b3ta.com user Enigmatic
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Profile for Enigmatic:
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Profile Info:


Facts about me:

&bull Male.

&bull Professional Enigma 

&bull Surrey.

The background picture is my daughter

On her 2nd birthday at the bar in Jamaica.

Learning the Jamaican handshake - Yeah Mon!

Things to see;

My website:


Recent front page messages:

Bugger all

Best answers to questions:

Sod all to talk about

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Stuff You've Overheard

Overheard two young girls
One girl said. "Does your daddy have two pee pee's?" Before her shocked friend had time to reply she carried on. "Mine does. One to pee with and one the au pair uses to brush her teeth with".
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 21:05, More)

» Rock and Roll Stories

Rock and fucking Roll
I have many tales to tell, but I am only going to tell one this time.

I was working with Sting in a studio in London in the '90s. Also recording there was a well know lead singer of an Irish band and drunkeness fame. (also famous for lack of teeth - no names in case he can afford lawyers).

Well he didn't let us down. He got so blind drunk that the studio manager insisted he was removed for his own and the studios safety.

A taxi was called, and it took a bit longer than was expected to arrive.

Shane got pissed off waiting and started getting loud and beligerent. He decided in his drunken wisdom to go out to find the taxi by kicking open the side door which had steps leading down to the pavement.

He kicked the door open so hard he fell out and down the steps into the road - to be hit by the taxi that had come to pick him up.

Lucky man that the taxi was not going very fast. He picked himself up and started swearing - not about being hit, but because his bottle had been broken.

It's almost like 20,000 spoons at a wedding.
(Thu 29th Jun 2006, 23:17, More)

» Shame

I have just read a review of the new James Bond game 'From Russia With Love'.
The review said that the visuals were good but the game was far too easy and a four year old could walk right through it.

I am ashamed to say I bought the game Tuesday, got to about the 5th level on Tuesday night and got stuck there.

I am still stuck there today, the following Sunday. It's not just the shame it's the humiliation as well.

/edit/ still stuck there Monday.

(Mon 28th Nov 2005, 0:16, More)

» Rock and Roll Stories

OK two more stories
1. I was in Sting's rather nice manor house in Wiltshire the day the shit hit the fan, when they discovered the accountant had creamed quite a bit of money. I had to get paid for my work and would normally invoice his company, but because of the problems Sting decided to write me a cheque from his personal account there and then.
I bet you are wondering what name his account is under. Here's a clue, it is Mr. Gordon Sumner.

2. Tam is Sting's tour manager, lovely Scottish chap, likes a wee dram. While on tour they had to play in Moscow, and had to fly the gear there. Because of time constraints Tam, Sting and a few others went in the same plane. A Russian plane.

There were a few seats in the back, and behind this were all the flight cases. Sting had a seat by the door, Tam didn't have a seat, so he sat with the flight cases holding his precious duty free scotch.

During the flight, the side door blew open and almost sucked Sting out. He somehow managed to strap himnself in as did the others.
Tam meanwhile hung grimly to the flight cases.

He told me it was the scariest time of his life, he managed to tie himself to a large case. And when the plane landed his bottle of Scotch was empty.

edit/ It was a prop cargo plane so they didn't need oxygen
(Fri 30th Jun 2006, 0:12, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

Stupid rather than sexual embarassing
Long story from my yoof .

Big party. Lots of drink. Lots more drink. Strange tablet someone gave me that I was stupid enough to take (no idea what it was).
Time to go home. 3am, Autumn, England on my motorbike. Heavy mist/fog. Fortunately no other traffic.

I realised I was having trouble 'chasing' the central white line in the road. It kept moving from side to side and I was having to swerve all the time to stay with it.

Near home in the thick fog I spotted the turning towards my road and turned into it. Still chasing the white line I found it was not the road I expected. It was a dead end with cars parked sideways across my path at the end. I slammed on my brakes way to late, the bike skidded onto it's side and I slid down the road on my knee.
Huge bang and revving of bike engine, the handlebars were wedged under the front wheel arch of a car, the throttle jammed open.
Smaller bang moments later as my crash helmet met the door of the same car ending my travels and saving my knee from further gravel rash.
I managed noisily to extract the heavy bike and ride away without getting caught though the bike was a pig to steer. Amazing the sobering effect the accident had.
Stumbled into my house, went straight to bed.
Woke up next morning to find the sheet stuck to my knee. I had taken the skin off down to the knee cap. Had to soak the sheet off.
I found the bike laying on it's side in the garden where I must have parked it and a battle damaged helmet in the hall.
I still have the scars to this day.
I won't say when or where it was in case it was your car I hit.
(Sun 5th Sep 2004, 20:19, More)
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