b3ta.com user Grampa
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Recent front page messages:

Speaking of shit inventions...

(Wed 11th Aug 2010, 21:56, More)


(Tue 22nd Sep 2009, 14:38, More)


(Sat 28th Jun 2008, 7:43, More)

They've predicted the path of the flood waters

(Wed 25th Jul 2007, 13:20, More)

(Thu 15th Feb 2007, 18:32, More)

(Sat 13th Jan 2007, 5:28, More)

(Tue 13th Dec 2005, 20:13, More)

How nature works

(Tue 6th Dec 2005, 17:56, More)

Dalek! Dalek! Dalek!
I made a dalek:

Edit: Changed hosts. Sorry.
(Tue 20th Sep 2005, 15:51, More)

When lobsters exercise.

(Thu 25th Aug 2005, 17:11, More)

The Little Prince plays darts.

(Sat 9th Apr 2005, 4:02, More)


(Sun 13th Mar 2005, 14:50, More)

A cheaper alternative.

(Fri 18th Feb 2005, 13:58, More)

A moral dilemma

Edit: Apparently this is my 1000th post.
(Wed 26th Jan 2005, 17:04, More)

Oh dear God...

(Mon 24th Jan 2005, 18:20, More)

Dancing queen

(Thu 2nd Sep 2004, 3:08, More)

Michael Jackson on the run

Go Jacko go!
(Thu 20th Nov 2003, 14:05, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Ripped Off

I do the ripping off.
I stopped at a convenience store once and there was a 14 or 15 year old girl standing by the door. She asked me if I'd buy her a pack of smokes. Being the nice guy that I am, I took her $10 and went inside. I bought my stuff (a few chocolate bars) and her smokes, paid for it with the money she gave me and went outside.

After getting the cigarettes, she asked for the change (the pack cost about $5). I told her there was a service charge, got into my car and drove off.

I always think of that day as a great life lesson for the young girl.
(Thu 15th Feb 2007, 17:43, More)

» Will you go out with me?

This one's about my sister.
My sister was 15 and was being courted by a very nice guy whom she didn't find attractive.

He finally summoned up the courage ask her out and started with "I've never really asked a girl out before..."

To which my sister said "Well, don't."
(Thu 28th Aug 2008, 21:41, More)

» DIY Techno-hacks

Alarm clock from hell
I used to sleep through all alarm clocks while in college. They'd work for a few days and then I wouldn't hear them.

For a while I used a clock radio but in the beeping mode. When it stopped waking me up, I opened it up, cut the speaker wire and hooked the cables directly to my amplifier. The amplifier was hooked up to two giant speakers that wouldn't look out of place at a dance club. I set the alarm and went to bed.

In the morning it went off. It woke me up. It woke up everyone in my house. I'm pretty sure it woke up the neighbours. As I jumped out of bed wide-eyed and heart pounding, I realized I shouldn't have set the volume to 11. It sounded like a debilitating air raid siren and probably could have been used as a torture device.

I haven't used a clock radio since.
(Fri 21st Aug 2009, 3:04, More)

» Heckles

I hate commercials at movie theaters
I used to go to the movies a few times a week and had the unfortunate pleasure of learning by heart all the commercials that played before the previews and main attraction.

There was a particular commercial for the Armed Forces. Cue various shots of soldiers in action, with the voiceover saying:

"It's not like any other job. Ours is a different experience. We're all over the world. And we love what we do." [sic]

Every time that commercial played in a crowded theater, I'd yell out "What's it like being a fluffer?!" just before the voiceover.
(Fri 7th Apr 2006, 3:32, More)

» Stupid Tourists

My cousin met some American boys while skiing.
Upon finding out that she was from Canada, one of the American lads exclaimed: "Speak Canadian to me!"
(Thu 7th Jul 2005, 16:58, More)
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