b3ta.com user Willboy:
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Profile for Willboy::
Profile Info:

About me:

I work for BIG OIL, with all that implies.

I am the proud owner of Steve, a 23 year old Landrover. Steve rocks, even if he had to be towed back home from Scotland because he started to do roughly 2 mpg. And had 4 holes in his exhaust. And a fucked carb. And a tendancy to spray oil everywhere. And a top speed of 70 mph, with a 0-60 of something like 4 minutes. But Steve is still the best car ever, ever, ever, ever.

I also like books and nice things.

I also spend a large amount of my internet time on 4chan being a detestable human being.

Women. Snakes with tits. Mostly.

If I had a band, i would call it:
a) the castle of crap films
b) Human vomit explosion
c) Fat men singing about Vikings
d) Ermin clad twats

what am I listening to? Country music. It's not all shite, I promise.

I am 23-ish Also:
I am now apparently "more cuddly" and "less aggresive"
And still becoming more and more bitter with every passing hour.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Toilets

On holiday with some of my mates
Go into the loos, and proceed to set about dropping the bomb, as it were, and assuming that my friends were still the only people in the loo, scream "FIRE IN THE HOLE!!" as I shotgun the loo. Feeling extremely satisfied with myself, I exit to find a queue of businessmen who had obviously used ninja skills to enter the loos silently. All of them looking mortified and disgusted. I went crimson and exited sharpish, to find my friends outside pissing themselves with laughter. Bastards.
(Fri 2nd Sep 2005, 21:49, More)

» Scary Neighbours

My next door neighbour is a taxi driver
so thats the first thing. He is also quite clearly a serial killer, although he is the best neighbour you could have. When some punks tried to break into our house when we were away, he chased them down the road with a crowbar. If he had caught them there is no doubt at all in my mind that they would have joined the suspicious series of grave shaped lumps in rows in his garden I can see from my window. He also has 5 sheds, and uses heavy machinery at night. Once he came round early in the morning to see my Mum, who is a GP, with a huge gash in his stomach, allegedly caused by the propeller of a model plane he was building. At three in the fucking morning? hmm.
In his kitchen there are hundreds of car keys hanging from his ceiling like trophies, and he has on display every maglite available in size order on top of his fridge. His house is like the one from texas chainsaw massacre both inside and outside, with the amount of weird and rusting junk that lies everywhere.
Nice guy though. and extremely helpfull too.
(Sat 27th Aug 2005, 11:22, More)

» Shit Stories

I once drank
an entire bottle of port in a day. At the end of the day, i went to the shitter absolutely smashed and strained myself halfway to a heart attack. When I got up to wipe I noticed that the lumps in the bog were all dark red and oozing. For a minute I honestly thought I had just shat out an organ. I was almost speechless with horror.
(Thu 6th May 2004, 14:20, More)

» Best Comebacks

Not me, but two of my mates
were having a light hearted argument, which finished with the line " shut up Stu, or I'll rape your sister, impregnate her and make her call me daddy" Cue silence and then painful laughter. From me anyway.

And I went to Bristol to see a mate, and this student twat was making an arse of himself. He then asked his friends "why am I so stupid? HA HA HA" So I yelled "Genetics"
(Fri 30th Apr 2004, 10:18, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

A woman walks into her flat, and sees Her boyfriend whacking Her baby's head against the wall. He then smashes it into the TV, pisses on it and finally, drop kicks it out of the window with a hearty yell.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY???!!!" she screams
"don't worry" He replies. "It was already dead"
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 13:40, More)
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