b3ta.com user Razor
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Profile for Razor:
Profile Info:

I am normally a friendly sociable B3tan, quite well known, sort of. To some people here, maybe.

Recent front page messages:

Who makes the decisions on the 'blue sticker'
in razzle mags...

(Mon 19th Apr 2004, 11:22, More)

New and improved:

Take that on your BURGER!

click for big
(Fri 26th Mar 2004, 13:19, More)

Fowl behaviour...

(Mon 9th Feb 2004, 11:55, More)

Remember folks:

Kill your speed before it kills you...
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 12:55, More)

A halloween theme...

(Thu 30th Oct 2003, 15:46, More)

Ladies! The new and improved US military!
Join the Tank Corps.

(Fri 15th Aug 2003, 9:10, More)

It's that time of year again..

(Fri 8th Aug 2003, 15:04, More)

A brutal but popular sport.

(Fri 25th Jul 2003, 12:34, More)

Oh the humanity of it!

(Fri 25th Jul 2003, 10:38, More)

There were some rad waves
Though it was still a little chilly out there...

Clicky bigger.
(Wed 23rd Jul 2003, 13:52, More)

Slowly he opened his eyes
It had been a heavy night, Jeff could only hope the other lions had not done anything too cruel too him.

Clicky big.
(Fri 11th Jul 2003, 9:28, More)

Well he
Seems a lot happier!

(Thu 22nd May 2003, 12:37, More)

The new note
For the new Reich.

(Fri 28th Mar 2003, 11:43, More)


Is in the eye of the machine...
(Mon 3rd Mar 2003, 11:00, More)


Inter Bacchus v. Ariadne Utd.

more sense BIG
(Fri 21st Feb 2003, 10:44, More)

For Gods sake

Flap your ears Dumbo! FLAP!
(Mon 17th Feb 2003, 10:26, More)


Is this amusing (*edit*amoosing)?
(Fri 14th Feb 2003, 13:32, More)

Cut scene

Due to the 'wrong impression' for Tiffanys.
(Fri 24th Jan 2003, 11:47, More)

Deleted scenes

I said Maltese Falcon Humphrey! FALCON!
(Mon 20th Jan 2003, 10:52, More)

The morning after
the office party and Mona was feeling rough

(Fri 20th Dec 2002, 14:57, More)

Pimpin' on the plains

(Mon 11th Nov 2002, 13:05, More)

I ate his
Nuts, with a fine chianti.

*Twitch twitch twitch*
(Thu 7th Nov 2002, 13:42, More)

After 'Trapdoor'
Boney returned to his classical career in theatre..

(Fri 25th Oct 2002, 15:27, More)

Edvard Munchs
Work was almost prophetic when he did the painting "The tube"

(Fri 18th Oct 2002, 11:41, More)

In the 1980's
This was the way the world ended.

(Fri 11th Oct 2002, 16:03, More)

One event often overlooked in history
Was the Nuremberg bike rally...

(Mon 7th Oct 2002, 15:30, More)

Up a penguin!

(Thu 3rd Oct 2002, 11:08, More)

get this out of my system...

(Wed 2nd Oct 2002, 12:42, More)

Was always suspicious of free doughnuts...

(Thu 12th Sep 2002, 10:48, More)

YAY! the new movie influenced by others...

(Tue 10th Sep 2002, 10:21, More)

Please someone
Stop me before I start a bandwagon...

(Sun 8th Sep 2002, 17:13, More)

With rising house prices
Many snails found themselves priced out of the market...

(Tue 3rd Sep 2002, 10:33, More)

I whent for a call of nature,
Turned out it was the call of cthulu!

(Fri 23rd Aug 2002, 11:37, More)

In hindsight
The aquariam should perhaps have not put the paddling pool and the shark pool so close together...

(Tue 20th Aug 2002, 14:32, More)

An oldy...?
Facist, dictator and lover of cheese...

(Tue 20th Aug 2002, 12:39, More)


(Fri 16th Aug 2002, 8:14, More)

The wombles
had decided to REALLY clean up the common..

(Thu 15th Aug 2002, 14:36, More)

If we hadn't won the war...

(Thu 15th Aug 2002, 12:32, More)

Rocket man
Heavily influenced by the work of Freud, early space flight was abandoned...

(Wed 14th Aug 2002, 13:54, More)

On a crab theme
Chaz was always happy but the other crabs down the reef always took the piss... he never knew why...

(Thu 1st Aug 2002, 11:38, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Airport Stories

Security for proles
Security for proles
Back when I was working as a temp for airport security post 9-11 Gatwick airport was the most tedious place in the world to be at 4 in the morning.
However, you met some interesting people and I got to spend a bit of time with the rifle bearing lads of various police divisions.
Now airport duty is dull, dull, dull. So when something exciting happens everyone tends to be 'on form and up for it.'
Que me, politely asking people to check their bags for knives, scissors, various naughty objects that are now verboten in hand luggage.
I was checking the prole-express to some piss hole in spain - lots of ruddy checked wideboys already goggling the equally vile women in the queue.
"Allright lads - nothing that shouldn't be in your hand luggage then?" *I actually show them diagrams, just to get across the point*

"Yeah - my mate 'ere has got an uzi and I'm carrying a grenade - what can you about it?"

This particular brand of gorilla actually attempted to intimidate me. Now for those who don't know every inch of Gatwick is monitored - the only blindspots are the khazi cubicles.

I tell him to back down - even as I'm doing so I can see two black clad and armoured blokes moving to covering positions on the balcony - they're wielding the the semi-auto version for the MP5 for the gun connoisseurs amongst you.

I can smell stale booze on the gorilla who is mere inches away from me and glaring at me.

"I'll ask you again - you don't have anything on this list in your baggage?"

"I fucking told you already - uzi and grenades."

His mates have stopped laughing as two more armed men circle out behind him and signal for me to move away.

I break into a smile and give them the space to 'politely ask him to lie down, not move an place hands out flat'.

I think he may have actually shit himself.
(Mon 6th Mar 2006, 17:39, More)

» Professions I Hate

Charity Muggers

Minding my own business walking out to get lunch in Putney I get some people from 'Warchild' - kids injured in warfare and so on.

Them - "Help the child soldiers sir?" *waving pictures of children carrying guns and looking sorry for themselves*
Me -"Actually I already do."
Them - "How?"
Me - "I design landmines. I'm working on a really good one, when triggered it jumps to at least 5 feet before exploding. It should miss most children."

Them - *shocked* *move away*
(Thu 27th May 2010, 12:37, More)

» School fights

A lad at my high school, who was a good 2 or 3 years older than me (let's call him Simmo) took an unusually big disliking to me. It was odd because a lot of the other lads in that year I got on with ok, not mixing with my own year all that well.
Anyway - months of taunting from him and occasionally slapping me round the head just pissed me off - even though some of the other lads did point out that 'he's done nothing to you - leave it.'
He eventually challenged me to the dreaded "Outside school, end of the day."

I figured this was the only way to settle things and when one of my own year asked me "You going to fight simmo?" I replied with a "Yes. He's a poof anyway."

This bold statement on my part caused an upswell of interest - to which a large crowd gathered - including simmos sister who was my age.

His face was bright red when he saw me, having clearly been taunted by all for picking on a younger lad who in turn had no fear of him. He wanted to instill fear in me - that was the way it worked.

He walked right up to me and punched the side of my head. I blinked, licked my lips and said
"Nah - you're still a fucking poof."

this enraged him even more, causing everyone to be overawed by his attempts to pummel me.

He knocked me to the floor with a fair blow to the forehead. I shook my head, stood up:-
"Fuck me Simmo, can't your sister fight me instead?"
This caused everyone to burst out laughing and he kicked me squarely in the nuts.
That hurt.
(Fri 10th Mar 2006, 12:16, More)

» Overheard secrets

Coffee shop to work place
I work in a big office block in the City.
Often you will be stood behind people in the queue for coffee shop who actually work in the same building as me but we never see each other.

Today I listended to:
1 - Man, I was so drunk I sh*t my guts up.
2 - what - not on our floor?
1 - Nah, I go to the fourth floor. Safest bet.
2 - ha ha ha.

I work on the fourth floor.

I'm coming to the second floor next time I need a dump you f*cker.
(Thu 25th Aug 2011, 14:43, More)

» Horrible things I've done to a loved one

I suddenly became attractive to the opposite sex and proceeded to shag any female who would show interest.
On one occasion I had taken a young lady home, appropriatly serviced her then realised the next morning another enthusiastic lady was coming round at 11AM to go to lunch.

I actually asked the girl from the night before to leave by the back door and take the 'tradesmans entrance' out. She looked at me with open mouthed awe at my arrogance.

She could hear the other girl at the front door talking to me as she walked past on her way home.

Ok, I didn't love the girls in question but still feel bad about it to this day.
(Thu 16th Jun 2011, 17:10, More)
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