b3ta.com user bumchutney
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» Worst Nicknames Ever

like ass, but
i was the lone south asian kid in a small canadian town. those of you who know your cricket even vaguely can guess why i was called 'asser' for several painful years.

also, whenever i wanted to annoy my little bro, who has a VERY large head, bordering on hydroencephalitis, i would simply utter the magic phrase 'melonhead', sit back, and watch the show. he's named after a prophet, but prefers Moe (to me, it sounds too much like a Stooge). 'Moe-ham-head' was also a sweet button to push, now that i think of it.

i wear glasses, and after the 'asser' thing got cold, they boiled 'spectacles' down to 'speck', which helped me down the path of burning self-loathing that i carried with me for years.

at work, we called the young, bushy headed dishwasher 'harry potwash' which turned into 'potter'. my wife, who knew him well enough to know better, thought that potter was his last name.

asser asser moe melonhead potters, the lot of you.
(Fri 19th May 2006, 8:52, More)

» Mistaken Identity

mistook myself
Some years agao a friend of mine, we'll call her PB, (who lived a couple of thousand kilometers away) sent a photo of the two of us, her arm over my shoulder in some nightclub.

'Funny,' i think to myself, 'I don't recall PB's haircut like that. And for that matter, since when did i have an earring?'

She'd met a fellow who looked so much like me that even i was fooled.

Not the funniest thing ever, but as far as uncanny/surreal...nothing tops seeing your doppelganger hanging out with your pals.
(Mon 4th Jun 2007, 10:13, More)

» Fire!

i am
on fire as you read this.
(Mon 7th Nov 2005, 18:54, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

selective aim
A friend of mine has a young boy (at the time of the anecdote, he was about 3yrs old). His parents are happy to let him live out his childish fantasies on the weekends, and he often chooses to go out in public as a tiny spiderman, pirate, football player, fireman, etc.

On this special day, he wore a soldier's costume, complete with tiny Kalashnikov, and amused himself in the traditional childhood manner by miming combat, complete with 'pow-pow-pow' noises. You know, cutesy-stuff when a kid does it. Totally harmless.

His mother took him out on an errand and during the course of the transaction, the shop-lady commented on the angelic boy in combat fatigues weaving and ducking around his mother's ankles.

'Oooh, that's a big gun!' says shop-lady in mock-horror.

'It's okay,' replies child. 'I only use it to shoot black people.'


(i think it's only fair to note that the child was referring to bay-guys-who-wear-black, and is in no way racist, or brought up in a racist household. but man, how awkward is that?)
(Thu 29th Nov 2007, 10:57, More)

» Take my Mother-in-law...

my mil
first off, i love her to bits, just as i love even having one in the first place...

her best trick is her inability to say the word 'skewer' - instead, it comes out 'screwer'. It's always a laugh when we have shish kebabs on the BBQ.
(Thu 8th Sep 2005, 14:24, More)
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