b3ta.com user Fartmonger
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Profile for Fartmonger:
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I'm a sixteen seventeen eighteen ninetine twenty yurr old assclown from the rolling green hills of Nor'n Ireland... I live in the town of Strabane (recently voted 3RD worst place to live in the UK, woo!) famous for its teen pregnancy and unemployment rate (woo party!!)... my favourite things include booze and vomit... if yeer bored, why not visit me site be warned though... tis a cheapo geocities site, so expect it to be offline due to bandwidth buggery...

If yee have dire need, then why not send me a chozzle at:- [email protected]




here's what flash toons me have posted thus far:

The Tales of Liam:-A surreal journey through my house, in search of an estranged chair...

Dot Man and The Knights of Tir Na Noog:- One of my first flash thingies... should have you ripping tufts of hair out in frustration... hosted warmly by lazy gamer

Retarded Three Year Old:- This cartoon (if one could call it that) displays quite clearly how we in strabane are starved of activities... created one day while putting off GCSE coursework... completely worth the frown it earned me from my english teacher...

Sex Advice:-Another of those, puttingoffrevisioncartoons... the three hours I spent on this rather than maths may well earn me a fail (results still pending)... it's totally worth it though... anyways, this is a piece of pants about masturbation and the like...

Wanna Go Party?:- A rather pitiful attempt at mocking dance music... Proves without doubt that alcohol makes one do things they may later regret...

My Throat Tastes Of Thorns:- A cartoon similar to the above, only it makes fun of [email protected] music, Liam and I had great fun in the making... so it doesn't matter if youse don't like it...

Trace:-The first game I have created now that I have a little bit of actionscripting knowledge, the object is simple, keep the mouse within the yellow line... but despite its simplicity, I'm useless at it...

The Animated and The Playable versions of my parody of tetris for ye olde get yerr crappy 80s game parody on telly compo... here and here are my other entries for said compo




Here's what pics me have posted thus far:
Chess Pieces Copulating:- What more can I say?

Big eyed me:-A pretty crap piece of tattyshopping...

shrunken features:-Another pretty shit tattyshop

Centiduck:-A rather long duck...

Movie plus one word like:-My entry for the movieaddoneword contest...

Knots:-must tie more knots...

Headjaculation:- A quick and dirty animation created while putting off a french essay...




Recent front page messages:


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Best answers to questions:

» Black Sheep

I'm an out cast yay!
Me lives in the good ol' Nor'n Ireland, and I's a reluctant cafflick, (don't believe in god, and go to a protestant school), anyways, our old family, the flemings, were big rich protestant landowners, and their son (my great grandpappy) fell in love with a shoeless country cafflick... of course the parents were none too pleased with this, as it was sin or whatever, and so used their wealth to try and persuade him not to marry her, they offered him a luxury cruise, which by today's terms is a million quid, and in return he merely had to stop seeing her... he of course refused and a wee while later I was born... but the interesting thing is the name of the ship that he was offered a cruise on... the S.S. Titanic...

^_^ I like the story anyways...
(Fri 14th Jan 2005, 18:00, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Wheeeeee!
why does the girl have no friends?
She's in a Wheelchair

Why does the boy have no friends?
his sister is in a Wheelchair

Why does the girl in the Wheelchair have friends?
She has sweets
(Tue 6th Dec 2005, 17:59, More)

» Teenage Poetry

Damn you b3tards I'd rather bury this crappy 'poetry' in the pit of repressed memories...
What I could say to you

I could say you’re the whitest of the snow,
Your skin basking in heaven’s glow,
But all I’ll say, truth be told,
I think snow is just plain fucking cold.
I could chant the splendour of your eyes,
With the moon they are like pizza pies,
However truth would proclaim that,
Too many pies, makes the body fat.
I could compare your beauty to the rain,
I’d scream to your sparkling beauty in vain,
The truth would find me in the street,
With puddles chilling my feet.
For you I could blather all night and day,
But in the end I have nothing true to say,
Nothing is truth, carrying no weight at all,
It’s words with weight, that make honey of gall.
--A pretentious 15 year old
(Sat 13th Aug 2005, 17:42, More)

» Obscure Memorabilia

Kool Kiss Kowboy Hat
I was at the derry street party thingy this Hallow's (largest in Yurp apparently), a ginormous festival of loads of people standing around getting drunk, vomitting and smashing bottles, so great for a first street party on my part...

Anyways, my friend was a little... err... nonconcious, and I sat with him while he quietly chundered down the hill. And in the middle of the throng, a rather fine girl dressed as a cowgirl stumbled over to me, asking if I'd "be her cowboy"...

Obviously elated at the prospect, I cooly said "sure thing" with a lassez-faire nod... she then gave me her hat, in exchange for a kiss, and stumbled off into the night...

My ego was swollen the rest of the night as all my friend's got was a bit of vom' on the shoes, my "guy with more fake beard than brains" costume transformed into a "seedy mexican"...

This elation lasted to the next day, when describing to a friend absent from derry-adventuring my proud tale, I learned that she was three years younger than me... which when you are 16, is not cool...

PS sorry for length/poor quality
(Fri 5th Nov 2004, 22:01, More)