» Never Meet Your Heroes

New Found Glory
I met and interviewed them a few times back when I was super-fan no.1. First time (4/5 years ago) they were very nice and normal. In the time since they've sold out, gone utterly shit and despite being millionaires now charge 5x as much for their shows. So last year when I interviewed them again I asked them how much their tickets were for that night's gig. They had no idea. I queried whether they should, considering the people buying them were paying their keep. After a brief enquiry into just why those prices they didn't know had risen so massively they stopped the interview. Then took away my press pass and crossed me off the guestlist.

They were my heroes, now they're just cunts.
(Sat 27th May 2006, 17:36, More)

» My Wanking Disasters

Novel screensaver
Not strictly wanking but you know how you can set your screen saver to play your pictures? Of course you do. Well I was back from university one weekend and had my laptop on my bed open and on. I go downstairs to get a cup of tea when I hear my younger brother and sister at the top of the stairs laughing in a kind of nervous way and call me. At this point I realise it's going to be something wank related, my stomach turns and sure enough I come up to see a lovely collection of attractive women with gaping gash and dildos. It was pretty hardcore and incredibly embarassing. you won't tell mum will you?

And my flatmate (doesn't wash, listens to metal; you know the type) used my laptop to do some 'history research', I come back an hour later and the history has gone. Odd. So I look a bit deeper and I find a list of about 100 foot fetish sites. Him wanking over feet on my wank chair... not nice.
(Tue 1st Jun 2004, 20:33, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

Text and opticians
I have so many it's tragic. The first was when I was away with my group from college and my (then) girlfriend wasn't with me (and she was already paranoid I was going to cheat on her). It turned out there was a girl I'd fancied for ages going and I'd been chatting her up when the missus called. So, I'm on the phone to the girlfriend when I get a text from the afore mentioned lady asking when I'm coming over to her room. Clever man that I am, I start texting her back saying "I'll be as quick as I can, I've got the bird on the line". It's confusing speaking to one person and texting another so, naturally, I ended up sending that text to the "bird". Cue her calling up crying and me digging myself out of a hole the size of goatse's derriere.

The other one happened last week when I was at the opticians. This old bint is bringing loads of ugly as hell frames over to me to try on, they're getting worse and worse until she brings out one of those pairs that oaps where at the beach; those ones which you clip the shades on top making you look like a proper cunt. By this stage I couldn't restrain myself and start laughing and said they looked revolting and I wouldn't wear them if I was paid. Of course, I'm at the opticians because I need glasses, I hadn't noticed she was wearing that exact pair and has gone very silent... I made my excuses and got my glasses from a different shop.
(Thu 22nd Apr 2004, 18:42, More)