» I hurt my rude bits

Purely Accidental!
I was once messinga round with my then boyfriend in my parents house, we'd been running round upstairs naked (as you do) and having the odd fumble here and there. He'd managed to whack my ass well and truly a good few times, soI decided it was time for revenge...so I trubdle downstairs (avoiding windows) and get the tea towel...which is in perfect 'slightly damp' conditions. I span it round and round and legged it upstairs and tried to do the whippy thing on his ass. I missed, I get him right in the sack, he managed to slam the door in my face before falling to the floor and crying. A Lot.
(Fri 14th Jul 2006, 15:54, More)

» Teenage Poetry

Morning Poem...
This cheers me up every morning...

I woke early one morning
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,
He sang a song so lively,
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.
He sang of far off places
Of Laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
brough up the morning sun.
I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
And crushed his fucking head.
I'm not a morning person.
(Fri 12th Aug 2005, 15:38, More)

» Petty Sabotage

Spiders
I was babysitting for three children when I was around 16, my boyfriend at the time decided to come and pay me a visit, the poor lamb had an extreme phobia of spiders...cue me telling children to find as many spiders in the garden as possible and to make a pretty box...which they were to give to him as a 'gift' when he turned up...
Funnily enough...he didn't see the funny side.
(Wed 4th May 2005, 14:06, More)

» Singing the wrong words

Just remembered...
(To the tune of Mistletoe and Wine)

DREAMING OF A SCOUSE CHRISTMAS....

Chrismas time, drunkenness and crime,
Children playing - in filth and grime,
With cars on fire - and trainees under tree
Time to rejoice - in be-ing scally,

It's a time for stealing, a time for receiving,
Knock-off gear - worra great feelin
Why pay top dollar - yer can nick it for free,
Just like our lecky, - gas and TV

Christmas time, pissups all the time
Nicking ciggies, - spirits and wine
Wearing-shell-suits and Nykees - all knocked off gear
It's great getting pissed - on someone else's beer

Its a time for drinkin - six packs of Stella
Dat yer got - from some dodgy Fella
Chirstmas is sound - Christmas is best
God bless our Cilla - and the DHSS

Christmas time - time to joy-ride
Then go and visit - family inside
With Dad on a six stretch - and sis up the duff
This 'City of Culcher' can get pretty rough

So next time your driving - through Liverpool-city
You may just know why - the streets look so shitty
So keep a sharp eye out - for those dodgy deals
But don't drive too slow - or they'll pinch all four wheels

Sorry about the length, it tickled me though...
(Thu 27th Jan 2005, 14:22, More)

» School fights

Crazy Music Teacher
Our class was rather unruly to say the least, deliquents, weirdo's, druggies and some studious types as well (me).
in year 8 we had a new music teacher Miss Carr, she looked like a tramp and cried when we wouldn't shut up, she made us sand paper the desks, after about 2 mins of this we eventually started pelting her with all sorts of class, one thing being a compass, which got embedded in to her skull. She never came back.
(Fri 10th Mar 2006, 13:59, More)