b3ta.com user nikdude
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» Clients Are Stupid

clients are stupid
work for a council It department, a couple of years ago was asked to help out on the helpdesk for a couple of days.

Had one wally on the line I'll never forget.

Her : Hello helpdesk, my windows need cleaning.
Me : Are you talking about windows on the PC.
Her : No, the windows in the wall so I can see outside.
Me : Why are you phoning the IT helpdesk then.
Her : I asked someone in the office what to do if there's a problem with windows and she told me to phone IT.

Luckily I've never had to man the helpdesk since then.
(Tue 30th Dec 2003, 20:00, More)

» Mad Stuff You've Done To Get Someone To Sleep With You

blatant lies
Was out drinking one night with a mate and got chatting to a couple of ladies. As i was smashed I told them that my mate Rob was a nuclear scientist and I was a shepard. One of the girls (neither loooked very bright) asked how we knew each other as we seemed to do completely different things. I then said we became mates when there was a radiation leak up on the hills from an unexploded bomb, and Rob came to clean it up. We didn't get anywhere with the ladies as we both collapsed with laughter at the crap I had come up with. In reality I'm an IT engineer and Rob is a painter and decorator. May have had a better chance telling them the truth.
(Tue 17th Apr 2007, 18:57, More)

» Pathological Liars

lying to thick girls in pubs
me and a mate were out on our usual friday night pub crawl about 10 years ago, when we got talking to 2 birds. When one off them asked me what my occupation was i said 'Nuclear Scientist' ,looking impressed by that she asked my mate the same question. He answered 'Shepard'. She then looked a bit puzzled and asked how we knew each other. i then told her a bullshit story of a leak at the nuclear power station and how i was checking for radiation in the local countryside when i had to takeshelter from the rain in the shepards hut up on the hills. She swalloed the whole story as fact. She swalloed something else of mine later that evening. The next day my mate couldn't believe that we both got a sexual reward for spouting bullshit. For the record I was a car mechanic and my mate was a decorator. We were both drunk. We also live at least 200 miles from the nearest nuclear power station.
(Fri 30th Nov 2007, 21:05, More)

» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

i drank surgical spirit
at uni me and a mate tried surgical spirit mixed with ribena. it tasted of surgical spirit, but looked like ribena. didin't try it again. didn't finish my pint of it either. can't remember any side effects, probably because we went to the SU bar to get rid of the nasty taste. took five hours of drinking before i could no longer taste surgical spirit. not a good result as we tried it because we couldn't really afford to go drinking in the SU bar for five hours. still don;t know if surgical spirit has alcohol in it. we thought it might because it's a spirit.

not really shoicking to other people as we didn't tell anyone,because everyone would have thought we were right knobs. we did shock ourselves though and stuck to alcoholic drinks in cans and bottles. (not bottles from co-op with surgical spirit written on them)
(Fri 20th Jul 2007, 20:22, More)

» Midlife Crisis

an affair
ive hit 40 and started an affair with a girl from the gym. not very amusing reading for you lot, but ive nver been happier. havent told the wife yet.
(Fri 3rd May 2013, 20:01, More)
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