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» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

Chased out of the cellar by a Poo Golem
Basically the upstairs bog wouldn't flush properly, and a foul smell was starting to come up from the cellar of the house. Muggins here was duly dispatched to investigate.

I teetered precariously down the rickety wooden staircase to be presented with a 6" deep grey sea of flood water stretching before my eyes.

"You have to do something" says my lady housemate.

"Right" says I, and off I go, bucket in hand to try and drain the level a bit.

A couple of hours, and many shit grey buckets of effluent later I locate what looks like small drain cover. Brilliant, thinks I. If I can can open it, I'll be able to drain the cellar and all my problems will over.

So I prod the cover with a stick. It gives slightly. Wierd, this obviously isn't a metal drain cover. I prod some more. There is a slight gurgling sound. Excellent I think, I must be getting somewhere. One last prod...

I gave a mighty blow and there was a very loud gurgling noise. I backed off nervously when all of a sudden a mighty shite-geyser erupts under my feet. All the backed up sewage, which had been held at bay was released and fountained upward in a grey cloumn. In the dim light it looked like a giant shit golem, raising from the ground and reaching out toward me...

Apparently from outside all my housemate heard was a gurgle, a massive whumping sound and a shrill cry of terror. She then saw what appeard to be a shiit-covered version of her flat-mate streaking out of the cellar and collapse retching in the kitchen.

The smell, ugh, undescribable.

Moral of the story? Flushing tampons leads to Lovecraftian manifestations. Every time.

Length? Ooh 100 yards in 3.5 seconds...
(Tue 1st Apr 2008, 16:51, More)

» School Trips

Anyone from Devon?
Bloody Paignton Zoo.

Year after bloody year.
(Mon 11th Dec 2006, 17:12, More)

» Mistaken Identity

Jack Bloody Dee
If I had a pound for every time some drunken bathturd has mistaken me for Jack Dee,



I'd have about enough for a pint...
(Thu 31st May 2007, 16:55, More)

» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

At an Anthrax gig in Hamburg
Sparko, right in the middle. Best thing really.

Long? I have carpet burn.
(Wed 3rd Jan 2007, 12:52, More)