b3ta.com user cowkicker
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» Toilets

Not a story as such...
Worked for a financial software house in wimbledon where the toilets on our floor were constantly blocked. Caretaker was heard to say..
"The problem is there's 2inch pipes in these bogs and someone on this floor has a 3inch arse".

Not me you understand.
(Sat 3rd Sep 2005, 14:48, More)

» Cheating cheaty cheats

technical test at interview
I was asked to do an AS400 RPGIV Technical Test at an interview with Skandia in Southampton. They left me in a conference room on my own for 1hr. Got my Introduction to RPGIV book out and copied all the answeres out of it. Finished in 40mins.
Started 3mth contract there 1week later.
(Fri 18th Nov 2005, 12:51, More)

» Mini Cabs From Hell

Cab journey sightseeing trip
Caught a cab to a party with the GF - going from Wimbledon the cabby took a long roundabout route so he could drive past Wimbledon Common where he slowed down and turned around to us and said "a girl was raped and stabbed there last month".
Nice way to start an evening.
(Thu 27th May 2004, 11:52, More)

» Best Comebacks

Headphone leakage causes comeback classic
I was on the train listening to some tunes (the Jesus and Mary Chain although Im not a goff). This guy behind me taps me on the shoulder and says
"Can you turn it up I can't hear it clearly enough"

so i turned around and said...

"Sorry mate, its as loud as it goes"
(Fri 30th Apr 2004, 11:36, More)

» Impromptu Games You Play

Pooing at work
Very simple points based game.

One player (obviously)
Score as many points as possible

1 point allocated if first choice cubicle is free.
1 point for toilet seat up (as in last person using loo was there for a piss)
1 point for seat cleanliness (i.e. no piss or hair)
1 point for bowl cleanliness (no leftover jobbies!)
1 point for any loud gas emissions.
-1 (minus 1) point for any loud gas emissions made by a neighbour (edit -2 if said person turns out to be someone you know)
2 points if poo is wax coated (i.e. one wipe does the trick)
1 point if only 1 flush required
1 point if nobody enters loo during visit
1 point if your poo triggers the auto air conditioner spray
-1 point if someone rattles your cubicle doo
A top poo therefore could rate 10points a really bad one could have more than -2 points (if much cubicle door rattling and noises it could be minus anything!)

anyway keeps me amused!
(Tue 30th Mar 2004, 13:34, More)
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