b3ta.com user currantbun
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» Mad Stuff You've Done To Get Someone To Sleep With You

I think every man here
must have used "the prod technique", whereby you are in bed with a girl and she has fallen asleep and you are lying there awake with a stonk-on. Roll over and prod in back/hips until said woman at very least wanks you off. Guarenteed winner!
(Fri 13th Apr 2007, 19:58, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Q. How do you know your sperm count is too high?
A. Your girlfriend had to chew before she swallows
(Wed 7th Dec 2005, 19:00, More)

» The B3TA Confessional

Does it blend?
A LONG time ago, I was seeing a lovely young lady whom I won't name. We went to stay with her father and step mother for a weekend and I found out that the step-mother was the most vile, poisonous piece of Lucifer's jizm I had ever had the misfortune to meet.

We'd been there a day or so when said Beelzebub-woman felt the need to start randomly having a dig at my up bringing. Now, I'm from a fairly comfortable working to middle class home and, without being too twee, my parents are together and the most amzing people who have done the absolute best for me. Not exactly something to be got at.

This riled me somewhat.

Anyway, another few hours pass and I can't wait to get away as I really did not feel the desire to stay any longer than completely necessary. Just as we are about to leave, I decide to leave a depth-charger in her bog. "That'll show her!", I think. Now this is a fairly cliché form of revenge, but then the most dispicable plan hatches in my head... "Fuck it", I thought and without further thought I decide to crack a quick one-minuter and spill my beans all in devil-lady's face cream. A quick swirl with the index finger and no one is to know.

I think about this every now and then and have told a few close mates who find it hysterical.

Regrets? None.
Would I repeat this performance? Probably, given the chance.
(Fri 27th Aug 2010, 14:22, More)

» Food sex

I had sex with a Swede
...in Sweden.
(Thu 6th Aug 2009, 17:59, More)

» Accidentally Erotic

When at work...
There is this girl who works in the hairdressers to the left of the office who walks right infront of our window to go to the paki shop on the right hand side. All summer she wears essentially what i can only decribe as porno-school-uniform type clothing. I cannot help but perv. Anyway, her fella got her up the duff and she got more and more pergnant (if you know what i mean) One day she come into the office cos shes got a car and wants to insure it (did I mention we are insurance brokers) Gave her a quote and when she got up she gave a sorta "ooooffff-ahhhhhh" sound as she got up due to weight of now 7 month belly. Is it so wrong to get a bona-fide bonner that wont go down for 15 mins?
(Thu 2nd Feb 2006, 19:13, More)
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