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Yesssssss.
metro.co.uk/2018/11/15/may-quits-with-immediate-effect-after-poor-performance-8143408
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:31, Reply)
you saucy tease

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:40, Reply)
I almost came.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:41, Reply)
Something about having cake
and eating it, too.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:47, Reply)
Why would people who aren't hard right Tories want May to quit?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:57, Reply)
Lol, that butthurt beaker's put me on 2.0 as well.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 17:30, Reply)
Stuj has drunken episodes, he's not that stable

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 17:40, Reply)
I diagnose an acute case of "Spanishfly syndrome".

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 17:44, Reply)
nice one, 2 can

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 17:46, Reply)
it's nice having him around
like a window into the way b3ta used to be. largely because he's still running the same old jokes into the ground
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 18:01, Reply)
So what's your favourite 50p /talkers?
Mine's the Ascension Island one. It's got a turtle on it.
The Falklands one has a Warrah. which ain't as good.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:27, Reply)
What's your favourite refrigerator noise?
Mine's "hmmmmm", oh no, wait, actually I think it's "mmvvvvvvvv".
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:32, Reply)
I like to mmvvvvvvvv it mmvvvvvvvv it

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:34, Reply)
sexeh

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:44, Reply)
The one in my pocket

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:36, Reply)
I ain't putting my hand in there.
You might be Bob Todd.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:58, Reply)
pretty sure i've got better boobs

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:30, Reply)

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Brexit-Coin-Rare-Like-Kew-Gardens-50p-Souvenir-Hunt-Commemorative-Collectors/223155862009?hash=item33f52039f9:g:AXUAAOSwpM9bpPqF:rk:19:pf:0
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:00, Reply)
I like how Britain's bigger than fucking Norway
put those dirty Scandinavians in their place, what what
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:05, Reply)

🔥PUTTING 🔥FLAMES 🔥ON 🔥ADDS 🔥A 🔥SENSE 🔥OF 🔥QUALITY
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:25, Reply)
Please don't confuse this with legal tender.
Isn't that tantamount to admitting forgery?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:59, Reply)
I hope so

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:01, Reply)
"FAST AND FREE"
I submit that it is neither, but they get marks for coming up with a very Brexity slogan.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:32, Reply)
new thread please

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:21, Reply)
Make one then cunt.
It won't be anywhere near as good as this one, and you fucking know it.
In fact, why don't you just fuck off back to QFTW.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:00, Reply)
^ upset, or Australian.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:15, Reply)
mcbeef could do one of his threads that's just a big onomatopoeic word for a fart
and it would still be better than your thread
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:54, Reply)
This thread is testament to the casual racism legitimised by Brexit
as it is restricted to people living in the UK.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:58, Reply)
Shush it Justin.
Not my fault you can't get your fat face on the telly anymore.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:25, Reply)
Ham.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:43, Reply)
pffft

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 14:59, Reply)
Jimmy Pursey performs inverted oral on a reduced meat product

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:14, Reply)
Bravo.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:27, Reply)
RIP William Goldman
Willy to his mates
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 15:00, Reply)
Haha, Gold Wiily!
Like in that Mike Myers film.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:01, Reply)
Are you spanishfly or a different needy mental who sounds a lot like him?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:00, Reply)
the one you choke on and die

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:18, Reply)
Now that's the Grrry I remember.
A curmudgeonly meths-swigging misanthrope.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:25, Reply)
And with that the fucking melt blocked me, lol.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 16:33, Reply)
Dave Trouser is old and shit and senile
How are yoi "down with the yoot"?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:46, Reply)
I know what a Pokémon is.
That's still relevant, right?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:48, Reply)
only among sad middle aged blokes trying to hold onto their lost youth

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:53, Reply)
...shit.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:55, Reply)
Don't listen to 'em Aardvark!

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:21, Reply)
You say something?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 12:19, Reply)

listen to 'em tell him
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:19, Reply)
I'm not.
Although I did give a little girl a Beatrix Potter 50p I got in my change in the pub yesterday.
Not really altruistic, I just want to fuck her mum.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:49, Reply)

mum

disgusting.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:56, Reply)
:(
You are a bad person and should feel bad.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:00, Reply)
i'd have gone with:
m b
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:05, Reply)
I bet you would you dirty old bollocks

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:07, Reply)
You are an even badder person and should feel worse that Geordiejay should.
:(
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:16, Reply)
should have made it say autistic too. ah well

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 12:39, Reply)
TERRIBLE BULLYING! :(
MODS! oh...
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:22, Reply)
you idiot those coins are worth £10,000

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:58, Reply)
Nah they're worth 50p.
That's why they've got '50p' printed on 'em.
It was a squirrel one.
I thought 'If Jolly Jack had drawn that he'd have given it tits'.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:00, Reply)
I got 3 more today.
I got a rabbit one, a duck one and a different rabbit one.
I thought these things were supposed to be rare.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:23, Reply)
I couldn't give a fuck about them

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:51, Reply)
^The LOVELY Double Ess confirmed as not being SuperMatt.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:01, Reply)
I stay "fresh" and "reem" by keeping up with new music and sounds.
and also having ITVBe or MTV in the background some days.
They have a show where "celebrities" deliberately put shit tattoos on people they know.

HAHHAHA LOL
WOT ARE THEY LIKE?!

Stupid. That's what.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:55, Reply)
What the fuck is "reem"?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:57, Reply)
Anal reaming spelt wrong

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:02, Reply)
it comes from tacreem, which is a cunty little animal that compares everything and chooses the worst option
if the tacreem chooses, then that thing is reem.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:03, Reply)
So you're saying GeordieJay is trying to be the worst choice of a cunty animal?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:04, Reply)
Makes sense.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:15, Reply)
^^^ not reem

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 12:24, Reply)
Me, that's what.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 12:24, Reply)
if my son is anything to go by, the yout' are not all that down with it themselves, as he listens mostly to eminiem and 50 cent

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:57, Reply)
sorry to hear that, mate

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:58, Reply)
I accept that the natural order of things is for him to find music that I don't like

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:04, Reply)
I'm totally "down with the yoot" now because the average age of my colleagues is about 25.
So I get to listen to the girls spaz out about the latest Fantastic Beasts film and sing songs from The Lion King and talk about the Kardashians and their crotchfruit at lunchtime, when they're not glued to their phones.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:02, Reply)
Do they know you're hiding under their desk though?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:03, Reply)
No, the loudness of their gossiping handily blocks out my famished growling noises.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:06, Reply)
i'm surrounded by the cunts
so i absorb yootspeak by osmosis
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:10, Reply)
Sounds lit, fam

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:21, Reply)
yeet

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:30, Reply)
I would expect you have several yoots trapped in your beard.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:23, Reply)
I regard you as this forum's "voice of youth".

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 12:52, Reply)
Got two teenage kids ain't I, so I'm well hip and cool

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:14, Reply)
ain't nobody dope as me, i'm just so fresh, so clean

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:17, Reply)
I dab near constantly

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:32, Reply)
Sneezing into your elbow doesn't count.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:43, Reply)
Need to learn Orange Justice, m8.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 12:55, Reply)
I beatbox.
In the nude.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:45, Reply)
beatbo(llo)x

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 11:59, Reply)
I listened to a Janelle Monae record the other day.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 12:23, Reply)
brexit

(_)
(___)
| |_______
| |`-._`-.)
| |`-._`-(__________
| | `-.| :| |:)
| | _ _ _ | :| |(__________
| |-------| :| |:| _.-'_.-'|
| | |`:| |:|'_.-'_.-'|
| |_______|-- -|'_.-' |
| |- - - -| |' _ _ _ _|
| | _.|__ _|---------|
| | _.-'_.|-:| |:| |
| |'_.-'_.|':| |:|_________|
| |~~~~~~~| :| |:|- - - - -|
| | | :| |:|`-._ |
| | '~~~~~~~~~|`-._`-._ |
| | |`-._`-._`|
| | '~~~~~~~~~~
| |

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:02, Reply)
^ last hurrah from the vassal state

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:03, Reply)
When Boris becomes PM, Rees-Mogg Chancellor of the Exchequer and Raab Deputy PM this country will be great again

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:05, Reply)
Hahahaohgodwe'reallfucked.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:19, Reply)
I looked up the definition of that and it seemed to better describe the uk-us special relationship.
Which neoliberal like mogg get moist at.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:22, Reply)
IBHD
TDOB
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:34, Reply)
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
Gove saying he won't be Brexit Secretary unless he's allowed to renegotiate the deal, which May and EU leaders have already said is impossible, and then he comes out with "I think it's absolutely vital that we focus on getting the right deal in the future and making sure that in the areas that matter so much to the British people we can get the right outcome."
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:10, Reply)
Gove is such an odd bugger

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:16, Reply)
He's somewhere between Pob and Mr. Bean.
I love Laurie Penny's New Statesman article about Brexit: "This was a working-class revolt, but it is not a working-class victory. That’s the tragedy here. The collective howl of rage from depressed, deindustrialised parts of the country bled white and reckless by Thatcher, Blair and Cameron has turned into a triumph for another set of elites. Another banking crisis, another old Etonian in power – that’s what we’ve got to look forward to as Scotland decides when to let go of the rope and the union splinters into jagged shards and we all realise we’re stuck on a rainy rock with Michael Gove, forever."
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:20, Reply)
gawd it makes you proud to be british, don't it

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:13, Reply)
proud and erect

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 13:17, Reply)
Do you even have a good threadrush any more?
Or is anything over 3 considered as such now?

It gives me The Fear that seeing this account hit 20 years old is even a remote possibility.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:36, Reply)
Dunno

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:36, Reply)
You still sit in the rain catching those fish things?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:40, Reply)
Yes

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:42, Reply)
Goodo

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:44, Reply)
I'm very much a fair weather angler now, don't do the cold anymore

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:47, Reply)
I know right?
I always thought the cold-aversion thing would come on gradually as I passed 50, but nooooo, that shit happens almost overnight and much sooner.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:49, Reply)
I used to be fine , then I turned 40 and now once I'm cold I'm fucked

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:53, Reply)
I just made the whole "old" thing worse too...
"Easty" will be just past 30 now. Might even have spawned. WTF? Passing of time etc. ffs.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:57, Reply)
SOMEONE PUSH THIS SHIT THREAD DOWN THE BOARD.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:28, Reply)
Dunno

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:37, Reply)
Hi Dave.
I mean, there are loads of accounts that are going to turn 20 in the end, and most of them are better than yours because they don't post this sort of boring drivel or, in fact, anything anymore.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:38, Reply)
You're shit. You broke it.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:38, Reply)
I think it's you that is shit.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:39, Reply)
I'm just bored, I don't dislike you as much as it may appear.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:41, Reply)
I'd be happier if you never posted again.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:46, Reply)
I can see why they had a vote of no confidence in you.
Bad times. ;-(
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:48, Reply)
Dunno

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:38, Reply)
Uh?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:38, Reply)
no such thing as a good threadrush

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:42, Reply)
I only just noticed the linkify button.
Seeing it has distracted me from whatever I was going to type here.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:47, Reply)
shit on me

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:45, Reply)
faecality!

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:48, Reply)
haha, yes.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:50, Reply)
Needs more Bollocks Parrot.
Squawk!
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:47, Reply)
Pretty soon your b3ta account will be old enough to drink.
And it probably should.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:48, Reply)
HOLY SHIT FUCKERY
Aardvark, you live?!
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:50, Reply)
In the flesh!
Well, in the text. I took some time off from here but I'm occasionally back now.

Hello Mr Trouser. How's you?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:51, Reply)
Same. I drop in twice a year to see who gets the most upset.
As for how I am - still marching toward death at the same agonising pace.

I still slightly miss BoB. Maybe it can come back one day.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:53, Reply)
I'm sure these days the kids would want to set up a Google Hangout
or do Instagramming or Snapchatting or something awful like that.

If Frank was here he'd know what to do.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:56, Reply)
Google Hangout?
Good grief no. I hear they're all on "Discord" or some shit now.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:58, Reply)
Shows how "with it" I am.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:59, Reply)
It's ok, it's better that way.
The yoofs only make you angry when you know what they're up to.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:03, Reply)
Gaswank?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:46, Reply)
Seems likely.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:47, Reply)
I'm super upset rn

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:02, Reply)
Simon Phoenix
We meet again...
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:05, Reply)
:)))))

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:12, Reply)
Oh my, you put on a lot of weight...

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:20, Reply)
it's my 'dad bod', deal with it

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:23, Reply)
I have no response to this.
Total lack of forward planning, sorry about that.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:27, Reply)
haha good one david trousers !!

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:53, Reply)
elo
alright?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:58, Reply)
bit upset tbh

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:07, Reply)
Oh dear.
Collateral damage.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:08, Reply)
alright Trouse, how's 2007 panning out for ya?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:03, Reply)
I'm stuck there.
But this magic time-portal thing still works.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:05, Reply)
how does it work? on NYE at the stroke of 12 it goes back to Jan 1st again?
I have to say, science isn't my strong suit, not that I have a strong suit
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:08, Reply)
I thought your strong suit was still at the dry cleaner's.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:09, Reply)
they've called and said there's nothing they can do to save it

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:13, Reply)
No idea.
But this computer is from 2007, so it might be that you are all just offline NPCs and b3ta.com/talk is just running on this machine?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:10, Reply)
if I had a mind, it would now be blown

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:12, Reply)
morning

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 5:58, Reply)
2 early 2 furious

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 6:02, Reply)
I'm furious as I type this

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 6:13, Reply)
I hope your day improves

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 6:18, Reply)
Hello there Grrr.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 6:31, Reply)
fuck off you provincial hick

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 6:46, Reply)
How's the new job?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 6:52, Reply)
starts in 10 days
wrapping up the old job today and then having a week off.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 7:31, Reply)
that's nice dear
morning
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 7:33, Reply)
Kippers behind the radiator

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:07, Reply)

+ Smoke me a
s behind the radiator
+ I'll be back for breakfast.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:31, Reply)
I hope it goes well.
We're all super proud of you.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:18, Reply)
I've received some absolutely gushing farewell emails today
I think a few of my team might have a crush on me.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:55, Reply)
Tell them the email was nice,
But the best farewell is a tenner each in the leaving card.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:36, Reply)

tenner each in the leaving card blowjob in the stationery closet.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:42, Reply)

ee an
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:37, Reply)
Happy Pudsey day, everyone.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 7:37, Reply)
the least appreciated Addams Family member

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 7:52, Reply)
Nah, that was the girl, the normal one, not the goth, the other one. Can't remember her name.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:36, Reply)
Hullo

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 7:59, Reply)
alright Reinhard von Kuhfleisch

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:55, Reply)
Have a wonderful International Day for Tolerance

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:18, Reply)
I will not.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:18, Reply)
don't ruin this day for me
I need this
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:23, Reply)
I can't stand shit like this

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:55, Reply)
I see it as a challenge.
I'm selling "Internet Tears Collection Jugs". You'll need more than one if you play the game properly.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:44, Reply)
A steatopygous morning to you and your kin.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:18, Reply)
that's not even a real dinosaur

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:56, Reply)
Let's rock, let's rock
C'mon everybody, let's rock
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:35, Reply)
I had one of those mega poops this morning and my guts have felt sort of free and light all morning.
The human body is truly one of nature's miracles.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:45, Reply)
Just work that body, work-work your body

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:53, Reply)
dunno if this is Jive Bunny or Twisted Sister

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 8:57, Reply)
Harlem World Crew

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:11, Reply)
Might listen to some Christmas carols this weekend.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:12, Reply)
don't be silly, no one ever chooses to listen to Christmas carols

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:25, Reply)
No-one chooses to listen to the shite pop remixes and Maria Carey breathy Tesco Value croon-a-thons played in shopping malls.
Might dig out my CD of Nine Lessons and Carols from King's Cambrige, tho'.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:29, Reply)
Jesus Christ yeti, have a bit of self respect.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:36, Reply)
Judge me by my tastes in music, would you?
I think we all know that sort of treatment is reserved for McBeef.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:39, Reply)
Is it pubtime yet?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:35, Reply)
Spoons from 8

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:36, Reply)
Yeah but I've only just got up.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:38, Reply)
Also: Swan or Candles?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:39, Reply)
nothing says romance like a swanlit dinner

(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 9:45, Reply)
OK Grrry, you're now officially Polish
Either that or the Queen.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2018, 10:47, Reply)
bellend is the funniest insult,
and more useful than ever, i think
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 22:52, Reply)
shut the fuck up MGT, you total Frisbok.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 23:09, Reply)
bellend

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 23:17, Reply)
bellend a carlisle

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 23:25, Reply)
knows what that's worth

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 23:31, Reply)
bellend is a place on Earth

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 23:58, Reply)
I propose a vote of no confidence in Windy Pig
he is not the man to lead us into threads in these turbulent times
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:05, Reply)
have I resigned or not?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:06, Reply)
no you were sacked

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:13, Reply)
I think you'll find I resigned

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:20, Reply)


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(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:11, Reply)
alright 'Jacob'

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:12, Reply)
yeah, not bad cheers

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:12, Reply)
cheers

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:16, Reply)
#notinmyname

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:30, Reply)
Sticking your fingers in your ears and yelling "LAA LAA LAA I CAN'T HEAR YOU" y/n?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 14:43, Reply)
the people have spoken m8

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 15:00, Reply)
This democracy lark is overrated sometimes.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 15:05, Reply)
Deffo y
Happy candles, my sockpuppet account I made on the same day
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:05, Reply)
FUCKIN' CANDLES THE LOVELIEST MUPPSY!
CAKERAPE TIEM!
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:26, Reply)
Thanks, spidder friend ^_^

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:29, Reply)
Holy crapcackes it's like hell in here with all the flames and shit!
happy candlemass Mupps
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:47, Reply)
Happy candles yo'self, brotha from another mutha.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:50, Reply)
happy b-day, hotfuck

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:51, Reply)
Why haven't you used your super-secret modstapo poewrs to unban stuj yet?
stuj ding
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 21:56, Reply)
I'll propose a fucking movement.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 15:08, Reply)
always wipe until nothing remains

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 15:11, Reply)
And ladies, remember
always wipe front to back.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 16:12, Reply)
Fucking 9.5gb update to play cod, I'm going pub

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 15:29, Reply)
Good shout.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 16:21, Reply)
Could be worse.
Mechanicus ain't even announced as ready, despite today being fucking launch day.
Still, at least I got my vampire pirates goodeness in Total Warhammer to console me, it's pretty much all I been playing the past week or maybe fortnight. I dunno mongy, I'm losing track of time.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:29, Reply)
S'ok, got it now.
Tutorial's a bit fucking slow though. Might go back to TWW for a bit, try to fuck them lizardmen up a bit more.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 18:59, Reply)
Hello, just popping in to say I'm resigning as well
Ta ta

EDIT: Fuck, sorry about the fire
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:04, Reply)
alright mupps

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 19:05, Reply)
Are you proposing that we ressurect baldmonkey, using arcane unholy rituals and science what man was not meant to know tangles?
If so, COUNT ME IN!
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 19:15, Reply)
we're going to need some candles, a pentagram and a virgin to sacrifice
can you get hold of these things?
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 19:56, Reply)
Yeh.
Muppsy's candles.
I think I can still draw a pentagram.
Is Frisbok still around? He'll do.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 20:09, Reply)
Hello again.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:27, Reply)
alright

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:30, Reply)
Y

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:37, Reply)
what do you want this time?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:31, Reply)
We had some gypsys try and break in to the new yard.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:37, Reply)
woah enough with the ethnic slurs pls
how do you know they were "gypsies"
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:41, Reply)
He had them pegged straight away

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:43, Reply)
Covered in lucky heather.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:44, Reply)
I was standing behind a gyppo lass in Factory Shop this morning pugso.
She was returning clothes.
I think the till monkey was telling her she couldn't bring them back cos they'd been worn.
She turned around to me, stuck the bag under my nose and said "Do these smell worn to you?"
For A: Instant boner followed by rape-frenzy. turn to page 12.
For B: Vomit. turn to page 14
For C: Shrug. turn to page 16
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 17:35, Reply)
Are you resigning as Brexit minister?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:37, Reply)
I'll resign you as Brexit minister in a minute.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:38, Reply)
Promises, promises.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:39, Reply)
I'll give you strong and stable
*points at crotch*
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:43, Reply)
Is that David Steel?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:46, Reply)
Probably more Damian Green, the wankmaster general of the Tories

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:14, Reply)
[ ambassador ferraro rocher quote ]

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:39, Reply)
[wolf kahler trivia]

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:42, Reply)
I might get some ferrero rocher

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:46, Reply)
rafaelo are better

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:58, Reply)
I'll give you a tenner if you sit on it

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:40, Reply)
Goves been offered the job as Brexit minister.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:44, Reply)
offer still stands

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:35, Reply)
I bet that's not the only thing that still stands
IYKWIM
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:39, Reply)
oh I do

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:59, Reply)
I want to say to my right honourable friend
blah blah blah deliver blah blah future framework .. blah blah ... end free movement
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:41, Reply)
The lads in the workshop that, a few years ago, were frothing at the mouth at the prospect of a Brexit,
And kicking all the forrins out. Are now annoyed that "It's in all the newspapers all the time. I don't care any more"
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:46, Reply)
I should move to Britain

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:51, Reply)
The strong and stable government we need to fully deliver the democratic willy of the people

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:53, Reply)
I enjoyed a free movement, this morning.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:56, Reply)
I was a hard boarder

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:57, Reply)
was it cheeseburgers?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:58, Reply)
They're held up at customs.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:09, Reply)
I'd give that toilet an indefininte leave to remain if I were you

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:13, Reply)
Time for me to step down.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:21, Reply)
I'm going to propose a new motion to the house

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:46, Reply)
Woah, threadrush, man.
Things are getting serious in the office this afternoon: I've stripped down to my t-shirt. I am also fukken knackered and can't wait for the weekend.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:14, Reply)
you should start a new thread

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:23, Reply)
There's not much going on in this one, certainly.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:27, Reply)
It's a shame.
Rees Mogg has put up a vote of no confidence.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:31, Reply)
Ah, Rees Mogg.
The only man who simultaneously represents the long-standing tradition and the bleeding edge of Tory stupidity.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:34, Reply)
He's hysterical
if you take the words he says he's in a constant state of hysteria and high emotion but because he talks slowly and with an old-school upper-class accent the public treat his statements as if they're logical and wise. Total bullshit. If a woman read out his statements everyone would reject them as the insane ramblings of a religious nutter with hormone problems.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:49, Reply)
They should all get the Gerry Adams treatment
of being dubbed over every time they make a public statement.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:55, Reply)
By Joe Pasquale

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:57, Reply)
I know an MP that'll get on your nerves.
Get, get, get on your nerves.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:58, Reply)

Joe Pasquale Jason Vorhees
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 19:13, Reply)
Hard Windy Pexit

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:32, Reply)
Time for parliamentary musical chairs

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:38, Reply)
Exactly.
That's why there's no point in having a vote of no confidence. Theresa May doesn't have a clue what she's doing but neither does anybody else, so it's not as if there were a genius waiting in the wings.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 13:43, Reply)
Hello there.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 7:21, Reply)

                    .==.
Help me Obi Windy ()''()-.
.---. ;--; /
.'_:___". _..'. __'.
|__ --==|'-''' \'...;
[ ] :[| |---\
|__| I=[| .' '.
/ / ____| : '._
|-/.____.' | : :
/___\ /___\ '-'._----'

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 7:41, Reply)
Fuck off you nerd

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 7:58, Reply)
rude

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:31, Reply)
It's about time all you non-nerds left the Internet.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:10, Reply)
I never knew that the princess was played by Roger Mellie out of Viz.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 20:11, Reply)
Hi WP

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:06, Reply)
Yo

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:15, Reply)
brexit

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:09, Reply)
brexit means brexit

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:13, Reply)
means brexit means brexit means brexit

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:15, Reply)
+ make teabags make tea

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:33, Reply)
It's all kicking off

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:15, Reply)
shit hitting the fan

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:18, Reply)
Tory party imploding, I'm delighted.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:28, Reply)
If we do leave Europe, what then will the Tory party tear itself apart over?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:15, Reply)
The best way to exterminate poor people.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 12:18, Reply)
Put some effort in, man: it's my birthday.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:30, Reply)
Well won't you just look at that.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:33, Reply)
I must confess it took even me by surprise.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:34, Reply)
Did you know your betaday is the same day as frisbees actual birthday.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:37, Reply)
I did not know that but now I do.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:42, Reply)
why do you know that dingus' actual birthday?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:51, Reply)
We're mates.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:00, Reply)
gutted

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:13, Reply)
Arthur brown

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:40, Reply)
and I bring you
candles.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:48, Reply)
It's like Paradise
California in here...
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:44, Reply)
We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn.
Burn, motherfucker.
Burn.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:49, Reply)
God likes 'em toasted!

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:54, Reply)
happy b3taday

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 11:54, Reply)
Best of all the Thursday morning and ting

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:44, Reply)
I do like a Thursday

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:44, Reply)
Everywhere there's lots of piggies
Living piggy lives
You can see them out for dinner
With their piggy wives
Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:50, Reply)
George Harrison really didn't like paying that much tax
mind you, weren't some rates over 90% in the 60s and 70s?
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 8:54, Reply)
95% - "one for you nineteen for me"
which is why poor George could only afford to live here, whilst the rest of the UK were living the high life
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:07, Reply)
And we shall live those glorious times again, my friends
BREXIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:09, Reply)
rip dominic raab

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:21, Reply)
it's going well so far

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:23, Reply)
If it all falls apart, the PM gets the boot, and a general election gets called,
the Tories would still probably get back in.
About time we abandoned this "democracy" bullshit.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:27, Reply)
Fuck knows
I mean, I've been wrong on all of this shit so I'm just going to stockpile essentials. Mind you, being middle class my essentials are nice shower gel, good olive oil and cocaine.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:37, Reply)
it's more likely that Labour will win right now
and then be held entirely responsible for the imminent shitstorm that they will have to preside over and subsequently be 'unelectable' for at least 20 years to come
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:44, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:46, Reply)
cool

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:48, Reply)
Labour really aren't polling well.
I'd imagine their not offering any opposition to Brexit isn't helping them.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:52, Reply)
It's going to be another one of those "whom do we hate marginally less?" elections, isn't it?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:54, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/7907263
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:58, Reply)
Sortition for the win.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:00, Reply)
yeah they weren't polling well in 2017 either, in fact the polls said they were going to be wiped off the political map
and it was probably their lack of opposition to Brexit that helped them do as well as they did
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:57, Reply)
I reckon Corbyn will get the push.
His stock must be dropping.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:26, Reply)
the PLP =/= the labour party
he is running an old school grass roots campaign, which doesn't seem to figure in polls/media/Westminster thinking, so there is no real way of knowing until there is an actual election
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:33, Reply)
Something something Clause 4 something something champagne socialism.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:36, Reply)
I'm more of a Craft Ale Socialist.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:59, Reply)
"In November 2018, Raab was widely criticised after it emerged that he had admitted that "hadn't quite understood" how reliant UK trade in goods is on the Dover-Calais crossing."
Lol.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:26, Reply)
If I were France, I'd be putting up a wall over their end of the tunnel.
Britain clearly isn't sending its best people.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:32, Reply)
All its best people saw what was coming a mile off and have made themselves as scarce as humanly possible,
leaving the thickos and weirdos to pick up the loose ends. I'm not quite sure how Raab was bullied into the job, though; his CV suggests someone of considerably higher calibre:

"Raab attended Dr Challoner's Grammar School in Amersham before Lady Margaret Hall, Oxford, where he read Law, and won the Clive Parry Prize for International Law. After graduating, he gained a master's degree at Jesus College, Cambridge. Raab was initially a solicitor at Linklaters in London. He spent the summer of 1998 at Birzeit University near Ramallah where he worked for one of the principal Palestinian negotiators of the Oslo peace accords, assessing World Bank projects on the West Bank.

In 2000, Raab joined the Foreign Office, covering a range of briefs including leading a team at the British Embassy in The Hague, dedicated to bringing war criminals to justice. After returning to London, he advised on the Arab–Israeli conflict, the European Union, and Gibraltar."
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:49, Reply)
This sort of thing makes me feel better about my own lack of qualifications.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:59, Reply)
they'd never do that
otherwise the French farmers would have nothing to blockade whenever they feel they're not getting enough of an exorbitant payout from the EU's CAP budget.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 11:19, Reply)
Won't be much point blockading it when all the lorries are stacked up on the M20.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 11:51, Reply)
Please don't appropriate my culture

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:56, Reply)
what you need is a damn good whacking

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:19, Reply)
hi m8
Some entertaining news last night - my kid's mum's ex, the fat cunt she has been ordering me to drop my nipper off to and collect from, took his own kid's mum to court. Unfortunately for him, the result of that is that he is now under investigation over safeguarding concerns regarding his care of his kid.

Looking forward to telling the court all about it in January, and hearing my ex explaining why this guy should be looking after my kid instead of me.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:00, Reply)
Ze schadenfreude, she is delicious!

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:01, Reply)

tenor.com/view/delicious-gif-7851132
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:04, Reply)
That is rather lol.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:10, Reply)
She really has shot herself in both feet, hasn't she?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:34, Reply)
She's going to look like a total cunt in court and I can't wait to witness it

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:34, Reply)
Well now. That is a funny story.

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:58, Reply)
And hello to you too

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 9:31, Reply)
Monk

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:00, Reply)
Hi winds

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:17, Reply)
better wear a coat then ahahahaha

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:27, Reply)
We have a right laugh here

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:31, Reply)
it's literally the best forum I know of

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 10:33, Reply)
Alright M

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 11:53, Reply)
I don't have any tattoos, I consider them a gross waste of money and for cunts, but I assume most of you do , why ?

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:36, Reply)
I don't have any either.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:41, Reply)
i don't either, soz
i am an award winning tattoo designer though
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:46, Reply)
Awkward poo dispenser more like

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:58, Reply)
occasionally
more as i'm getting older
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:20, Reply)
I've wanted them since I was a child
Waited till my mid-20's before getting any, just in case I grew out of it. All my tattoos mean something to me and are, for the most part, kept covered
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:52, Reply)
My kids' names on my forearm because I have a terrible memory

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:53, Reply)
I got my kids name's on my fishing rods,the ledge of carp fishing who made them called me a nob

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:57, Reply)

fishing rods,the ledge of carp fishing who made them called me a
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:41, Reply)
His kid must have a really short name

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 23:55, Reply)
Ed

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 0:07, Reply)
Bet it's not in capital letters

(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 0:21, Reply)
My skin is clear.
I appreciate good ink work, though, and would probably get some done if a) I wasn't scared of needles and b) I'd ever thought of anything I'd want tattooed onto me. I know some people with utterly cringeworthy scribbles on themselves, and I don't really need to be looking like even more of a prick than I already am.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 19:56, Reply)
you should get your stupid fucking moustache tattooed on your face

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:21, Reply)
A mate of mine has a moustache tattooed on her finger
Fucking spaz that she is
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:16, Reply)
I, too, have a friend - also a woman, as it happens - with a tattoo like this.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:20, Reply)
this is fascinating.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:22, Reply)
Does she also have "shhh!" tattooed on her other index finger?

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:23, Reply)
Not I know of,
although it's been a year or two since I've seen her so it's conceivable she's since has one like that done.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:32, Reply)
Hand tattoos say prison to me
Much like face tattoos say fucking moron
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:35, Reply)
I once saw a fellow in Sainers Local who had 'I am a cunt' tattooed across the back of his neck.
It looked like a prison tattoo.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:38, Reply)
Probably done while he was passed out
either that or while restrained
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:41, Reply)
I went to school with a spectacularly thick guy
who wanted to carve "MURDER" into his arm using a compass needle, except he made the letters too big and only had enough space to write "MURDE".
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:59, Reply)
Sounds like a badly spelled attempt at a French obscenity.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 22:39, Reply)
The guy in the clink you've really got to watch out for is the one with HATE tattooed on one set of knuckles
and HATE tattooed on the other set of knuckles, too.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 22:41, Reply)
I've got one on each shoulder at the moment.
Nebulous plans to expand the collection at some point in time.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:25, Reply)
none
but I fancy a Basquiat crown on my left forearm, and a Keith Haring dancer on my right forearm.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:30, Reply)
Marks for originality, I gotta say.
Do the motifs have any personal significance or are you just into the aesthetic?
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:49, Reply)
they just look cool
So many awful tattoos of owls, clocks etc.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:52, Reply)
Dolphins, stars, tribal nonsense etc., that a lot of tattooists these days will flat-out refuse to do.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:54, Reply)
Dolphins are cunts

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:24, Reply)
strikethrough l lol

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:43, Reply)
So basically you have 1980s new york aids

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:00, Reply)
that's the look I'm going for.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:17, Reply)
You shall not make gashes in your flesh for the dead, or incise any marks on yourselves: I am the Lord

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:35, Reply)
lol gashes

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:37, Reply)
How does God feel about the occasional prince albert

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:51, Reply)
no gashes or incisions yet he insists on circumcision, wot a weirdo eh

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:54, Reply)
Surely you're not suggesting there are any inconsistencies in Judeo-Christian dogma.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:54, Reply)
I would if anything in my life had meaning enough to be symbolically represented

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:49, Reply)
It's OK, Grrry: they do tattoos of cars these days.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:59, Reply)
dunno which one I'd get though
I've had my beemer for a decade but the Viva GLS was my true love
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:03, Reply)

had my been a
ee um
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:34, Reply)
T3h l0lz0rz

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:41, Reply)
my only tattoo is your name on my heart x

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 20:56, Reply)
Oh, and Kerry Katona on my bumhole

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:00, Reply)
Best place for her

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:13, Reply)
^ Terence Bent D'Arby

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:04, Reply)
None, I thought about having simon weston's face on my nutsack
THEN I GOT A TATTOO LOLOLOLOL
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:02, Reply)
Surely you could just stick on a couple of googly eyes for more or less the same effect.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:09, Reply)
I don't have any.
Had a customer once who wanted paracetamol for his two kids on the minor ailments service, so we had to register them using their names, dates of birth and postcodes.

Problem one was that he couldn't remember their birthdates. "I've got their names tattooed on my arm, I should get their birthdays too!" he laughed.

Problem two was that I found his daughter on the system with her name spelled differently. When I asked him to clarify how her name was spelled at her GP surgery, he insisted that the way it was spelled in his tattoo was correct but "her birth certificate is wrong".

i.e. the stupid cunt got the wrong name tattooed on his arm, then convinced himself that his ink is right and the rest of the world is wrong.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:05, Reply)
/fuck off back to qotw

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:06, Reply)
lol Glasgow
A beautiful city with a tremendous cultural and artistic history, yet it's still Glasgow.

lol
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:19, Reply)
It was Tayport lol
lol Tayport
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:20, Reply)
lol Fife

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:23, Reply)
Blue Star got in a right fucking humph with me on FB the other day
because I said anyone with facial tattoos was obviously at best a homeless drug addict, at worst a Neo-Nazi thug or Russian pimp, and *of course* she has a mate with a facial tattoo, who is all like "well maybe YOUR the real Nazi" and so on and so forth.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:19, Reply)
Blue Star posted me a family pack of Crunchies once
which is better than filming a vignette of chiucking some Double Deckers in a bin.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:22, Reply)
Nah, that video was well lol.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:35, Reply)
*chiuckles*

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:40, Reply)
neva 4get

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:44, Reply)
They're really nice people once you get to know them, and overlook the fact that they've done something knowing full well it will make other people judge them negatively and feed their victim complex

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:25, Reply)
But thinking less than favourably of anyone who's done this is clearly akin to racism and genocide.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:31, Reply)
Hitler does love a swastika but you don't see him getting one on his forehead now do you

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:33, Reply)

Even Hitler knew that hippies were absolute wrong-uns.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:36, Reply)
you can't say Hitler

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:39, Reply)
Be more like Hitler, is the moral of today's story

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:39, Reply)
There was a bloke that would occasionally go in my local with a full on facial maori tattoo.
But it had been gone over multiple times, and turned into a brown-green mess, if he was more than a couple of meters away it looked like he'd blacked up.

He was, unsurprisingly, fucking mental.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 22:33, Reply)
jsut won my first Victory Royale in Fortnite
might get a tattoo of that
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:45, Reply)
You have to post a video of you flossing in your living room first.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:58, Reply)
My personal best is 2nd place.
Not in Fortnite, just in general.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 22:42, Reply)
Was it Wildheart who had his user number tattooed.
Bet he feels silly now he's flounced.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 21:46, Reply)
Maybe he could go on that Tattoo Fixers program, get it covered up with something massive that has no meaning whatsoever.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 22:44, Reply)
I wonder what kind of embarrassing shit Tim Commerford is hiding

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 23:48, Reply)
i considered it many times
most of my friends have them, but I could never decide on anything that wasn't shit.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 0:24, Reply)
I have a snake
tattooed around my whole body.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2018, 1:33, Reply)
WANKER'S
hi
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 14:42, Reply)
Hour and a quarter until knocking-off time, yesssss.
Found out this lunchtime that we'll be moving downstairs next week, and those downstairs will be moving upstairs.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 14:45, Reply)
#InMyLadysChamber

Another three fucking hours for me :*(
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 14:53, Reply)
Cor, ladychambers.
Any customers with a funny name today?
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 14:56, Reply)
Sadly not
Not yet anyway
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:18, Reply)
why on earth are your working hours so long?

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:09, Reply)
He is in customer support

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:20, Reply)
I might ring him and complain

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:26, Reply)
the early starts are my choice, the commute is much easier and I like a bit of time in the morning to get my day set up before pricks start hassling me
the late finishes are a hangover from when our warehouse was here and carrier collections and manifests needed supervising - I should really finish earlier these days, I raised this with my boss but the conversation was derailed by a customer crisis so I need to bring it up again
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:21, Reply)
you're in at 8am, aren't you?
I wouldn't be staying past 4pm
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:26, Reply)
around 8, yes
If I finished at four I'd drink a lot more than I currently do
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:31, Reply)
your employer should pay you truck wages
the working man can't be trusted to have too much free time and his own money
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:43, Reply)
lol, exploited

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:33, Reply)
if I was more bothered about it I would deal with it
keeps me out of trouble
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:39, Reply)
Unless you're on overtime, you're giving your labour for free.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:49, Reply)
Assuming he's working.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:54, Reply)
Probably leaves work at 4, but then spends hours hunting Pokémon.
Extra hours at work are just a cover story for his wife.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:58, Reply)
Or he's Clive from Monkeydust.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:05, Reply)
I want to go

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:20, Reply)
number ones, or number twos?

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:22, Reply)
Both

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:25, Reply)
fill yer boots
Literally.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:31, Reply)
Hello Rich
Might have a nap
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:34, Reply)
I nearly faceplanted onto my keyboard earlier.
Roasting hot in here, it is.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:38, Reply)
Take off all your clothes.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:39, Reply)
The jumper has been discarded.
Discarding anything else would be pushing it.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:43, Reply)
I took my tie off, once.
Drove the ladies wild, let me tell you.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:50, Reply)
*flings underwear*

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:50, Reply)
I'm the Tom Jones of middle management.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:51, Reply)
It's not hot here
But I still have a bit of a temperature, which is making me drowsy
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:52, Reply)
u shud lol

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:39, Reply)
Just lying here, watching the birds in the garden
And contemplating a bit of weekend pruning, to regain some light
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 15:54, Reply)
Juicer time

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:12, Reply)
not for mcbeef
can't be trusted
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:13, Reply)
nope

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:22, Reply)
Bloke I knew had damage to a part of his brain that affected his impulse control.
Maybe you've got that?
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:32, Reply)
you put the Ho in Seung-Hui Cho

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:23, Reply)
you knows it

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 17:25, Reply)
setting up voice commands on my car pc
dunno what to say instead of "OK Google"
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:27, Reply)
Have it respond when you tap a little badge pinned to your lapel and say "computer!".
Also, teach it to make Earl Grey tea.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:33, Reply)
You horrible nerd

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:34, Reply)
Yes.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:41, Reply)
OI, WAKE UP CUNT

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:34, Reply)
Better still, replace the Google voice with Paul Reubens,
and pretend you've got the ship from Flight Of The Navigator.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:42, Reply)
+ peter
the ship from flight of the navigator
A raging stonk on for chunky birds
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 18:52, Reply)
I saw someone ask alexa what's the difference between jam and marmalade and she replied you can't marmalade your cock up a birds arse, dirty bitch that alexa

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 16:44, Reply)
'MNNNNNNNNEEEERRRRGGGGHHHHH', obviously.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 18:00, Reply)
So much for the morning thread.
Now what?
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:41, Reply)
we make love
physically
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:43, Reply)
Lunch in an hour and a bit.
Tonight I'm going to be massaged and kneaded and squeezed by the hands of a beautiful laydee. Eh lads eh eh etc.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:45, Reply)
are you now or have you at any time been a practicing homosexual?

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:51, Reply)
Wasn't that the opening gambit of a QC in a famous case to destabilise a hostile witness?

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:53, Reply)
That's what she said.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:56, Reply)
I'm sure I read it in a book in my local library when I was a teenager and wanted to be a forensic pathologist.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:12, Reply)
It's a line from porridge

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:13, Reply)
Ah, fair enough so.
I've never watched Porridge so that can't be where I heard it, but +1 for my general knowledge.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:19, Reply)
Porridge was pretty good.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:20, Reply)
Alright, Goldilocks.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:23, Reply)
what, with his feet? Who would have him.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:54, Reply)
:)

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:55, Reply)
I'm done with practising
I think I'm quite good at some bits, the bits I'm not good at I don't want to do anyway.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:57, Reply)
Not sure.
Got very little motivation to do any work today that's for sure.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:56, Reply)
I'm going to sneak off and do solder some cables
my dad's connecting up his PA system with coax audio 1/4 jack cables so I'm going to make him up a couple from proper speaker flex.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:13, Reply)
That's very kind of you.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:19, Reply)
do you mind
show a bit of respect for those Coventrians who died 78 years ago today
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:59, Reply)
I never done it.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:00, Reply)
where were you on the night in question?

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:13, Reply)
What did they die of?

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:02, Reply)
dunno it was all a bit chaotic that night

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:09, Reply)
You're being very vague,
Starting to think you've got something to hide.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:20, Reply)
he's well dodge

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:27, Reply)
a bit of heavy rain

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:10, Reply)
drank 8 pints of spunk and had to have a stomach pump

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:21, Reply)
They all cut their own heads off while combing their hair.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:21, Reply)
one of them touched a girl and they all got the lurgee

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:37, Reply)
Wank/poo combo?

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:20, Reply)
I just got approved for a credit card, first step on the path to repaired credit rating, chuffed to bits
Am I right in thinking I need to use it now and again to get my score up? I can't just cut the bugger up and forget about it?
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:22, Reply)
I believe that's the idea.
A former colleague of mine was so excited to get one that he bought everything on it for a couple of months, even banal things like Tube tickets.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:25, Reply)
Yes
use it a couple of times a month and pay off in full. If you set up a direct debit for the full amount you don't even need to think about it, but keep it at home so you don't use it by mistake.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:25, Reply)
Direct debit to pay off the balance (or at least the minimum payment) is good advice.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:38, Reply)
Use 50% a month and pay it back , no more or it can be negative, no less or it doesn't count

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:31, Reply)
50% of the credit limit, you mean?

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:40, Reply)
Yes, still takes fucking ages for your score to go up

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:42, Reply)
my IVA will get scrubbed from my credit record the year after next
Once that's gone I'll be in a position to look at property again - this card will just give me a little head start I hope.

I don't want to sell my rental place but am hoping somehow I can use it as collateral against another purchase. Fuck knows how that will work or whether it's even a possibility...
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:50, Reply)
I didn't think you could secure a mortgage against one property to purchase another, so I'd expect you'd be selling the rental to give yourself the deposit on a new place.
Isn't this sort of thing dozer's area of expertise?
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:56, Reply)
I'm dreading the gazzes

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:59, Reply)
depends on the L2V rate of the current rental property
and your legal rights to sign it over as collateral for a second property.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:01, Reply)
I see, thanks m8

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:03, Reply)
This is all terribly civilised.
You'd think we were all grownups, or something.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:14, Reply)
Fuck off, wanker


Ahh, that's better
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:23, Reply)
Can I quote you on that?

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:31, Reply)
no, don't

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 14:14, Reply)
OK.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 14:19, Reply)
weird how it works
in Poland, the more open channels to credit you have, the worse your score is. I nearly failed to get a mortgage just cos one of my accounts had the overdraft option enabled, even though I'd never touched it.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:33, Reply)
that's menkle

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:40, Reply)
it's the complete opposite here isn't it?

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:41, Reply)
I think it counts against you if you have unused credit cards.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:22, Reply)
Rack up a huge debt that you can't afford to pay back.
This will convince the finance sector that you are a sound, long-term investment.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:37, Reply)
waaaay ahead of you brah

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:42, Reply)
^ too big to fail

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:45, Reply)
I've had no complaints

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:50, Reply)
Buy some sneakers.
Kite the debt accross multiple credit cards with varying interest rates.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:47, Reply)
Tggi.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:06, Reply)
I remember when I was about 9, my friend had obviously just learnt how mortgages work
and came up with the genius scheme of taking out a mortgage, then paying that off with an even larger mortgage, and repeating ad infinitum, pocketing the difference each time. He was convinced of his foolproof scheme.

The banks have probably wised up to this, now
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:19, Reply)
He probably caused the 2008 crash single-handed

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:35, Reply)
my Dad had a chequebook for property
where each cheque was valued at 80% of the preceding cheque's value, and could only be used to buy property. So banks hadn't wised up to that at all, really.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:44, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8199691
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:52, Reply)
he did pretty well out of it, yeah

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:54, Reply)
*pulls up ladder*

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 13:04, Reply)
neither a borrower nor a lender be

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 12:27, Reply)

l b
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 14:15, Reply)
wank 'em if you got 'em

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 11:34, Reply)
MOR-NINNNGGGG

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:04, Reply)
Morning Lemon

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:28, Reply)
Yo

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:37, Reply)
Lets get this lemon party started

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:40, Reply)
Bingo!

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:31, Reply)
POW!

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:38, Reply)
What are you like!

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:31, Reply)
C'est la vie m8

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:42, Reply)
I got a house with windows and doors, I'll show you mine if you show me yours

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:49, Reply)
done and done
and I mean done
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:09, Reply)
*cough*

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:32, Reply)
WISE FWOM YOW GWAVE

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:41, Reply)
Thank you, you can pop your pants back on now
Here's your prescription.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:43, Reply)
do I take the "10 minutes nude beatboxing" in pill in syrup form?

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:45, Reply)
suppository

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:11, Reply)
They've never asked me to do this in Tesco before, in fact I don't believe you actually work here

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:46, Reply)
*scarpers*

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:16, Reply)
"unexpected item in the bagging area"

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:34, Reply)
You're chipper today, squire.

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:55, Reply)
Stephen Fry was brilliant last night
Plus they gave out free hardbacks of his latest tome.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:12, Reply)
Noice.
Is he posing in a himation on the dust jacket?
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:17, Reply)
Fortunately not

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:20, Reply)
what's up, honkey?

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:09, Reply)
aw-raaaght, gimme some skin


...ewww, that's not what I meant dude
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:12, Reply)
Customer of the day: Ed Gein

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:34, Reply)
DO NOT ANNOY HIM!!!!!!

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:35, Reply)
woah

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:41, Reply)


. .--.
\\ //\\ \
.\\ ///_\\\\
:/)` /(| `|'\\\
Y/\ )))\_-_/((\ --morning
\ \ ./'_/ " \_`\)
\ \.-" ._ \ / \
\ _.-" (_ \Y/ _) |
" )" | ""/||
.-' .' / ||
/ ` / ||
| __ : ||_
| / \ \ '|\`
| | \ \
| | `. \
| | \ \
| | \ \
| | \ \
| | \ \
/__\ |__\
/.| |.\_
`-'' ``--'

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:42, Reply)
sassy af

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:49, Reply)
Nooo ooone
sharts like McBeef, does big farts like McBeef
makes incredible trousery draughts like McBeef
I splatter my coat when I'm de-fe-caaaa-ting
my what a guy that McBeef!
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:48, Reply)
might get a tattoo of this

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:50, Reply)
full sleeve
or some illegible gothic font across your chest?
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:10, Reply)
Tramp stamp.
It's the only way to go.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:15, Reply)
it has broken

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 8:59, Reply)
sorry about that

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:15, Reply)
Well, hello!

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:14, Reply)
HULLO

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:16, Reply)
Hey lo

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:51, Reply)
Here he is!

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:59, Reply)
Bring the noise

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:06, Reply)
Good day to you

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 10:11, Reply)
non-nerd thread
alright
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 17:47, Reply)

alright
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 17:59, Reply)
Susanna Dinnage y/n

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 21:35, Reply)
n

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 21:43, Reply)

Dinnage Reid
Y.
sanna Dinnage ie Dent off of Dictionary Corner
HELL YEAH!
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 23:13, Reply)
Strikey Fred

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 23:20, Reply)
LOL

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 18:28, Reply)
Yo mano , sup

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 18:36, Reply)
forgot about this thread, lol

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 0:51, Reply)
must be all that meditating you do

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 6:09, Reply)
It's going to be a very short thread

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 18:42, Reply)
Revenge of the nerds!
*pranks*
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 18:47, Reply)
WE GOT BUSH!

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:35, Reply)
alright

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 18:55, Reply)
Yo

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:26, Reply)
I've no right posting here

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:26, Reply)
none of us do, tbf

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 0:52, Reply)
After 6 weeks
The biscuit place finally got back to me. They want me to go in for a second interview next Wednesday
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:34, Reply)
They'd be crackers not to hire you.

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:44, Reply)
^big wheel

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 23:12, Reply)
Nice

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:47, Reply)
No, hob nobs

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:56, Reply)
Only my closest friends call me that

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 20:01, Reply)
Do you nob all your closest friends?

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 20:11, Reply)
"Biscuit" is French for "twice cooked".
They have turned the heat on you once during interview, and now they will do so again. Your future is biscuity.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 20:13, Reply)
I've always refused 2nd interviews, but good luck

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 20:35, Reply)
Thanks
I need this
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 21:18, Reply)
FIG ROLLS!

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 0:53, Reply)
Go in with chocolate all down your back
just to show how committed you are to the role.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:12, Reply)
Wayo

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:47, Reply)
oh hi

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 19:47, Reply)
who the hell are you?

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 0:53, Reply)
another banned poster :(

(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 7:00, Reply)
Might be a nerd, but fuck me, EVERY single time I get to the bar tonight, I'm served first.
Even saying "That bloke/bird's before me love" ain't working here.
Either kids today have suddenly grown one fuck of a lot of respect for their elders, or I've reached maximum scary old man-ness.
And to be quite fucking frank here, I pretty much reached that back in my twenties.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 23:11, Reply)
You're the only one in the bar
all the other people are imaginary.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2018, 9:40, Reply)
Hey wonderful and wise /talkers
I fancy a new phone. I want a Samsung S9. I can get one on amazon for less than the going rate, but it's a European dual-sim model. The only drawback I can see is that you can't do Samsung pay with it as that's tied to the country set in the firmware, any other problems you know of?
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:21, Reply)
Samsung phones all have that horrible Fisher Price interface.
Yuk.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:25, Reply)
That's fine
I'm not very sophisticated
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:36, Reply)
Get an iPhone, then.
Hahaha, bickering about phone software is great!
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:39, Reply)
I'm already tumescent.

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:41, Reply)
Every time I get a Lineage update notification,
I have to run to the bogs to crack one off.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:48, Reply)
I still haven't flashed Lineage.
The builds for the N910 were still very flaky the last time I looked into it.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:52, Reply)
I've not paid close attention, but it never seems to get to "stable" builds in the way that Cyanogen did.
Not much love for older, weaker phones, either.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:02, Reply)
No, more's the pity.
Older phones or phablets; it's been years since I flashed anything that had S-Pen support.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:09, Reply)
lol, penis support

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:11, Reply)
he'

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:22, Reply)

S-Pen support pubes 'cos I'm a big Peedie Borthwick
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:24, Reply)
I haven't found an android-x86 version above 4.4
that supports usb touchscreens. It's doing my nut in
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:44, Reply)
I assume this is for your car?
Hooking up a USB touchscreen to a phone would be crazy.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:55, Reply)
Unless you'd fucked up the phone's original screen, of course.

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:58, Reply)
Eh, "because it's there" it's always sufficient justification for such a project.

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 16:06, Reply)
yer, it's car based
although you can connect them to normal phones to with an OTG cable. They sort of work, but as a mouse instead of a digitizer.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 17:34, Reply)
I think you may have typed this into the wrong forum

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:32, Reply)
Probably
so, should I buy the phone?
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:36, Reply)
get two

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:36, Reply)
you can access all regions by powering off the phone, rebooting it, then as the samsung logo appears enter the following code:
↑↑↓↓←→←→BA
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:34, Reply)
I ain't getting on no plane, Hannibal.

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:35, Reply)
He was lols!

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:37, Reply)
I've not kept abreast of the latest generations of Samsungs.
I'm assuming that since it's being sold on the UK market, it'll have the relevant PIT files installed for your SIM to connect to the phone's modem. That's the only issue I've had with 'international' phones in the past.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:34, Reply)
i like abreasts

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:34, Reply)
alright Mario Mario, calm down

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:43, Reply)
You'd think so
and I'd be covered by UK law so if it doesn't work I can send it back within two weeks anyway.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:38, Reply)
Couldn't you just get a case with a slot for your credit card,
and just tap that for contactless payments?
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:41, Reply)
I have never paid for anthing tapping my phone
and I can't really see the point. I've got cards that do that.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:46, Reply)
Is that not what Samsung Pay is for, then?

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:49, Reply)
Yes, that's the only thing I think the phone doesn't do in the UK
it doesn't bother me and I don't care about it, but maybe there's something else it's missing that would cause mayhem. Like if it only let me Grindr with guys in Romania or something. That would be awful.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:02, Reply)
Seems to be the phone you want, so you should probably get it.
I can't see their being any issues with a European model - the EU is pretty homogenous, in this regard.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:05, Reply)
Excellent advice
thanks!
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:10, Reply)
I'm sure your other half will be thrilled that I've acted as an "enabler" to your reckless spending.

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:17, Reply)
He's gonna get a second hand phone out of this
he can shut up
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:27, Reply)
Or, in this case, homo-geneous.

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:13, Reply)
I use it all the time
Less bother than opening my wallet
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:59, Reply)
Such a hipster.

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 16:01, Reply)
Yes I know of a recurring issue with them, they're shit for cunts
hope that helps
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:34, Reply)
Thanks
(still not sure if I should buy one)
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:38, Reply)
No probs
(no, get a huaweii or moto or summat, 1/2 the price)
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:40, Reply)
Sensible.

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:43, Reply)
Had Motos in the past
they just slow down to shit after 2 years. I've had an S7 for a few years now and it's still got some life in it - going to give it to other half and get a new one m'self.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:44, Reply)
Moto's run quicker than Samsung
less bloaty bollox pre-installed innit
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:57, Reply)
Just root it and put something AOSP on it then.

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:59, Reply)


(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:02, Reply)
Haha!

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:03, Reply)
Anal Orifice Sucky Penis?

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:06, Reply)
do you live in England? why would you want something from "the continent"?

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 14:59, Reply)
He's probably one of those dreadful immigrants you read about
Gonna stop being helpful to him in case he steals my job
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:01, Reply)
There's always plenty of work giving handjobs down the docks

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:03, Reply)
sounds like you know what you're talking about

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:14, Reply)
That's why I keep my hands so soft

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:16, Reply)
Mild green fairy liquid

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:19, Reply)
"Mummy, why are your hands so soft?"
'Cos Daddy got laid off, so now I have to turn tricks down the docks.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:21, Reply)
I do like to be handled with "kid gloves" .

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:19, Reply)
Bit Yewtree m8

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:22, Reply)
With only a toddler's mittens for scale,
my cock looks enormous.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:39, Reply)
Lol Deadpool

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:43, Reply)
They stole that joke from me.
Then used time travel to put it in the first film.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:54, Reply)
Get 10

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:13, Reply)
Bottom get 10

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:28, Reply)
let me know
I could do with a new phone soon, as mine's 3 years old now. Even Ian Watkins isn't interested in it.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:46, Reply)
That name comes with autostepping
He's like the Voldemort of b3ta
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:59, Reply)
I thought that was The Artist Formerly Known As Prince?

(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 16:00, Reply)
Just realised that my phone will be 4, in a month or two.
I should be more forgiving of it not being as snappy as it once was.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 15:59, Reply)
Get yourself a Phillips Savvy, you fucking poof.
It's built like a brick which makes it an excellent pub-fight weapon. AND it's got Snake.
Plus: Main reason: Phonecalls and texts.
What more do you fucking want?
(, Tue 13 Nov 2018, 23:16, Reply)

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