You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for String Theory:
Profile Info:

Hello.

You all smell.

Recent front page messages:

Mourners arrive for Richard Whitely's Funeral

(Mon 27th Jun 2005, 9:08, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Mugged

In The Latin Quarter of Paris...
Even the bloody muggers in Paris are more cultured than their English counterparts. I was heading down St Germain when these two skinny French blokes bashed into me and demanded some cash.

Being outnumbered, and not being able to leg it past them, I feigned incomprehension, saying, "Sorry. I don't speak French".

Not realising that these were upmarket euro-thieves, I didn't anticipate that one of the guys would then say in his best Antoine de Caunes accent, "Oh. I am zo zorry. In Engleesh then. 'Pleeze give me your Euros or my friend will 'urt you wiz hiz knife'".
(Mon 19th Jun 2006, 13:34, More)

» Stuff You've Overheard

Overheard in the queue at the baker's
Little boy (carrying a little toy cash register): Mum?
Mum: Yes?
Boy: Can you scratch my penis?
Mum: Put the cash register down and scratch it yourself.
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 12:30, More)

» Losing Your Virginity

Not mine but hers...
Popped this bird's cherry when I was in the middle east, and got her up the spout. They're a bit conservative round there, so when she started to show, she kept claiming she was a virgin, despite the very obvious evidence to the contrary.

Next thing you know, her new kid's being hailed as some great superhero or something.

All ended a bit unpleasantly when he got nailed to a tree, though.
(Fri 4th Mar 2005, 18:03, More)

» Stupid Tourists

Cunnilingua
My friend often works late in his city job with one of the bigger banks.

One night he was coming back by tube - the only one in the carriage - when a large group of giggling Italian girls got on. They sat down and, with a few sideways glances, assumed it was a fair bet that this suited Englishman wouldn't speak their language.

Wrong. He's fluent, the talented git.

They then proceeded to have an increasingly graphic conversation about how their respective boyfriends were not satisfying them sufficiently in the bedroom department. My mate kept an admirably straight face as they bemoaned hygiene problems, shortness of length, lack of cunnilingus etc.

As the tube approached his stop, he stood up and cleared his throat. Just before he got off he said in mellifluous Italian tones,

"Ladies. I'm sorry to hear of your sexual dissatisfactions. Can I suggest a good heart to heart with your boyfriends or perhaps obtaining more talented partners?"

Apparently the look on their faces as the carriage pulled away was priceless.
(Tue 12th Jul 2005, 12:25, More)

» Awesome Sickies

Sorry - I can't respond to the qotw today because
My cock was bitten off by the galactic mind octopus last night as I tried to copulate with the universe. It is currently being sewn back on by pan-dimensional monkey butlers using only the medium of dance.

Should be in tomorrow, though.
(Mon 12th Jun 2006, 17:31, More)
[read all their answers]