» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

Good timing, since my brother told me yesterday...
what the best way was if you wanted to bully an ex-soldier. His friends used to do it to a guy they knew.

Throw a can at him and yell "Fire in the hole!!"

'parently the bloke would dive over benches to get away from it...

Mind you, that's not nice. Not nice at all...
(Thu 23rd Mar 2006, 20:16, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

I don't do drugs...
which means that this reply is totally pointless, a complete waste of space.

*smug*
(Sat 17th Dec 2005, 13:23, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Of course, these have been done before, I'd imagine, but...
There's no way I'm going through 46 pages of sickness just to find it...

What's the difference between Smarties and Londoners?
Smarties don't blow up in the tube...

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
Wheelchair...

(I have a friend with the sickest sense of humour ever... Apologies to those who may be offended, and a *spang!* with a frying pan, for going on the sick jokes question. Fool!)
(Wed 7th Dec 2005, 16:44, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever


1.) I nearly made an idiot out of myself once using nicknames, and only by sheer fluke did I not end up looking like an arsemonger. When I first started my college physics course, I could have sworn a guy I started talking to replied to the name Martyn on the register. So, from then onwards, I decided he be called Marilyn.

Of course, the bloke *next* to him was Martyn. Not him.

*sweatdrop*

Later that day, I found out his surname was Marron, and pretended I knew all along.

I bet he f*cking reads this now. Why am I writing this?!?

*sigh*

2.) At school there was a guy called Melon, coz he had a head shaped like one. Well, not quite - he'd probably be famous if it really was... but anyways. He got this nickname in about yr 9. Fast forward a couple of years, to me pointing out to a friend that a little annoying guy had a head shaped like a turnip - true, in fact - he turned out to be Melon's brother...

Whole fruitshop thing going on there, for some reason...

3.) As for my nicknames, one of my friends likes to spend his time coming up with new ones to embarrass me with. In one single telephone conversation, I've been Sponge, Flapjack and Baby-doll...
(Thu 18th May 2006, 21:02, More)

» Now, there was no need for that...

Middlesbrough Fest on sunday
Middlesbrough Music live, sunday 19th. Awesome lineup, all-dayer, free, local...
What more could I ask for?

My F*ckin mates to hurry up so we'd catch the train. I got there in time (by about 10 mins). They didn't. No matter, we got the bus in the end. It took ages to get us there, but no matter.

Okay, so i'm listening to some fantastic bands (Louie are brilliant). I'm having a load of fun, and everythings going well. What more could I ask for?

People to please not fracture my toe in a pit for Fastlane. Mind you , I didn't notice it was actually fractured until later.

Later that day, I was mentally chanting that timeless old festival mantra - I need an aspirin!!! . This came from getting kicked in the head by a careless crowdsurfer. Gah! That headache stuck with me all damn day.

Well, to round off my day, I got a fag burn on my arm. The worst of it was that I got one last year at this very fest, during 80's matchbox's set.

And then, coz of the headache i went home early. Missing my favourite locals the Hitchers. Dammit!

However, it did have it's uppoints...
Robochrist pretended to be a faith healer during a song, brought his own crowdsurfers who jumped onto us, and then left the stage with the sound part of the werthers originals advert playing, tactfully edited in places -"I never forgot the day when Granddad gave me his buttock"...

Class!
(Tue 21st Jun 2005, 23:16, More)