b3ta.com user frunt
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You won't remember me.

Recent front page messages:

it's time...
missing... ish

...to burn some embassies and explode some mosques

clicky for biggar | site
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 22:33, More)

just flushing out my head


edit: woo! that popped my fp cherry.
(Sat 12th Mar 2005, 23:18, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Stuff You've Overheard

Yet more Yanks...
but this time in Yankland.

Yank A: Do they have Thanksgiving in England?
Yank B: No, they have different holidays to us.
Yank A: Oh... OK. What about Presidents' Day?


And later, same Yank A comes out with "Do they have TV in England? I was over there during the war and they didn't have it then, but those guys have got it now, right?"

(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 16:58, More)

» Stuff You've Overheard

On the bus to work one day...
...a particularly awful woman was sat with her worried son. He was worried because his first communion was coming up, and he was scared in case he somehow made a tit of himself. He asked lots of questions, basically just looking for some reassurance, but all he got was curt replies, put-downs and threats of "a jolly good wallop" if he didn't quieten down.

The boy got his own back when he piped up again in a voice loud enough for the whole top deck to hear:

"Mummy, what's that on your top lip? Is it a moustache? My friend Lilly's mum has a moustache. Did you have that moustache ever since you were a little girl? Mummy?"
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 10:09, More)

» My Wanking Disasters

I used to know a bloke at school called Russle...
Well, actually it was Rustle, and obviously that wasn't his real name. He got this shiny new name after staying at a mate's house one night after a few too many slightly-underage drinks. His mate was woken in the early hours by a rustling sound which turned out to be Rustle knocking one out---with a drumstick up his arse.

edit: rustling was due to duvet... sorry, left that bit out, didn't I?
(Wed 2nd Jun 2004, 11:01, More)

» The most cash I've ever carried

when I were a lad
I took a temping job. One day they sent me to a bank's cash-counting centre. I was met by a banking chappy and led down into a basement, through many doors which were all ostentatiously locked behind us as we went. He also took great pains to point out all the CCTV cameras that were pointed at all the doors.

We arrived at a room filled with a few long benches, each with about four counting machines on them. I was given a rather large pile of US $100 bills and told to put them through the counter and pack them together into lots of $10,000, which I would then wrap with a little coloured bit of gummed paper around the middle. Once I had a cool million, I had to bundle it up with another machine that would shrink wrap it, and then lob it into a big blue plastic bin on wheels.

It turns out a million in US dollars isn't as big or heavy as you might think.

There were a few of us there, all counting money and bundling it up before chucking it into this bin. When it was full it was wheeled away and replaced by an empty one.

Did I mention that it was about twice the size of a shopping trolley?

Must have held an awful lot of money.

I did Deutschmarks in the afternoon.

No apologies for length, width or girth. This is all true. I suspect I have handled more cash than any of you. So ner.

Just a shame it wasn't mine.

(Sat 24th Jun 2006, 14:29, More)

» Posh

oh, and also
I went to school with a baronet. His middle names were Alexis Tarquin Nicholas. And he had a von somewhere in there as well.

Actually went to university with him as well, come to think of it, although we did different courses and hardly ever saw each other, so the with is somewhat loose. But it was the same place, at the same time...
(Fri 16th Sep 2005, 22:17, More)
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