b3ta.com user Stallion_Explosion (formerly known as crab_bloke)
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Profile for Stallion_Explosion (formerly known as crab_bloke):
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Recent front page messages:

The Blood Moon Heralds The Rapture

(Mon 28th Sep 2015, 10:49, More)

What ya drawing little fella?

It's a monkey isn't it?
(Mon 4th Oct 2004, 13:44, More)


(Fri 11th Jul 2003, 11:00, More)

Clever Kitty

(Sat 24th May 2003, 13:55, More)


(Thu 3rd Apr 2003, 18:38, More)


(Tue 1st Apr 2003, 22:19, More)

1st July 1916, The Somme
Sickeningly, there were those amongst the troops who seemed to take a macabre pleasure from the act of killing

(Wed 5th Mar 2003, 0:54, More)


(Sun 19th Jan 2003, 20:09, More)


(Fri 21st Jun 2002, 13:29, More)

Arson Cat
Was pleased with his night's work

(Tue 18th Jun 2002, 16:23, More)


(Thu 9th May 2002, 15:33, More)

Moon Food
Chapattis look alomost exactly like the moon

just an observation.
(Thu 9th May 2002, 14:47, More)

Baby's not happy
I think maybe he needs feeding again

(Wed 1st May 2002, 12:12, More)

Sodding Brain Frogs

(Mon 29th Apr 2002, 16:02, More)

Mr Blunkett gives it the thumbs up!

(Fri 26th Apr 2002, 20:59, More)

Bloody clangers
they're a sod to clean off

(Wed 24th Apr 2002, 17:30, More)


got any more piccies?
(Sat 20th Apr 2002, 17:10, More)

I went on holiday with my imaginary friend
can you guess where we went?

(Wed 17th Apr 2002, 17:46, More)

Don't trust your child with that chinchilla

(Tue 16th Apr 2002, 16:55, More)

Happy Birthday Hugo!
Here's a special birthday Hedley Woo Yay for you:

(Tue 16th Apr 2002, 15:30, More)

Protect your penguin!

with the new b3ta Penguin Magnet!
(Tue 16th Apr 2002, 13:42, More)

Found this little chap wandering around in the hall

(Tue 16th Apr 2002, 12:38, More)

He just can't get snug!

Poor little chap.
(Tue 16th Apr 2002, 10:36, More)

I made a tribute to the queen mum
Clicky clicky woo-woo

(Thu 11th Apr 2002, 20:07, More)

Can't get you out of my head

(Thu 11th Apr 2002, 15:17, More)

Help! Chinchilla's stealing Tub Kid's scooter!

(Fri 22nd Mar 2002, 11:41, More)

ahhh, luvly
and, infact, quite true. It ideally should go with one of these though:

(Fri 22nd Mar 2002, 10:44, More)

t-shirt minimalist design
gets the message across though


(Fri 22nd Mar 2002, 9:07, More)


(Thu 21st Mar 2002, 10:43, More)

Strategic Diagram, forces distribution

(Wed 20th Mar 2002, 9:13, More)


(Tue 19th Mar 2002, 9:53, More)

Why she's not paying attention to the film

(Wed 20th Feb 2002, 9:54, More)


(Tue 19th Feb 2002, 8:19, More)


(Mon 18th Feb 2002, 5:22, More)

More from James

(Fri 15th Feb 2002, 9:54, More)

You need one of these

(Fri 15th Feb 2002, 9:00, More)

One from James

(Thu 14th Feb 2002, 7:56, More)


(Thu 14th Feb 2002, 6:34, More)

Yay! Illustrated poetry!

illustrations by my mate james. woo!
(Wed 13th Feb 2002, 10:54, More)

The Pope
blesses a bottle of gin. the Holy Gin is sprinkled over the corpse. Slowly, coughing, the creature rises and begins to shuffle towards the nearest fag shop

(Mon 11th Feb 2002, 6:44, More)

That's great- and much more intelligent than mine, which is just a big red eye:

(Tue 5th Feb 2002, 6:58, More)

My fave mag

(Tue 5th Feb 2002, 5:26, More)

The Adventures of Big Eye Dog
Episode 1: Big Eye Dog and the Worms.

(Mon 4th Feb 2002, 10:01, More)

llama / emu cyclops thing

just found him hiding behind a bag of compost.
(Wed 16th Jan 2002, 10:18, More)

They've got him bang to rights
on the waving guns around charge

surprised it's taken them this long to do him really.
(Wed 16th Jan 2002, 5:24, More)

My fave album

really sorry about that.
(Wed 16th Jan 2002, 5:19, More)

Oh god this is crap
but I've just upgraded to a cordless power krill

(Tue 15th Jan 2002, 9:31, More)

All Hail the Mighty Geoff

(Mon 7th Jan 2002, 9:38, More)

This is Achilles' brother, Geoff

(Mon 7th Jan 2002, 6:42, More)

Llama Thing

Do you like my little beauty?
(Thu 20th Dec 2001, 7:10, More)

Me and rob were talking to some people last night
I ended up getting very drunk and swearing a lot. We hatched two schemes. Firstly an obscene karaoke thing (I spent some time loudly singing "start spreading your flaps" etc to the tune of new york new york). That might be fun. Also, a fortune telling service based around Larry Potter, or Harry Frotter, or whatever, largely consisting of swearing. I think Harry Frotter might look like this

"Come and play with my wand, it's fucking magic" etc.
(Thu 15th Nov 2001, 7:06, More)

Attack of the Giant African Air Snails

you see?
(Thu 15th Nov 2001, 6:45, More)

You picked the wrong person to fuck with.
By the way, I'm not Crab Bloke. It's just that he left a cookie on my machine.

(Thu 8th Nov 2001, 7:07, More)

Inside the b3ta command and control centre
In a secret evil dome beneath the pacific ocean, dwells the b3ta commander.

(Wed 7th Nov 2001, 8:54, More)

cat thing

(Wed 7th Nov 2001, 3:50, More)

Thrust! Parry!

I'll blow the shit out of your techno war maid Mr Tea- and of course all within Queensbury rules. Fancy a gentleman's wager?
(Mon 5th Nov 2001, 17:31, More)

Fear Duncan
for he has the technology

(Mon 5th Nov 2001, 10:42, More)

Don't believe Rob's lies
This is what Duncan looked like in 1989

(Mon 5th Nov 2001, 10:08, More)

I don't think he's very well today

(Fri 2nd Nov 2001, 7:07, More)

ali g

(Fri 2nd Nov 2001, 6:38, More)

Another dog

He looks a bit distressed.
(Thu 1st Nov 2001, 19:37, More)


(Thu 1st Nov 2001, 18:20, More)

I give up
I can never make anything as good as the rabbit bloke's site, so i am throwing in the towel.
How can you compete with this?

What an outstanding headperformance!
(Thu 20th Sep 2001, 8:00, More)

Best answers to questions:

» School Trips

Beauvais Skate Doom
I went on a couple of French exchanges to Beauvais, in France. I guess this time I would have been around 14.

There was a girl I fancied at the time going, and her French exchange partner fancied me, so we hung around together a bit. One day we went ice skating. The 2 girls both knew how to skate, but I had never been before.

After a while of floundering around at the side of the rink, they both came over, and grabbed a hand each. Then they proceeded to pull me around the rink at high speed, which they both thought was hilarious. However, one of them let go, causing me to spin and immediately lose my balance.

As I fell, I reflexively flailed my arms and grabbed out, taking Charlotte (the English one) down with me.

She banged the back of her head hard against the ice. I laughed and tried to pull her up, but she seemed dazed and disoriented, so we went back to the benches at the side to wait for her to recover properly.

After a while it became obvious that rather than getting better, she was getting vaguer and vaguer. We started to worry, and the French girl called her mother, who was a doctor. After a while she arrived, and took one quick look at Charlotte, and then immediately erupted into a whirlwind of activity.

She had to be rushed to hospital immediately, she said. As the only person who could speak both French and English, I went along as translator. The front seat of the car was flattened back as flat as it would go, and I sat in the back while the doctor screeched through Beauvais at rally-driver pace.

She kept shouting to me (in French obviously) "Keep her talking! Don't let her go to sleep!" and so, with increasing anxiety, I tried to keep her talking "what's your name, where are you" sort of stuff. She got quieter and quieter, muttering "it's because of the weather, it's because of the weather" over and over again.

After a while, she went quiet for a bit, then opened her eyes and took off her ring, which had a flower on it, and gave it to me, saying "look after the flower" - then her eyes closed and she went limp.

No matter how frantically I babbled at her, I could not get her to regain consciousness. She was well and truly out. I was beginning to realise that I had killed her at this point.

We got to the hospital, and a stretcher was rushed out, and we wheeled her in. We had to spend a few minutes waiting for the X-Ray room before anything could be done.

There was incidental muzak piped through a tannoy. Suddenly Charlotte's eyes flicked open. She stared straight into my eyes and asked

"Is that the angels singing?"

then she slumped back again. "Oh holy fucking shit" I thought- "even she thinks she's dead."

Then they wheeled her into the X-ray room, and I spent the next 15 minutes pacing arouind the waiting room, trying to process the fact that I had just accidentally killed my friend.

Eventually the doctor came back in. She looked very concerned, but still a bit relieved. I asked her whether Charlotte was alive. "Yes, she'll live" she told me. "But she has broken her neck."

I went to see her after a day or 2. She had a cast from her chin to her waist. She didn't look well or happy, but I was just incredibly relieved she was alive. Eventually they sent her back to England, and then she was out of the cast and into a brace, and then eventually she was perfectly OK, but of course I could never really have a proper conversation with her again. She didn't blame me - to be honest I think I was the only one who really blamed myself, but still, blame myself I did.

Anyway, at least she survived.

When I got back to England my mum had been ice skating, and had torn ligaments in her leg, crippling her for ages.

So there you go - the moral of the story is never go ice-skating, for it is satan's passtime.
(Thu 14th Dec 2006, 12:21, More)

» Have you ever started a fire?

A few years ago
I was in the habit of sitting infront of my fan-heater on the floor, under a towel after a night out, having a last fag before going to bed. One night I came home and went through the usual routine, but fell asleep in the process.

I came to, very drowsily wondering what the uncomfortable sensation in my leg was. It got less and less comfortable, then suddenly turned into a sharp pain. I opened my eyes and realised that the towel I was under had blocked the fan heater and caught fire. I screamed loudly in shock and jumped up, then realising that my trousers were also on fire. I managed to rip off the blazing strides, and jumped up and down on them and the towel in some panic, shouting all the while.

I escaped without serious injury, but needless to say was not popular with my housemates for almost burning everyone to death in the middle of the night. I no longer have a fan heater.
(Wed 3rd Mar 2004, 1:03, More)