b3ta.com user thelegendthatis
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» The Onosecond

Im a right cunt when I'm drunk
"you are so easy i want your your babies and your do + i'm wearing foil
will you shag me love Sam.D. Your Mama. In a miniute i will have an
icecream. can i have bacon and eggs in the morning. Please can i have
your tits, they may be small but the babies will love them. I like
pussys wet and sloppy. in a bit you sexy hoar please shag me.

LOVE SAM and B*n + ***** "

last night
just like that
lots of people
then i apologised
like this:
"Dear All

Samuel and I wish to apologise for the obscenities contained within the email you received last night, however it was Sam and he doesnt wish to apologise, he says, "Fuck off, it was meant just for sadie."

If you have not yet read said email don't, it's not big and its not clever.

Yours Crawlingly B*n

censored for no reason
(Sun 29th May 2005, 10:03, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Did you hear the one about the Catholic priest who liked to molest young boys?

NO - it never happened

(not really my own, so I wont take any of the credit coming (no pun intended))
(Tue 6th Dec 2005, 22:24, More)

» Fire!

At Glasto earlier this year...
Being thoroughly prepared we took copious amounts of food - just about enough to feed our party of four, and eight or nine neighbouring tents. Among these provisons were two Tesco value single use barbeques, and 16 rashers of bacon. After a good evening's band watching, and a very long night of touring the various night-time attractions, we were sitting around back at our tents watching the sun come up and trying to coax said barbeque into life.

My good friend, who shall remain nameless, was quietly watching these culinary proceedings with bottle of poppers. It is highly likely that he was under the influence of these substances when, reading that poppers are highly flamable, he emptied the bottle onto the barbeque.

3 minutes and numerous 12 inch psychadelic flames later, I tasted what can only be described as the most interesting bacon I have ever eaten. Two other bottles of a similar nature were used to incinerate a tent of ours that had become surplus to requirements. This would have be fine were it not for the high density of other peoples tents in the area.
(Sat 5th Nov 2005, 20:52, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

I unfortunately aquired the name 'Lasagna' after a misunderstood conversation, at a party, with the hostess' mother. In all fairness the music was quite loud, and she was stood at least 3 feet away from me. Next time I'll stick to crisps.
(Tue 23rd May 2006, 20:30, More)