b3ta.com user skindley
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i'm quite tall

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» Weird Traditions

I own a disabled dog...
Whenever I hear "My Generation" by The Who, or if I see an ad for the RSPCA, I sing:


If she's in the room at the time, I sneak up on her and we have a wrestle.

Apologies to anyone reading this in Braille.
(Thu 28th Jul 2005, 14:56, More)

» Weddings

My sister's bridesmaid fainted - just like in You've Been Framed. As if that wasn't funny enough, as she lay there on the church floor, she did a HUGE fart. It sounded like god himself had dropped one and the entire congregation fought back the laughter throughout the ceremony.
(Wed 20th Jul 2005, 15:21, More)

» * PFFT *

I was on my motorbike and needed to fart really badly but it turned out to be about half a pint of diarrhea.

I was on the motorway so couldn't stop and by the time I got home it had set like horrid yellow glue.

Ripping my undies off was like having my ringpiece waxed.
(Fri 13th Jul 2007, 17:01, More)

» Toilets

mystery table otter
my flatmate and i stayed in once and got really badly spannered on addlestone's cider.

it's just the two of us in the flat. neither of us went out and no-one else came round.

when we went into the lounge in the morning there was a textbook 7" turd slap-bang in the middle of the coffee table.

to this day, neither of us know which one of us did it.
(Fri 2nd Sep 2005, 17:13, More)

» When animals attack...

Amateur bush antics
I was on a canoeing trip on the Zambezi with my 19-yr-old Zimbabwean mate. He was from Harare and had only been into the bush once before.

We had too much to drink in the evening and fell asleep al fresco. A touch naïve but hey, we were on holiday.

3am I woke to hear my friend in some distress, then noticed three big hyenas right next to us. I was dead brave and scared them off with a semi-conscious adreneline-fuelled shouty dancy thing.

When I came back I realised my mate had been attacked as he slept and his upper lip and most of his nose had been bitten off.

Fuckin horrid. We were ill-equipped and had to wrap his face in a T-shirt to keep the flies off whilst I paddled us back to a camp to radio a plane.

He's a right ugly bastard now and friends call him rabies.

(Hi rabies!!)
(Thu 2nd Jun 2005, 14:32, More)
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