b3ta.com user badg3r :: what are you insinuating, you equity ponce?
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See Something You Like, Fly Boy?
I did have a site once, but 'tis no more (or at least won't be for the foreseeable future). Stay tuned for updates!*

* but don't hold your breath

In the meantime, you can peruse b3ta-related fluff here.

As if you wanted to know more, there's always the option of sending me an e-mail to b3ta@benchfort (dot) co (period) uk (b0rk3d to prevent spammage). Stalkers / cold callers / wankers etc need not apply.


P.S. I had the nickname way before Weebl started animating it. Not that I'm complaining, of course.

Recent front page messages:

Huff huff huff huff *wheeze* huff huff huff huff etc.

(Fri 12th Mar 2010, 21:19, More)


(Wed 19th Oct 2005, 15:06, More)

Wank it. Wank it hard

Biggiosity (366Kb)

Yay! First FP :) I'd like to thank the academy, etc...
(Sun 21st Sep 2003, 1:03, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Now, there was no need for that...

Two words ...
"Crazy frog."

/made worse by gratuitous undercarriage
(Thu 16th Jun 2005, 8:01, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Probably been done in one form or another*
Knock, knock.

Who's there?


Gestapo who?


* but if you think I'm searching manually through 36-odd pages of filth, you've got another thing coming ... or ... ah.

/shuffles off to browse aforementioned filth

(Tue 14th Sep 2004, 16:29, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

Much surreptitious nudging ensued during an A-level physics class; it had been noted that the tutor (Mr Twatto or some such) had scrawled "Go home" on his hand in biro.

And on his other hand? "See other hand".

At no point was any reference made to this. I subsequently quit my A-levels after realising the assorted tossers assigned to (*cough*) "teach" me were a bunch of gilt-edged J Arthur wankers.
(Wed 9th Nov 2005, 14:38, More)

» Pet Peeves

Where to start
- imbeciles who will insist on parking their trolley directly opposite where I've left mine, making the aisle as awkward as possible for everyone else to navigate. Why not fucking push it a couple of feet further along, you unobservant arsewipe?

- and while I'm on the topic of supermarkets, why is it that the nearest battleaxe always wants to get to the butter / cheese / Sunny D etc. the moment I stop in front of it? I was here first, give me one sodding minute to put something in my trolley and I'll be out of the way, cuntmuffin.

- people who roar up outside someone's front door and beep their horn prolifically. Get out of the car and try knocking / ringing the bell, cockface.

- door-to-door chuggers who take the initial pained expression on my face as their cue to launch into their shpiel with, "don't worry, it's nothing serious". It fucking well will be if you don't sod off.

- middle managers needlessly organising pointless meetings to punctuate their "business lunches" with opportunities to utter the latest buzzwords / acronyms. LET ME GET ON WITH MY WORK AND STOP SPOUTING YOUR BULLSHIT.

- people who start nodding and saying "hmm, yeah" and other positive-sounding guttural responses BEFORE I'VE MADE MY SODDING POINT. You're obviously not paying attention to what I'm saying, therefore I have instantly lost all respect for you as a human being. Get out of my sight, you worthless arse-gargling cockmuncher.

- those who give even the slightest of tosses as to whether the milk goes in first or last when making a cuppa. It all gets mixed in, quit whinging before you're wearing it.

- lack of accountability within government ... how serious does a monumental fuck-up have to be before heads will actually roll? No, this isn't another golden opportunity for you to wheel-out the same old "we will learn from this issue" / "we can't possibly comment until the results of our internal review are completed" bollocks, it's time for you TO GO.

Right, I'm going to let off some steam and kill something.

(Sat 3rd May 2008, 2:33, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

What's brown and sits on a piano stool?
Beethoven's last movement.
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 13:19, More)
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