b3ta.com user Odradek
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"Often for months on end he is not to be seen; ... but he always comes faithfully back to our house again."

I don't say much, but here's a few things I have said:


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For more time-wasting nonsense, see convomo.com [Contains occasional language, scenes of mild peril and traces of boswellox.]

Profile rejigged with djol's messer arounder then buggered about beyond recognition using various other methods, before being fecked up royally by the b3ta bods who made the username huge. Think I've saved it now though.

Grammar God!
You is an GRAMMAR GOD!

Congratulations! If you're mission in life am not already too preserve the English tongue, it should be. You can smell an grammtical inaccuracy from fifty yards. You're speech are revered by the underlings, though some may blaspheme and call you a snob. There just jealous. Go out their and change the world.

How grammatically correct are you? (Revised with answer key)
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Best answers to questions:

» Heckles

Hatstand heckling
I don't think words can do justice to the bizarreness of this evening, but here goes...
It must have been December 1998; we were a group of 7 or so assorted students. We turned up at the John Snow in Soho just in time for the night's comedy. Inevitably, the only seats left were the entire front row, which we filled. The compere was amused by us, accused us of being Sigue Sigue Sputnik and took pleasure in ribbing our Spanish friend Antonio. The compere’s look of shock and defeat when Antonio revealed he was a Glaswegian called Rob more than made up for it.

This was nothing, however, compared to one of the girls in our group. At various points of the evening, she would put her hand up, as if at school. At first, the comedians took a moment to overcome their surprise. Then they would ask her why she had her hand up and she would ask a question, such as:
"Do you have a Blue Peter Badge?"
"What are you doing for New Year?"
"Will you be watching Jools Holland's Hootenanny?"
I've never seen a comedian thrown like this. They probably all had put downs at the ready, but you can't use them when someone asks an innocent question out of nowhere. And she just wouldn't stop.

Until the break that is. The second half started without her. This threw the performers as much as her presence. Where is she? Why has she disappeared? Eventually, she strolled back to her seat with the simple explanation: "I fell asleep on the loo."

I would say her act was genius, if I thought it was an act. But that was just the way she was.
(Sat 8th Apr 2006, 14:35, More)

» You're a moviestar baby

Not so much me as my hair
I was in the audience for The Friday Night Armistice once and noticed the man in front of me was wearing a balaclava - thankfully he turned out to be a plant, not a terrorist. When they interviewed him you could see my [then big] hair seemingly protuding out of his balaclava.

Also, it might be worth mentioning my flatmate may have snuck in behind Dennis Waterman when they were filming the Bill in his office yesterday. Sadly, he refrained from humming the Minder theme tune.
(Tue 16th Nov 2004, 14:06, More)