Profile for Lord Turkey Boy the First:
This is Lord Turkey Boys first account which he forgot all about for ages and ages and ages but has now remembered all about.
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- a member for 20 years, 5 months and 13 days
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This is Lord Turkey Boys first account which he forgot all about for ages and ages and ages but has now remembered all about.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Stupid Tourists
Take me to your Qantas!!!!
Was working at a backpackers in Melbourne a few years ago. This American guy comes up to me and asks if I can direct him to where he might go to see a qantas. I suspected I knew what he was talking about although couldn't quite believe someone could be so stupid so had to ask him for more info.
"You know a qantas, a great big furry jumping rat, all your planes have pictures of them on the tail"
Should have just booked the cretin on the airport shuttle but then he would have still remained in Victoria so I obliged him by booking him on an overland trip to another state(as far away from me as possible) and told him to look out of the window. Loads of nice road kill in the country here. He was bound to see lots of qantas' .
(Mon 11th Jul 2005, 19:59, More)
Take me to your Qantas!!!!
Was working at a backpackers in Melbourne a few years ago. This American guy comes up to me and asks if I can direct him to where he might go to see a qantas. I suspected I knew what he was talking about although couldn't quite believe someone could be so stupid so had to ask him for more info.
"You know a qantas, a great big furry jumping rat, all your planes have pictures of them on the tail"
Should have just booked the cretin on the airport shuttle but then he would have still remained in Victoria so I obliged him by booking him on an overland trip to another state(as far away from me as possible) and told him to look out of the window. Loads of nice road kill in the country here. He was bound to see lots of qantas' .
(Mon 11th Jul 2005, 19:59, More)
» Your Weirdest Teacher
Mad History Teacher
I had this mad teacher and I mean quite mad. Duing one lesson he excused himself using the excuse he had to quickly nip home to pick up his packed lunch. What he actually did was go and find the headmasters wife and bludgeon her repeatedly with a hammer to the head. He then rode his bike up to the top of a local landmark, cut his wrists and jumped off the top. Unfortunatly for him he survived though and ended up in Broadmoor with Ronnie Kray for a good few years. Heamasters wife survived as well.
Just incase this was an isolated incident I just remembered another one which happened the year before. This was a posh prep school for boys which took on weekly boarders. One night the master in charge who was a French teacher (dodgy enough already) comes home pissed and gets in to bed with one of the boys and gave his bottom a jolly good feel, before getting sacked immediatly. Funnily enough he never got prossecuted. This was the early 80s, if it had happened now he would at this very moment be getting his own bottom sorted out every time he bent over to pick up the soap in the shower in his cell block.
Oh yeah then another teacher ran off with the mothers of one of the boys when she came to pick him up. I believe he is now headmaster.
Ahhhh private education works!!!!!
Appologies to anyone complaining about the length of my penis
(Fri 11th Nov 2005, 19:24, More)
Mad History Teacher
I had this mad teacher and I mean quite mad. Duing one lesson he excused himself using the excuse he had to quickly nip home to pick up his packed lunch. What he actually did was go and find the headmasters wife and bludgeon her repeatedly with a hammer to the head. He then rode his bike up to the top of a local landmark, cut his wrists and jumped off the top. Unfortunatly for him he survived though and ended up in Broadmoor with Ronnie Kray for a good few years. Heamasters wife survived as well.
Just incase this was an isolated incident I just remembered another one which happened the year before. This was a posh prep school for boys which took on weekly boarders. One night the master in charge who was a French teacher (dodgy enough already) comes home pissed and gets in to bed with one of the boys and gave his bottom a jolly good feel, before getting sacked immediatly. Funnily enough he never got prossecuted. This was the early 80s, if it had happened now he would at this very moment be getting his own bottom sorted out every time he bent over to pick up the soap in the shower in his cell block.
Oh yeah then another teacher ran off with the mothers of one of the boys when she came to pick him up. I believe he is now headmaster.
Ahhhh private education works!!!!!
Appologies to anyone complaining about the length of my penis
(Fri 11th Nov 2005, 19:24, More)
» Stupid Tourists
What a great civilisation!!
Met a local in San Diego once. At some point during our riveting and enlightening meeting he proceded to enthusiastically described to me this amazing American phenomena where by local people come together on a certain day of a week and set up stalls to sell their wares "we call it a market you guys should try it". His look of extreme excitment/smugness at educating such a poor traveler as myself was replaced by one of confusion when I wasn't instantly awestuck by the wonders of the great advanced American civilisation. This look was then replaced with one of exreme horror as I held him down and scooped his eyeballs out with a blunt stick and then pissed in his eye sockets.
Warning: Last bit may not have happened.
(Wed 13th Jul 2005, 20:41, More)
What a great civilisation!!
Met a local in San Diego once. At some point during our riveting and enlightening meeting he proceded to enthusiastically described to me this amazing American phenomena where by local people come together on a certain day of a week and set up stalls to sell their wares "we call it a market you guys should try it". His look of extreme excitment/smugness at educating such a poor traveler as myself was replaced by one of confusion when I wasn't instantly awestuck by the wonders of the great advanced American civilisation. This look was then replaced with one of exreme horror as I held him down and scooped his eyeballs out with a blunt stick and then pissed in his eye sockets.
Warning: Last bit may not have happened.
(Wed 13th Jul 2005, 20:41, More)
» When animals attack...
Wombat savagry!!!
As a backpacker in Oz I went to visit Wilsons Prom in Vicotria to experience its beauty and see some wildlife. Cute kagaroos with joeys and emus and all the other animals we British belive hop about in the back gardens of Australian suburbia.
I came out of my tent and was pleasently surprised to see a wombat foraging about in the grass just beside me. Woman is kind of like a cross between Paddington Bear and a womble for those who dont know. He seemed unpetured by my presence and cae closer to me right up to me infact. I thought I would break all the rules of dealing with wildlife and go in for the stroke. At first all went well. I made contact and was pleased with myself and so retreated. Mr Wombat seemed to follow me, he obviously craved human contact and wanted more. He lad this lovely docile expression on his face as he sniffed my leg and sank his rabid snarling jowels in to it. Right through my jeans and drew blood the vicious little bastard!!!! He then calmly repositioned is head next to the grass and carried on eating, leaving me with an ever growing patch of blood on my thigh and a horrified expression on my face.
And the moral!!!! DONT FUCK WITH WOMBLES!!!! or wombats
(Wed 8th Jun 2005, 10:34, More)
Wombat savagry!!!
As a backpacker in Oz I went to visit Wilsons Prom in Vicotria to experience its beauty and see some wildlife. Cute kagaroos with joeys and emus and all the other animals we British belive hop about in the back gardens of Australian suburbia.
I came out of my tent and was pleasently surprised to see a wombat foraging about in the grass just beside me. Woman is kind of like a cross between Paddington Bear and a womble for those who dont know. He seemed unpetured by my presence and cae closer to me right up to me infact. I thought I would break all the rules of dealing with wildlife and go in for the stroke. At first all went well. I made contact and was pleased with myself and so retreated. Mr Wombat seemed to follow me, he obviously craved human contact and wanted more. He lad this lovely docile expression on his face as he sniffed my leg and sank his rabid snarling jowels in to it. Right through my jeans and drew blood the vicious little bastard!!!! He then calmly repositioned is head next to the grass and carried on eating, leaving me with an ever growing patch of blood on my thigh and a horrified expression on my face.
And the moral!!!! DONT FUCK WITH WOMBLES!!!! or wombats
(Wed 8th Jun 2005, 10:34, More)
» When animals attack...
Ooops
Should always proof read, meant wombat not woman. Freudian typing there I think!!!
(Wed 8th Jun 2005, 10:35, More)
Ooops
Should always proof read, meant wombat not woman. Freudian typing there I think!!!
(Wed 8th Jun 2005, 10:35, More)