b3ta.com user CatfaceJones
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My life is filled with mindless,vacan,thappy shouting.

E.G Hello! to noone in particular.

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Best answers to questions:

» We have to talk

Friend of mine
didn't want to dump her boyfriend using "We need to talk" and so the conversation went like this:

"Ed....you know how we're going out? Could we, like, not?"

Bless her.
(Fri 20th Apr 2007, 10:59, More)

» We have to talk

walking with girlfriend and group of friends
Girlfriend: "We need to talk."
At that point anyone who was near-by walked away very quickly. People who have a shred of dignity give people privacy in moments like that. She continued.
“I don’t think I’m ready [very good alteration of the “It’s not you, it’s me” paradigm] for a long term relationship with you. [very clean.] I think you can find someone more suitable for you [veering into a clinical tone now] who’s less mean than I am.”

Weird. My reply:
"Could you tell me again without the clichés?"

Didn't go down too well. She was a purple belt as well. Luckily I escaped alive.
(Fri 20th Apr 2007, 10:56, More)

» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

My Grandad
He was quite a dude.Lots of stuff happened with him during WW2.
He noticed a load of Spitfires kept on coming down because they lost too much fuel when they got shot or something, so he came up with an add-on.It was a little box on the fuselage that injected fuel into the engine so they'd have enough to get home.Which is quite cool.
Apparently he also got firebombed once, and his friend, in a piss-poor attempt to put the flames out, put whisky on the fire.

Apologies for length, but girls say small is better.Sob.
(Mon 27th Mar 2006, 17:28, More)

» Stupid Dares

Friend of mine
dared, during one particularly boring maths lesson, to eat ten paracetamol.

How they laughed after he had. He told me of his feat. My reply?

"Don't you know that overdosing on paracetamol breaks down your liver, and will kill you?"

He got his stomach pumped pretty quickly.

Made the lesson exciting at least.
(Thu 1st Nov 2007, 21:28, More)

» Airport Stories

Ireland Innit
I'd just been to Ireland with my family,and we were coming back.Great trip,but you don't want to hear about that.

Anywho,we arrive back at Heathrow,and we go outside to see if our neighbour,who we've arranged will pick us up,is there yet.She ain't.So we wait.And while we're waiting,we see 5-6 policemen walk past with submachineguns.And my brother's not too pleased,'cause he has a full beard,a tan,and a huge ,heavy,bulky jacket.Suspicious.

So when we finally see our neighbours car,we're pretty damn happy.

Until it drives down the wrong bit.

So my Mum's like "Go run other there and see if it's her" to my older brother.

And He gives her the best look, followed up with a lecture on exactly why he's not going to run ANYWHERE.

Which shut her up.
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 18:22, More)
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