b3ta.com user mrmistoffeles
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» Cheating cheaty cheats

cheating is bad
When I was about seven I traced a picture of a rabbit out of a book then told my whole family I had drawn it freehand. The terrible thing is I actually got the idea out of a book I read at school titled "Cheating is Bad" which told the story of a girl who did the same thing...only she didn't get away with it like I did. Loser.
(Thu 17th Nov 2005, 17:23, More)

» Shame

more private guilt than shame...
Once, when my boyfriend pissed me off, I put his toothbrush up my arse. Bristle end first. Then replaced it nicely in the toothbrush jar.

I later saw his mum merrily using it, as I'd picked up the wrong one.

Lovely woman too.
(Tue 29th Nov 2005, 16:20, More)

» Black Sheep

Family rift over game console
My auntie hasn't spoken to her brother since he broke her Sega Megadrive in about 1993.

My family is ridiculous.
(Sat 15th Jan 2005, 17:55, More)

» Losing Your Virginity

drug induced interrupted sex
I don't think anyone has lost their virginity quite like me...

After trying to lose my virginity for several weeks with my boyfriend at the time (he had a slight erectile problem) he actually had to go and purchase some viagra so we could get down to business. My parents were away on holiday thank the lord, but my two little sisters and small brother were downstairs.

Anyway, first try was a hideous failure. I shouted at him, extremely frustrated (little harsh I know) and got in my parents bed to sulk. So he then joins me...and we suddenly have lift off. So we start going at it in my parents bed...and my best friend happens to walk in.

I was fifteen.

Christ almighty.

Afterwards, sat in the kitchen in embarassed silence, my sis walks in and says "You were doing it up there, weren't you?".

The condom wouldn't flush away so I threw it out of the window. Where it remained in the garden for my dad to see as he watered the flowers two days later.
(Thu 3rd Mar 2005, 13:27, More)

» Stupid Tourists

moron
While in France, an American approached me. He asked me if I had THE TIME, pointing to his watch in an annoyingly over-emphasised way, with no attempt whatsoever at French language. Not that I'd be able to understand it, but I thought it pretty rude, presuming he had taken me for somebody who was French.

Therefore I responded with this: "Oooga booga la ley crossiant honky hoo la leee lay shooby leela maison...etc" in a French accent, with slightly crossed eyes.

He ran away.
(Sun 10th Jul 2005, 18:11, More)
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