» World's Sickest Joke

What has 6 legs and a big, black cunt?
The A-Team.

/ coat, hat, door, firing squad
(Fri 13th Jan 2006, 15:41, More)

» Out of my depth

Boss : hey you! re-make our company website!
Me : eh? me? but i have absolutely no experience in web design!
Boss : fine. use this book then.
Me : but this is "HTML for Dummies". the company website uses javascript and other stuff which ... i have absolutely no experience in! what happened to the professional web designers you hired?
Boss : oh, they went snow-boarding and say they're not coming back. you've got six weeks.
Me : fucknuts.
(Wed 20th Oct 2004, 14:59, More)

» Job Interviews

first telephone interview
1. questions included but were not limited to:
- what do you feel are the benefits of sport?
- what do you feel are the benefits of sport to the individual?
- what do you feel are the benefits of sport to the community?
yes, those are exactly the same question, to which I gave exactly the same answer each time. i answered each one and became more amazed each time when the next question was exactly the same as the last one. my answers consisted of various bollocks about how sport brings different religions and cultures together and how this was especially evident in my homeland of, ahem..., Northern Ireland, it being the paradise that it is, and hoping against hope she did not know about the whole Rangers/Celtic thing.

2. the Dutch girl on the other end of the phone obviously couldn't understand my No'rn Irish accent most of the time. but she didn't want to admit to it.

3. and then came the best bit. at the end of the interview she decided to check my qualifications:
her: so what is your doctorate in exactly?
me: er, i'm still in second year of my undergraduate course.
her: eh? you do realise for the advertised research position you are required to have a doctorate in an engineering subject?
me: yes, i am aware of that. however, i'm applying for your work placement scheme.
her: oh. ... (extended pause) ... thank you for your time, MBar. Goodbye.
/ puts phone down.
me: Jesus watermeloning Christ. well, thats (large well known oil company) off my list of people to apply to next time round then.
(Thu 20th Jan 2005, 13:40, More)

» Shoddy Presents

christmas time in the MBar household
an aunt of mine once sent me a polo shirt which must have been xxxxxxxxxxxl sized. now, i'm no small man, but it was a bloody tent and reached down to my knees. i didn't know they made clothes that big. i think the automatic response for the parental units was "oh, you'll grow into it". didn't know whether it was an insult or not. gits.

oh, and i once received from my parents a book about Star Wars Collectable Figures. i'm 22 and do not own any collectable figures, not to mention Star Wars ones, and have never shown an interest in such things, but yeah, great present, thanks.
(Thu 23rd Sep 2004, 11:53, More)

» The Onosecond

MMORPG's
on several occassions, a comment regarding the lackluster performance of a particular member of the team have been directed to the teamchat frequency rather than the personal message to a friend one. or in other words :

"here, whats up with eejit in question? is he some sort of fucktard or what?"

therefore, the onosecond comes when i see my message appear in the wrong colour.

dont care if he's no longer speaking to me, as you might have guessed, he's a fucktard.
(Thu 26th May 2005, 14:19, More)