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- a member for 19 years, 6 months and 23 days
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» Toilets
Whoops
Once worked at a well known car breakdown company and we had a phantom Monday morning masher. Every Monday someone would use trap 1 and leave this huge log that was guaranteed to block the trap for the rest of the week.
Even the cleaners were getting fed up with this, and after numerous weeks of this, one Tuesday morning, we found a note stuck to the inside of the trap. It read "When you have finished would you please use the toilet brush.".
A sensible enough request I suppose, except some wag had added "I tried - but it hurt my arse - so I will continue to use the paper".
Ouch.
(Mon 5th Sep 2005, 13:59, More)
Whoops
Once worked at a well known car breakdown company and we had a phantom Monday morning masher. Every Monday someone would use trap 1 and leave this huge log that was guaranteed to block the trap for the rest of the week.
Even the cleaners were getting fed up with this, and after numerous weeks of this, one Tuesday morning, we found a note stuck to the inside of the trap. It read "When you have finished would you please use the toilet brush.".
A sensible enough request I suppose, except some wag had added "I tried - but it hurt my arse - so I will continue to use the paper".
Ouch.
(Mon 5th Sep 2005, 13:59, More)
» The Onosecond
Not me but a colleague
Colleague in NY (for reasons probably best not discussed) sent some scat pictures to another colleague in Jersey (the island not the state!).
For a laugh, he forwarded the mail back with a message that "Sorry I am out of the office this week but all my mail is being forwarded to Mrs XYZ Senior Director who will deal with all queries".
Not suprisingly the NY colleague nearly re-enacted some of the pictures. After stringing him along for a few days we explained all was OK.......
I never apologise for length - I simply fold it in half and kill two birds with one stroke....
(Thu 26th May 2005, 11:44, More)
Not me but a colleague
Colleague in NY (for reasons probably best not discussed) sent some scat pictures to another colleague in Jersey (the island not the state!).
For a laugh, he forwarded the mail back with a message that "Sorry I am out of the office this week but all my mail is being forwarded to Mrs XYZ Senior Director who will deal with all queries".
Not suprisingly the NY colleague nearly re-enacted some of the pictures. After stringing him along for a few days we explained all was OK.......
I never apologise for length - I simply fold it in half and kill two birds with one stroke....
(Thu 26th May 2005, 11:44, More)
» Scars with history
Blackhead
Pretty digusting this one really. Not for the squeamish.
Minding my own business cleaning my teeth and my brother comes in and mentions I have awhopper nblackhead on my back on the shoulderblade. So being the perv he is, insists on squeezing it. He fails even with his nails and only manages to make it hurt like hell.
Move forward two months and what was a blackhead had become a small syst. Go to the doc and he says its ok, and if it worries me to go back and they will remove it.
move forward two months and the syst has got bigger and started to ache. Go to doc and he says he cant do anything untill the infection goes down. Thanks for that - bloody NHS.
move forward two weeks cyst is now moleste and pulsating. About 7-8 cms across, red angry and sore. can hardly move my arm and the cyst actual has pustules bursting out as my wife watched it. Gross.
Down to casualty and they give me 11 (count them 11!!!!!) locals anaesthetic shots around it and then they cut a 2 cm square hole in the top and drain it. Stinks to high heaven, and i bite through the pillow when they do it. They then basically seemed to use a spoon to gouge it out. Then pour Hydrogen Peroxide in the wound - nice - fizzy and cold!!
And then the good bit!!!! By the time it healed I had a wound that looked exactly I imagine the input hole of a bullet would look like. Especially when it was mentioned to women "accidently". Certainly cool and several women "expressed an interest" in seeing it. Of course being married I would never dream of doing so...........
(Fri 4th Feb 2005, 11:50, More)
Blackhead
Pretty digusting this one really. Not for the squeamish.
Minding my own business cleaning my teeth and my brother comes in and mentions I have awhopper nblackhead on my back on the shoulderblade. So being the perv he is, insists on squeezing it. He fails even with his nails and only manages to make it hurt like hell.
Move forward two months and what was a blackhead had become a small syst. Go to the doc and he says its ok, and if it worries me to go back and they will remove it.
move forward two months and the syst has got bigger and started to ache. Go to doc and he says he cant do anything untill the infection goes down. Thanks for that - bloody NHS.
move forward two weeks cyst is now moleste and pulsating. About 7-8 cms across, red angry and sore. can hardly move my arm and the cyst actual has pustules bursting out as my wife watched it. Gross.
Down to casualty and they give me 11 (count them 11!!!!!) locals anaesthetic shots around it and then they cut a 2 cm square hole in the top and drain it. Stinks to high heaven, and i bite through the pillow when they do it. They then basically seemed to use a spoon to gouge it out. Then pour Hydrogen Peroxide in the wound - nice - fizzy and cold!!
And then the good bit!!!! By the time it healed I had a wound that looked exactly I imagine the input hole of a bullet would look like. Especially when it was mentioned to women "accidently". Certainly cool and several women "expressed an interest" in seeing it. Of course being married I would never dream of doing so...........
(Fri 4th Feb 2005, 11:50, More)
» Weird Traditions
Tradition
OK - I will get it over with now.
I have a tradition that when i run out of ice cream I play the music on the van.....
(Thu 28th Jul 2005, 12:42, More)
Tradition
OK - I will get it over with now.
I have a tradition that when i run out of ice cream I play the music on the van.....
(Thu 28th Jul 2005, 12:42, More)
» When I met the parents
playing games
I had been going out with the g/f for about 3 months when I was invited round to her parents for Lunch. The first surprise was to se her mother doing dot-to-dot books. I realised later that was just about her mental limit. So we have the meal and her father challenges me to Scrabble. It seems he did that to all her boyfirends and always won - he fancied himself in that department. Anyhow games gets going and just about every other word I put down is challenged because he has never heard of it, but*all* are in the dictionary. Anyhow the final coup-de-grace was when I put down the word RHIZOMES on the bottom row. Two triple word scores, the Z on a double letter (or treble I forget which), and the bonus for getting rid of all my letters. Boy was he pissed. First time in years he had lost and he never offered to play again. I was even more pathetic because I married her 6 months later and it only lasted a year. (Mind you - I still think I should have married her sister who was gorgeous!).
(Tue 24th May 2005, 15:52, More)
playing games
I had been going out with the g/f for about 3 months when I was invited round to her parents for Lunch. The first surprise was to se her mother doing dot-to-dot books. I realised later that was just about her mental limit. So we have the meal and her father challenges me to Scrabble. It seems he did that to all her boyfirends and always won - he fancied himself in that department. Anyhow games gets going and just about every other word I put down is challenged because he has never heard of it, but*all* are in the dictionary. Anyhow the final coup-de-grace was when I put down the word RHIZOMES on the bottom row. Two triple word scores, the Z on a double letter (or treble I forget which), and the bonus for getting rid of all my letters. Boy was he pissed. First time in years he had lost and he never offered to play again. I was even more pathetic because I married her 6 months later and it only lasted a year. (Mind you - I still think I should have married her sister who was gorgeous!).
(Tue 24th May 2005, 15:52, More)