» My Worst Date

Dates? Bad ones? I've had plenty
However, I'll never forget the time I'd let my mate set me up with someone. He was doing me a favour, and I was pretty much desperate.

The night was set, he'd arranged everything. We were going to a classy little restaurant in Leeds, the whole suit and tie shebang. I arrived, and was taken to my table by the waiter. He assured me my date was just in the toilet and so I sat with eager anticipation.

A couple of minutes passed, and seeing a couple of women come out the loo that were pretty foxy, and a few that were dog ugly, I was wondering where the hell this woman was.

I got a tap on the shoulder. "Excuse me, are you Luke?" I was asked. "Yes, I am" I replied, "Hi, my name is Andy, I'm your date."

Ho ho, what a funny guy my friend is, setting me up with a man - and how he laughed at me for weeks after. Bastard.
(Fri 22nd Oct 2004, 12:47, More)

» Crazy Relatives

My grandma had alzheimer's. By the end of her time on this earth,
she used to stand at her gate ranting at all the high school kids about eggs and how she knew 'it was them that was doing it' (when, in reality, no-one had ever egged her house), and regularly reported her car stolen to the police, when we had sold it several years earlier when she became unfit to drive.
(Thu 12th Jul 2007, 12:32, More)

» Weird Traditions

My mum
always used to say 'White Rabbits' on the first of every month. Naturally I developed this tradition too. It's supposed to bring you good look for the rest of the month if it is the first thing you say. It doesn't work - but the thought of flluffy white rabbits is enough to get me up on a morning.
(Mon 1st Aug 2005, 12:23, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Its Boxing day
And two best mates are comparing presents.

"What did you get?" asks one
"A lump of coal" says the other
"A lump of coal? Is that all? I got a Playstation, a new bike and a holliday to Florida!" exclamins the first boy.
"Yeah, but I didn't get leukemia" replies the second boy.
(Thu 9th Sep 2004, 20:39, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

I did some
summer work as a Carpet Fitter once while I was at college. One day we set out to go and lay a new carpet in a pub that was having a refurb.

Being a generally hot day, I was wearing shorts and a tee but it wasn't to much of a problem, as I was going to be spending most of the day outside anyway. However, I ended up fitting practically the entire carpet - but it didn't matter because I got plenty of cash in hand as a bonus for the hard work.

That night I was led in bed and my legs were sore as fuckery. I thought I may have got a bit of prickly heat from the sun - slapped some E45 cream on and let the irritation soothe. When I woke up the next morning I was in agony, and my legs and knees had started to blister and go red.

So that afternoon, I'm sat in the hospital where a really foxy nurse is tending to my friction burns from the carpet I had worked on. I was bright red and I'm not sure I was believed when telling the story of how I got my ailment.
(Thu 9th Sep 2004, 12:54, More)