Profile for Nuclear Ninja:
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some stuff here about how great and woo i am...
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erm...
some stuff here about how great and woo i am...
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Cheap Tat
That reminds me...
It's going to be a long one...
My previous post reminded me of this...
Morrisons is the supermarket of choice for those who feel they are too upmarket for asda. A home for the troglodytes/chavs/marsupials that seem to populate our society these days...
My housemate and I decided to host a party in the style of fancy dress, as you do, and as part of the role of host i decided to whip up some flavoured vodka (favourites being skittles, werthers originals and xtra strong mint varieties).
Morrisons decided that this weeks special offer would be litres of obsure brand vodka for £5 each... bargain thought I!
Four litres of vodka, several packets of the finest sweeties money can buy, and a weeks worth of brewing/fermentation later, the evening was set... my classy ninja costume secured i was ready to wow my guests with vast quantities of alcohol, stunning choons and conversational wit...
It started well, The winter fairies from down the road were getting on well with the witches and warlocks from the other side of town... The mexican farmer was slowly trying to worm his way into Action Mans pants, and Daisy Duke seemed to be enjoying herself with the Jock in drag...
and then it all went a little hazy, the cheap vodka did not mix well with the copious amounts of beer and weed... various puddles of red, yellow and white began to appear around the garden, my stomach started to quiver in time to the bassline... things were not looking good...
By this point it was too late to warn anyone, the last of the vodka was consumed, the garden was full of vomiting fantastical creatures, the dwarves were hurling on the elves, who were in turn vomiting on the fairies. The evening had degenerated into chaos...
suffice to say, that was the end of the evening, everyone who was in a fit state left as soon as they were capable, those unable collapsed where they were in soggy heaps. I have no recollection of the remainder of the evening apart from answering the door to my loudly complaining neighbour, and when told to keep the noise down answering with a well thought out reposte of "Bleeuuughh" complete with chunks of sausage roll from my nostrils...
I learnt my lesson though, never, EVER buy cheap vodka... it'll be the death of you and quite possibly your friends...
If you click "i like this" I'll post some of the pics from the night in question...
(Mon 7th Jan 2008, 16:10, More)
That reminds me...
It's going to be a long one...
My previous post reminded me of this...
Morrisons is the supermarket of choice for those who feel they are too upmarket for asda. A home for the troglodytes/chavs/marsupials that seem to populate our society these days...
My housemate and I decided to host a party in the style of fancy dress, as you do, and as part of the role of host i decided to whip up some flavoured vodka (favourites being skittles, werthers originals and xtra strong mint varieties).
Morrisons decided that this weeks special offer would be litres of obsure brand vodka for £5 each... bargain thought I!
Four litres of vodka, several packets of the finest sweeties money can buy, and a weeks worth of brewing/fermentation later, the evening was set... my classy ninja costume secured i was ready to wow my guests with vast quantities of alcohol, stunning choons and conversational wit...
It started well, The winter fairies from down the road were getting on well with the witches and warlocks from the other side of town... The mexican farmer was slowly trying to worm his way into Action Mans pants, and Daisy Duke seemed to be enjoying herself with the Jock in drag...
and then it all went a little hazy, the cheap vodka did not mix well with the copious amounts of beer and weed... various puddles of red, yellow and white began to appear around the garden, my stomach started to quiver in time to the bassline... things were not looking good...
By this point it was too late to warn anyone, the last of the vodka was consumed, the garden was full of vomiting fantastical creatures, the dwarves were hurling on the elves, who were in turn vomiting on the fairies. The evening had degenerated into chaos...
suffice to say, that was the end of the evening, everyone who was in a fit state left as soon as they were capable, those unable collapsed where they were in soggy heaps. I have no recollection of the remainder of the evening apart from answering the door to my loudly complaining neighbour, and when told to keep the noise down answering with a well thought out reposte of "Bleeuuughh" complete with chunks of sausage roll from my nostrils...
I learnt my lesson though, never, EVER buy cheap vodka... it'll be the death of you and quite possibly your friends...
If you click "i like this" I'll post some of the pics from the night in question...
(Mon 7th Jan 2008, 16:10, More)
» Never Meet Your Heroes
To baldy go where no man has gone before
I once had a piss in Paddington Station next to Patrick Stewart. When i was little i wanted to grow up and be the captain of the USS Enterprise.
Unfortunately after seeing the legendary Captain Picard i was put off the idea. He was a lot shorter than he looked on telly and i could hardly see where i was pissing due to the light reflecting off his baldy head.
Still i managed to shout "live long and Prosper!" as i was running out of the toilet at warp speed to inform my mates of my celebrity encounter. I thought it would be funny but then realised that saying was from a completely different series and in no way did he look anything like Spock. I think i should just stay clear of celebs, they just seem to fluster me.
(Thu 25th May 2006, 15:23, More)
To baldy go where no man has gone before
I once had a piss in Paddington Station next to Patrick Stewart. When i was little i wanted to grow up and be the captain of the USS Enterprise.
Unfortunately after seeing the legendary Captain Picard i was put off the idea. He was a lot shorter than he looked on telly and i could hardly see where i was pissing due to the light reflecting off his baldy head.
Still i managed to shout "live long and Prosper!" as i was running out of the toilet at warp speed to inform my mates of my celebrity encounter. I thought it would be funny but then realised that saying was from a completely different series and in no way did he look anything like Spock. I think i should just stay clear of celebs, they just seem to fluster me.
(Thu 25th May 2006, 15:23, More)
» Mix Tapes
Not really a mix tape...
But when i first started Uni i had real trouble getting up in the mornings for lectures (something to do with the endless drinking and partying no doubt)
To counteract this i recorded my mum yelling at me to get up in the morning and set my stereo as my alarm, you know the usual "GET OUT OF BED YOU LAZY FUCKER! YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE AGAIN!!!"
This was followed by the classic 'Philadelphia' by Bruce Springsteen, just to bring me back off the ceiling after the harsh wake up...
Every time i hear the drums at the beginning of that song i get flashbacks...
Still got the tape now, I use it to annoy my housemate in the early mornings if he's kept me up late...
Length? About 10 minutes in total...
(Thu 7th Feb 2008, 14:05, More)
Not really a mix tape...
But when i first started Uni i had real trouble getting up in the mornings for lectures (something to do with the endless drinking and partying no doubt)
To counteract this i recorded my mum yelling at me to get up in the morning and set my stereo as my alarm, you know the usual "GET OUT OF BED YOU LAZY FUCKER! YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE AGAIN!!!"
This was followed by the classic 'Philadelphia' by Bruce Springsteen, just to bring me back off the ceiling after the harsh wake up...
Every time i hear the drums at the beginning of that song i get flashbacks...
Still got the tape now, I use it to annoy my housemate in the early mornings if he's kept me up late...
Length? About 10 minutes in total...
(Thu 7th Feb 2008, 14:05, More)
» Hotel Splendido
Krakow, Poland
Not really a crap hotel, but an experience none the less...
To set the scene...
We arrive in Krakow, 12 of us in the party, split across two hotels as we booked it last minute and couldn't all fit in one...
Six of us turn up to our hotel, already booked and paid for to find that there is no reservation. The only way they would accept that we'd booked a room was to use the internet in the reception area to log into my bank online and show them the money going out of my account into theirs.
The receptionist grudgingly gave us rooms (luckily they had some available) and we thought the worst of our weekend would be over... little did we know...
As is usual on any lads weekend, we spent the day drinking, and the night drinking more...
It's around 6am, the clubs are shutting and we've managed to commandeer a taxi back to the hotel...
The gates are locked... big fuck off iron things about eight feet high...
With no other option we decide on a military style approach, reminiscent of the storming of the Iranian Embassy in the 1980's...
Jackets and Jumpers are thrown over the top of the gate to prevent being spiked.
Two of us are crouched at the bottom of the gates, knees bent, hands clasped, ready to provide a platform for the daring duo who will first breach the defenses...
Operation Pole Vault begins...
Two of the party run at the gates and are hoisted up. Sitting astride the gates on the protective clothing, they assist the other four of us on to the other side by means of physical strength and pure luck...
It's going well, four of us are across, searching the grounds for equipment should we then need to break into the hotel. The giggling is being kept to a minimum and the SAS style rolls across the car park are obviously keeping us from being spotted by the imaginary guards and accompanying rottweilers.
Then, the unthinkable happens... The security lights come on. Like paedophiles caught masturbating at a swimming gala, everyone stops in their tracks.
An electronic whine is heard from somewhere, and the sound of footsteps. Everyone freezes in position as they await their inevitable discovery.
All of a sudden the massive gates start to open, two of my partners in crime still astride them, trying to maintain their balance and remain as unobtrusive as possible...
The hotel door opens and the receptionist from our earlier room booking debacle appears...
Trying to explain why there were four very excitable people spread around the carpark hidden under cars and in bushes, while another two were perched ontop of the moving gates was an experience in itself... Maybe they thought the Germans were invading again...
Needless to say we haven't been invited back...
(Fri 18th Jan 2008, 16:16, More)
Krakow, Poland
Not really a crap hotel, but an experience none the less...
To set the scene...
We arrive in Krakow, 12 of us in the party, split across two hotels as we booked it last minute and couldn't all fit in one...
Six of us turn up to our hotel, already booked and paid for to find that there is no reservation. The only way they would accept that we'd booked a room was to use the internet in the reception area to log into my bank online and show them the money going out of my account into theirs.
The receptionist grudgingly gave us rooms (luckily they had some available) and we thought the worst of our weekend would be over... little did we know...
As is usual on any lads weekend, we spent the day drinking, and the night drinking more...
It's around 6am, the clubs are shutting and we've managed to commandeer a taxi back to the hotel...
The gates are locked... big fuck off iron things about eight feet high...
With no other option we decide on a military style approach, reminiscent of the storming of the Iranian Embassy in the 1980's...
Jackets and Jumpers are thrown over the top of the gate to prevent being spiked.
Two of us are crouched at the bottom of the gates, knees bent, hands clasped, ready to provide a platform for the daring duo who will first breach the defenses...
Operation Pole Vault begins...
Two of the party run at the gates and are hoisted up. Sitting astride the gates on the protective clothing, they assist the other four of us on to the other side by means of physical strength and pure luck...
It's going well, four of us are across, searching the grounds for equipment should we then need to break into the hotel. The giggling is being kept to a minimum and the SAS style rolls across the car park are obviously keeping us from being spotted by the imaginary guards and accompanying rottweilers.
Then, the unthinkable happens... The security lights come on. Like paedophiles caught masturbating at a swimming gala, everyone stops in their tracks.
An electronic whine is heard from somewhere, and the sound of footsteps. Everyone freezes in position as they await their inevitable discovery.
All of a sudden the massive gates start to open, two of my partners in crime still astride them, trying to maintain their balance and remain as unobtrusive as possible...
The hotel door opens and the receptionist from our earlier room booking debacle appears...
Trying to explain why there were four very excitable people spread around the carpark hidden under cars and in bushes, while another two were perched ontop of the moving gates was an experience in itself... Maybe they thought the Germans were invading again...
Needless to say we haven't been invited back...
(Fri 18th Jan 2008, 16:16, More)
» Dumb things you've done
Pea Roast...
from teh QOTW suggestion forum... Yes i am that lazy
Once when i was younger my grandparents lived in one of those old houses with the mahoosive banisters... i used to spend countless hours piling cushions at the bottom and sliding down them squealing with glee...
Until the fateful day i lost my balance, fell off backwards and broke my arm...
Now this is probably not that unusual or stupid, and you may be asking "what the hell is the point of this story?"
Well, the next day, after having a nice plaster cast added to my arm, i decided that as i was bored it would be a great idea to slide down the banister again...
and promptly repeated the accident of the day before and broke the other arm...
Insert comment here about girth, width, length and if you're feeling especially descriptive texture and taste...
(Fri 21st Dec 2007, 15:27, More)
Pea Roast...
from teh QOTW suggestion forum... Yes i am that lazy
Once when i was younger my grandparents lived in one of those old houses with the mahoosive banisters... i used to spend countless hours piling cushions at the bottom and sliding down them squealing with glee...
Until the fateful day i lost my balance, fell off backwards and broke my arm...
Now this is probably not that unusual or stupid, and you may be asking "what the hell is the point of this story?"
Well, the next day, after having a nice plaster cast added to my arm, i decided that as i was bored it would be a great idea to slide down the banister again...
and promptly repeated the accident of the day before and broke the other arm...
Insert comment here about girth, width, length and if you're feeling especially descriptive texture and taste...
(Fri 21st Dec 2007, 15:27, More)