» World's Sickest Joke

*Not as sick as some...but orginal i think*
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs
the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs.
The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son anyway and raises him as
well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to
the bar and tearfully tells his son he is proud of him. Dad
orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar
patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in
disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooop! A torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy.The father,
shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"!
The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
Swoooop! Swoooop! Two arms pops out.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink
again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"!
The bartender ignores the whole affair.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down,
grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.
Swoooop! Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.
The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then to the
right.... right through the front door, into the street, where a
truck runs over him and kills him instantly.

The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief.

The bartender sighs and says ......
"That boy should have quit while he was a head."

**My 1st post!**
(Tue 20th Dec 2005, 14:42, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

hippie and nun....
A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her: 'Can we have sex?' 'No,' she replies, 'I'm married to God.' She stands up, and gets off at the next stop. The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says: 'I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!'
'Yeah?', says the hippie.
'Yeah!', say the bus driver. 'She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do it dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard,and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God.'
The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.
'I am God' he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face.'Have sex with me.'
The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.
'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes,he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
'Ha-ha,' he cries. 'I am the hippie!'
'Ha-ha,' cries the nun. "I am the bus driver..."
(Wed 21st Dec 2005, 14:59, More)

» Awesome Sickies

Fancied a lie in...
so I rang up work and said that I was on the way to work and had a flat tyre and as I didn't know how to change I would have to wait for the RAC to come and fix it who said they'll be a couple of hours, so conversation continues like this...

Boss: Well I know how to do it if you aren't that far then I can come and do it for you

Me (panicing): Um you know what maybe I'll try it myself...it can't be that hard

Boss: No no its fine, tell me where you are and I'll come out to you

Me: I think the lines breaking up..

Boss: Er no it isn't...

Me: Hangs up

Fucking helpful boss, whatever happened to the good old days when my boss probably wouldnt have even shown concern if I told him I'd just been hit by a truck?!
(Wed 14th Jun 2006, 22:13, More)

» Fancy Dress

not quite fancy dress but...
my work place has just announced we all have to come to work in our pyjamas on valentines day. i mean y?wot is the f uckin point?!who *actually* likes these things?!as if valentines day wasnt s sh*t enough day already they want us all to look like a bunch of twats as well...better get the holiday form out and book a day off i think..
(Fri 13th Jan 2006, 17:21, More)

» Road Rage

School Mums....
I am unfortunate to have to drive past a school on my way to work every morning, when all the kids go to school. So..to all of you mothers in your 4x4s that the husband bought you to compensate for him shagging his receptionist, please do not stop RIGHT outside the school blocking the road, do not pull out without signalling so I have to swerve to avoid you and nearly kill your kid in the process. Make the kids walk, or use the bus...maybe then they wouldn't all be so fucking fat.
(Wed 18th Oct 2006, 22:25, More)