b3ta.com user Sir T. Skellington
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» Toilets

self cleaning toilets
some of you may know that in queens square in liverpool there is a row of self cleaning toilets. knowning this, i paid my 10 pence and did my business and held the door open for the next person to use... now...once a person has used the toilet, left the cubical and shut the door, the toilets begin to self clean...what the toilet didnt realise was that i had held the door open for another guy to use and he had shut it behind him, causing the door to lock, jets of water and steam to shoot out of the walls and little sprays of bleach to make sure he was REALLY clean, out he stepped to a crowd of histerical people laughing at his "manly" screams for help.

just think about that next time someone offers to hold the door open for you...
(Sat 3rd Sep 2005, 20:53, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

my father died of asbestos poisioning

took bloody ages to cremate him
(Tue 3rd Jan 2006, 18:56, More)

» Missing body parts

more nipples
after getting his nipple peirced the previous day, my kayaking instructor donned his wetsuit and kayak and proceeded with the session as per usual, after a few sessions of rodeo training he was complaining that his nipple hurt, so we called an end to the session

as you know, wetsuits are skin tight, everything can be seen through them...apart from his nipple.

the nipple he had gotten peirced rubbed agains the rubber so much that the bar got pulled off, with most of his nipple. where his nipple was, it looked like it had been replaced with a peice of pepperoni.

the actuall nipple and bar was hanging out by his belly button!
(Wed 7th Jun 2006, 15:38, More)

» Fire!

fire+ kids = fun :)
a while ago, back when i was a scout, my troop and i went off on camp.

on of the excersizes was to get a fire lit in under a minuet and we all completed the task!

so heres the situation, you have 10 kids and 5 roaring firs, being pokes with long sticks...

the not so birght scout decided to get the lighter fule from the scout masters tent and spray it on the fire...

what the prat didnt realise was as the flames lept out at him he dropped the can INTO the fire!, being the dunce he is, he proceeded to pick it up out of the fire.

ok, all in all it didnt go bang, but the plastic was on fire, being the kids we are then proceeded to play football with the burning can of lighter fluid, setting VAST ammounts of grass alight and the odd shoe or leg

....ahhhh....fun times....
(Sun 6th Nov 2005, 10:08, More)

» Join us... come join the cult

I once joined a cult
called KKK or something... really nice guys but i was a bit fed up of them burning crosses in my back garden...however after asking if they did their hoods in black they said they were going to give me a "ceremony"...unfortunatly father insisted i didnt go...
(Sat 28th Jan 2006, 22:59, More)
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