b3ta.com user Supernatural Jelly Window
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» Pretentious bollocks

Hello, my name is Supernatural Jelly Window and I'm afraid I am a bit of a pretentious bollock. At least I know it and admit it.

I have to say, although I like to indulge in the wanky world of the prententious, I DO have an upper limit for such things. I have a lot of patience for wanky literature and music (Opeth are amazing) but not a lot for art. I have been to many college and Uni art shows and most of it is utter arse. For example, the girl who had an eating disorder and her 'art' was to frame her daily food diary and take pics of herself on the toilet. Niiice.

Why the sodding hell would anyone want to see that?! Feck off, you insecure little bumnugget.
(Tue 4th Oct 2005, 13:08, More)

» Singing the wrong words

The innocence of youth
Aaahhh. The good old "misheard carol songs". I used to sing "Har the Herald angel sings" and wondered for a long time precisely who this "Har" was and why he wasn't mentioned elsewhere in the nativity story.

Also in Away in a Manger I thought that "Little Lorjesus" was an alternative epithet for the baby.

Here's an absolute classic:
A small child was drawing a lovely picture of the nativity at school. He had drawn Mary, Joseph, little baby Jesus, shepherds and animals....and a giant blob in the middle. When asked what said blob was supposed to represent, the child replied, "That's round John Virgin".
(Thu 3rd Feb 2005, 15:42, More)

» Weddings

Things not to say at other people's weddings. No. 1
Ok, I have to tell this one on behalf of my Beloved:

We were sitting and waiting patiently on the Groom's side for the Bride to arrive at a friend's (nicknamed 'Fish') wedding last Summer. My other half and his friends were all sitting together (bad idea) and being rather silly. There was some poor little biddy playing raucous organ music, so my other half decided to make an amusing and boomingly loud comment whilst the Groom was standing there looking uncomfortable:

"If I were Fish I'd be shitting myself right now!"

Of course, the organist choose that precise moment to cease playing and so the entire church was privy to this witty remark. Cue much hilarity from our side and many nasty glances from the Bride's.
(Tue 19th Jul 2005, 11:07, More)

» My first love

Aaahhh, young love........
My first serious interest in the opposite sex was when I was nine years old.

I was completely in awe of this terribly sophisticated, dashingly attractive and 'mature' older boy (a whole two years above me). The problem was that his friends quickly found out and endlessly took the piss. I was rather mystified that they kept on teasing me with the following refrains, "Katy's in love with Wigwam!" and "Wooo, wooyeah, everybody shake your wigwam!" (to the tune of a rather popular pop tune of the time). I thought to myself, "Why do they call him 'wigwam'?".

I was confounded by this nickname for quite sometime, until one of his friends took pity on me and explained. You see, he had a rather fetching and terribly fashionable hairstyle called 'curtains'. Anyone who remembers the late 80's/early 90's will know precisely what I mean: quite long, perfectly straight and perfectly parted down the middle (floppy hair). Apparently his friends didn't appreciate the aesthetic appeal of the 'do and dubbed it, for it's triangular appearance, 'the wigwam'.

I wasn't quite so enamoured of him after that. Oh the fickle, fickle nature of love.
(Thu 20th Oct 2005, 10:53, More)

» Job Interviews

My first ever interview for my first ever 'proper' job for a computer sales company. The interview is going pretty well but I can't understand a lot of what the MD is saying, owing to his strong accent. Then this happened:

Managing Director: 'So, are you applying for this position because you just want a job, any job?'

Me: *Couldn't make out what he said but thought I'd better reply, so I smile sweetly and say* 'Yes'

MD: 'Bad answer. If you get that question at any other interview don't say that'

Me: *sit and look a bit sheepish*

MD and Sales Director crack up and promptly offer me a second interview. I leave the place thinking 'WTF?! That was feckin lucky but somehow I still feel like a total twat'. To this day I still don't know why I couldn't have just asked him to repeat what he said but hey, I got the damned job in the end!
(Sat 22nd Jan 2005, 11:44, More)
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