b3ta.com user Pushka
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» Best Graffiti Ever

Teenage Kicks
The school where I work has got scientific equipment manufactured by a company called "Country Furniture", which has been doctored to read...yes, you guessed it..."Cunt Fur". I laugh every time I see it.

Signed the Headmaster
(Tue 8th May 2007, 16:22, More)

» Cougars and Sugar Daddies

Freddie Starr ate my boyfriend
My significant other told me of the time in his early 20's, when he had split up from his then girlfriend and had nowhere to live, so he moved in with his dad in London. He toddled off to the pub one Saturday, having no friends in the area and not much to do. After copious amount of lager, he couldn't remember his way back to the house, so enlisted the support of some old slapper in the pub, who was a dead ringer for Freddie Starr. She invited him back to her house, engaging in some drunken tongue-wrestling on the way back. Upon arrival at Chez Slapper, he discovered that her husband was there, so declined any further hospitality, and negotiated his way home under her directions.

A few days later, his dad tells him that he's employed a cleaner. Much to his horror, 'Freddie' turns up, and he spent a good period of time avoiding bumping into her, in case she wanted to give his nooks and crannies the once over with her feather duster.
(Sat 6th Dec 2008, 17:14, More)

» Darwin Awards

Nine lives (but there's only one left!)
My other half has had more than his fair share of brushes with death.

1. When he was a toddler, he fell out of a moving car, and his teddy cushioned his head from being smashed onto the road.
2. He had been thrown across the room by an electric shock not once, but twice, on two separate occasions. The first time was a Teasmade (we're going back a bit here) and the second by a washing machine.
3. He fell off a mobile classroom backwards and landed inches away from a spiked tree truck, his friend went white with shock when he saw how close it was.
4. He had slashed both wrists, accidently. Once when a glass door rebounded and smashed, cutting his wrist; then when he was carrying a bottle and fell, again cutting his wrist. Both wrists are still scarred.
5. He overdosed on LSD as a teenager, and lost consciousness (and suffered flashback and panic attacks for years afterwards.)
6. He sat in a booth to get his photo taken, and it blew up, spewing flames and smoke. He was oblivious to it all, he heard an explosion but thought it was outside. It was only when a passer-by pulled back the curtain that he realised.

I'm amazed (and very glad) he's still alive.
(Fri 13th Feb 2009, 17:31, More)