chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop


I shall get the hang of this!

My first FP, I'm nearly in tears
(Sun 18th Jan 2004, 20:46, More)

» Bodge Jobs

Every tool is a hammer!
(except for screwdrivers, they're chisels.)
(Sun 13th Mar 2011, 16:30, More)

» Caught!

Caught by the fuzz
And there I was in the back of the van buzzing my tits off, head in my hands thinking 'shit, this is a bad dream!'
I was only 15 and thought I was the man, to be honest with dad not around I still childishly thought my big brother would magically appear and be able to sort it out but this was looking a bit serious tbh and even in the state I was in I was hoping I'd keep this one to myself anyway.

Next thing I know I was locked up in the cells for a bit (feeling pretty sick now) before an interview with a schizophrenic copper (good cop/bad cop rolled into one). He said it would be sorted if I told them who supplied the blow, I knew enough not to fall for that. so they rolled in the big guns...

Here comes my mum, well she knows what I´ve done
'Just tell them the truth, you know where it´s from!'
'You´ve blackended our name! Well you should be ashamed!'
'If only your father could be here now, he´d break down and he´d throw you out for sure'
'I never should have let you out tonight'
(Fri 4th Jun 2010, 1:50, More)

» Mobile phone disasters

Like many others I'm not a fan of novelty ringtones.
The only one I ever had on my phone was one that goes.
*loud siren x2* Warning...I'm stood next to a ringtone wanker! *loud siren x2* Warning...I'm stood next to a ringtone wanker!

I rarely used it but I did once at a festival I worked, for shits and giggles, but also because it was the only one loud enough for me to hear.

So imagine my joy the following Monday morning, whilst stood on a primary school stage, micced up, in front of a full primary school assembly. A couple of hundred angelic faces pearing up at me.
All the kids, teaching staff and my boss waiting to see what amazing act of dexterity I'd next do to thrill and amaze, when I feel the rumble in my pocket and the dreaded sound of...
'AROOGAH... AROOGAH... WARNING...I'M STOOD NEXT TO...'
(Mon 3rd Aug 2009, 20:04, More)

» Putting the Fun in Funeral

tunes
Not so much a funeral story but...
We were talking in the pub about what song we'd like at our funerals. The ususal stuff came up but Pauls choice of 'Living in a box' pretty much took the prize
(Sun 14th May 2006, 3:23, More)

» Prejudice

Hai Ya
My girlfriend was born in Hong Kong and was adopted as a baby by a British army family.

Recently on her first day as an Education Officer in a northern theatre she popped into the on-site cafe and was approached by a bohemian type who asked her - 'You...got...DVD?'

-'Actually dahling, I work in the the-a-tre!' probably wasn't the reply he was expecting.
(Tue 6th Apr 2010, 1:00, More)