b3ta.com user Pandaemonium
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» Shame

Princess Di's funeral
1) My and a mate were pissed up during it on vodka (11amish?) listening to blasting Nine Inch Nails and dancing on his glass topped table.

I feel a little shame about the whole incident.

2) Another time me and same lad were leaving the pub at lunchtime, lashed again (a common thread in my experiences) and passed a garden toy sale this little girl was holding.

I feel terrible even writing this….

We bought a soft toy tomato off her for 50 pence. We proceeded to kick it down the street (she was bawling at this time) then impale it on the local church yards metal railings, and set fire to it. It was synthetic too, and went up in seconds.

I can still clearly remember the wails and screams of this horribly upset poor lass who’s just witnessed two yobs destroy a childhood toy, while her father attempted to comfort her with the subdued words “it’s theirs now…..”

No shame at the time, I cringe at the thought now.

3) Stealing a little baby Jesus from the local Catholic church’s nativity scheme, me and same lad, again pissed, again kicking it down the street, but this time managing to kick it’s eyes out. That one was in the local residential paper.

Probably more, but I feel a bit sick now……
(Fri 25th Nov 2005, 11:20, More)

» Jobsworths

Dole
While drunk one night, my mate pushed me and I fell against a wall, spraining a ligament in my hand. I had to have it bandaged for support.

Signing on a couple of days later, the bitch dealing with my signing noticed my bandaged hand.

I was told –
Her - "Your benefits will be stopped"
me - "Huh? why?"
her - "You cant work with that injury"
me - " It's just a sprain, I’ll be fine in a couple of days”
her – “Sorry, it’s the rules”
me – “If you can get me a job in a couple of days, I’ll work WITH this injury, I’ve been unemployed for 3 years now”
her – “It’s the rules”
me – “Look, I can move it, it’s not like a break or anything”
her – “It’s the rules”

Off benefits immediately, hand was fine in a couple of days. This doesn’t change the fact I was now without any sort of income.

It took three weeks, multiple phone calls, letters and a trip to the local chav jobcentre in Wallsend (frightening, frightening place, the staff are more secure than bank tellers) to get me back on……..

Revenge was mine a couple of weeks after getting it all sorted out, when I actually did get a job, and celebrated by getting mortal and arcing thick streams of Stella based urine through the small gap between the jobcentres glass doors, at the start of a particularly warm summer weekend.

I’m not apologising for length. I’ve waited nearly eight years to get that off my chest. :D
(Fri 13th May 2005, 8:55, More)

» School fights

Picture this...
Two geeks who were friends with each other had a falling out. One a loudmouthed twat of a lad, the other a quiet lad (a member of the sea scouts).

The usual “there’s a fight going to happen after school” rumors started circulating, and a huge crowd gathered to witness this “clash of the titans” due to the sheer weirdness of this fight happening. As you all probably know, it’s the nutters and hardcases that arrange fights, or it’s a kid getting a pasting by getting jumped on. Two nerds and butts of the school jokes is a rare, rare occurrence. Neither had been seen fighting before. Getting a kicking yes, but fighting? Not a chance.

As they were squaring up, the quiet lad assumed a classic boxing stance to which the loudmouth jeered a sarcastic “Oh, Queensbury rules eh? That’ll not help you” before veritably windmilling in.

The quiet lad took two steps back, left jabbed the loudmouths nose twice to disorientate him, then followed through with one of the mightiest right hooks I have ever seen, absolutely knocking him on his ass. He turned, and quietly walked away leaving approx 100 stunned people in his wake. It was like the parting of the red sea.

He was never looked at in the same way again.
(Fri 10th Mar 2006, 15:00, More)

» Shame

Don't do Drugs Kids.....
Oh, I also came home ten years back, full of E during my pill taking
phase (won't touch em now, for reasons to become clear) to my father
having a fully fledged heart attack in the front room. And simply went
to bed as it was giving me The Fear and left my panicking mother to
deal with it.

Top eh? What a *bastard*……

He's alright now (and better than ever to be honest) but that incident was the final straw where anything
stronger than hash was involved.

Anything that destroys your ability to care about a family member
possibly dying is no good in my book to be honest……

This goes beyond shame. This is absolute gut wrenching self hatred at
what I did…….
(Fri 25th Nov 2005, 12:00, More)

» Road Rage

Driving back from work,
On an empty dual carriageway, I start getting tailgated by a white van. Thinking “oh ffs” I pull into the inside lane. White van follows me, and continues to tailgate. I indicate right, and move back into the outside lane. White van follows me again, and literally gets within a meter (all I could see in the back mirror was the grille). Cue this back and forth a number of times. I’m getting increasingly pissed off and worried as it’s obvious this guy is doing it deliberately, and it’s really fucking dangerous.

A few miles of this and he indicates and starts to pull off the slip road, obviously having a great time with his mate, chortling away. I think “thank fuck for that” and give him the middle finger.

He then pulls a hard right, and swerves back onto the dual carriageway.

“uh oh.” Thinks I. Mouth going dry and adrenaline gland opening, as this van powers up behind me.

The guy then proceeded to pull to the side of me, almost touching the side of my car (I thought if it went on for longer, he’s start to ram me like a cliché Hollywood movie), screaming obscenities, and not watching the road at all. By this point I made a “wind your window down” gesture and guys mate complies.

“You better calm him down otherwise he’s going to kill himself and you or all of us.” Shouts I ,to an ashen face.

Thankfully his mate saw sense and calmed him down, as they left on the next road, leaving me to pull over in the next layby and sit shaking for quarter of an hour.

I can see now how people get stabbed.
(Fri 13th Oct 2006, 8:10, More)
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