» Teenage Parties

Rubbish Party and Rubbish Question
So I was in Australia for a party, and it was chuffing awful. Then blow me down income Harold Bishop (fat guy from Neighbours).
Being slightly intoxicated I shouted out "Harold why are you so fat?"
Bastard retorted "Cos every time I fuck your mum she gives me a biscuit. Now get out of my house party for my teenage daughter."
"No worries it's shit anyway" I showed him :)

Anyway went to get an ice cream, from the Mr. Whippy. But his fucking bells were chiming and he said "don't know why you're scared, I've got to drive back on my own." Then he threw a bag of cocks at me.

I also find it accidently erotic when i reply late to questions
(Thu 13th Apr 2006, 11:48, More)

» Road Rage

Rage
My biggest regret is always posting late to question of the week.
(Thu 12th Oct 2006, 21:48, More)

» Crap meals out

All he wanted was a child
Ok so it didnt happen to me but to a friend, it was such a good story I put it into poetry form


Little Red Riding Hood,
Went out to the wood,
To see her favourite Nan.
But firstly she ate some Kellog’s All Bran.
Then hurriedly she went,
Before Nasty Wolf could pick up her scent,
In this dark and lonely wood.
As Nasty Wolf would poke her if he could.
In the wolf’s belly went little red’s Nan,
Will the shit hit the fan?
Little Red Riding Hood went into the house,
Nasty Wolf stayed quite as a mouse,
Hoping to find the Nan she loved so much.
She found a gender confused wolf hiding his crutch,
“Why what a hairy face you have” she exclaimed,
“Fuck off you cheeky cunt” the wolf proclaimed.
Little Red had forgotten about the Kellog’s All Bran
She ate before seeing her favourite Nan.
Her bowels squeezed , flipped and spat,
And Little Red and Nasty Wolf got into accidental scat.
The Nasty Wolf ran off
But started too cough,
With a gasp and a wheeze,
Out popped Nan smelling of stilton cheese.
The wood chopper came and swung his axe.
Now Little Red and her Nan can relax.
Thank heavens the wolf is no more,
As Nan pimps Little Red out as a dirty whore
(Wed 3rd May 2006, 11:11, More)

» Cheating cheaty cheats

God handed me the ability to cheat
Let me set the scene, it was a hot Mexican summer's day in 1986. I was playing a game of footy with my mates, against the rival gang.

It was 0-0 at half time, but we thought we had the upperhand over the rivals. Then in the 50th minute a ball came into the box, far too high for a short arsed midget like myself to get on the end off it, especially with the keeper being a foot or so bigger than me. But lo and behold God told me "too cheat". I jumped up high and punched the ball over the keeper, luckily Mr Magoo was the ref. and i got away with it bang 1-0 to us.

We ended up winning the game 2-1

However I would like to let you know that as a cheater, I didn't always prosper. In 1994 I got caught cheating with drugs, after my eyes nearly popped out of my head after scoring a goal.
(Thu 17th Nov 2005, 18:30, More)

» Childhood Ambitions

Dragon you will go on my second whistle
I really wanted to be a Gladiator called Dragon on Gladiators. I cried for ages when they pulled the plug on it, I was 9 years old and I had been made redundant.
(Wed 4th Apr 2007, 1:29, More)