b3ta.com user DamoUK
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» World's Sickest Joke

Oh dear...
A boy goes into the bathroom and starts pleasuring himself, forgetting that he hasn't locked the door. In walks his Mum.

"Erm... I... erm..."
"That's OK", says his Mum, "but this is how you should do it" and she demonstrates ... anyhow, they get so carried away that before you know it, they're fully at it on the bathroom floor. When they finish, she says "you're even better than your father" to which the son says "yep, that's what my sister said too".

I'm really sorry.
(Thu 8th Dec 2005, 22:57, More)

» Crappy Prizes

Chuff
My vigorously anti-smoking parents won 1500 cigarettes in a raffle.
(Fri 5th Aug 2005, 0:18, More)

» Mugged

Barcelona
Allow me to inject a bit of useful advice too. If you're in Barcelona, on the metro, and you're not getting the personal space you need (typically 3/4 young kids and the train isn't full), the people around you are trying to mug you. If you're there for any length of time it'll happen.

I was there for just three days in May and both me and my travelling companion nearly got caught on separate occasions, only getting away with it as we both had zipped pockets and they had only gotten half way before we noticed.

This isn't a 'funny' post, I just know it'll get read by a lot of people and it's the best bit of advice I can give because it's not a one-in-a-million-won't-happen-to-me thing. You go to Barcelona, it'll happen, unless you have your wits about you...

You should still go there though. It's beautiful.
(Thu 15th Jun 2006, 23:52, More)

» Rock and Roll Stories

I was once stood next to James Dean Bradfield from the Manics at a gig
The gig was The Vines, supported by the then equally-unknown Libertines. Venue capacity: 110.

James Dean Bradfield is very short.
(Mon 3rd Jul 2006, 0:11, More)

» Heckles

A case of "you had to be there"...
...so try and imagine that you were.

I saw a band called The Sea Nymphs (some of whom are in Cardiacs) supporting All About Eve 13 years ago.

It's fair to say the crowd didn't go for them. Between songs, dead silence (there were about 800 people there)... until one song ended and the silence was broken by one man screaming the following:

"PLAY SOMETHING GOOD!"

Nervous laughter in crowd. Band played on.

Couldn't stand them at the time myself. Oddly enough I rather like them now.
(Fri 7th Apr 2006, 0:52, More)
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