» Things you've done when you've had no money.

i was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar....
.....and didn't have a pot to piss in as all pay as going towards paying moho-sive rent arrears. Finished work at 11pm and couldn't even muster £1 for the peasent wagon home. co-worker was a big aussie bloke with fingers like sausages who offered me £1 for t'bus only if i showed him one of my rather large norks. needless to say i showed him both the puppies in question and got the bus into work the next day to boot...
(Mon 11th Oct 2004, 11:47, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

hymen to heaven
1st boyfriend - hideous rat faced freak (you get it where you can at 14) - reckoned he was a bit of a tortured vampire a la Anne Rice and all that shite - grew his hair/finger nails v long. 1st ever fingering experience so reckon i was intact - the twunt sliced me a new gash - bled and bled - had to tell my mum and everything - oh the shame - got my own back tho - told everyone he had premature ejaculation (which he probably did)
(Mon 6th Sep 2004, 17:41, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

sung wah!
a yank oil tycoon dude is on business in japan. He is staying at a swish hotel in tokyo. as he books in he asks the chap behind the counter "where can i get some girlie action tonight?" the chap behind the counter replies that he will have a girlie sent up to his room at 9pm.
9pm comes around and there is a knock at the door - the yank opens it to find a stunning japanese hottie stood there in a fur coat and little else. He can't believe his luck and immediately gets her to strip so he can start a-porkin'. During said porkin' he's going at it hell for leather and is impressed by his own stamina. The japanese hooker is writhing around and squealing, in fact she keeps squealing something in Japanese - "SUNG WAH, SUNG WAH!" she moans. "must be japanese for excellent" thinks the arrogant yank.
He comes, she leaves.
Next day on the golf course the CEO of the big japanese firm yankie is doing business with gets a hole in one. the yank decides to impress his counterpart, claps his hands in appreciation and says "sung wah, sung wah"
The japanese CEO looks bemused..."wrong hole, what do you mean wrong hole??!"
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 15:53, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

legz akimbo...
climbing tree aged 6. get to top of aforementioned tree, start shouting abuse at my brother below. try to throw an apple (t'was an apple tree you see) at aforementioned brother, topple and fall. Land v badly and fracture pelvis v badly. was in hospital with a sausage shaped cushion between my legs for what felt like an eternity. i still have problems with me legs, mainly with keeping them closed according to my ex.
(Mon 6th Sep 2004, 16:21, More)

» Black Sheep

uncle fucker
my uncle (Dad's twin brother) left my mentalist nan on her own for over 24 hrs in her nighty with no blankets/duvet with all her bedroom windows open in the bleak midwinter - she quite literally froze to death - he fucked off to spain with his share of the will and his dog like g'friend. not so much a black sheep as a complete cunt.
(Wed 19th Jan 2005, 10:50, More)