» Lies I told on my CV

2 lies on 1 CV (2-for-1)
Before that security license thing came into force, I applied for some great job in security which paid big time, so I really wanted to get it.

At that time I had a mate who worked at his Dad's security firm (the Dad actually owned it) that have previously been hired by celebrities and famous people for personal protection.

Basically I persuaded my mate to allow me to say that I'd previously worked for this security firm so I put it on my CV.

Not only that, I added that I'd previously worked for MI5 too.

At the interview, they were very impressed with my CV and the question came up about my MI5 job. My answer to the first question was "I cannot go into detail about this job under any circumstances", then my answer to the second question, "Again, I cannot go into detail about this" and you get the idea. I also mentioned that due to strict security reason, they couldn't contact MI5 themselves to get a reference and that I'd have to do it for them.

A week later I got offered the job and took it.

:-)
(Sat 8th Jul 2006, 23:50, More)

» Crap meals out

YUK!
My parents dragged me out with my brother to a pub not too far away from me. I suppose I shouldn't have been that annoyed 'cos I was kinda looking forward to it.

Just wait till I got in this "pub" (that's part of a well known UK wide chain of pubs)

Firstly, they didn't have my favourite brand of Cider...aka Strongbow.

Secondly, they didn't even have my favourite brand of pre-mixed drink thing...aka Smirnoff Ice (Vodka + Lemon)

Thirdly, I don't know why I didn't get a coke.

Fourthly, I ended up having Orange Juice..but not a normal orange juice, bitty orange juice. I CAN'T STAND ORANGE JUICE WITH BITS IN IT!

I can't remember how the meal was but I expect it was crap too.
(Sun 30th Apr 2006, 2:57, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Sick Joke
Not as sick as some jokes but not something you'd tell you grandmother....

What's the difference between a HOOKER and a DRUG DEALER?? A hooker can clean her crack and resell it the next day!
(Thu 16th Feb 2006, 12:32, More)

» Sacked

My sacked story
I was working at my Local football club, since end of Feb / start of march 2005, up until 18th October 2005.

I got sacked because on the day in question, I was working on Turnstiles, taking in money/tickets to allow the fans into ground..and my cash box ended up being £72 down!!!

Naturally my boss who was the football clubs Director had his head up his ass, suspects me of stealin it etc etc...I still got the sack, but I DID NOT STEAL THE MONEY. Just after he tells me he's going to "have to ask me not to come back", I ask if "I can't just come back as a Steward since theres no cash interaction at-all" but he says no cos he "Doesn't want me near the club" or summin.

A few days or weeks later I pop into the football clubs shop which isn't next to the ground, it's about 5 mins away..and I know the manager there so I just went in to speak to him since we were friends and my family at home know him and his familiy. Turns out that theres another person there helping him out, she was (not only seriously hott -- I fancy her) at the ground the day I got fired, working in the cash office, and she says that she thinks the turnstile is faulty .. at least one other person also thinks that the turnstile is faulty, she even tried to back me up against the Director.

I speak to my solicitor who tells me that cos I only been working there for under a year, I can't go to an employment tribunal, only thing to do is appeal.

To add to the upset of loosin this job which I so loved, was earning me enogh money to live on and was only proper job as yet, 2 days later, 20th Oct 2005, I get heartbroken!

Lovely!!!

Just to finish up, the club's director still has his head up his ass!! Feel free to piss the club off by e-mailing [email protected] or www.barnetfc.com or even [email protected]
(Fri 24th Feb 2006, 23:59, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

CALL THE POLICE
Quick, someone call the police, she's going to kill the baby!!!

oseda.missouri.edu/~lance/Pix/IMG_0001.jpg (look at her face/mouth area)

Hurry up!

(Sorry to post again so soon but you should see it)
(Thu 16th Feb 2006, 12:45, More)