b3ta.com user Monocromatico
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A brazilian botanist with little graphical abilities... fuck it, I come here because b3tans make me laugh.

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» World's Sickest Joke

This girl was 12 years old
and just starting puberty. Her mom thought it was time to teach her some things about sex, but wanted her husband to do it. So the girl´s dad called her for a serious talk:

"Darling, you mother said it´s time to talk about sex... Look, it´s very awkward for me to talk about this to you, so I will say only one thing: when you make love with a boy, never, NEVER do it the other way around."

So the girl grew up, started dating, got a boyfriend, made sex for the first time, second time, got married. She was married for 9 years, when, one night, her husband turned to her and said:

"Honey... how about if we make it the other way around?"
"No darling, no, I told you I would never, NEVER make it the other way around."
"But honey, don´t you wanna have kids?"
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 1:11, More)

» Shit Stories

It was my birthday, and me and my friends were celebrating it in a pizzeria. We decided to make a contest to see who would eat more pieces. I ended up in third place, with 14 pieaces. But the guy who won ate 21. After the last piece he rushed into the bathroom. We though he would throw up, so we followed him to mock him and claim victory to the guy who ate 19 pieces. But he went to shit. When he came out, we saw it: it was pure pizza. I don´t know how he did it, it seemed that his digestive tract ignored the pizza and sent it away with no kind of digestion at all.
(Thu 6th May 2004, 23:12, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Now, the sickest joke ever
Ok, so this black jew and his faggot friend walked in the bar. The semitic nigger smelled pork from the kitchen and vomited on the lap of a whore in wheelchair, which made her abort her 4 month fetus.

Staring at this unconfortable situation, the faggot said to the bartender in an effeminate way: "she was going to do it anyway, only that now it was for free."


*washes his hands*
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 5:14, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

A biotechnologist created a transgenic apple.
He was amazed at the results of his research, he decided to anounce it to the whole world.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I came here to present you a wonder of biological sciences. This is a transgenic apple. It looks like an ordinary apple, but it is not. This is an apple that tastes of cunt."

The congressists and reporters were puzzled. The scientist asked one of them to come to the stage and bite his apple. The reporter bit it, and said:

"Holy fuck, it tastes like shit!"

To what the scientist replied:

"Turn it around, buddy."
(Thu 9th Sep 2004, 22:48, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

Vegetables suck
I mean, everything with chlorophyl has essentially the taste of grass. If I wanted to eat cattle food, I would just bend down and mow the grass with my teeth.

I tell you more, when one of those stupid vegans/neo-anarchists/greepeacers/republicans come to me and tell me that I am a coward barbarian for eating a dead animal´s flesh, I have only two possible answers:

1- "So it´s ok to eat something that is alive? Because the leaves of your letuce are still breathing and doing photosynthesis while you chew it in your month. Not to mention the poor seeds. At least I do not eat a cow´s embryo, and the animals that we kill to eat can actually deffend themselves."

2- "If we are not suposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"

Stop eating plants. I need them to continue my work.
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 18:12, More)
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