» Birthdays

my 19th
my 19th was pretty good, i was at uni and at lunchtime my coursemates took me to the bar and poured shots down my neck for an hour, then we went to lectures in the afternoon (god knows why, it's not like i was sober enough to learn anything). then when i got home my housemates had bought me a litre bottle of jack daniels which i pretty much necked. then we hit the bars!

the last thing i can remember is going into a night club at 10pm... although my friends say they lost me at around 2am and that i was drinking heavily till then!

i woke up the next day alone in a strange bed with a red raw cock! apprently i'd pulled, gone back to her place and had a night of rampant drunken-monkey-sex... with absolutely no memory of it!
i lay there for what seemed like hours waiting for the girl to appear. eventually i got dressed and went down stairs, only to find i was in a house full of girls and no idea who i'd spent the night with!!
after a very awkward cup of coffee with her housemates, i was finally introduced to this 'girl'... to say that there was a bridge somewhere missing a troll would be an understatement! i pictured a group of frantic scientists running around in panic shouting things like "call security, experiment 53 has escaped!"...
i feel bad about it now, but at the time i don't think i said anything, i just grabbed my coat and ran for it.
(Fri 9th Dec 2005, 11:58, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

dead bodies
i drive an ambulance, so i see alot of dead bodies.

on Halloween i was called to a house where a bloke was "unconscious". i walked into the living room and took a step back in fright!

he was sat on the sofa with one foot tucked in to his bottom, both arms in the air with fingers splayed like he's grabbing for you and a really angry snarl on his face. cold and stiff with rigor mortis, this bloke looked exactly like golum from the lord of the rings.

the family said "he likes to have a nap on the sofa after dinner"...

as we were getting ready to leave the house, the door bell went and outside were about a dozen kids all dressed as skeletons - "trick or treat" they shouted... talk about timing!
(Sat 1st Mar 2008, 13:10, More)

» Toilets

some things you just can't un-see...
i used to work as a dooman in Reading, one routine night i get called to the gents to act as backup for a drugs bust. nothing out of the ordinary there, we'd been having trouble with dealers and had 'dealt' with a few already. i arrive at the toilets and my colleague puts the little key thing in and silently give's it a turn. we wrench the door open to find three blokes inside giving eachother handjobs!

i can't decide though if that's worse than the guy who jumped the queue for the toilets on sunday morning at donnington monsters of rock festival a few years back... these things were so full that you had to stand and add to the tower of excement 8 inches above the bowl.
anyway, several people were a tad peeved by this chap's queue jumping antics and so they waited a minute or so before running round behind and pushing the whole thing over onto the door.
needless to say noone rushed to the stricken rocker's aid as effluent poured from any and every hole in the upturned turdis accompanied by screams interspursed with the sound of vomiting...
(Tue 6th Sep 2005, 11:43, More)