b3ta.com user Uncle Comrade
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I am a bloke in his twenties, possibly manic-depressive, definately odd.
I usually confine myself to qotw, occasionally wandering onto the boards to have a look, passing comment as and when the mood takes me.


You Are 64% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.

Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

Your Birthdate: May 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride.

Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing.

When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it.

It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious.

Your strength: Your warm heart

Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions

Your power color: Black

Your power symbol: Musical note

Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.

Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.

You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.

You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.

Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.

You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.

At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.

Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.

A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Zang! Who is that, skulking out of the mini-mall parking lot! It is Uncle Comrade, hands clutching a thorned whip! And with a gutteral scream, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to beat you so heinously, you'll age fifty years!"

Find out!
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Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Uncle Comrade's Syndrome
Cause:bad alcohol
Symptoms:turning into a wolf, extremely enlarged liver, ankle swelling
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» When Animals Attack

Raar! Dog attack!
Several months back, my stepmum decided for whatever reason to get a new dog. As such, when my dad got home from work he was greeted by a friendly little black labrador named Jess. However, what the people at the pound decided not to mention was that the dog was (and still is) an absolute hyperactive mental case.

As such, she's great fun to play with, the problem being that she wants to play all the time regardless of whether you're trying to read the paper/eat dinner/fix a faulty plug/whatever. When she's not bringing a ball to you and nudging your leg until you throw it, she's running around crazily, barking at nothing in particular. Sometimes playing with her can be a bit like pass-the-parcel with live fireworks. Fun, but liable to cause injury.

The actual qotw-relevent incident occured when I was down my dad's one weekend. I was chatting to my dad in his bedroom when he dropped something, and being the helpful chap I am, I leaned across the bed to pick it up.
Unfortunately Jess decided then was a good time to run upstairs into the room and jump up onto the bed.

Landing paw-first on my nads.

Startled by my subsequent shout of pain/surprise, she tried to escape. This involved her scrabbling around on my back, before finally propelling herself off, in the process delivering a sharp kick to the back of my head.
Her five seconds of mayhem complete, she then ran back downstairs, leaving my dad sniggering in the corner and me lying on the bed quietly whimpering. When I came down a few minutes later she was sitting on the sofa, with a simpleton grin that clearly said "That was great fun, wasn't it? Wanna throw the ball for me?"

(Mon 28th Apr 2008, 13:11, More)

» Well, that taught 'em

It wasn't me that did it but
In my newly driving days I was making one of my first solo trips.

Being still rather cautious with my driving (unlike now where I could probably do with a bit more caution) I was going quite slowly. Too slowly for the BMW-driving twunt behind me who proceeded to pull out and roar past me in the smug way that such people do. (He may or may not have been on his mobile as well, I forget after so long)

Oh how I laughed when he got flashed by a speed camera, and realised why I was driving so slowly. I'd like to say that taught him, but people like that never seem to learn. Nonetheless, it kept me happy for the rest of the day.
(Sun 29th Apr 2007, 20:47, More)

» Other people's diaries

Not a diary, but
talk of poetry reminds me that for a while last year I had a habit, when getting back to my room after a night of drinking, of writing brilliant little bits of Haiku about my admiration/irritation regarding my friends and acquaintances. These were usually written in bouts of extreme anger or frustration, and thus contained a fair ammount of swearing, and a lot of stuff that was mostly the drink talking.

Fun though they were, I came across them one day whilst cleaning (and sober) and made the incredibly wise decision to get rid of them. I could forsee a friend or family member finding them and a whole world of embarrassment resulting. The fact that you'd need to be a certified cryptographist to make sense of my drunken handwriting is beside the point.

I will however, share just one with you, entitled simply 'Emma'

She can make me smile
But is also annoying
For God's sake woman.

Hardly award-winning stuff now is it?
(Thu 1st Feb 2007, 23:54, More)

» Going Too Far

Too far on both sides
Surpriesed I didn't remember this earlier.

It was about a year ago and a group of us were sitting in one of the uni bars, being our usual selves, which in this case involved bitching about an annoying mutual aquaintance of ours.

Suddenly, one of our mates pipes up, "He doesn't have my number, does he?" Evil smiles were exchanged and the fun began.

Our friend began to send texts to this feller, pretending to be a horny young girl named Sarah. 'Sarah' told our chum that she thought he was very attractive, and would he like her and her friend to come round for some fun? 9.30 okay?

Of course at 9.25 who should show up at his door but all of us. Struggling to keep straight faces we asked if we could use his toilet. One by one. (As in, one of us would go in and use the toilet, then when they returned another one would say something like "That's a point, can I use your toilet as well.") Our victim is getting more and more obviously frustrated, he wants us gone before his threesome companions arrive. (He is gullible enough not to wonder how some random girl got his number, or is willing to shag him despite them never meeting)

Eventually we went (much to his joy) and that is where the whole thing should have ended. But, of course Andy (being the feller sending the texts) doesn't know when to stop, and sent a text apologising for not turning up, but promising even more erotic treats next time to make it up.

'Sarah' and our gullible friend spent the best part of a month texting each other, and the things that were said got increasingly filthy. Andy seemed to be enjoying himself a bit too much, while the rest of us walked the line between finding it hilarious and disturbing.

The final straw came when 'Sarah' asked our victim for some measurements of a personal nature (No! Why Andy, why?) and he eagerly replied. Having screamed in disgust and horror, the rest of us stepped in, and put a stop to it, forbidding Andy from sending any more messages as Sarah. The whole thing had definately gone too far, as had some of his replies.

Length? Well none of us needed to know, to be honest. And what kind of person divulges that sort of thing to someone they've never even seen? Nobody normal, that's for sure.
(Sun 12th Nov 2006, 23:31, More)

» Hypocrisy

My own take on the subject of religion, which seems popular in this qotw
An old aquaintance of mine, name of Coleman, was widely regarded as a bit of an attention whore, (his girlfriend came down the visit him once, and he actually took her to one of his lectures so everyone could see. I wouldn't mind, but she's not exactly what most people would call a looker) so when he suddenly decided he was a Pagan, he naturally took every opportunity to remind everyone of his beliefs. He even went so far as to criticise the film The Wicker Man as being "an unrealistic depiction of pagans" despite freely admitting to having never actually seen it.

Of course part of being a pagan for him was frequently making a point of how terrible other religions were. (Christmas was originally a pagan festival until the christians came along and stole it, the inquisition killed loads of innocent nature-worshippers, etc.) When we came across a street-corner preacher he'd stand there seething with over-the-top indignation until we lead him away, and maintain afterwards that it was a good job we did, because he was 'on the verge of saying something' to him. All in all it soon became quite irritating for the rest of us.

One day as a small group of us were walking through town we passed a small Christian Bookshop, and the following conversation took place;

Coleman: Huh, Christian Bookshop. I'd love to burn that place down.
Me: [sigh] Why exactly?
Coleman: Well they're bloody Christians aren't they? Always going around forcing their religion down other people's throats, it pisses me off.
Me: Have you ever actually been in that shop Coleman? Or even seen the people who own it?
Coleman: No, but they're...
Me: So they're hardly forcing anything down your throat, or anyone else's for that matter, are they? All they're actually doing is quietly existing for the convenience of any local Christians who choose to spend their time and money there.
Coleman: Well yeah, but...
Me: In fact, since you take every opportunity to denounce other faiths, I think it's you who's guilty of forcing your religion down our throats.
Coleman: I just...
Other Friend: I think it'd probably be best for you to stop talking now Coleman.

Finally recognising defeat, Coleman went silent, and didn't bring up the topic of religion again.

At least, not till the next day, when we saw a group of Jehovah's Witnesses handing out leaflets.
(Fri 20th Feb 2009, 16:59, More)
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