b3ta.com user Emohawk
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Profile for Emohawk:
Profile Info:

Do i have to have a profile?
im just me..

www.dingvean.co.uk is my photography site.
www.facebook.com is this site i invented, but was stolen by elite hackers.

Recent front page messages:

Are you saying Boo or Boo-ris

Not been back for years.... heres a quick one
(Thu 25th Jul 2019, 13:24, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Booze Related Disasters

My Worst night on Alcohol
The actual night is only vague in my memory.
My night began fine, the usual drinks with a few mates. But then we discovered the Jelly Shots and other types of shots.
The events which followed are hazy, and are made up of slight memories and stories told by other people.
Apparently i chatted up the barmaid in the hogshead, and kept buying her drinks.
after a while we decided to leave, and make our way to the pub i worked at, which will remain nameless. Upon reaching there, a few of us attempted to leapfrog a postbox, cracking our nuts in the process (discovered groinal bruising in the morning). When reaching the bar, me and a friend then proceeded to lick the front window of the bar, whilst customers were inside. After entering the bar, i approached one of the barmaids i worked with and said 'In my pocket, i've got some ribbed condoms and a fiver, lets go have a good time'.
I then downed other peoples drinks who i didnt know. discovered they left the kitchen doors open, stole some chicken wraps, and made my way to the bus station.
after that, nothing.
the next thing i know is that i got woken up by my dad asking if i was ok.
apparently i was hugging the toilet bowl saying 'you're my friend aintcha, i love you.'

Never again have i been that drunk.

altho, when i did finally wake up in the morning, i was in my bed. and next to me was a Flashing Amber roadworks beacon.

where from? who knows
(Fri 19th Mar 2004, 2:54, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Bad Taste
a woman is in hospital giving birth to her baby.
shes screaming like mad and then the baby is born.
The doctor picks up the baby, then throws it to another doctor.
that doctor then kicks it up and it hits the ceiling, bouncing on the floor and the nurse dives down and tackles the doctor for it, they carry on for a few minutes, and after a while, the baby falls to the floor, motionless.
and then doctor looks up at the woman and says

"only joking!! it was dead already"
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 14:13, More)

» Worst Record Ever

one of many...

Russ Abbott, Atmosphere does come close..
(Tue 2nd Dec 2003, 17:30, More)

» Dad Jokes

when phoning someone
I turned to my dad and said "i cant get through as they are engaged."

to which he replied with,

"well i guess they better get married then"
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 13:38, More)