» On the stage

the sound of sodding music...
decided to audition for a wee part in the sound of music that my school was putting on when i was doing my a-levels.
i read for the part of one of the snitchy nuns that tells on maria. however, just before i went up my friend tells me how funny it would be if you replaced "singing" with "wanking".
cue me giggling like a 5 year old as i read lines like
"but mother superior, i heard maria singing so loudly yesterday!"
"maria was singing and didnt stop when i told her to"
"maria has been singing all over the convent"
i ended up doing a rather sterling job on the lighting team (WSA Technical CrewXcore!)

*thinks back and giggles like a 5 year old*
(Fri 2nd Dec 2005, 18:47, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

seems to be a common theme...
more from the joyous place that was Hyndland Secondary.
started Standard Grade chemistry, assigned the quite young, ginger Mr Kelly (oh yes, name and shame). there was some higher student who seemed to live in the study room that ajoined our class, and my, was mr kelly forever bouncing in and out of that place.
he and the girl disappeared one day, the next we heared of them they were in some local paper having turned up in turkey, as you do...

oh, and there was Dr Collison, the camp-as-christmas biology teacher at St Anne's who apparently managed to break up 2 marriages by stealing the wife, much to our great surprise.

and there was Mr Evanson, who was a total legend. he was a great teacher, dont get me wrong, but you dont expect someone who looks like the archetypal physics (im loath to say it but) geek to have a massive metallica tattoo from shoulder to shoulder and to have various interesting stories of motorbike crashes.

the last two taught at private school, you kinda of expect these people.

oh god, one more.
not mine, but my granny's teacher. he'd fought in WW1, and had a bit of shell shock, but not enough to stop him teaching. now, you know those huge desks with the big heavy lids? how loud they are when they drop? and those maths kits for blackboards, with the massive set squares, with the huge flat bit of metal?
well, one kid dropped his desk lid, and the teacher (who's holding the set square) spins round, throws the set square at this poor kid, who ducks. and thank god he did becuase the blade embedded itself 4 inches into the wall...
(Wed 9th Nov 2005, 16:12, More)

» Sleepwalking

Not exaclty sleepwalking...
...but I do seem to talk in my sleep quite a lot. After falling asleep whilst watching Red Dwarf with my then boyfriend, apparently I rolled over, prodded him really hard in the side and told him in no uncertain terms that "you're the cat!" and went back to sleeping normally.
I also woke up twice last week to find myself mid-conversation with my current boyfriend. I seemed to have started to tell him about the bugs that needed washing in his jeans and how much they scared me, and then woke him up to tell him that "it's the boiler, not your boyfriend" (we were having hot water problems at the time).
I also do whatever job I have at the time in my sleep, asking customers if they were ok and getting really annoyed that I couldn't find the panini machine are just two occasions that stick out, not counting folding pastry, righting kayaks and teaching fencing.
(Thu 23rd Aug 2007, 13:27, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

the good ship peckhams sails again...
had a wonderfully loony art teacher in secondary school, used to spend double lessons making shapes on the ceiling with mirrors and light, great.
anyway, apparently one day she had a total nervous breakdown, tried to set fire to a bunch of Standard Grade folders, stab the head of art (Mr McInnes, total fanny, im sure he deserved it) with a set of keys and then jump out the 3rd floor window shouting "the good ship peckhams sails again". Peckham's being the name of a wee deli opposite the school that could be seen out the window.
we never saw her again...
(Wed 9th Nov 2005, 15:35, More)

» Take my Mother-in-law...

.
a small explanation needed to start:I have a very strange family, my mother offed herself some years ago, and i hate (with good reason believe me) my father, who had another child (my very cool 30 yo half sister) with another woman before i was born.
while at the ex's (who i also hate now, even after a year and a half) one new years his parents were doing the usual "what's your family like?" thing. after 20 minutes of explaining, they still failed to get the concept of half-siblings, they looked horrified when i told them that my parents were never married, and when the subject of suicide came up they both looked not sympathetic, but repulsed.
needless to say they were very strict christians, and when told that i didnt go to church managed not to speak to me other than to ask if i wanted some tea for the next 3 days. miserable bastards. their son wasnt much better.
(Thu 8th Sep 2005, 20:56, More)