» My Greatest Regrets

The thing that kills me every day...
About 2 and a half years ago i found out that a girl in my Secondary school who i had barely noticed before had taken a real liking to me. So anyway we were introduced by a friend one night whilst out getting pissed, and i must say she was, and still is, absolutely gorgeous. and smart, and funny, and good-natured. Generally perfect in every way. Unfortunately at the confused age of 16, i found it very hard to accept just how much this girl liked me. Usually the girls who showed this sort of affection towards me were either complete Pug-ugly mongs, or a bit mental, or had STDs, or all of the above.

To be honest i was kinda shocked and scared by it all, and found it very hard to get close with this girl and really open up to her.

Anyway the long and the short of it is, i basically told her (i hate myself so much for this) that she was very nice, but i just didn't really want a relationship with her or anyone. She was quite upset and we didn't speak for about a year (not because she refused to talk to me, more just that we didn't really see each other much as i had left school by this point and lived in a different town).

Anyway, flash forward a year, and i see this girl at a mates house party one night, and OH MY GOD it suddenly hit me. What the fuck had i done??? This girl is absolutely amazing, the perfect girl for me...Even though i was 17, i could actually imagine spending the ret of my life with her (corny as it sounds). To be honest, from that night on, i started to gradually fall in love with her. Problem is she's been going out with this other guy for the last year now and i think it's gonna remain a long term thing.

I still think about her every day and kick myself for being such a fucking twat and letting her slip away.

..And if you're reading this Katy Macintyre, I'm sorry i fucked things up and i love you. Really.

I Think the lesson for everyone here is that if something good comes your way out of the blue, FOR FUCK SAKE hold onto it..cos it'll be gone sooner than you realise if you don't.

*Apologies for general boringness of this post...but when a QOTW pops up that you can really relate to, sometimes it's just gotta be done*
(Fri 6th Oct 2006, 13:36, More)

» Mistaken Identity

Just remembered something...
that happened one night about a year ago when i was out on the piss.

Some rather atractive girl in one of my locals told me i looked like Matt from Busted. i said "What, like a twat?" to which she replied "Yes" and walked away.

Made me chuckle.
(Wed 6th Jun 2007, 13:47, More)

» Mad Stuff You've Done To Get Someone To Sleep With You

Flattery gets you everywhere
I remember sitting down in a park about a year ago, chatting to some bird who had previously been seeing a mate of mine.

I somehow got her to give me an amazing blowy behind a tree, because i told her that her ex/my mate had said that "she was really good at it" and i wanted to see if he was exaggerating. Terrible, i know.
(Wed 18th Apr 2007, 13:45, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

School Trip to London Zoo, Circa 1999...
and a weasley little guy in our class, Shane, is sure he's spotted the Potato-Headed Steve Mcfadden, AKA Eastenders' Phil Mitchell, wandering round the monkey enclosure with his family.

Half an hour on and sure enough as we're checking out the Reptile House we see the Fat cockney Bastard coming round the corner towards us. Shane gives us all the "I fucking told you cunts" look before wandering up to the B-list Twat to try and say Hi. He approaches cautiosly just as Steve turns round to face him.

"Oh Fucking Fuck Off You Little Cunt!!"

Classic.
(Sat 27th May 2006, 21:14, More)

» Conned

How to scam shops out of fags and money :)
My mate Sam is the cheekiest little bastard I know; He scams people ALL the time, likes to think of it as "his calling"...However, he is very good at it.

He would hardly ever talk about his tricks and techniques, but the one thing he did share with me was the following:

for this you will need:

1 £20 note
1 £10 note

This works 90% of the time in pretty much any convenience shope/corner shop/supermarket etc..

Position a £10 note loosely in your back pocket, and keep the £20 in your hand.

pick a small item of the shelves (choccy bar or something..it acts as a sort of distraction), and approach the counter. put the small item down on the counter, and the £20 next to it. The shop assistant will undoubtedly look down and acknowledge both items.

Then ask for 20 fags. As he turns round to get them, pull the £10 out of your back pocket and swap it with the £20. put the £10 into your pocket. Make sure he doesnt see or detect any of this. There should now be the choccy bar and the £10 note on the counter.

Now..1 of 2 things will happen. Either the shop keeper will not look at the note and so not realise it's now a £10, in which case you will get change for £20 (earning yourself about £5 and a free packet of fags)..OR..he will have looked at the £10 note after getting your fags, assumed that his eyes had been playing tricks on him before when he thought he had seen a £20, and give you change for a ten. In which case, you just calmly say "erm, I gave you a £20". They will pretty much always assume you are right, given that they thought they saw a £20 on the counter in the first place, and reimburse you for rest of the change from your £20 (which was actually a £10).

It works ALOT more than you would think. try it.
(Mon 22nd Oct 2007, 13:34, More)