» Teenage Parties

One of many...
teenage parties that springs to mind is the one my best friend hosted. Her parents were the only ones out of our 'gang' at school who were trusting enough to go out for the evening/night and leave their children behind. This party in particular was initially school friends, but of course everyone invited their friends, brothers, sisters, uncles, 2nd cousins twice removed etc. until the house was full to bursting.

The cream coloured carpet in the lounge soon had brown streaks across it as wave upon wave of pissed people walked through just because they could. Someone (a friend of the host's younger brother) had rigged up a sound system complete with microphone and as the parents arrived back to see drunken teenagers puking up in their front garden/drunks passed out around the house/house generally in tatters, they were also greeted by the announcement over the PA system of 'GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING VODKA'. I'm sure they were expecting more like 'hello'.

I myself was too busy to notice the parents returning as I was trying to escape from the young man I'd snogged earlier in the evening by riding around the garden on a bicycle. As you do...
(Thu 13th Apr 2006, 13:01, More)

» Strict Parents

Where to begin
Over the course of my childhood years I was banned from buying and/or wearing Doc Martins - I got around this by putting them in my bag and swapping shoes around the corner.
I wasn't allowed to get my ears pierced until I was 16.
I was banned from staying out as a teenager beyond 10pm at night as that was when the pubs closed, the streets would be full of undesirables and that was when any trouble would happen.

My mother is quite possibly the biggest mentalist ever so there are probably countless more incidents that my mind has chosen to forget.

I think the most embarrassing and humiliating ban was 'not handing out leaflets given to you by XXX and XXX'

The mentalist was a staunch Conservative, so much so that in her younger years had stood in local elections. I happened to be at a friend's parents once day and instead of them delivering some leaflets for the local Liberal Democrats, they bunged me and my friend a few quid to do it for them.

I accidentally and quite stupidly mentioned this to the mentalist in a 'hey guess what I made some cash today'. After extracting from me exactly how I'd made the money... she went ballistic - how dare I hand out leaflets that weren't for the Conservative party..

Fast forward to several hours worth of rant later and she phoned up the local Liberal Democrats branch to complain about us being exploited, my friend's parents paying people to promote the party (which according to her you aren't supposed to do), you name it.. she complained about it. I was so mortified by the whole thing I felt obliged to call up said friend's parents and explain what had just happened. To this day it still makes me cringe.

It's been years since I've spoken to her, no bloody wonder.
(Wed 14th Mar 2007, 13:06, More)

» Cheating cheaty cheats

Financial gain through embezzlement
When I was about 16/17, my parents kindly moved from within walking distance to school to about 5m away. Fantastic I thought, as I would no doubt be given a lift to school instead of being forced to walk.

My mother, on the other hand, had a different opinion. I would be using the local bus service, although to soften the blow she did provide me with the bus fare on a daily basis.

So cash in hand, I'd walk around the corner to the bus stop and wait for said bus. Only before it arrived, I would be picked up by another child's mother who clearly thought it would be too cruel to force her offsrping into using public transport.

Naturally I never let on the fact that I got a lift to and from school everyday and instead pocketed the bus fare for about two years...
(Mon 21st Nov 2005, 12:38, More)

» Singing the wrong words

Carolina - Shaggy
I was in the 6th form when this song was released and, if I hadn't just looked up the lyrics, would still be convinced the song went
'o carolina, ba-nah, jumping bras'

And then there were the real words to Mary has a little lamb...

Mary had a little lamb
She thought it rather silly
She threw it up in the air
And caught it by his..

Willy was a watchdog
Lying in the grass
Along came a bumble bee
And stung him up his..

Ask no questions
Tell no lies
Have you ever seen
a policeman doing up his..

Flies are a nuisance
Bees are worst
And that's the end
Of my silly little verse
(Sat 29th Jan 2005, 19:08, More)

» Awesome Sickies

It's just not worth it
To my knowledge* I have only ever taken a sickie twice.

The first time I called in and gave the good old 24h diarrhea excuse which was accepted without question. To make it even more realistic I then took the following day off, figuring that one day and especially after a weekend looks suspicious, but two.. clearly must be sick. There I was enjoying my second paid day off when I get a call from my boss telling me I was one of a handful of people being made redundant.. on a brighter note, when I went back to work everyone started asking if I was feeling better, then went on to explain how they'd thought I was taking a sickie but the fact I was off two days changed their mind. Ha!

The second time I took a sickie was after a heavy night drinking. I staggered into work and sat there feeling progressively worse as the day went on. I was experiencing all the usual hangover symptoms plus hot and cold chills which really weren't all that pleasant. Eventually I said I had to take the day off sick and gave my boss the lame excuse that I was getting the flu. Hmmm.. quite clearly that was a whopping great lie and not believed (despite me going home) so everytime I come into work hungover now I am asked how my 'flu' symptoms are going.

I've given up on sickies now.
* might have been more.. only these two stick in mind
(Mon 12th Jun 2006, 12:39, More)