b3ta.com user garrison
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» Desperate Times

Beans . . .
I remember trying to hitch home from Glastonbury one year (to Aberdeen, quite a journey) and it was going very badly. I was absolutely starving, had no money and was 500 miles from home. I found an unopened tin of beans lying by the side of the road which I promptly smashed open (this was before your fancy ringpull tins) and ate with my fingers. Tasted beautiful and I eventually got home 2 and a half days later.
(Sun 18th Nov 2007, 8:56, More)

» Ignoring Instructions

Get busy with the fizzy . . .
Not a very exciting story, I'll admit, but here goes. I'm sure people remember the fantastic Soda Stream machine which enabled you to make your own top quality (not really) fizzy drinks. It clearly stated that you poured the cap of concentrate in AFTER you fizzed up the water, so inevitably I wanted to see what happened if you put the concentrate in the water and then fizzed it. Result frothing home made fizzy juice everywhere. Bloody sticky stuff too.
Apologies for wasting valuable seconds of your life reading this.
(Thu 4th May 2006, 17:02, More)

» Advice from Old People

Was it Winston Churchill who said . . . .
"Up the bum, no babies"

Possibly not, but sound advice.
(Thu 19th Jun 2008, 20:15, More)

» Airport Stories

Good timing
In 2001 my girlfriend was working in Florence and I flew to Italy to visit her. Being then a bit of a cheapskate I flew Easyjet Aberdeen to Luton (after few pints at Airport), bus to Stansted (after couple of pints at Luton) and from there Ryanair to Pisa. Had got myself settled in departures at Stansted and got a beer in when nearly everyone buggered off to watch the TV screens. Hear mutterings about a plane crash but I was more concerned whether I could neck another pint before I had to board (which I managed).
Plane boarded fine, took off, couple of hours later I'm in my hotel in Pisa and I stick on CNN, to find that the Twin Towers were now gone. If it had happened a couple of hours earlier I'd have never got off the ground. So if anyone asks what I was doing on September 11th 2001, I can say, mainly getting drunk at airports.
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 10:45, More)

» Singing the wrong words

Ooh remembered another
Apologies for the crude racist nature of this one but we were only little lads then. To the tune of Uptown Girl by Bill Joel

Uptown Wog
He's been living in a downtown bog
I bet he hasn't had a wash in years
Thats why he's got those funny coloured ears
Cos he's a black
(Sat 29th Jan 2005, 13:41, More)
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