b3ta.com user winestain
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» Crap meals out

We've all had a dodgy kebab...
...but this really takes the cake.

So we were all pissed & wandering around town at god knows what hour when the inevitable cravings begin and we all headed to the nearest kebab joint.

I decide to get the kebab on rice - just chicken on rice with tomato sauce thankyouverymuch.

Get outside and are about to tuck into it when - horror of horrors - I spy an enormous, curly black pube peeking out of the chicken at me.

I reeled back into the kebab joint loudly proclaiming that I'd found a pube in my food (at which point half the people queing walked out). The guy serving looked at me and said "well, it can't be from anyone who works here" (eh?!?!)

The evening then culminated in me pulling my pants down to reveal my freshly waxed nethers and yelling "well it sure as fuck didn't come from me"

I even got a round of applause. Woo.
(Fri 28th Apr 2006, 4:01, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

This one always cracks me up...
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 21:56, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Can't be bothered to check if it's been posted...
This gay guy named Nigel is totally in love with his doctor. Much to the doctor's chagrin he makes an appointment at least three times a week with imagined illnesses and the doctor sends him away telling him not to come back unless he's really sick.

So one day Nigel goes to the doctor and when the doctor sees him he says,

"Oh God no, what is it this time Nigel?"

Nigel replies in a very mincing tone, "I seem to have gotten something stuck up my back door"

Doctor: "Oh Jesus, why me? Alright pull down your pants and bend over."

Nigel obliges and the doctor has a look, "Oh shit, there's definitely something up there, it looks like a stick..........a stick with thorns on it...........there's more than one, oh this is disgust.......there's heaps of them!"

The doctor grabs some forceps and finally gets hold of everything stuck in there and, shocked, pulls a dozen roses out of Nigel's arsehole.

Nigel, still bending over, looks back at the doctor and squeals "Go on, read the card, READ THE CARD!"
(Tue 13th Dec 2005, 23:14, More)

» Weddings

10 year old bridesmaid
I managed to piss myself whilst bridesmaid for my cousin. Mum had to move her train out of the way of the puddle.
(Thu 14th Jul 2005, 23:53, More)

» Pet Stories

I can't verify if this is true or not...
... but my boyfriend told me this story:

A friend of his, stumbling home pissed, came across his beloved dog on the road. Dead. Presumably run over.

Vision blurred with tears, he picks it up, takes it to the back garden and buries it - crying the whole time.

The next morning he wakes up and is confronted not only by a massive hangover, but his very much alive dog licking his hand.

That's right - he had buried someone else's dog...
(Tue 12th Jun 2007, 7:09, More)
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