundtracks have

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:49, Reply)

The days when people knew you needed more to make an action movie than $200 million in special effects, 'member?

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:33, Reply)

dunno, action films as a genre don't age well
even the "classics" are only cool because of all the shit puns
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:46, Reply)

Going to have to disagree with you on that one.
I'd rather watch an old film with car chases involving actual cars, explosions involving things actually getting blown up and a script full of cheesy puns than a dogfight between a thousand fake aircraft and a flat and formulaic script, which is what action films seem to be these days.
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:51, Reply)

Atomic Blonde was damn good fun!

( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:59, Reply)

It was, I did enjoy that one.
Some pretty gorgeous cinematography in it as well, with Charlize Theron's nude bathing scene a long-awaited departure from the virtually omnipresent "there's an attractive female lead character so we have to show her in the shower at some point" trope, its chilly palette giving her the visceral morbidity of a Lucian Freud study.

That Sofia Boutella's a babe as well.
( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:11, Reply)

i am in bed with a hangover

( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:50, Reply)

was it totally worth it?
morning
( Woodkovsky can use the Force, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:54, Reply)

ya

( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:58, Reply)

he's got a name, you insensitive bastard

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:56, Reply)

'im indoors has gone to work

( garidead Have fun and let's make this good., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:58, Reply)

Hello there

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:03, Reply)

well, it wasn't you I was looking for
but you'll do
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:05, Reply)

Deadpoo 2: Prepare For The Second Coming

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:39, Reply)

lol come

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:04, Reply)

*squart*

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:46, Reply)

*squit*

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:47, Reply)

I just unleashed devestation in my toilet

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:04, Reply)

shit it

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:47, Reply)

shit it real good
do dee-do-doo do doo
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:04, Reply)

Better get ready for judgment
You better get ready for judgment morning
You better get ready for judgment
My God is coming down
( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:52, Reply)

It’s Friday, Friday
Got to get down on Friday
Everybody’s looking forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Getting down on Friday
Everybody’s looking forward to the weekend
( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:54, Reply)

gotta have your bowl
gotta have cereal
( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:05, Reply)

as true today as it was when it was written

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:10, Reply)

God winky
down lol
( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 8:57, Reply)

lol

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:03, Reply)

lol

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:07, Reply)

lol it's true

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:10, Reply)

Chill out, dickwad.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:11, Reply)

No problemo

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:39, Reply)

Hiya

( mongychops, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:34, Reply)

wotcha

( Grrrmachine your existence is still meaningless, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:39, Reply)

Now in its 10th year, this festive feast in the company of business
colleagues and superb comedians, promises to be a fun and lively afternoon.


Hosting the event will be the brilliant CHARLIE BAKER (Harry Hill's teatime, The Premier League Show).

Joining him will be our very special guests Russell Kane & Rob Beckett who will also be joined by Justin Moorhouse.

Join the party at midday for arrival drinks and a complimentary bar*, followed by a sumptuous 4 course lunch at your own private table. Then sit back and relax with an afternoon of comedy.

Platinum tables for 10 are available now at £2,750 + Vat includes: *Inclusive beers, wines and soft drinks from midday-4pm, a delicious 4 Course Lunch. Company Logo in event Programme and GUARANTEED front row table.

Gold tables for 10 are available now at £2,250 + Vat includes: *Inclusive beers, wines and soft drinks from midday-4pm, a delicious 4 Course Lunch.
( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:55, Reply)

who's up for getting a /talk platinum table?

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 9:55, Reply)

I don't think there are 10 of us

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:00, Reply)

we could invite some people from /links to get the numbers up

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:07, Reply)

or maybe rob or kunt would be up for it

( Richard mcbeef Ham Master Jay, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:07, Reply)

Who *is* the Magic Donkey?

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:11, Reply)

me and my penis

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:21, Reply)

we're closer than pages that stick in a book

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:30, Reply)

and that's how it should always be

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:49, Reply)

Shit bruv I am all over this shit

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:21, Reply)

You had me at Rob Beckett
I'm all over this like AIDS on Freddie Mercury
( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:22, Reply)

I could drink 270 quids worth of booze

( mongychops, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:24, Reply)

you've only got 4 hours so you might have to skip the 4 course meal to focus on the drinking

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:35, Reply)

At no point was I going to eat

( mongychops, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:42, Reply)

I wonder what the vegetarian option is going to be

( tangledupinblue what will survive of us is guffs, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:45, Reply)

getting noshed off by Rob Beckett

( $$, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:50, Reply)

Mmm toothy

( broadsword, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 11:36, Reply)

All that's missing is Alan Carr for a royal flush of punchable faces.

( .Yeti. Get that down yer neck., Fri 20 Jul 2018, 10:30, Reply)

Well has it?

(wankywankywankwank, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 7:08, Reply)