b3ta.com user mrmonkfish
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for mrmonkfish:
Profile Info:


Will, 28, moved to Bristol from Bournemouth recently.

If you ever feel the need to email me, im

[email protected]

I love heavy metal, sci-fi, teh internets, kittehs and /links.

I play lots of things on steam, so pm me for a friend invite.

Also playing League of Legends a lot, account is 'Beardy Will'.

I'm always up for a drinks, smokes & whatever shenanigans we can muster.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» My Wanking Disasters

at school
there was a kid called Ben who had special needs and would always have an assistant sit next to him. Pretty much every IT lesson we would hear the assistant telling him 'not to go on those naughty sites' and had to keep closing his internet.

One day the opportunity arose that his usual assistant wasn't available and no replacement could be found. So mid-lesson we hear a few gasps and Ben is frantically fwapping away to some teen site. The teacher shouts and goes running to the other side of the room, but its too late and he chubs all over his hand and keyboard. I've never seen a kid so happy, he turned around with a huge fucking grin clapping to himself, and when he gets shouted at just looks at the teacher in complete amazement, as if he's done nothing wrong.

I've never laughed so hard in my life
(Wed 2nd Jun 2004, 13:47, More)

» I'm going to Hell...

Watching an air show in 1992/1993, up north,
sat on the roof of my dad's burgundy mondeo estate, baking hot, with my two brothers and my little sister.

Pilot does a 'loop the loop' and crashes into the runway, bursts into flame and dies instantly.

I, being the knowledgeable 8 year old said, "well he was crap anyway" and my dad gives me a clip roun' th'earhole.
(Sun 14th Dec 2008, 17:42, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

not embarrasing, but cool
1. when i was about 6, me and my sister were colouring away, when i stole the brown pencil out of her hand. She promptly grabbed the blue pencil crayon and stabbed me in the cheek, the lead broke off, about half a centimetre away from my eyeball.

I've still got a small blue tattoo now, 12 years later.

2. I fell off the top of a tree and broke both my legs.

3. During a game of keepy-uppys in the back garden, which is at a slghtly higher ground level than my house, i fell backwards through the kitchen window and into the sink. Whilst my mum was wahing up.

4. One of my friends taped a big square battery in my toilet, the fucker, when i pissed i was shocked.

5. I dislocated my jaw trying to prove that jawbreakers dont break your jaw to my sister.

6. Going back to my post on dating disasters, i was on a date, and raced my now-ex to wherever it was and twatted the curb and fell on my face, grazing all my head, and nearly knocking out my 2 front teeth.

7. Remembered another! I drank out of an orange juice carton and got stung 4 times inside my bottom lip by a big wasp, fucker. Got free ice-cream though.

Length is paramount
(Thu 2nd Sep 2004, 22:57, More)

» Sexism

Ladies, I understand this is a difficult QOTW for you,
so put your knickers on and go get me a cup of tea.
(Thu 31st Dec 2009, 11:15, More)

» Shoddy Presents

I love giving crap presents
1.I bought James a cucumber & some ky jelly for his Birthday. He opened it in front of his family, who thankfully laughed. Next day he gave me back the cucumber and told me to shove-it.

2.My dad used to give us all some money at christmas to buy each other presents. My brother being a drug addict at the time spent the money on crack and gave me a 'tweety-pie' hairband that he stole from the market. Nice thought, albeit i'm male.
(Thu 23rd Sep 2004, 13:04, More)
[read all their answers]