b3ta.com user jimcrock
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» Pure Ignorance

During the board game version of the Weakest Link at a mate's house over Christmas...
... and I still can't get over it.

Question Master: What type of animal is a finch?
Contestant: Erm ... dunno ... a squirrel?
QM: Well, the answer says bird, so I'll give you that. Next question ...
Me: Hang on a second - you can't give him that.
QM: Yeah, but a squirrel is a type of bird, so I thought I'd be generous.
Me: Oh my god. You're not joking are you?
QM: Well come off it, a squirrel is a type of bird.
Me: Of course it fucking isn't.
QM: Well how come they can fly then?
Me: What?
QM: And they have feathers.
Me: I can't believe this. Have you ever seen a squirrel?
Contestant: Well … they do have beaks.

The group actually had to vote in order to prove to the two that squirrels were not members of the bird family.

They still couldn’t accept it.

As I walked out of the room in disbelief to get a vodka, I heard a scream of,
“Well how come they live in fucking trees, then, eh?”
(Thu 13th Jan 2005, 14:08, More)

» Pure Ignorance

We have a log book at work ...
... that details stupid office comments.

My favourite is from a meeting when my excited boss couldn't decide whether to say 'red hot' or 'shit hot' when describing a new project.

So instead he said 'hot red shit'.
(Wed 12th Jan 2005, 13:43, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

What do you call a dog with two dicks?
The Pop Idol Judging Panel
(Wed 8th Feb 2006, 14:05, More)

» Singing the wrong words

Eastenders Theme Tune
When we were at school, a mate of mine fell out with his mum. His revenge was to change the lyrics to the Eastenders theme tune. Only the fist line. It went:

Anyone can fuck my mum,
She's the biggest slag in Chellllll-aston

Even now I still occasionally find myself saying 'did anyone watch Anyone Can Fuck My Mum last night?'
(Thu 27th Jan 2005, 14:01, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Apologies if this is already here ....
At a four year old’s birthday party, the grown ups were in the kitchen drinking beers when the little boy ran through and said “Mummy! Why is Grandma playing with a shrimp?”

The mother poked her head around the door only to see that senility had, once again, forced Grandma to take all of her clothes off. She was lying on the sofa, legs apart, playing with herself.

“Erm, darling, that’s not a shrimp that she’s playing with,” the mother replied. “That’s her clitoris”.

With a puzzled expression, the boy said, “But mummy - it tastes like shrimp”.
(Mon 13th Sep 2004, 13:42, More)
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