Profile for reverend_smarm:
If at first you don't succeed, give up - there's no use making a damn fool of yourself over it.
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- a member for 21 years, 4 months and 29 days
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- has posted 1 messages on the talk board
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- has posted 8 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
- They liked 40 pictures, 19 links, 0 talk posts, and 3 qotw answers.
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If at first you don't succeed, give up - there's no use making a damn fool of yourself over it.
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Best answers to questions:
» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!
Tee with that, sir?
Many years ago I used to work as a barman in a Golf and Country Club, in Earls Colne, in Essex, and 'twas some of the best times of my bar tending career, half decent money, bit of respect from the punters, use of the gym, sauna, pool etc.
Every year they would have a summer ball where the members would have a slap-up feast in a huge marquee in the grounds, followed by a round of golf, tee-ing off at midnight. With so many inebriated, rich, up-tight golfers and their wives, the whole thing quickly slid into a morass of drunken, bodice-ripping, sexuality, with various people 'going to the loo' only to return disheveled and red-faced.
The food was superb and the Champagne flowed freely - the kitchen would even 'accidentally' cook about a dozen too many steaks and let us get rid of the evidence for them (Thanks Barry!). I remember me and a waitress, both of us plastered, sitting under a bush at about 2am, eating steak sandwiches and swigging from bottles of Moet.
Another part of our job was to wander the grounds when it started to get light, to round up any lost guests (and staff). So, as I wandered the essex countryside finishing off a last bottle of champers, I stumbled accross a couple getting friendly in one of the bunkers. I cleared my throat to announce my presence and advised them that the taxis would be arriving soon. As the lady tried to find her dress, the gentleman thanked me, then asked if there was any champagne left in the bottle I was carrying 'cos he'd accidentally got sand all over his cock, and needed to wash it off as he wasn't quite finished yet. Being a professional, I left him the rest of the bottle.
Length? Well, the champagne WAS pretty cold.
(Thu 27th Jul 2006, 10:35, More)
Tee with that, sir?
Many years ago I used to work as a barman in a Golf and Country Club, in Earls Colne, in Essex, and 'twas some of the best times of my bar tending career, half decent money, bit of respect from the punters, use of the gym, sauna, pool etc.
Every year they would have a summer ball where the members would have a slap-up feast in a huge marquee in the grounds, followed by a round of golf, tee-ing off at midnight. With so many inebriated, rich, up-tight golfers and their wives, the whole thing quickly slid into a morass of drunken, bodice-ripping, sexuality, with various people 'going to the loo' only to return disheveled and red-faced.
The food was superb and the Champagne flowed freely - the kitchen would even 'accidentally' cook about a dozen too many steaks and let us get rid of the evidence for them (Thanks Barry!). I remember me and a waitress, both of us plastered, sitting under a bush at about 2am, eating steak sandwiches and swigging from bottles of Moet.
Another part of our job was to wander the grounds when it started to get light, to round up any lost guests (and staff). So, as I wandered the essex countryside finishing off a last bottle of champers, I stumbled accross a couple getting friendly in one of the bunkers. I cleared my throat to announce my presence and advised them that the taxis would be arriving soon. As the lady tried to find her dress, the gentleman thanked me, then asked if there was any champagne left in the bottle I was carrying 'cos he'd accidentally got sand all over his cock, and needed to wash it off as he wasn't quite finished yet. Being a professional, I left him the rest of the bottle.
Length? Well, the champagne WAS pretty cold.
(Thu 27th Jul 2006, 10:35, More)
» Oldies vs Computers
Souper Computer
Whilst working on the hell-desk years ago, i got stuck with a weird call - the keyboard was randomly printing out the wrong characters. After about an hour of trouble shooting i was at my wit's end - i couldn't send out a replacement keyboard until i had definatively found the problem.
one thing stuck in my mind though - the problem had occured straight after lunch. i asked her if someone could have messed around with her PC while she was at lunch, they couldn't have, she replied as she's been at her desk all lunch, except for five minutes to get a cup-a-soup, and to rinse the keyboard.
I asked exactly what she meant by that. She told me that she had spilled some cup-a-soup on the keyboard, and taken it to the kitchen area to rinse the cup-a-soup out of the keyboard! She was really sure she's gotten all the bits out, so that couldn't be the problem.
I explaind that that wasn't actually covered by the warranty. She was not impressed.
(Fri 22nd Sep 2006, 14:48, More)
Souper Computer
Whilst working on the hell-desk years ago, i got stuck with a weird call - the keyboard was randomly printing out the wrong characters. After about an hour of trouble shooting i was at my wit's end - i couldn't send out a replacement keyboard until i had definatively found the problem.
one thing stuck in my mind though - the problem had occured straight after lunch. i asked her if someone could have messed around with her PC while she was at lunch, they couldn't have, she replied as she's been at her desk all lunch, except for five minutes to get a cup-a-soup, and to rinse the keyboard.
I asked exactly what she meant by that. She told me that she had spilled some cup-a-soup on the keyboard, and taken it to the kitchen area to rinse the cup-a-soup out of the keyboard! She was really sure she's gotten all the bits out, so that couldn't be the problem.
I explaind that that wasn't actually covered by the warranty. She was not impressed.
(Fri 22nd Sep 2006, 14:48, More)
» Childhood Ambitions
Spaceman
At school, and growing up i wanted to be a spaceman. However, since leaving school i've been a draughtsman, mechnical engineer, soldier, air conditioning installer, fire alarm installer, barman, bloody student, waiter, sous chef, restaurant manager, scuba instructor, english teacher, extra, portrait photographer, helpdesk monkey, and currently sysadmin.
I'm 38 now, but i suspect it's only a matter of time before i actually get round to spaceman.
(Thu 5th Apr 2007, 9:44, More)
Spaceman
At school, and growing up i wanted to be a spaceman. However, since leaving school i've been a draughtsman, mechnical engineer, soldier, air conditioning installer, fire alarm installer, barman, bloody student, waiter, sous chef, restaurant manager, scuba instructor, english teacher, extra, portrait photographer, helpdesk monkey, and currently sysadmin.
I'm 38 now, but i suspect it's only a matter of time before i actually get round to spaceman.
(Thu 5th Apr 2007, 9:44, More)
» Inappropriate crushes
Keeping it in the family
When i was a hormone fuelled teenager, I totally had the hots for my aunt (and even now, many years later, i still kinda do!). She may have been 2 years younger than my mum, but she was a million miles away in cleavage flashing hotness.
I would often volunteer to babysit, just to be near her, and to give her the oportunity to realise that I was now a real man (as evidenced by my 'luxurious' moustache) and up for accidental sauciness.
I am also godfather to her youngest daughter who is now 17 and a total tart..... and the cycle is beginning again, but this time more twisted and lesbian than before.
Hull, here I come.
(Fri 29th Sep 2006, 14:05, More)
Keeping it in the family
When i was a hormone fuelled teenager, I totally had the hots for my aunt (and even now, many years later, i still kinda do!). She may have been 2 years younger than my mum, but she was a million miles away in cleavage flashing hotness.
I would often volunteer to babysit, just to be near her, and to give her the oportunity to realise that I was now a real man (as evidenced by my 'luxurious' moustache) and up for accidental sauciness.
I am also godfather to her youngest daughter who is now 17 and a total tart..... and the cycle is beginning again, but this time more twisted and lesbian than before.
Hull, here I come.
(Fri 29th Sep 2006, 14:05, More)
» Road Rage
A rose by any other name
After getting cut up in traffic by one of those baby off-road style crap-wagons, and advising the driver exactly what i thought of their heritage, my Spanish girlfriend started laughing. When I grumpily asked why, she pointed to the Pajero in front of us, and said that in spanish 'pajero' means wanker.
I have to admit, I've never heard of a car that was better named.
(Fri 13th Oct 2006, 14:50, More)
A rose by any other name
After getting cut up in traffic by one of those baby off-road style crap-wagons, and advising the driver exactly what i thought of their heritage, my Spanish girlfriend started laughing. When I grumpily asked why, she pointed to the Pajero in front of us, and said that in spanish 'pajero' means wanker.
I have to admit, I've never heard of a car that was better named.
(Fri 13th Oct 2006, 14:50, More)